Lee Min was having the worst Tuesday of his life.
He overslept.
He stepped in a puddle that was definitely not water.
He spilled hot ramen on his lap.
And worst of all… he had seen zero female interaction in twenty-three years of existence.
The universe could have stopped there.
But no.
During his lunch break, he approached the office vending machine like a tired gladiator preparing for battle. He inserted his dollar.
The machine swallowed it whole.
He pushed the button again.
Nothing.
He gave it a polite nudge.
Still nothing.
In a moment of emotional weakness (and extreme caffeine withdrawal), he kicked it.
A mistake.
The vending machine trembled like a prehistoric beast waking from slumber.
Lee Min blinked.
"Wait—WAIT—"
THUD.
He died instantly.
The machine didn't even drop the soda.
**THE DIVINE WAITING ROOM**
He opened his eyes and found himself in a blinding white void. No body. No sensations. Just floating confusion.
A throne appeared, and on it sat an extremely exhausted-looking deity holding a mug labeled:
"World Management Department: Do NOT Talk to Me Until After Armageddon."
God stared at him like He was trying to understand why humanity existed.
"Lee Min," God sighed. "You died… crushed beneath a vending machine. Truly, you have achieved a death so monumentally stupid it shook the heavens."
Lee winced.
"In my defense, I—"
"You also died a virgin."
Lee paused.
"…that part wasn't really necessary to mention—"
God slammed the mug down.
"I HAVE SEEN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY A HUMAN CAN DIE! But you—YOU are a special case. Even the angels took screenshots."
A celestial projector turned on behind God, showing a slow-motion replay of the vending machine falling on Lee Min from multiple angles.
An angel off-screen yelled, "WORLDSTAR!"
Lee wanted the void to swallow him.
DIVINE PITY PROTOCOL: ACTIVATED
God opened a golden book labeled 'REINCARNATION POLICIES: IDIOT EDITION.'
A checklist floated into the air:
Died embarrassingly ✔
Died young ✔
Died pure (virgin) ✔
Died stupid enough to amuse the gods ✔✔✔
God snapped the book shut.
"For reasons of cosmic pity, comedic value, and because I simply cannot let your obituary be 'Crushed by Vending Machine,' I will give you another chance."
Lee perked up.
"Really?!"
God nodded.
"You will be sent to a fantasy world with an overpowered system. Try not to embarrass me."
SYSTEM UPDATE INSTALLING…
A glowing screen appeared:
[CONGRATULATIONS! You have unlocked:
The Pity System (SSS-RANK)
Because the gods feel bad for you!]
New messages popped up rapidly like a glitchy cellphone:
[You are granted:
• SSS Rank Stats
• Dual System Interface
• Ridiculously Handsome Appearance
• A chance to not die pathetically this time]
Lee gasped.
"I'm… handsome?!"
"Yes," God said. "I figured you deserved at least one stat higher than your previous life."
A swirling portal opened beneath him.
"Now go! Make me proud! Or at least… don't get crushed by stationary objects again!"
Lee fell through the vortex screaming.