Today was just like any other day -at least to me. It made no difference that I was starting college. Unlike the rest of the freshers, I wasn't excited. If I had to describe how I felt, the right word would be anxious.
"LILY!" my mom shouted at the top of her lungs."I am coming, Mom," I yelled back, glancing at the time. Almost noon. Shoot. Fuck, fuck I am gonna be late. "Young lady, get ready and pack your things. Your father is waiting to drop you off". She said, her voice sharper now.
I rushed to the bathroom, splashed water on my face, and cleaned up as fast as I could. Minutes later, I pulled on my usual nerdy fit- an oversized sweater, dark jeans, and my not-so-good-looking sneakers. Nothing flashy, we don't want to stand out. Just clothes that make me feel safe, like I am surrounded by the Great Wall of China, where I could hide and do me.
I ran downstairs with my luggage, barely missing the last step, when Mom suddenly grabbed me."That's my college girl," she said, pinching my cheeks."Mom-mom! Dad's waiting", I protested, my voice strained with pain. "I have to go".I snatched a sandwich from the kitchen counter and bolted for the door. Outside, the sharp honking reminded me that Dad was already impatient.
Just as I slid into the front seat next to Dad, Mom came running down the driveway. Lily! she called out, slightly out of breath from running. " You forgot your glasses!"I froze. Of course I did. "Thanks, Mom," I said with a smile plastered on my face.
I have had poor eyesight since I was ten, relying on my glasses to make out anything beyond arm's length, and that didn't really help scale up my looks in any way. It freaking did the opposite!
With that, Dad and I set off. We spent the drive blasting the radio, singing along to our favorite classical songs. Oh, and I am the only child of my parents; we are all nerds and unfortunately, dress funny. We finally arrived at Mcleanaw College. It's one of the top five best colleges in Rowsworth State and only accepts the best and most talented students. Dad and Mom were really excited that I got into their alma mater; they would go on about how they met each other and fell in love literally! "Your Mom had me hooked at first glance when I met her at Mcleanaw, and we couldn't leave without each other ever since. Trust me, I have heard this story a million times.
We finally arrived, and goodness gracious, the entrance alone was ethereal. Pink sakura trees line the road from the main intersection all the way to the gates of the college, their petals dancing slowly in the fading light. I had already forgotten how I was uneasy about the school being tucked deep in the woods. The sunset painted the sky in war hues and contributed to making the place feel unreal.
"Wow! Dad, I think I love this place," I said, sticking my head out the window to enjoy the cool evening breeze. "Dad always knows best, Lily, and I am sure before you come home, you would have made a lot of friends," he replied.
Hehehe, right! I retorted, giggling awkwardly. I have had a hard time fitting in with my peers and just kept to myself, but this time around, I want to write a different narrative. I took it as a challenge and named it Operation become a social butterfly.
As I stepped out of my Dad's F-59 Ford pickup truck, I nearly tripped, too busy gawking at the guy standing on the staircase. He made it seem as though the sun was still at its brightest. Our eyes met, and I couldn't hold his gaze for more than a second before quickly looking away. I shifted my attention to helping Dad unload my luggage, hoping my flushed face wasn't too obvious. After a brief goodbye and a plethora of advice, Dad finally climbed back into the truck. "Call your Mom or me if you need help with anything, Alright, Lil? And don't lose your second eyes again! They are freaking expensive," he said, driving off. And just like that, I was alone, great!
Awesome! Anxiety was creeping back in again.
I briefly took off my glasses to wipe them so that I could see better. While I slid them back on, I was met by a Holy countenance. It's....the sun, I said out loud bewitchingly. I repeat, I said out loud. "Sun?" he replied in a low, steady voice that sounded grounded. "Hahaha, yeah! I mean the sun is going down, and it's quite breathtaking, don't you think?" This time, I really wanted to be surrounded by the Great Wall of China so that I couldn't be seen. "Yea he said with a smile, Mcleanaw has a lot of beautiful sights." He paused and added, name's Josh, extending his hand towards me. "Lily Krau at your service", I blurted out hastily and horribly. Internally, World War three had already begun. "Who fucking says that, Lily? Are you enlisted in the fucking military now?" I said in my head. I smiled sheepishly back, already regretting every minute that led me to this moment. He just nodded, pulling his hand away as if he was unsure what to do with me.
It turned out Josh was also an orientation leader and a senior. They assisted us with the orientation process and how to find our rooms. Leaning in, his face inches away from mine, he asked to see which house I was assigned to. I could smell his perfume, it was intoxicating with sandalwood and subtle sweetness, grounded by something deep and masculine. In that moment, I felt dominated, lost in my own world. "Are you okay, Lily?" he asked. Slowly, I looked up our eyes met for a brief second, and his hands lifted slightly, like he was about to touch my shoulder. I clasped my cheeks and blurted out," Thanks Josh". Snatching the paper from his hand before I could embarrass myself any further. Then I turned and ran somewhere, anywhere.
Fuck my heart was racing. Way too fast. Get it together, Lily, I told myself. Count sheep.
"One hundred sheep," I whispered, finally relaxing as my eyes fluttered open. I felt the ground shake. The stone-carved seat beneath me trembled before tilting backwards. Before I could react, I was rolling down the slope, faster than my brain could keep up.
Oh no, no, no!
As the world blurred into spinning sky and earth, I tumbled helplessly, arms flailing in every direction. So this was it?! First day of college, and I should probably forget about becoming a social butterfly.
When I finally reached the end of the slope, I lay there covered in mud, my pink loyuta bag dirtied and barely intact. Groaning, I tried to push myself up but slowly lost consciousness as everything went dark.
I woke up completely engulfed in darkness with a beeping sound. It felt as though I was swallowed in darkness. There were no trees, I couldn't feel the cold of the night, and I also couldn't feel the ground beneath me. It was as though I was floating. Calm down, Lily, you are dreaming. I slapped and pinched myself, thinking it would bring me back to reality. But I was still in the same void.
Where the fuck am I, I shouted on top of my lungs. Mom, Dad, anyone, help me! Sobbing uncontrollably.
Then I saw it. A tunnel, and at the very end, glowed a soft blue light. I squinted, my heart thudding softly now, no longer racing. Am I dead? Tears welling up in my eyes, I didn't get to spend more time with Dad and Mom, I did not fall in love, and I certainly did not make any friends. This wasn't how it was supposed to end, I blurted out.
I took a step. Or at least I thought I did.
And then-