The lingering echoes of the grand enthronement ceremony seemed still to hover over the capital when the new sovereign's very first decree arrived at the Prime Minister's residence, riding atop the ceremonial music and tolling bells that had yet to fully fade.
This time, it was no verbal order or veiled hint.
The bright yellow silk unfurled, and the Chief Eunuch's voice rang out clearly and respectfully through the silent hall:
"…We hereby address Su Yuzhi of the Su clan. Born of a distinguished lineage, endowed with gentle virtue, a soft and upright heart, and a serene, graceful bearing, you have deeply pleased Our heart. The East Side Hall of the Phoenix Perch Palace within the inner court has already been thoroughly cleaned and prepared, and is most suitable for quiet recuperation. By special grace, We permit you to enter the palace to rest and recover, and command the Imperial Medical Bureau to treat you with utmost care, so as to demonstrate Our deep compassion for Our ministers and boundless concern for Our people. Respect this decree."
The wording of the decree was refined and gentle, filled with solicitude, dressing up an unquestionable command to "enter the palace" as an immense act of favor and consideration. The Phoenix Perch Palace—residence of the principal consort of successive sovereigns. For the son of an outer minister to be placed in one of its side halls, this transgressive "honor" itself was an invisible shackle, a proclamation of ownership.
Deathly silence filled the hall. Only thin strands of smoke rose straight upward from the incense burner. Father knelt prostrate on the floor, his body shaking violently, a beastlike whimper escaping his throat. Mother's back was ramrod straight; her voice as she kowtowed to thank the sovereign for her grace was so steady it was nearly mechanical. Only her tightly clenched hands, knuckles white, betrayed the turmoil raging within.
At my side, two suppressed, near-explosive breaths suddenly tensed.
"Mother!" Second Sister Su Fei snapped her head up. In her usually calm eyes burned a terrifying fire. She shuffled forward on her knees, her voice trembling with extreme anger and unwillingness. "Yuzhi's illness hasn't even healed—how can he enter the palace? What kind of place is the Phoenix Perch Palace? This isn't an act of grace at all, it's clearly—"
"Enough!" Mother cut her off sharply, her gaze flashing like lightning as it swept over Su Fei, carrying an unprecedented severity and a deeper, near-desperate warning.
"But Mother!" Third Sister Su Xiao could no longer hold back. Young and hot-blooded, tempered by the military, she surged to her feet in a rush of passion, ignoring all decorum as she faced the Chief Eunuch directly. Her clear voice carried a desperate, all-or-nothing resolve. "We thank Her Majesty for her great favor—the Su family is deeply grateful! But my younger brother's illness is severe and unrelenting. The many masters of the Imperial Medical Bureau can devote themselves fully to treating him here in the Prime Minister's residence as well! To move him rashly—if anything were to go wrong, who would bear the responsibility? We beg you to report to Her Majesty that the Su family is willing to give everything, to search the entire realm for renowned physicians to care for Yuzhi. We earnestly implore Her Majesty to rescind the decree and allow Yuzhi to recuperate at home!"
"Xiao'er! Kneel!" Mother shouted harshly, slamming her hand down on the table beside her, making the teacups clatter loudly. She rose to her feet and placed herself between Su Xiao and the eunuch, her back to the Chief Eunuch—whose smile had faded slightly—and her face toward her two daughters, who were on the brink of losing control.
In that moment, I saw the muscles twitch faintly on Mother's always composed and dignified face. In the depths of her eyes surged tempestuous waves—along with a bottomless exhaustion and pain. She looked at the indignation in Su Fei's eyes, at the stubbornness and reckless courage on Su Xiao's face. Her lips moved, and at last, in a hoarse, heavy voice meant only for the few of us to hear, she said, word by word:
"Do you intend to defy the decree?"
Five words, heavy as mountains. Su Fei's face went white; Su Xiao's body swayed.
"And what is the outcome of defying a decree?" Mother's gaze was like an icy blade as it cut across their young faces. "Is it the extermination of the entire Su family? Is it your eldest sister, newly freed from prison, falling back into the abyss? Or…" Her voice caught briefly as her eyes flicked toward me, pale as paper. "Or stripping your sickly younger brother of even this last inch of refuge beneath the so-called 'favor'?"
In that instant, the air in the hall froze solid. The Chief Eunuch's perfect smile disappeared, his gaze turning deep and unreadable. The young eunuchs behind him straightened subtly at the waist. Even the faintest hint of defiance—no matter how impulsive—in these perilous early days of a new reign was enough to invite catastrophe.
I looked at the unyielding fire and pain burning in Second Sister's eyes, at Third Sister's straight yet faintly trembling back, at the nearly shattered defenses beneath Mother's forced composure, and at Father's silent tears of despair streaming down. A surge of emotion—searing pain, bitterness, and an oddly cold clarity—crashed into my heart.
I could not let them drag the entire Su family into an abyss of eternal damnation because of me. I could not let this broken body of mine become the fuse that destroyed our family.
Just as Mother was about to speak again, preparing to suppress everything with an even more resolute stance, I gently pulled free from Chunyu's supporting hand and took a small step forward.
That single step seemed to exhaust all the strength I had left. The itch in my throat and the tight pain in my chest made me cough softly twice, the sound painfully clear and frail in the deathly silent hall. Everyone's gaze snapped to me at once.
I slowly lifted my eyes, first looking at Mother—her face icy with restraint, yet her eyes already pleading. I shook my head slightly, signaling her not to rush. Then I turned to Second Sister and Third Sister.
"Second Sister, Third Sister." My voice was quiet, weak from long illness, yet deliberately steady. I even tried to pull at the corners of my mouth, wanting to give them a reassuring smile, though I knew it must look pale and feeble. "There's no need… to do this."
The fire in Su Fei's eyes flickered. Su Xiao whipped her head around to look at me, her face filled with disbelief and deeper heartbreak.
"Her Majesty's decree is an act of grace," I said slowly, each word scraping across ice. "Within the palace, the imperial physicians are gathered, and medicinal resources are complete. For my illness… it may truly be of benefit." Even I did not believe these words as I spoke them, but at this moment, they had to be true—had to be the reason the whole family accepted.
I looked at them, my gaze striving to convey calm acceptance. "I know you're worried about me. But please… believe in me." I paused, drawing in a breath, forcing down the surging blood and pain, my voice softer yet clearer. "I'll be fine. In the palace, I'll also… take good care of myself. You must take care as well. Father and Mother need you even more."
At last, my eyes settled on Mother's face, carrying all the comfort and resolve I could offer—this fate I accept; please accept it too, for the sake of the Su family, for everyone.
Su Fei stared at me blankly. The fire in her eyes slowly extinguished, turning into a deep, unfathomable, damp sorrow. She understood my meaning, and she understood the painful resolve behind my stepping forward with this sickly body to speak these words. She pressed her lips tightly together, turned her face away, her shoulders sagging almost imperceptibly.
Su Xiao's eyes reddened. This usually forthright, valiant girl clenched her teeth hard, fists tightly balled, nails digging deep into her palms, yet she did not say another word. She looked at my calm, pallid face and saw something unfamiliar yet heartbreakingly clear—something belonging to adulthood: the forced compromise and burden that come after seeing through all the cruelty of reality.
Mother closed her eyes. When she opened them again, the stormy emotions within had been forcibly pressed into the deepest trench of the sea. What remained was a heavy, exhausted calm. She turned back toward the Chief Eunuch, her voice once more carrying the steadiness and deference befitting the Prime Minister. "We have allowed the Chief Eunuch to witness a farce. My daughters were rash, driven by their love for their younger brother, and had no intention of offending the imperial authority. The entire Su family is grateful for Her Majesty's boundless grace and will respectfully obey the decree."
The Chief Eunuch's smile returned, as if the tense standoff moments before had been nothing more than a trivial interlude. "Prime Minister Su is too kind. Deep familial affection is only human." He then added with a smile, "Her Majesty understands the young master's condition. All necessities have already been prepared. The young master need only travel light. The carriage is waiting outside the residence, and Medical Woman Qin has also been specially permitted to attend him into the palace."
The final barrier was dismantled—in the way I least wished to see, by my own hands.
Wrapped in a heavy snow-fox cloak, supported on either side by Chunyu and Aunt Qin, I walked out of the courtyard I had lived in for sixteen years. Father and Mother escorted me to the second gate. Father's eyes were red-rimmed, his throat choked, repeating only, "Yuzhi, take care… please, take care…" Mother squeezed my hand tightly, so hard it nearly crushed my bones. In her deep eyes were worry, reluctance, and a weight of near-farewell that I could not fully understand at the time. Her voice was so low only I could hear: "Yuzhi… live. No matter what… live on."
As I passed Second Sister, she lowered her head, not looking at me, only whispering very softly and quickly, "…Take care." Her voice broke.
As I passed Third Sister, she suddenly lifted her head, her eyes so red they seemed ready to bleed. She only nodded at me heavily, filled with endless unwillingness.
The sedan curtain fell, shutting out the faces of my family—etched with worry, pain, resistance, and helplessness—and shattering all the composure I had forced myself to maintain. The violent coughing could no longer be suppressed. I collapsed against the cushioned seat inside the sedan, coughing until my chest tore apart, tears silently sliding down, mixed with the metallic sweetness rising with each cough.
The wheels rolled smoothly and soundlessly, passing familiar streets, going through one heavily guarded palace gate after another. Each heavy sound of a gate opening and closing was like a nail being hammered into my heart. Away from the Prime Minister's residence, away from freedom, away from the Su Yuzhi who could still possess a sliver of self—farther and farther away.