(Bruce POV)
I am currently on a plane, taking me back to Gotham. I think back to my rather tedious journey and the plans I made. I wanted to make a statement and gain access to the League of Assassins, their headquarters, and, of course, the Lazarus Pit.
I admit, showing my true height and power on Ra's wasn't the smartest thing to do. He could have died. But you have to start somewhere. And he was a safe test subject because it didn't matter whether he died. I didn't want to kill him if I didn't have to, since he was useful now that I had inserted some... things into his bloodstream, but Ra's is a megalomaniac and a sociopath.
The diary was something I thought of before even starting training under Ted Grant. I was different and didn't need training. I was also not someone who needed a diary. I initially saw the training trip as a waste of time, but the sheer value of having an entire League of Assassins at your disposal when you need them was just too high to pass up.
Master Matsuda, Chin Li, Tsunetomo and especially O-sensei. All of them taught how to train my mind first before the body. O-sensei at first wanted me to create something that could be called a 'Mindpalace', but ... it wasn't meant to be. O-sensei said that a clear mind was a powerful mind. But my mind was never clear, and I am certain that there is no one who has a stronger mind than I.
Eventually, I found a solution to this problem. Well, what was the problem? Simple. I had so many thoughts at the same time that it was nigh impossible to just forcefully confine them. So, to protect myself from mind-readers without using technology, I came up with something else. I did create a Mind Palace. It was necessary to create one to somewhat 'bundle' my thoughts.
But I did it differently from others. I never created walls, a bunker, or things you hear. No, I laid my memories out for everyone to see, but I had them circulate. That's right, I had created a Mind Universe, and all the different clusters of stars and planets were specific memories. And the entire thing was constantly moving. It followed a randomised algorithm that only I could figure out.
And I hid the most valuable ones, the true ones, like the Dark Matter and Dark Energy, all encompassing and responsible for the expansion of the universe, but not visible in any way.
So if Martian Manhunter were to enter my mind, what would he see?
He would see an entire Universe in front of him, with Galaxies and Solar systems all rotating randomly and in weird sequences. If he wanted to find something specific ... well, that was impossible. The forces of the universe applied in my mind as well.
The void was saturated with my Chi, and the stronger I got, the higher the Chi concentration would get. So it was hellish to be in my mind, but what about my thoughts right now?
Well, I created something special for that, too. Instead of isolating each thought I have, I made them all come together in one place ... all at once. So if a mind reader were to listen to my thoughts, he would hear thousands of voices all at the same time ... and that was bound to be painful. And my speed of thought would give a speedster a run for his money.
But that wasn't all. I had multiple decoy memories in my mind. What? I am Batman; that was to be expected. Is it over the top? Maybe. Will it protect my most precious information? Definitely.
.
Now what did I do with the meta-knowledge?
Simple. I created black holes, like the one in the middle of the Milky Way. And in there I placed my memories... NOT!!
Are you kidding? That was far too lush a security. No, I created a wormhole inside the black hole, then an entire inverted world accessible only through it. In there, everything was inverted. ...EVERYTHING was inverted.
So if someone went in there ... somehow and he was a mindreader ... well, in there, he wasn't. And imagine what happens to someone who isn't a mind reader in my mind. Yeah, they will be crushed by the weight of my mind. It was like hundreds of thousands of G's constantly pressing down on you.
Yeah, my mind is a crazy place to be in.
.
.
I left out Giovanni Zatara's training in the diary. I could not risk Ra's Al Ghul bothering them and discovering their secrets. The training I did there brought back memories. I really felt at home there. I was 'taught' stage magic, sleight of hand and a lot of arcane knowledge. It was the arcane knowledge that made the trip worth it, as I am aware of how dangerous Homo Magi and the Sphere of Gods, where magic originates, are.
I used this knowledge of magic to 'counter' other magicians and their magic. Other than that, I will use science to solve my problems. I am not quite prepared for the Upside-Down Man.
A few weeks... alright, days. Then I'll have something for his potential arrival. Technology could compete with magic, but only if I make it.
.
.
(Flashback)
"Never! I already damned my daughter to this life; I won't do the same to you by teaching you magic," John or Giovanni tells me.
Zatanna and I had just witnessed a being that John called a 'demon' disappear, and I had my first meeting with magic. Seriously, seeing the 'demon' materialise and try to consume me brought back memories, but it also made me snort at how weak it was. My Chief Custodes' mindset activated instantly, and I attacked it.
The experience was good in that it showed me how different these denizens were in their composition and nature. Not necessarily nature, but there's no better name for it. Unlike the Warp, where the denizens were and represented Chaos, here they came from Hell. Chaos was something else entirely, but no less real.
I, of course, knew, thanks to my knowledge, that it existed already, but I hadn't seen and experienced it till this moment. I asked John to teach me, but he refused.
"John, I spent the last several years travelling across the world and learning from the best teachers in the world. I haven't told you this, but as a family friend, you deserve the truth. I am going to become something more than just Bruce Wayne ... a symbol, if you will. I will make sure that fewer people have to suffer as I have.
Fewer people will lose their loved ones to violence and crime, and if they do ... I'll be the justice and the vengeance that the loved ones need. However, if there is such a large gap in my knowledge, like magic, then that would be quite a nuisance. I prefer to plan ahead for every eventuality, so learning magic ... is a necessity."
"Bruce, I love you... But do you hear yourself? That horrible drive is why I can't teach you magic. You're brilliant, but you're... dark. Terrible men with the greatest intentions have sought out magic and turned into nightmarish fascists.
But beyond that, magic is about a price, Bruce. To use it costs you something. It pains me to say it, but you have nothing else to give but that drive and darkness. I can see it. It's all you are now," John said.
"I only live in this damned world now, and you should too," John said and left.
I knew that he was not wrong. My drive, together with my incalculable intelligence and science and the small joy it brought me, was what held me together.
But I wasn't interested in giving up either of those things. I was, however, convinced that there was a way I would be able to use magic without paying any form of price. Because I was convinced that 'magic' was just another word for energy manipulation.
.
In the next few days, Zatanna and I read a lot of arcane knowledge on how to stop Shantoz, the demon that had appeared before John. I did it to increase my understanding of this practice called 'magic'. Funny enough, I already had an idea of something that could stop this evil creature. And that was not using magic, but with science. Although some of what you could call 'magic' was added as well.
"We're dealing with one called Shantoz. Every 20 years, he escapes hell and feasts... on the souls of the broken-hearted. That's why he was attracted to my father," Zatanna said.
"Indeed, John is depressed and sad over the loss of your mother. And since the D loves to feast on that emotion, he approached him," I said absentmindedly.
I was currently practising a coin trick that was actually real magic. But I acted as if it wasn't working as intended.
"Bruce, you can't just learn magic the same way you learn all the other things, through force of will. You've spent so many years doing just that, living in the world of science and the physical... But magic isn't a muscle you can flex."
I remember turning to her and looking at her with my usual intensity, saying.
"I can do ANYTHING I set my mind to. This manipulation of this 'mystical' energy is no different. Give me a few days and ..."
"You can do anything you put your mind to... except let go. I've known you since we were kids. That's the one thing you just can't do that magic requires. You never surrender... and magic needs surrender," Zatanna told me.
I stopped at that and thought about it. That made things more difficult. Quite the conundrum indeed. Or so they think.
Surrender? What a stupid notion. Surrendering is not necessarily a sign of weakness, since falling in love also means surrendering or letting go, but in this case, I can only say it means the same as a lack of knowledge.
If surrender was required, did it have to be mine? The answer to that question will be answered soon.
.
That night, Zatanna began to draw multiple lines on my body.
"So what are you doing to me?" I asked.
"These marks ... they enhance your feelings and radiate them. Since Shantoz is attracted to the broken-hearted, I believe we will be able to lure him in this way."
"So we're going to use me as bait. What a bad plan this is. You know I made something that will seal the fucker--"
"No, Bruce. Science won't work on a being of Shantoz's degree. This will bait him, and he will come here quickly," Zatanna explained.
"Tsk."
How naive she was. The pain I felt was the pain of an over 10,000-year-old warrior who protected the Emperor of Mankind and fought against all of humanity's enemies, the Doctor who lived many lives and experienced... a lot, the loss of friends of an over 2,000-year-old Azmuth, and, of course, Bruce Wayne. This spell probably wouldn't just lure Shantoz here. It might attract ... shit.
I started to walk around the house. I hadn't even taken two steps when Shantoz appeared. He looks like a blood-lusted grizzly bear or a Shark. He was surrounded by fire.
"I have never smelled such PAIN!!! Such ... sorrow wrapped in thousands of layers of control... oh how delicious!! I can feel myself salivating. I feast on the broken-hearted, but the taste of such pain... Ah, how wonderful."
I go through with the plan and run away. I led him to the trap that Zatanna had prepared beforehand.
"ereh sselrewop era uoY. deppart era uoY", Zatanna said and tried to trap Schantoz. But it didn't work as the spell was too weak. It backfired, and then something else happened.
I had had enough of this bullshit and just took out the device I had created for this moment. It was a small metallic box. I activated it, and the box opened. A sudden suction from the device drew a green bubble around Schantoz, effectively immobilising him.
"WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DID YOU DO?"
"I proved a point, you weak creature. Don't cross paths with me! Now enjoy life in this seal," I said, and the bubble grew smaller and vanished inside the box.
.
"What was that, Bruce? How did you do it?" Zatanna asked.
But also, John was curious. He had never seen any form of device working on the mystical aspects. But this... this was a first. He couldn't come up with a useful answer. And the pain he felt when Zatanna activated the spell... it was unlike anything he had ever felt. For a boy to feel something like that.
John told me, on our last drink, when we said goodbye, that he had never felt anything like that. And that I walked around still sane was a miracle. Sanity ... what would I do with something as useless as that?
"I call it the evil spirit containment box. I created it after reading some things with Zatanna today. I simply wanted to see whether I could do it. I wanted to point the middle finger at all those who thought I couldn't do something. It was a test, and now I know that I can truly do anything."
(Picture)
"Wha?! You made this ... in one day?! That is outrageous!!" John screamed.
"Well, it was more like a few hours, but I get your point. It was indeed rather long. I should have managed to do it faster ..."
"..."
"..."
"WHAT THE F----"
(Flashback End)
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The reason there were so many negative feelings was rather simple. Not only was I ancient, but I didn't reveal my feelings. I expressed others' feelings, and the keyword here... is the Apollonian Spear.