To describe Jiraiya as a ninja who was perverted to the bone would actually be inaccurate—and incomplete.
How could it stop at the bones?
This was a man whose very cholesterol was saturated with lecherous factors.
His personality had soaked all the way into his internal organs.
Long ago, Jiraiya had been a perverted youth.
Now, he was a perverted middle-aged man.
And in the future, he would inevitably evolve into a perverted old man.
Lust wasn't an illness—but it could be fatal.
Of course, with that level of "enthusiasm," being discovered in the act was also extremely fatal.
Jiraiya was at fault, but the misfortune he suffered this time was largely accidental. His peeping was only a minor mistake—the real problem was that he had run into an unusually dangerous master-and-disciple pair.
First, his voyeurism was exposed by Hagoromo, a man dedicated to "doing one good deed a day," which resulted in Jiraiya suffering third-degree abrasions at the hands of an enraged civilian mob.
Second, those injuries were treated by Uzumaki Kushina, which meant those third-degree abrasions were very likely on the verge of becoming third-degree disfigurement.
From an industrial engineering perspective, this was a classic two-stage, one-stop service:
You dig the hole, I bury the body.
Without either party being aware of the other, they had achieved flawless coordination.
Unfortunately, Hagoromo had still been too careless.
He had just woken up, his mind a little foggy, and being inside Konoha—the safest place imaginable—his guard had dropped. Roughly eighty percent of his brain had failed to come online.
As a result, he focused on hiding his presence but completely neglected to disguise his voice.
He never imagined he would run into Jiraiya again so soon—much less that Jiraiya would remember the culprit's voice.
Still, no matter how you framed it, this was just a prank. Once Jiraiya figured out who Hagoromo was, there was no way he would seriously retaliate over something that amounted to a practical joke.
As a Kage-level ninja and a senior from the same village, Jiraiya at least possessed that much composure.
That said, he was still very, very annoyed.
Jiraiya had wanted to give Hagoromo a lesson—something slightly above the level of verbal education—but unfortunately, that plan was mercilessly crushed by Kushina.
Kushina activated a guardian skill on her disciple.
The Ultimate Konoha Good Teacher jutsu.
"Jiraiya-sensei," she said bluntly, "from my perspective, Hagoromo didn't do anything wrong. And really—at your age, why are you still doing such boring, pointless things? Is that kind of thing really that interesting?"
Interesting.
At that moment, Jiraiya thought so.
Interesting.
At that moment, the same answer surfaced in Hagoromo's mind.
Interesting.
At that moment, these were two words Minato Namikaze absolutely did not dare say out loud.
Kushina would never understand the psychology of male ninja.
She assumed Minato and Hagoromo were firmly on her side—but in reality, those three idiots were spiritually united, standing shoulder to shoulder as fellow men.
Still, they all acknowledged that Kushina's words were… educational.
Being lectured like this by a junior also left Jiraiya feeling awkward—and deeply frustrated.
Kushina glanced at Minato, which only strengthened a belief she'd held for a long time:
No matter what, Minato must sever all bad lifestyle influences from Jiraiya.
Completely. With a single cut.
Jiraiya shot Minato a look that clearly said:
Now would be a good time to say something nice.
Minato responded with an awkward smile and pretended he hadn't noticed anything at all.
Minato was a smart man.
He knew that if he defended Jiraiya at a moment like this, he'd be dragged into the crossfire. He had no intention of suffering Kushina's indiscriminate attacks.
Regardless of what kind of great Hokage Minato might become in the future, even now he was already walking very far down the road of…
cough
respecting women.
"Ahem."
Hagoromo finally spoke up. He was good at reading the room, and he knew it was time to give Jiraiya a way out.
"Jiraiya… uncle."
He used an overly familiar tone—and the term uncle.
Any issues with seniority here?
None whatsoever.
"About earlier—I'm really sorry. At the time, I genuinely didn't know the person peeping was you. If I'd known, I definitely wouldn't have exposed you like that…"
"From a lineage perspective, we're on the same side. Next time—next time I'll definitely cover for you."
"Kid," Jiraiya said flatly, "I've heard Minato talk about you before. Based on that information alone, I have plenty of reason to believe you recognized who I was before you yelled."
So… Jiraiya was the suspicious type now?
Hagoromo shot Minato a sideways glance.
Just what exactly did you tell him about me, Minato-senpai?
And what kind of terrifying first impression did I leave?
Hard to say.
"Uh… let's just drop this topic," Hagoromo said quickly. "It's all personal hobby territory. Agree to disagree. Mutual understanding. Mutual understanding."
Did discussing this really have any meaning?
Kushina didn't respond immediately. She casually tidied up the medical kit on the table, stood up from beside Jiraiya, and then sat down next to Minato instead.
"Hagoromo, sit."
"Huh? Oh—okay."
Hagoromo obediently sat in the seat Kushina had just vacated. From there, he could smell the "medicine"—let's call it that—on Jiraiya's face.
Well, at least it really was medicine.
That meant Kushina hadn't intentionally tried to poison him.
"By the way, Hagoromo," Kushina asked with clear curiosity, "I heard you performed really well on the battlefield. Didn't you almost blow up the Kazekage?"
Blow up was a bit exaggerated.
In truth, Kushina already knew most of the details. Even while staying in Konoha, she had paid close attention to Hagoromo's performance—after all, he was her only disciple.
She cared deeply about his safety.
Still, she wanted to hear it directly from him.
"Well… that kind of attack couldn't possibly blow up a Kage," Hagoromo replied awkwardly. "At most, the suddenness might've caused some minor injury. Judging from how the Kazekage looked a few days later, he was basically fine."
Trying to kill a Kage with bird bombs was… an ambitious endeavor.
"Honestly, I didn't even know my summoning beasts had that kind of attack power," Hagoromo continued. "If I'd known earlier, I could've made a more detailed plan and probably achieved better results."
"It's just that I'd only signed the summoning contract a few days prior. I wasn't familiar with their combat methods yet…"
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