Kazuki managed to maintain his composure for exactly twelve minutes before his brain started melting.
Lilith had a voice like aged whiskey – smooth, intoxicating, and utterly wasted on someone explaining tax revenues. She stood beside an ornate desk that had materialized from somewhere (he hadn't seen it when he first woke up), gesturing at a map that showed House Valdris's territories in painstaking detail.
" – and the western mines have decreased production by fifteen percent this quarter," she was saying, her finger tracing along a mountain range. "The foreman claims it's due to a drake nest in the lower tunnels, but I suspect he's simply been lax with discipline."
Kazuki nodded like he understood what any of that meant. His eyes, entirely of their own accord, kept drifting from the map to the way her dress moved when she leaned forward. The structural integrity question remained unanswered and deeply concerning from an engineering standpoint.
Focus, he told himself firmly. You're a demon lord now. Demon lords don't get distracted by...
Lilith bent over the desk to point at something, and Kazuki's train of thought derailed spectacularly.
"My Lord?" She glanced back at him. "Your thoughts on the mining situation?"
"Uh." Kazuki's new Commanding Presence skill apparently had limits. "Handle it. However you think best."
Smooth recovery. Sort of.
Lilith's golden eyes studied him for a moment too long, and Kazuki felt sweat prickling at the back of his neck despite the cool temperature of the chamber. Could she tell he had absolutely no idea what he was doing? Did demon lords sweat? Was that allowed?
"As you wish, my Lord." She straightened, mercifully. "Now, regarding your position within the House hierarchy – "
[INCOMING PRIORITY MESSAGE]
The red text flashed across Kazuki's vision with enough urgency that he actually flinched.
[CONGRATULATIONS ON COMPLETING YOUR FIRST QUEST!]
[SYSTEM EVALUATION: Your performance was... adequate. Barely.]
[You have successfully avoided immediate embarrassment, though your inability to maintain eye contact with your advisor has been noted.]
Kazuki felt his face heat. Could the system read his thoughts? That seemed invasive. And also deeply unfair.
[Now that you have stabilized your initial position, it is time to discuss your TRUE purpose in this world.]
"My Lord?" Lilith's voice carried a note of concern. "You've gone very still. Are you certain you're well?"
"Fine," Kazuki managed, holding up a hand. "Just... processing. Give me a moment."
She frowned but stepped back, hands folding neatly in front of her. Even her standing-at-attention pose was unfairly attractive. This world had absurd beauty standards.
[As Demon Lord of House Valdris, you have been granted significant potential. However, your House currently ranks 68th out of the 72 Infernal Houses in power and prestige. This is, to put it mildly, pathetic.]
Kazuki would have been offended if the system wasn't completely right.
[YOUR OBJECTIVES:]
[PRIMARY: Elevate House Valdris to the top 10 Infernal Houses]
[SECONDARY: Overthrow the current Demon King and claim the throne]
[TERTIARY: Conquer the Holy Empire of Lumendel]
[ULTIMATE: Achieve total dominion over the mortal realm]
Kazuki stared at the text, his mouth going dry. That was... ambitious. Insanely ambitious. The kind of ambitious that got people killed in the webnovels he read. Usually painfully.
"Yeah, about that," he muttered under his breath. "Hard pass."
[EXCUSE ME?]
"I said no thanks." Kazuki kept his voice low, hoping Lilith couldn't hear him talking to himself. "Look, I appreciate the whole 'grand destiny' thing, but I'm not really a 'conquer the world' kind of guy. I'm more of a 'survive college' kind of guy. Or was. Past tense."
[But you're a DEMON LORD now. Conquest is literally in the job description.]
"Then I quit."
[You can't quit being a demon lord! That's not how reincarnation works!]
"Watch me." Kazuki crossed his arms, then immediately uncrossed them because it made the cape do weird things. "I didn't ask to be here. I just wanted to read webnovels and maybe, maybe, figure out how to talk to a girl without sounding like a malfunctioning robot. World domination was never on my bucket list."
There was a pause. Kazuki could almost feel the system recalibrating.
[...I see.]
[You want women.]
Kazuki's face went nuclear. "That's – that's not – I mean, yes, but you don't have to say it like that."
[Analyzing desire parameters... Cross-referencing with available resources...]
[PROPOSAL: What if I told you that achieving my objectives would directly facilitate your... romantic goals?]
Kazuki's traitorous brain perked up immediately. "I'm listening."
[This world contains an abundance of what you would call 'unrealistically attractive women.' Demon nobility. Rival house ladies. The Demon Queen herself. Priestesses of the Holy Empire. Elven princesses. Beastkin warriors. Vampire countesses. The list goes on.]
Images flickered across Kazuki's vision – gorgeous women of various races and styles, each one looking like they'd stepped out of a fantasy artist's fever dream. His heart rate kicked up several notches.
[However,] the system continued, [you possess a rather significant handicap: you have the social skills of a particularly awkward potato.]
"Okay, rude."
[But accurate. In your previous life, you couldn't even ask a barista for her number without having a minor anxiety attack.]
Kazuki couldn't argue with that. There had been an incident. It still haunted him.
[THEREFORE, I PROPOSE A DEAL:]
[You complete quests that advance my objectives – building your House's power, expanding your influence, defeating rivals, etc. In exchange, I will provide you with the tools, skills, and opportunities necessary to successfully pursue romantic relationships with the women you desire.]
Kazuki's mouth opened. Closed. His brain was trying to process what amounted to a Faustian bargain, except instead of his soul, he was trading... political machinations? For dating advice?
"That's the most insane thing I've ever heard," he said slowly.
[Is it? You already know how to play the villain from all those webnovels you've read. You know the tropes, the strategies, the dramatic reveals. You could be GOOD at this. And in exchange, you get everything you actually want.]
"Define 'tools and opportunities.'"
[Skills like Charm, Seduction, Silver Tongue. Knowledge about a woman's preferences, interests, vulnerabilities. Social situations engineered in your favor. Artifacts that enhance your appeal. Perhaps even... performance enhancements, if you catch my meaning.]
Kazuki definitely caught the meaning. His face somehow got even redder.
"This is insane," he repeated.
[This is PRACTICAL. You want pleasure. I want power. Our goals are not mutually exclusive. In fact, many romantic pursuits will naturally advance my objectives anyway. Seducing a rival house's lady? That's both pleasure AND political advantage. Charming the Holy Empire's saintess? That's intelligence gathering AND personal satisfaction.]
Kazuki hated that it made sense. He really, really hated that it made sense.
"My Lord?" Lilith's voice cut through his internal crisis. "You've been standing there muttering to yourself for three minutes now. I really must insist – "
"I'm fine!" Kazuki said too quickly, too loudly. He took a breath, channeling that Commanding Presence skill again. "Just... communing with my awakened powers. Very normal demon lord stuff."
Lilith looked skeptical but didn't press the issue.
[DECISION TIME, KAZUKI. Do we have a deal?]
"What happens if I say no?"
[Then you remain a socially incompetent demon lord of a failing house, and you'll probably die within six months when a rival house decides you're easy prey. Also, you'll die a virgin. Again.]
"That's – you didn't have to add that last part."
[But I'm not wrong.]
Kazuki looked at Lilith, who was waiting patiently for him to stop having what probably looked like a mental breakdown. He thought about his old life – the loneliness, the frustration, the constant feeling of missing out while everyone else seemed to effortlessly navigate the social landscape he found so baffling.
Then he thought about the images the system had shown him. A world full of women who existed beyond his wildest fantasies, and a system offering him an actual, legitimate path to not die alone and inexperienced.
"One condition," Kazuki said quietly.
[Name it.]
"No one gets hurt who doesn't deserve it. I'm not going to become some cartoon villain who kicks puppies and burns orphanages. If I'm doing this, we do it smart. Strategic."
There was a pause.
[...Acceptable. Though I should note that you ARE technically a demon. Some level of moral flexibility is expected.]
"I know what I said."
[Very well. DEAL ACCEPTED.]
[CONGRATULATIONS! You have unlocked the CONQUEST & PLEASURE system!]
[NEW QUEST AVAILABLE: First Impressions]
[Objective: Attend the upcoming Infernal Conclave where all 72 Houses gather. Make a memorable impression without embarrassing yourself or House Valdris.]
[Reward: Skill - Social Perception (Rank E), Introduction to key political players, ???]
[Time Limit: 72 hours]
[NOTE: The Conclave will include several high-ranking demon ladies, including Lady Seraphine of House Morgrave (famously beautiful, currently married to the brutish Lord Morgrave), and Duchess Amara of House Noctis (unmarried, politically ambitious, known for her... appetites).]
Kazuki's stomach did a complicated flip that was equal parts excitement and terror.
"My Lord," Lilith said, apparently done with patience. "The Infernal Conclave summons arrived while you were awakening. We're expected to attend in three days. I'll need to prepare you on proper etiquette, the current political landscape, and – "
"Yes," Kazuki interrupted. "Yes, let's do that. All of that. Right now."
She blinked, surprised by his sudden enthusiasm. "My Lord?"
"I need to know everything, Lilith. Every house, every player, every alliance and grudge." He moved to the desk, looking at the map with new eyes. "If I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it right."
A small smile played at the corner of Lilith's lips. "Now that sounds like a proper demon lord."
[TUTORIAL COMPLETE]
[Welcome to your new life, Lord Valdris. Try not to die. And try to get laid. Preferably in that order.]
Kazuki took a deep breath, his hands resting on the desk. Three days. He had three days to learn how to be a convincing demon lord and not make a complete fool of himself in front of actual demonic nobility.
He'd faced worse odds. Probably. Maybe.
Okay, no he hadn't. But he had read enough webnovels to fake it.
"Alright," he said, meeting Lilith's golden eyes with more confidence than he felt. "Let's begin."
Outside his window, storm clouds gathered over the dark spires of House Valdris. Somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbled like laughter.