(Dih-sclaimers: I obviously don't own Naruto or Jujutsu Kaisen. All respect to the actual creators of these pieces of fiction)
Yo, the name's Jack.
Jack Bartolozzi.
And before you ask, NO, I am not a relative of Joseph Bartolozzi. How I wish I was.
Whatever, we are getting sidetracked. The point is
I just died… at seventeen. I didn't even become legal in this grand game of life.
It wasn't even in the kind of way I would've wanted to. Now that I think about it, would anyone aged seventeen want to die? Probably not.
But that's besides the point. My final moments were just headlights, a car, and way too little reaction time.
Didn't even get the "life flashes before your eyes" moment.
Now I know you already put this together, and yes, I was driving without a license. BUT! It was not my fault. How would I know that some drunk would run a red light?
When I opened my eyes again, I was lying in white.
It wasn't a room. Just an endless blank plane of pure white. Not even the holy white, just the annoying high-brightness white. It made my eyes ache a little, even if I wasn't totally sure I still had eyes.
The place had more of an IKEA showroom aesthetic rather than the afterlife.
For a few seconds, I just sat there, not really trusting my own thoughts yet, trying to figure out if this was a dream or a coma. Then I remembered the car, the impact, and the fact that, yeah… I really shouldn't be breathing anymore.
The car probably turned my body into a piece of modern art.
So this is the afterlife… pretty bleak and boring.
A voice coughed lightly next to me.
I turned, too fast out of habit, and there—standing beside me was a man who looked suspiciously—no, shamelessly like Master Roshi. The bald head, long white beard, and a pair of glasses, and the orange shirt and purple pants to top it all off.
I stared at him.
He stared back, an amused look on his face.
"Okay," I finally said, because silence was somehow worse. "Is this the part where you inform me of whether I go to heaven or hell?"
He chuckled. "No, you are not here for that."
"Right…" I scratched my cheek, mostly because I needed to do something with my hands. "So… are you God? Or did the big man outsource customer service to Dragon Ball characters?"
"Close enough," he said with a shrug. "Congratulations! You're here because you won a one-in-a-billion chance at reincarnation."
He had a grin on his face, probably at my reaction.
I blinked. Reincarnation. Lottery winner of the dead. That… was honestly better than I expected.
Then it finally hit me. I was dead. Never again would I get to speak to, let alone see, any of my parents or friends. My expression saddened at the realization. However, I remembered something my dad told me at my grandfather's funeral.
"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living."
Except this time, I am the one who's dead, and my loved ones are alive. So how does that work?
I came to peace with my situation while I had forgotten what Master Roshi said—or that he was even there. Until I remembered what he said again.
The shock wore off faster than it probably should have, and excitement rushed in to fill the space like it had been waiting in the hallway. Instantly, my brain started flipping through universes like a weeb scrolling through an illegal streaming site.
Which universe should I choose?
There are so many to choose from.
That was when I realized I should probably reincarnate in a universe where people didn't die every other Tuesday—
He snapped his fingers, bringing me out of my thoughts.
A giant, colorful wheel appeared right in front of us, as if he heard my thoughts.
Yes. Exactly like those YouTube challenge wheels. It felt wrong and weirdly fitting at the same time.
I groaned. Loudly. "You have got to be kidding me. Really? The randomized challenge selector?"
He smiled in that "ancient cosmic being who enjoys my suffering" kind of way that suggested he had excellent job security. "This wheel contains every universe you have at least some knowledge of. Where it stops is where you go."
It was RNG. Of course my eternal fate was going to be decided with the same budget as a clickbait YouTuber. Why wouldn't it be?
I flinched when the wheel spun without warning.
This bastard couldn't have, you know, warned me!
I watched it turn, my soul slowly separating from my body or whatever counted as my body now—in advance preparation for disappointment. Eventually, it clicked to a stop. The words flashed clearly.
Naruto.
My face probably turned the color of ash. Look, I've watched Naruto. I know exactly how that world works. It's beautiful, emotional, and full of friendship… and also genocides, child soldiers, and trauma-fueled eyeballs.
I didn't have Naruto's stubborn willpower. Or his way with words that somehow sways even the most genocidal maniacs.
Also, the only fight I'd ever been in was in middle school. Yeah, can't really call that a fight either.
I was mentally planning my funeral inside my second life when the old man snapped his fingers again. The wheel vanished, and another replaced it. This one was filled with names of abilities of various characters I recognized way too quickly.
My mood did a full 180 so fast it gave my nonexistent stomach whiplash.
"Okay," I said slowly, "now we're talking."
He didn't even bother explaining. The wheel spun on its own, colors blurring into each other. I leaned forward, watching every tick like a gambler with negative self-control and a personal grudge against good decisions.
Time seemed to slow as the pointer crawled toward a section labeled "Human Human Fruit."
Chopper's Devil Fruit. Now look, I love the furball as much as the next guy, but are we actually deadass?
No. Absolutely not. I was actually ready to punch the divine wheel of misfortune.
The pointer hesitated, lingered like it wanted to ruin my new life just a little more… then skipped forward and stopped decisively.
Six Eyes and Limitless.
I stared for half a second, my brain lagging, then threw my hands up and yelled. I didn't even care how undignified I looked. I'd just rolled the power of the strongest—at least in his verse.
But what matters is that Gojo Satoru could very well hold his own in the Naruto verse.
I laughed—real laughter, shaky around the edges but honest. "Yes! Okay, this I can live with. Or… reincarnate with this!"
I'd binged the JJK anime and read through the manga enough times to know exactly how his power worked off the top of my head.
For the first time since I died, the fear quieted a little. Not gone. Just… finally sitting down.
Then a question arose in my mind. There is no cursed energy in the Naruto universe, so how would the Six Eyes and Limitless work?
Even though I had a decent idea of how it would function, I still voiced my concerns.
"So how would my Six Eyes and Limitless be adapted in a universe without cursed energy?"
"The Six Eyes would be a rare dōjutsu of a certain clan, and it would allow the wielder to do exactly what it does," Master Roshi explained, rather bluntly.
"Would it be too much to tell me which clan I'll be reborn into?" I asked, hopeful that the deity would be generous enough to let me know.
"It's not a problem… but where's the fun in that?"
I don't know what I was expecting, but at least it was worth a try.
I let out a scowl, letting the cosmic being know of my annoyance.
"Whatever, just tell me how Limitless would work?" I asked, already wanting to be on my way to the Naruto universe.
"The same way, except the power source for Limitless is chakra instead of cursed energy," Master Roshi answered.
"Figures. Well, that's it… I guess. So send me away?" I said, as I thought of how I would be reincarnated into this new universe.
"Oh, there's one more thing I almost forgot to mention," the deity spoke up, letting out a small chuckle.
Since when do celestial beings have dementia?
I was about to voice my thoughts when he spoke up again.
"You will only remember a small part of Naruto."
"WHAT?" I shouted, my mind being thrown in a loop.
Alright, while I did have a broken ability that would allow me to survive in the Naruto world, knowing the key events and plotlines of the anime was a key reason as to why I was so calm about this.
"And I am guessing you won't be telling me which part I'll remember?"
"Yes."
"Tch… figures. Is there anything else you need to tell me?"
Stupid dementia-ridden god.
"Yeah, only one thing. I can hear your thoughts," he replied, to which I stiffened up.
I mean, he's a god. Dammit, should've seen that one coming.
"My bad. No hard feelings… right?" I apologized with a small bow to show how 'genuine' I was being.
However, his facial expression remained the same, then he grinned, after which he brought his arm up to snap.
"Goodbye, Jack Bartolozzi," he said, and snapped before I was able to reply. Everything went to black.
He didn't answer my question… should I be worried?
Nah, he is a cosmic being. There's no way he would be offended by a mere mortal… right?
Let's just hope that he doesn't take after any Greek gods.
My train of thought was so engulfed by the idea of whether or not Master Roshi—or whatever that guy was petty enough to get back at me for that comment. Then it clicked, or more like my mind threw that plate of thought out the window, when I realized I was still in the dark.
Shit… I can't see.
I CAN'T FUCKING SEE!
My brain jumped straight into the boiling vat of panic as I was reminded of how the fuck-around-and-find-out diagram functioned.
Great. You had to run your mouth. That petty old man must've transported you into the void.
Wait…
After I calmed my mind down, I began to think about it logically. Then I figured out my current predicament.
It's an enclosed space and a soft pressure around me, and then I felt it—a heartbeat. That wasn't mine.
I am in my mother's stomach!
Honestly? Kind of funny. Reincarnation stories usually drop you straight into the body of a kid. I was just… floating. Like soup. Waiting for biology to do its job.
Thank God—or Master Roshi… whatever, it doesn't matter. I haven't been banished to the void and have been reborn in Naruto.
Well, technically, I haven't been reborn yet.
At least this gives me some time to gather my thoughts. That reminds me, the bald-ass god did mention that I would only remember a small part of the story.