Chapter 66: Not Understanding Your Own Self
He turned around and continued walking, his eyes and mind showing no signs of reflection. Two eyes darted continuously to the sides and downward. Then he turned left once more and kept going.
But he remained like that, wandering in the mirror maze for a period of time, unclear how long it had been.
He still had not encountered any entities appearing, so he sat down and let out a long breath of exhaustion.
"Not appearing yet? Why is it taking so long?"
"I've gone very far by now..."
Before he could finish the sentence, the maze shook violently. Aoto sat there in confusion, not understanding what was happening; he instinctively stood up with vigilance.
"What the hell? Is something wrong with this maze?"
The mirrors around him immediately shattered, the sound of breaking glass echoing:
Crash!
Large and small shards of glass flew everywhere, but strangely, they did not fall to the ground. They surrounded Aoto; in his sight at this moment, it was like a vast, infinite array of sharp broken glass shards simultaneously pointing at him.
Aoto stood there in confusion, glancing around continuously; he did not yet understand what was happening but was extremely alert.
"What is it exactly? Does this place want to kill me?"
Suddenly, the mass of mirror shards lunged at the same time toward the center—toward Aoto. Aoto's eyes widened in shock, but he could do nothing; by instinct, he crossed his arms in front of his face and clenched them tight to protect himself in futility.
A series of mirror shards, large and small, stabbed continuously into his body. Blood splattered everywhere; the mirror floor beneath his feet cracked and was stained with the color of blood. Aoto opened his eyes wide in horror, his mouth opening wide to spit out red blood. His body continuously shifted angles, swaying in all directions under the attack of those countless mirror shards.
"What... is...?"
But strangely, despite being stabbed by mirror shards and blood splattering everywhere, if it were truly like that, he shouldn't have been able to survive.
At this moment, the mirror shards displayed his image; they began to speak with mockery.
"Hahahaha."
"You are so stupid; it was just a choice."
"You have exceeded the time and now must suffer the punishment."
"Everything is clear, why did you not choose?"
"Hahaha."
"You are wasting too much time."
Infinite mirror shards with reflections of him inside with different expressions. They continuously mocked him.
....
But then, the images from the mirrors gradually receded. Aoto still stood there, standing amidst thousands of mirrors, his body intact, not harmed at all. He still stood in shock and silence, without even the smallest movement. Standing silent for a moment, he slowly rolled his eyes to observe at a slow pace, lifting his own hands and looking at them. His gaze was still extremely confused and terrified.
His voice was faint like a dying person and trembling:
"B-Blood? No blood?... Then what was that just now?"
He was still panting, breaths uneven and consecutive, his chest heaving up and down.
"A hallucination?"
"But the feeling of pain was real... I still clearly remember that feeling of pain."
The sound of his breathing could be heard clearly now.
"It couldn't be a hallucination; what exactly is going on?"
Suddenly, the surroundings shook, the sound of mirrors breaking rang out—not just one but a series. They shattered, the mirror sections pointing toward him.
Aoto opened his eyes wide in shock.
"What the hell? It's identical to what I just saw."
"Is it a signal?"
A series of broken mirror shards lunged at him. The first time, Aoto was very shocked, but this time he was not. A mass of fragments lunged and stabbed into Aoto's flesh; he screamed in endless agony.
"Aaaaaahhh!"
"What... The... Hell...?"
The sound of his miserable screaming echoed everywhere. Like the music for a murderer who loves to listen, extremely horrific.
But then, the scene returned to peace. Aoto still stood there, the surrounding space not harmed at all.
He slowly scanned his eyes around, the panting of fear repeating urgently.
"Is... Is it a hallucination?"
"T-That feeling... was too real."
The surroundings shook once more, the mirrors breaking into a mass of small shards. Aoto was startled; he seemed to know what was about to happen, but could not resist.
It repeated once again, his scream echoing. Blood splattered everywhere.
"What is it? A type of forced repeating illusion?"
Crash!!! Crash!!! Crash!!.... Crash!!!
Just like that, it repeated continuously. Aoto now knelt down on the mirror floor, clutching his head and screaming loudly; tears, snot, and saliva flowed onto the mirror floor beneath him. His face was haggard, his gaze blank and soulless; at this moment there was only breathing and breathing, his voice stuttering and trembling.
"S-Stop... stop it... please stop it."
It seemed everything finally stopped, but Aoto could not yet compose himself; his consciousness was drifting away like a lost soul, two hands hanging loosely behind him.
After a while, he slowly pushed himself up with both hands, face still showing confusion; he observed the surroundings. He lifted one hand and tapped his head once; he winced from the sensation of pain. Then he sat down heavily in the exhaustion of a body that felt as if something was weighing it down.
"Must be calm, it seems this is a type of punishment, and during a period of time I do not make a choice, this maze will punish me."
"For now, let's count the punishment time as a fixed milestone. So, I need to be fast."
He slowly stood up and continued walking with an unspeakable weariness.
"I remember the mirrors said time was up and everything was clear, but where the hell is it clear?"
"Right now, the line in my eye is the most suspicious thing, but truly I still don't understand. Why is it me? Could it be I am the one who created this?"
"The answer originates from myself, meaning I have to connect with myself through the answers of the entities?"
"Sounds confusing, doesn't it? I still don't quite understand."
"But whatever, I won't think anymore."
Suddenly, his reflection in the mirror on the right was a bit different; he immediately turned over and observed closely.
The entity in this mirror mimicked him perfectly, but its face—with a grumpy and angry expression—remained unchanged; that gaze stared intently at him, carrying some sort of hostility.
Aoto did not care; he pressed close to the mirror, opened his eyes wide and stared at the mouth of this entity; he immediately posed the question:
"If I want to escape this place, what must I do?"
Its mouth moved; Aoto pressed even closer and opened his eyes wide to look very closely at its lip movements.
"None of us are real."
Then it immediately disappeared and returned to a complete reflection in the mirror.
Aoto turned to walk on and let out a long, frustrated sigh.
"Now it brings up who is real and who is fake. I'm starting to get used to this nonsense information."
As if wanting to clarify a few suspicions, Aoto stood before a mirror on his left and used his hand to pull open his left eye. And pressed close. But there was nothing inside his eye.
"No more words? I thought if the right had it, the left would have it too."
He turned again and continued walking with a bit of disappointment.
"Hope everyone is still okay."
Aoto reached a four-way intersection once more; he continued to turn left. His eyes were a bit uncomfortable from being in here so long, looking at nothing but reflections.
But right before his eyes now, an entity appeared at the left entrance.
Aoto opened his eyes wide in shock. He froze for a moment, his hands trembling slightly.
The entity in the mirror had a body covered in blood, clothes torn to shreds. Its head was bleeding non-stop, expression pained, left hand clutching its stomach as if the wound there was very severe.
"What... what the hell...? I thought the entities only changed a little... why is this one so horrific?"
Discarding all thoughts, Aoto immediately asked the entity in the mirror the old question:
"If I want to escape this place, what must I do?"
"You must stay; you do not deserve to escape."
Then the entity merged back into the ripples and disappeared.
Aoto was a bit surprised and continued to turn away.
"Entities in the mirror have things they hate about me too? Truly strange."
Aoto walked in the mirror maze with dim light and the sound of his footsteps as he stepped heavily echoing as if he were walking through his own mind. Each step seemed to grow heavier, not because the body was tired, but because something in his heart was sinking.
He stopped before a large mirror, no different from the previous ones. He was too used to seeing himself reflected, hearing a few weird sentences, and moving on.
Aoto stood straight, looking into the mirror.
The reflected entity was identical, from the messy hair to the expression.
He asked in a normal voice:
"If I want to escape this place, what must I do?"
There was no response.
Only the eyes in the mirror were looking at him, unblinking. Not cold. Not hostile. But also without emotion.
Aoto blinked.
"…Do you hear? I asked."
No change.
The entity did not move, did not ripple like every other time. It stood there, like a piece of shadow that refused to separate.
Aoto frowned.
He stepped closer, pressing his face against the mirror surface. Looking closely with a suspicious gaze.
"Are you stuck? Or have nothing to say?"
Still nothing happened.
Aoto slapped the mirror surface once. The sound resonated. The mirror did not crack, did not deform. The entity still looked, still silent.
He exhaled. A wave of frustration mixed with confusion swept through.
Then he took a step back—intending to turn away.
At that moment, the entity blinked.
Aoto froze.
It blinked. Not fast. Not violently. But very clearly.
He turned back to look. It felt like someone was still living, still thinking, but intentionally saying nothing.
Aoto stared. A slight sting in his chest, as if… it was waiting for him to say something.
"What is wrong with this entity? Why doesn't it speak? What exactly is its purpose and meaning standing there?"
Aoto muttered:
"…What do you want?"
No response.
"…Are you waiting for me… to say it myself?"
The entity remained silent and looked at Aoto.
"You think I know? Know the way to escape? Know why I'm stuck here?"
Aoto scoffed. But the laugh caught in his throat.
"…I don't know anything. I only know… every time I ask, you guys disappear. So I keep going. But you stand there. Not saying anything. Making me feel stupid."
The entity blinked once more. It did not move its lips. But in those eyes… there was something different. As if he were looking into his own eyes, when no one else remained, when there was no reason left.
Aoto was silent. His face remained bored.
"Hey... don't scare me? You being silent is even scarier than those bloody entities."
"I'm serious... say something?"
"You're still listening, right?"
Like having a friend, Aoto felt he had a support and spoke his heart out. His voice carried a bit of mockery.
"Whatever, it won't talk... so I'll try talking?"
"I'm also feeling very scared... I'm scared I won't be able to escape this place. I ask and you guys answer, then I go on. Now you being silent like this really scares me."
The light in the mirror vibrated slightly. Unclear if it was the lamp light, or if… the mirror was understanding.
The entity finally tilted its head slightly—not a nod, not a shake—but like an acknowledgement. Then it receded gradually into the darkness inside the mirror, dissolving like thin smoke. No sound, no words of goodbye.
Aoto stood still. Not breathing. For the first time... HE FELT HE WAS BEING LISTENED TO, even without any words.
Aoto stood for a long time before the mirror which was now empty.
No entity looked back at him, nor was there a gaze that made him choke.
But he still felt… something was looking from behind his own eyes.
He turned to walk away and suddenly noticed another strange mirror two mirrors away from the one he was standing at. He approached and saw it with a pensive expression, as if thinking about something; it stroked its chin. Every gesture was exactly like him when he was thinking.
Aoto was a bit surprised and pressed close.
"It looks so much like me."
"If I want to escape this place, what must I do?"
The mouth of the entity in the mirror moved.
"Only those who accept their Ego can leave."
Then the entity in the mirror disappeared like all the others.
"Ego? Accepting it?"
"Does that mean I need to accept exactly what I have inside me? Only then can I get out..."
Aoto seemed to realize something.
"Wait, if I analyze carefully now, just earlier I also instinctively admitted I was scared, which is also a type of accepting the Ego inside me."
"Could it be that if I touch this mirror, I'll be able to escape right away?"
He slowly lifted his hand, with silence and a staring gaze that carried a bit of his own anticipation. When he almost touched the mirror, he jerked back. He shook his head vigorously.
His eyes again looked tightly at the mirror reflecting him.
"No, there are still other answers, I need to find them all; who knows, there might be sentences that go even deeper?"
Aoto turned to continue walking; around him were a series of turns, but he still followed the rule he had set.
He turned left and continued.
Another entity appeared immediately on his right just as he turned. This entity was also like him; when it saw him coming, it didn't care. It just kept nodding as if understanding something.
Aoto didn't bother thinking or caring about its actions and immediately posed the question:
"If I want to escape this place, what must I do?"
"Trust your first instinct, as you once did."
That entity disappeared again, leaving his reflection as normal.
He didn't care about the entity in the mirror disappearing. But his mouth muttered the sentence over and over.
"Trust my first instinct? As I once did?"
Aoto stopped, eyes still looking toward the mirror that had just vanished.
"Trust my first instinct, huh...?"
He bowed his head, remembering a small story from before.
Once, he and his group of friends planned to sneak into the forbidden forest, a place adults always said:
"It is very dangerous, do not go near it."
The group had five people; four had gone in first, but only Aoto remained outside.
Everyone burst out laughing when Aoto hesitated and stood outside the old wooden fence gate.
"What's there to be afraid of? Go for a bit then come back, no one will know!"
But for some reason, Aoto felt his back go cold. There was no clear reason, just a hunch.
And he turned away, quietly went home, ignoring his friends calling after him.
The next day, he heard the news: the group of friends were detained by patrol soldiers for nearly a day, scolded severely by parents, and banned from playing for an entire month.
Aoto wasn't happy because he was "lucky," but simply because…
"There are times, I don't need any clear reason. It's just… a feeling that I shouldn't."
He looked up, gaze a bit pensive, but not heavy.
"First instinct… I still remember it."
Then he turned, continued walking, his heart light.
Having walked just two steps, Aoto froze; on the right another entity appeared.
It continuously shook its head slightly in a confusing way, as if it were undecisive or didn't believe in something.
"Why did it appear so fast this time? Could it be the last entity will take a very long time to appear?"
"The light is about to shine there, that's why it appeared fast."
Aoto stepped closer, staring at it and asked with a voice that was a bit bored and familiar:
"If I want to escape this place, then what must I do?"
He moved closer to see its lip movements clearly.
"All of us are real, but none are you."
Aoto was stunned; he didn't seem to understand its sentence; it disappeared just like that, and he didn't care. He only stepped back to keep distance from the mirror and thought:
"I am not real? And they are real? How is that even possible?"
"A distracting sentence? ...Probably so, just record it for now."
"Seems like there are 6 sentences now, two more to go. Now I need to find enough and then deduce. If I keep having insufficient information and deduce, it'll be useless, then I'll just have to deduce again."
He continued walking, brushing those pieces of information aside and observing.
He continuously muttered in his mouth, praying the remaining two entities would appear.
"Appear... appear... don't play a trick on me like last time. I don't want to be punished again."
Aoto continued walking; the light dimmed significantly, as if this corridor had never been lit. Space gradually became cold and silent in an uncomfortable way. His footsteps hitting the mirror walls echoed as if from another place. It seemed sound had gradually appeared in this maze room.
Then he stopped.
Before him was a large mirror, significantly bigger than the previous ones.
But it… reflected nothing.
No Aoto in there. No shadow. Just a dark mirror surface, flat and soulless.
Aoto frowned, stepping a bit closer with a suspicious look.
The moment his shoe tip touched the edge of the mirror frame—crack—a small crack appeared.
He startled and jumped back.
The mirror surface cracked along a diagonal line. Then from there, other cracks spread out wide like a spiderweb, crack crack, bit by bit, slow but unstoppable.
Until…
Pop!
The mirror shattered into pieces, falling scattered to the floor. But not a single sound of impact upon falling.
Instead of vanishing, each of those mirror shards floated in the air, like leaves held in the void.
Aoto opened his eyes wide in panic to observe.
"Has the next punishment arrived already?"
Aoto stood motionless and waited for them to fly at him, but they did not fly at him; they hovered there around him. Inside each mirror shard was a different entity of him:
An Aoto crying, hands clutching his head.
An Aoto enraged, eyes bulging, as if wanting to scream.
An Aoto motionless, empty, eyes looking as if long dead.
An Aoto laughing loudly, laughing until distorted, as if insane.
An Aoto backing away, terrified, eyes avoiding.
And many other entities, as if the number was infinite; all eyes were looking at him.
Aoto seemed frozen. His throat dry. His feet could no longer move.
A smallest mirror shard floated closest to him. Inside was the image of Aoto with a pensive look, thinking about something.
He glanced down, but at this moment, there was only confusion. His breathing was a bit rapid.
Then a whisper rang out, though unclear from where or from whom:
"We are all real... and all are here."
Like a gust of wind passing through. The broken mirror pieces fell to the mirror surface below in a blink, this time truly shattering into glass powder and vanishing.
Aoto stood there, saying nothing.
He felt his chest grow a bit heavy.
Not because the images he just saw were too horrific, but because… he knew, they were all him.
The maze returned to silence; Aoto still stood there motionless, hearing only his own breathing.
"They are me?"
He shook his head slightly.
"No... those are like my various layers of emotions."
"So what does it mean?"
He walked and thought.
"Why at this current moment? I feel like the core issue isn't solving a conventional maze anymore. I feel like I'm solving the very knots inside myself."
He seemed to realize something. His teeth bit into one side of his lip.
"Huh?... but if it's like that... does it mean I don't understand my own self?"
Aoto walked, turned to the right, and looked at the reflections in the mirror following his walking action. He stared at each step.
"Am I being lost before my own emotions?"
Aoto's eyes seemed to sink somewhere further than this corridor.
Footsteps still echoed. Now there was no longer a feeling of fear, only a silence that seemed to stretch forever.
He turned left according to the old rule.
The moment he stepped past the bend, a mirror appeared. Different from before, the entity this time was already standing in the mirror, the moment he appeared.
Aoto froze.
That entity did not look straight at him, but was lifting its head, eyes half-closed as if listening to something inside the mirror. A strange look of concentration.
Aoto quietly approached.
Without needing him to ask, the entity's mouth moved:
"When you doubt the least… that is when you are closest to the truth."
It finished speaking, and its eyes slowly opened and looked straight at Aoto.
For the first time, Aoto felt as if he were being seen through entirely.
He stood silent, frowning and looking back at it.
"So I am getting close?... Close to what?"
But the entity did not answer anymore. It gradually faded, like a layer of mist slowly dissolving, leaving no ripples.
Aoto stood still.
A long breath, then a silent heartbeat.
He turned his head again and continued to walk.
"The truth? What thing right now do I doubt the least?"
While walking, he muttered it over and over in his mouth, making his lips a bit dry.
"At times like this, it's best not to think to avoid a headache. Best for now is just to synthesize it all in my head to avoid forgetting."
He seemed to realize something, eyebrows furrowing, face a bit grumpy; a strange feeling made him feel uncomfortable.
"Could it be... me?"
When the information was synthesized. This time... he could not help but think.
"Looking closely now, I only doubted the entities, but I never doubted myself. Meanwhile, the words of the entities are continuously suggesting to me."
Aoto felt a bit tired; he sat down and leaned his back against a mirror, which brought a pleasant sensation after walking for a long stretch without rest. His gaze pointed forward, where another mirror was reflecting him sitting.
Staring at the reflection in the mirror.
"Myself?... I never doubted myself."
"..."
"I always thought… I was a normal person. Someone with nothing deep."
"But could it be… exactly because I didn't doubt that… that I never understood what I am?"
Aoto suddenly felt a chill down his spine. Not because the corridor was cold, but because that very thought just passed through his mind like a long black shadow, formless.
Feeling a bit of a stiff neck, he looked up at the ceiling, mouth still muttering a few sentences. His head was already leaning against the mirror surface.
"It's because I...."
Before he could finish the sentence, he froze. The ceiling at some point had become mirrors, and above was an entity that seemed to be standing upside down on the ceiling and looking down, head pointing downward as if there were no gravity. Not like other reflections where he was sitting.
The entity stared at him; his eyes seemed frozen, he frowned, wanting to know what was next, but also had a bit of worry.
The two stared at each other.
Aoto swallowed and intended to speak. But this entity did not need him to ask; its lips moved.
"It's speaking right away?"
"You have always listened... but never admitted."
That sentence had no sound. But it echoed in Aoto, so clear it could almost be touched.
Aoto held his breath. His chest tightened. A feeling of being seen through, not by eyes, but by the truth.
He intended to speak, but didn't have time.
The entity began to… melt.
Not vanishing like all previous entities. Instead, each drop of its reflection fell from the ceiling, like drops of thick black mercury, falling through the air and hitting the floor around him, with no sound, no reaction force. They seemed to want to avoid him and only fell around.
Aoto stared at the streaks on the ceiling, as if his own thoughts were being laid bare, peeled layer by layer. And as if nothing was covered, something was flowing out.
And then, the entity on the ceiling completely vanished. The ceiling returned to being a mirror surface, nothing more.
Aoto bowed his head, gaze dazed.
He whispered:
"…I heard them, from the very beginning… from the first entity…"
"…But I only saw them as things different from me…"
"…No, they are me. I am them."
As the words finished, Aoto felt his body grow a bit lighter, as if an invisible thread had just been cut.
His left hand reached up and brushed back the hair on the left side of his head.
"I should have realized from the start, shouldn't I? From the moment I saw the line in my eye... I should have realized by then, shouldn't I?"
His voice was clearer now:
"All are real, and are me; I am Aoto."
No confirmation from the outside was needed. No light blooming or echoing sound.
But at that moment, the mirror surface in front of him began to ripple, like a still water surface just touched by someone.
Aoto did not stand up immediately. He sat there for a while, leaning his back against the mirror behind, eyes still not leaving the mirror in front. But his gaze now no longer held confusion or doubt.
Only composure.
He slowly stood up, not rushing, taking steps that were now light as feathers like his heart. Standing before the mirror. A hand reached out, lightly touching the rippling mirror surface.
Cold. But not terrifying; he stepped into the mirror as if it were a door.
The outlook changed.
The space behind him gradually vanished. Aoto stepped out of the maze… without ever leaving himself.