My name is Kang Tae-hyuk.
Twenty-three years old
Unemployed
Virgin
Last achievement: reached Diamond IV in Solo Rank after 2,800 games (still got hardstuck)
Current net worth: 47,000 won (mostly in 1,000 won bills hidden in old game card sleeves)
And today… I died
Not in a cool way like sacrificing myself to save the world or getting betrayed by my best friend in a dramatic rooftop scene
I slipped on spilled ramyeon soup in front of a convenience store at 3:17 AM while trying to open a door with my shoulder because both hands were holding Cup Ramen + cola + two corn dogs
Thu
Crac
Darkness
When I opened my eyes again, I was lying on cracked asphalt under a blood-red sky
「Welcome, Player Kang Tae-hyuk
「You have been selected for the 0.0000007% chance『Irregular Transmigration – Forced Entry』
「Main System forcibly activated due to death outside designated world parameters
A blue window floated in front of my face like an aggressive pop-up ad
「Would you like to view your Status?
"...Do I look like I have a choice?
『Status Window
┌───────────────────────────────
│ Name: Kang Tae-hyuk
│ Age: 23 → 17 (body reset)
│ Title: None
│ Rank: SSS (Provisional)
│ Class: [Locked – Error]
│ Unique Authority: ???
│ Special Trait: "I Just Wanted To Eat Ramyeon In Peace" (EX)
└───────────────────────────────
"SSS? Provisional? What kind of scam is this—
The window suddenly flickered violently
「Alert! Rank collision detected!
「Existing world laws attempting to downgrade rank to F~A
「Authority 'Irregular' has refused
「Authority 'Middle Finger to Causality' has refused
「Authority 'Author's Pet Syndrome (Self-Inflicted)' has refused
「Rank stabilization in progress…
「SSS rank has been forcibly maintained
I stared at the window for a good ten seconds
"...System-nim, are you okay?
『System is experiencing an existential crisis
『Please do not ask stupid questions for 5 minutes
A new window appeared — this time blood red
[Absolute Authority – 'Rewrite Privilege' has awakened
Rank: EX (Cannot be measured, cannot be sealed, cannot be stolen
Effect: You may overwrite any single 'fact' about yourself or the world once per day
Cooldown resets at 00:00 system time
Penalty for abuse: Mild headache + 300% increase in female aggro for 24 hour
I slowly raised my hand
"So… I can just write 'I am invincible'?
『Warning: The universe has a sense of humor
『Previous user who wrote "I am invincible" is currently a slime in the 87th layer of the Abyss
"...Okay, noted.
I looked around
Ruined city
Black rain falling upwards
Giant skeletons the size of apartments walking in the distance
A girl with pure white hair and a sword bigger than her body currently getting surrounded by six-armed demons
She looked like the classic "final boss disguised as heroine" template
I sighed
"System.
『Yes, tragic protagonist-nim?
"Show me the skill list.
A golden window exploded open
[SSS-rank Unique Skill Tree – Incomplete & Extremely Problematic Edition
One Punch Theory (Lv. ???
→ Any attack with the intention to "finish it in one hit" will deal damage proportional to [how done you are with this bullshit
Main Character Aura (Passive – MAX
→ The more unreasonable your survival is, the more people will be convinced you're the chosen on
Villain Gacha (Active
→ Summons a completely random villain who will 100% try to kill you
→ Chance to summon useful villains increases the more you piss off the world
"Nah, I'd Win" (Instant Cast
→ When activated, next 7 seconds: you cannot lose
→ After 7 seconds: physics remembers you exist again (very violently
EX: "Hold my Corn Dog" (Ultimate
→ Temporarily turns all stats into [???
→ Side effect: everything within 500m radius will hear you say "Hold my corn dog" in their mind
I stared at the skill list for a long time
Then I looked at the white-haired girl who was about to get bisected
Then back at the skills
"...System.
『Yes?
"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?
『With 99.999999% certainty
I cracked my neck
"Alright then.
I raised my hand toward the sky
And with the most dead-inside expression possible, I muttered
「Hold my corn dog.
The world went quiet for a second
Then
BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM—!!
A pillar of pure chaotic nonsense erupted from my body
All six-armed demons instantly turned into fine red mist
The giant skeletons in the distance tripped over their own femurs
The white-haired girl's sword stopped mid-swing
She slowly turned her head toward me
Her eyes were shaking
"...Who… the hell… are you?
I scratched the back of my head, still holding an imaginary corn dog
"Uh… just a guy who wanted to eat ramyeon in peace.
A beat of silence
Then she muttered, almost against her will
"...Bullshit.
And that's how I, Kang Tae-hyuk
the most pathetic human to ever receive SSS-rank
began the most unreasonable journey in the history of all transmigration stories. ,,":."."...!—.」:.".』"』"...s]))e)du)e)])]."』"...."』』".s..)].』』".」」」」」」」."┘│││││││┐』"」.」」」..kd.....e journey in the history of all transmigration stories.