Chapter 7: The Cake is a Lie
It was a Saturday afternoon. Leonard, Howard, and Raj huddled around the computer discussing something, while Sheldon worked out complex equations on the whiteboard nearby, occasionally casting disdainful glances at his companions' "inefficient discussion."
David pushed the door open, waving a newly arrived game box. "Hey guys, check out what just came in the mail."
Everyone's attention shifted. Howard, sharp-eyed as always, immediately read the title on the box. "Portal? New from Valve? It's not Half-Life or Team Fortress—what is it?"
"Physics-based puzzle game," David said casually, sliding the disc into the drive. He knew perfectly well that as a veteran gamer who'd logged countless hours in his previous life, he'd already beaten this 2007 masterpiece multiple times. Its brilliant level design and dark humor had left a lasting impression.
Now he could seize this opportunity to both revisit a classic and subtly "show off" in front of his genius friends. "Supposed to be a real brain-teaser, full of spatial logic challenges and... well... distinctive humor. I figure it's basically designed for people like us."
Installation was quick. When the sleek, high-tech interface appeared and a slightly mechanical female voice spoke, everyone was hooked. GLaDOS's sarcastic, condescending yet logically "precise" instructions immediately captured their attention.
"'Please proceed to the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device testing area... For science. You monster.'" Leonard read the prompt, frowning slightly. "The tone of this AI... why does it sound so familiar?"
As the game progressed, GLaDOS's commentary escalated—from critiquing the test subject's walking efficiency to "encouraging" them to jump into an acid pool. The more Leonard listened, the more that cool, cutting sarcasm rang a bell.
Suddenly, he slapped his forehead, realization dawning. He pointed at the screen, then at Sheldon, who was nodding slightly in agreement with one of GLaDOS's comments about "moral turpitude," and burst out laughing. "Hahaha! Oh my God!
I know! This... this is literally Sheldon if he were a female AI! The speech patterns! The logic! That desperate need to embed 'you're all idiots' into every syllable! It's identical!"
Howard and Raj froze for a moment, then carefully compared GLaDOS's lines to Sheldon's usual commentary. They instantly cracked up, joining Leonard's uncontrollable laughter. Even David couldn't suppress a grin.
Sheldon, however, frowned, apparently conducting a serious comparative analysis, then grudgingly admitted, "While this artificial intelligence's communication style contains unnecessary rhetorical embellishments, its underlying logical framework does possess a certain degree of... efficiency.
However, I must note that in terms of emotional affect, she's far more redundant and theatrical than I am."
David volunteered as primary controller, while Leonard and Howard offered strategic advice, Raj watched nervously, and Sheldon pretended indifference while sneaking glances at the screen.
Everyone quickly mastered the simple portal mechanics in the early levels, but when they hit complex puzzles requiring combinations of momentum, trajectory physics, and precise timing, debate erupted.
One level requiring continuous downward acceleration to leap across a wide gap stumped them all.
"Should we put the blue portal on the far wall and just jump?" Leonard suggested.
"No, the distance isn't sufficient—we'll drop into the acid." Howard countered.
"Maybe place the orange portal under our feet first to create a brief fall?" Raj whispered.
"And then what? Insufficient velocity—we'll still splatter against the wall." Sheldon couldn't resist a caustic comment. Though not holding the controller, his brain was clearly running calculations.
As everyone reached an impasse, David controlled the character, making it hesitate deliberately in place, his gaze shifting between potential landing zones, as if organizing his thoughts.
Then, speaking slightly faster than usual, with a tone suggesting he'd "just figured it out," he said, "Wait... maybe we can do this. Place the blue portal on that high platform far away, then return to this starting point and jump into the orange portal below us. Using this extended fall to accumulate kinetic energy, the moment we exit the blue portal we'll have enough velocity to clear the gap."
He executed flawlessly—precisely placing the blue portal on the distant platform, returning to position the orange portal at the start, then jumping in. The character plummeted at high speed, shot out of the blue portal with a whoosh, traced a perfect parabolic arc, and landed barely on the target platform's edge.
"Whoa!"
"Nice!"
"That calculation was incredible!" Leonard and Howard exclaimed, while Raj nodded vigorously.
David just smiled. "Lucky guess, honestly." Internally he thought: Standard speedrun strat, nothing special.
As gameplay continued, GLaDOS's promise of "cake" appeared repeatedly. After GLaDOS once again dangled cake as motivation to complete a hazardous task, David paused the character and said in a knowing tone, "The cake is a lie."
The room went silent.
"What?" Leonard hadn't caught it clearly.
"The cake is a lie," David repeated, his tone slightly cynical. "She's not giving us any cake. This is all just testing. The promise itself is part of the experiment."
Everyone was taken aback. It perfectly encapsulated GLaDOS's deception and the game's core dark humor.
"Brilliant!" Howard slapped the table.
"That's totally it!" Raj agreed.
Leonard mused, "Yeah... she's been dangling that carrot the whole time..."
Only Sheldon, after a brief moment of surprise, displayed an expression mixing doubt and resentment. His high-speed brain couldn't accept that David had so quickly grasped the game's "essence" and could deliver such a fitting, memorable line that sounded like it belonged in an official trailer.
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