Uchiha Ran had always felt there were two kinds of things in this world that he found especially unbearable.
The first was this:
Both sides clearly saw everything—yet only I get beaten up.
The second was:
Dirty old men sneaking around to peek into women's bathhouses.
Two days after his encounter with Tsunade, Ran still hadn't heard any news about her officially returning to the village. Curious, he wandered around Konoha to see if he could catch any clues.
And that stroll—
Oh boy.
It was worth it.
Because aside from Tsunade, another person who almost never came back to Konoha had also returned.
Jiraiya.
How did Ran know?
Because while passing by the bathhouse, he spotted a highly distinctive silhouette.
At the entrance of Mishi-juku Bath, Ran saw a tall man wearing a forehead protector marked with the kanji Oil. Long white hair cascaded all the way down to his waist. He wore a red outer robe over a tea-colored outfit, wooden geta on his feet, ninja guards on his arms, and a massive scroll strapped to his back.
"Jiraiya's back…" Ran thought.
"Then doesn't that mean the Three Sannin are basically all here now?"
That was his first reaction.
So Ran casually had dinner nearby—and then waited.
Jiraiya, self-proclaimed Toad Sage, spent most of his life traveling the world, "gathering material" and searching for the Child of Prophecy. Hearing that the borders were becoming unstable, he immediately returned to Konoha.
After years away, he felt his understanding of the village might be outdated.
Thus, before night fully fell, he made a very reasonable decision—
To conduct field research at the women's bathhouse and observe how Konoha had changed over the years.
When darkness settled over the village, Jiraiya quietly arrived near the bathhouse.
Moving like a ghost, he hid in the shadows outside, eyes fixed on a softly glowing window.
Through it, he could see steam rising gently, curling upward like mist in a dreamscape.
This was a public hot spring.
Female villagers entered one after another, bodies bare, chatting softly among themselves.
Jiraiya stared at their pale figures, desire and excitement welling up inside him.
Amazing… absolutely amazing.
That forbidden thrill—this was the good stuff.
Just then, one of the kunoichi bathing inside seemed to sense something off.
She immediately glanced toward the window—but failed to spot Jiraiya.
Jiraiya realized he might have almost been discovered and felt a hint of embarrassment.
He was just about to leave—
Then changed his mind.
Just a little longer…
The kunoichi, after checking the window, didn't find anything. However, she seemed to recall hearing that someone had returned to the village. Finishing her bath quickly, she left.
Jiraiya remained crouched there, still peeking.
At this point, Ran couldn't watch anymore.
Big guy. Upright-looking. Even kind of heroic at first glance.
So why insist on doing something this shameless?
"I can't see it—so you don't get to either."
No, wait.
Correction:
"I, Uchiha Ran, was born upright and honorable. I refuse to allow such shameless behavior to exist in Konoha!"
With that righteous conviction, Ran walked up behind the crouching Jiraiya and lightly patted him on the shoulder.
"Wait, wait—don't rush me," Jiraiya whispered impatiently. "Let me finish watching first."
He clearly thought Ran was a fellow connoisseur trying to steal his prime viewing spot.
Hopeless.
Ran truly didn't understand.
One of the legendary Sannin—this was his level? Even looking at women, he had to sneak around?
If I told you I bathed in the same pool as Tsunade and we saw everything, what kind of face would you make?
"Hey, uncle," Ran said coldly. "I'm from the Uchiha Police Force. Your behavior constitutes sexual harassment. Please come with me."
He gave Jiraiya a merciless sneer.
Jiraiya: ...(?д?)b
"The Uchiha Police Force?" Jiraiya blinked. "Since when do they handle this?"
Had he been gone from Konoha for too long?
Did Sensei really give the Uchiha authority over this too?
"Do you know who I am?" Jiraiya asked curiously.
Of course I know who you are, Ran thought—but he didn't say it.
Instead, he replied sternly,
"I don't care who you are. Even if you're a close relative of the Third Hokage, if you're caught committing an illegal act, you're going to the Police Force for questioning."
As if a switch had been flipped, Jiraiya suddenly flashed in front of Ran.
He leapt up, his wooden sandals clacking together midair, hair flying dramatically as he struck a flamboyant pose.
"Well said!" he declared loudly.
"The title of Toad Sage is merely a name I hide from the world!
The one who wanders without north or south, unmatched under heaven—
One of the Legendary Three Ninja, the White-Haired Prodigy!
The Mystic Toad Immortal of Mount Myōboku!
I am—Jiraiya, the Toad Sage!"
"…So you are Jiraiya, the Sannin famous alongside Orochimaru-sensei?" Ran said flatly.
"But honestly, you look more like a pervert."
No mercy whatsoever.
"Wait—what's your name?" Jiraiya asked sharply. "And what did you just call Orochimaru? You said he's your teacher?"
"I'm Uchiha Ran of the Uchiha clan," Ran replied coldly.
"And even if you're trying to get friendly, I will not let a bathhouse peeper go. Yes—Orochimaru-sensei is my teacher."
Jiraiya fell silent.
So after the Nawaki incident… Orochimaru actually took in an Uchiha as a disciple?
He felt genuinely happy for his old friend.
Unfortunately, he had zero interest in visiting an Uchiha Police Force holding cell.
"Is there… any chance you could let this slide?" Jiraiya asked. "I didn't do anything that harmed Konoha, right?"
Ran's reply was ice-cold.
"Lord Jiraiya, you were caught in the act. Please come with me.
And let me make this clear—anyone caught peeking will be brought to justice by me, Uchiha Ran."
This kid was stubborn to the core.
And worse—he was an Uchiha.
Fine, Jiraiya sighed inwardly. I'll give Orochimaru some face.
"Alright, alright," he said casually. "Uchiha Ran—Orochimaru's disciple. I admit I was wrong. Please forgive me this once."
The apology sounded anything but sincere.
Ran didn't care.
He simply asked,
"And what if I catch you peeking again next time?"
"Then handle it officially," Jiraiya replied without hesitation.
"If you catch me again, throw me into the Police Force for re-education."
He looked completely unconcerned.
Next time is next time.
Beep.
Under Jiraiya's stunned gaze, Ran held up a pen-like device and explained calmly:
"There. Now we have your recorded confession, Lord Jiraiya."
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