I've been lucky ever since I was a kid.
My biological father was a total scumbag, but I got lucky with my mom.
Dad would get drunk and swing his fists at the drop of a hat.
Mom fought back to protect me.
Even as a child, I could feel her devotion and love.
Maybe that's why I became a bit obsessed with getting praised.
"Teacher, I'll do it."
Back in my early elementary school days.
I worked hard at school too, just to hear praise from the teacher.
"Huh? But that's heavy..."
"It's fine. I just need to take it over there, right?"
Maybe because my homeroom teacher had a vibe similar to my mom's.
I'd often step up voluntarily for tasks no one asked me to do, and she adored me for it.
The teacher started entrusting me with more and more jobs.
It might've also been because, whenever I stood among the kids, my head stuck out like a sore thumb.
"With Yi Hyun here, the teacher's got real backup. Mind handling this? Oh, and Hye-seon, could you help out too?"
"Yes, Teacher!"
That day was a day we had PE on the playground.
While the teacher led the class, my desk mate—a girl—and I headed off to push the roller.
"I'll grab this side!"
Back then, I didn't like the other kids in class much.
They were too noisy and went on about pointless stuff.
Especially my desk mate, the only one in class taller than me—her voice was loud too.
"Ready~ One, two..."
Anyway, the teacher told us to do it together, so my desk mate and I stood side by side and gripped the roller's handle.
It was a playground roller, big and heavy for kids to handle.
Rumble rumble rumble
"Huh? But you're counting..."
I wasn't just tall—I was strong and fast too.
I didn't wait for her count and shoved the roller forward with all my might.
"We have to do it together!"
I ignored her and headed toward the corner of the playground.
My desk mate scrambled to catch up beside me.
That was when we got close to the flower bed.
"Huh? Wait! Yi Hyun, wait a sec!"
She yelled right in my ear.
Her shrill, kid-typical high-pitched voice scraped at something inside me.
"Frog! There's a frog in front! Stop!"
I kept going without stopping, so she screamed and yanked my arm.
All because there was a little frog in the path of the roller.
"Let go."
"Stop, I said!"
I shook off her hand.
But the girl clung to me stubbornly.
Grab
That was why.
She kept screaming and getting in my way, so I responded appropriately.
"Go around the side..."
Crack
I grabbed her slender finger and wrenched it outward.
"Aaaahhh!"
Thud
My desk mate let out a bigger scream than ever and collapsed onto the playground.
I regained my peace of mind and kept pushing the roller to the end.
Of course, I didn't go around the frog.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Yep, I'm lucky as always.
The teacher and other adults chalked up my desk mate's broken finger to "falling over."
But Mom had a knack for seeing right through me.
"Why'd you break that kid's finger?"
"She kept getting in the way."
"Getting in the way? Wasn't she helping you, Yi Hyun?"
Mom didn't scold me.
Instead, she calmly asked for my side of things.
"I was taking the shortest path, and she interfered."
"Still, she's a friend—don't you think listening to her might've been okay?"
"She's not a friend. And that was the most efficient way. She got all excited and started yelling."
Looking back now, Mom's voice was calm, but her face probably wasn't.
"My son's so smart... Sigh."
Mom stroked my head and got ready to go out.
Then she took me to a specialist.
"Hi, Yi Hyun. Nice to meet you. Can you tell me a bit about Yi Hyun?"
A young female doctor in a white coat asked me all sorts of questions.
"Hmm... So, in Yi Hyun's mind, that was the efficient choice, right?"
"Yes."
"How did it make you feel? Were you sad that your friend was hurt? Or did you think you'd rationally resolved the situation?"
"I thought I'd rationally handled the situation well."
Knowing I'd learned to read early, she even had me fill out a questionnaire.
"Doctor, does my child have... some kind of mental illness?"
"We can't say for sure yet."
So, the place Mom took me was the psychiatry department at a general hospital.
"Yi Hyun's exceptionally bright. Precocious, too. We'll run some tests and observe a bit more."
"Okay."
"There's a chance of issues with specific thought patterns or emotional processing. The amygdala or..."
"Pardon? What's that...?"
Meeting this passionate young doctor was another stroke of luck for me.
Even when Mom and I couldn't make it to the hospital, she'd come see me herself.
"We'll try various approaches for the diagnosis. To understand Yi Hyun's thought processes and behavior patterns..."
"Ah..."
"That way, we can adjust parts that might cause problems in daily life. Even if there's some congenital brain irregularity, our brains have plasticity."
After our first meeting, I had regular sessions with the doctor.
I underwent various tests and unnamed training.
"What if a bad guy shows up with a dangerous weapon?"
"I'd decide whether to run or if I have a way to subdue him..."
"Wouldn't that be scary?"
"Scary? What about it?"
I got along great with the doctor.
She praised me a lot, especially.
"Yi Hyun's mom, Yi Hyun has outstanding spatial perception. His visualization and pattern recognition skills are impressive too."
She pointed out my strengths and shared precious life wisdom I'd carry forever.
"We'll focus on this. Mom, please help a lot too."
"What should I do?"
"Have him visualize situations in his head first. Yi Hyun's imagination might be more vivid than reality."
The doctor never once called me "problematic."
"Yi Hyun, you're different from other kids in some ways. We're all different, right?"
"Yes."
"You have likes and dislikes, joys and sorrows. So do others. You don't feel fear easily, but people usually feel fear when things differ from themselves."
Instead, she helped me understand differences.
"So let's try this: First, picture it in your head."
And she trained me.
With Mom. Over a long time.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
It happened when I graduated elementary school and became a middle schooler.
On a bright spring day.
I entered a rundown commercial building for a haircut.
The salon was on the second floor, up a narrow staircase.
Thud thud thud
I'd almost reached the top when I heard footsteps.
A man with a cap pulled low rushed up right behind me in an instant.
Thud—
The guy reached for the back of my neck.
I had some pricey headphones hanging around my neck at the time.
Mom had splurged on them despite our tight budget.
The doctor diagnosed me with poor stress regulation, and noise was one of my biggest triggers.
People's voices especially set me off.
So Mom got me those expensive headphones, and this guy who came running had his eyes on them.
That was unforgivable.
Grab
The moment the man's hand touched the headphones.
I'd already visualized it all in my head.
Was there CCTV in the building? Could they see the stairs from inside the salon? Any signs of other people?
And how to protect my headphones.
I pictured every scene vividly.
Whoosh—
The man yanked the headphones roughly.
At the same time, I made my call.
Thump
I dropped low fast, grabbed one of his legs, and heaved it up with all my strength.
As high as possible.
Just like I'd imagined.
Bang, crash clatter
The man lost balance and fell.
His lower body flew up as his head hit the stairs first.
And he tumbled all the way to the first floor.
Thud
I barely caught the headphones he'd dropped.
Luckily, they weren't broken.
Ding-a-ling
"Welcome~ Oh, Yi Hyun's here?"
"Hi, stylist. There's a guy outside who..."
"Come on, call me noona! Wait just a sec?"
"Sure. But we might need to call 119. There's this guy outside who..."
I heard later.
The guy after my headphones was a runaway teen, and he died on the spot.
Luckily, I faced no charges.
But I told Mom the truth.
I love Mom a lot, and she hates lies.
"I'll be back in a week."
Mom heard me out and left home for a week.
After cooking up a huge batch of curry.
That was my punishment.
I spent the week alone, eating nothing but curry, waiting for her.
"How was it being away from Mom?"
"I missed you."
"But if Yi Hyun messes up big again, you might never see Mom again. That okay?"
Mom taught me how to keep "social promises."
Using my intense possessiveness.
"Just end it with the imagination. You can do that, right?"
"Yeah. Got it."
I felt strong possessiveness toward Mom, and she knew it well.
"But what if ending it with imagination causes more harm?"
"Can Yi Hyun judge that properly?"
"Hmm... Not sure."
"That's why you gotta study hard. Even if you hate people, you need to learn how to blend in."
Mom was wise.
She used one incident to show me a path to fit into society.
Thanks to her, I eventually settled in as a member of society without issue.
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
Today, I got off work in the afternoon.
As usual, I board the last car of the subway and lean against the wall.
The end cars are always less crowded—nice.
"Rain's coming tonight..."
Might have to head out again at dawn.
Rainy nights mean lots of deaths.
And that naturally keeps me busy.
As I mentally adjusted my schedule.
The subway I was on started crossing the Han River.
"Hm?"
I glanced out the window absentmindedly—the sky was overcast.
But the clouds were red.
Even though it wasn't sunset yet.
"That's weird."
The outside view felt somehow unreal.
Feeling the oddness, I scanned the car interior, but people were mostly heads-down, glued to their smartphones.
Slide
I pulled out my earbuds.
Then I heard a woman's voice.
"Whoa, wow..."
The woman was filming the outside.
Following her lead, I looked out the window again.
Rumble
Thunder rolled as shooting stars fell.
Not just one—a meteor shower.
Countless red streaks painted the sky.
Like red threads connecting heaven and earth.
An impossibly grand and beautiful sight.
Screeech
Then a sharp noise pierced from somewhere.
Clunk
The floor shook at the same time.
No—the train shook.
Screeech boom!
In that split second.
I pressed my face to the window, straining to see ahead.
"Wh-what's happening?"
Panicked voices rose, and in my sight, I caught the train's front.
A red streak was falling right above the lead car.
"Bell."
I launched myself instantly.
Toward the chubby guy nearby.
I grabbed his huge backpack, wedged my body between him and the bag.
His sweat stench hit my nose hard.
"Wha-what...?"
I heard his flustered voice, but ignored it and clung to him.
Because no matter how close I pressed to the window, I shouldn't have seen the front of the train.
Screeech
The sound of twisting metal swallowed all other noise.
The body tilted soon after.
"Kyaaahhh!"
What I'd seen was the train's front lifting into the air, derailing.
Like a snake raising its head.
And now, out the window, another Han River bridge dangled like taffy.
"Eek!"
The guy I clung to yelped in shock.
Feet left the floor; no way to brace.
I raised my arms to shield my head.
Boom boom boom boom kaaaaboom—
Deafening roars from all sides, windows shattering.
Amid it, people's screams faded faintly.
Thud
Soon, the world plunged into darkness.