I stood by the edge of the turquoise pool, the roar of the waterfall acting like nature's white noise. I needed a scrub down, but I wasn't about to use a rock and some river silt. I pulled out the phone, the screen glowing even in the bright noon sun.
[Item: Modern Luxury Hygiene Kit (Standard Bundle)]
Contents: 1x Ocean Mist Shampoo, 1x Sandalwood Bar Soap, 1x Microfiber 'Fluffy' Towel, 1x Sonic Toothbrush & Mint Toothpaste.Price: 2 VP
"Two points? That's cheaper than a bag of chips. This system clearly prioritizes smelling good over eating well," I muttered. Click.
The items materialized in a shower of blue pixels. I spent the next hour under the thundering spray of the waterfall. The 'Ocean Mist' shampoo felt like a literal blessing after days of sweat and soot. I scrubbed until my skin was pink, brushed my teeth until my breath smelled like a mountain glacier, and finally stepped out, drying off with the microfiber towel that sucked up water like a thirsty sponge.
I pulled on my new gear: a clean, high-quality linen tunic Elsa had snagged, paired with a set of rugged, multi-pocket cargo pants I'd managed to find in the "Bottom Tier" of the Smithy's stock. I laced up my clean boots and threw the 'God-Skin' jacket over my shoulders.
I walked back to the camp, feeling like a new man. I felt light. I felt clean. I felt… Sassier.
The moment I stepped into the clearing, the conversation stopped. It didn't just stop; it died a sudden, violent death.
Herbert, who was sharpening his sword, froze mid-stroke. He took a long, deep sniff of the air, his eyes widening to the size of saucers. "By the Ancestors… the air around you. It feels… charged." He gripped his sword, and his face went pale. "Master Art… my mana… just by standing near you, the circulation in my veins has doubled. What is that scent? Is it the Essence of the Great Blue Sea?"
"It's called 'Shampoo,' Herbert. Don't let it go to your head," I said, smirking.
But then there was Elsa. She was looking at me with an expression that went beyond admiration. It was a look of pure, unadulterated sensory overload. To her, a High Elf with a nose for magic, I didn't just smell "good"—I probably smelled like a concentrated forest after a thunderstorm.
"Art…" she whispered, her voice breathy. "Your hair. It's… it's shimmering. The scent is unlike any flower in this realm."
Before I could activate my "Don't-Touch-The-Socially-Anxious-Genius" shield, she was there. She was naive, driven by her elven instincts for pure things. She reached out and gathered a lock of my damp hair in her hands.
She leaned in. I felt the warmth of her breath against my neck. I felt the soft pressure of her chest against my back as she leaned forward to take a deep, lingering inhale. My heart rate spiked to about 180 BPM. My vision started to swim with the familiar "I'm-about-to-faint" black spots.
But then, the blue screen flickered in the corner of my eye.
[NOTIFICATION: ELVEN ADORATION DETECTED! +20 VP!]
[TOTAL BALANCE: 168 VP] (Note: Arthur started with 150VP, spent 2VP on the kit, and gained 20VP).
The surge of points acted like a shot of adrenaline. Instead of falling over like a sack of potatoes, I stood my ground. I even let out a soft, confident hum, leaning back ever-so-slightly into her touch.
"Careful, Elsa," I said, my voice dropping an octave into a smooth, manly rasp. "If you get too close, you might get addicted to the 'Divine Scent.' And I don't give out free samples twice."
She pulled back, her face turning a shade of red that would have put a tomato to shame, but her eyes were still locked on mine with a dizzying level of worship.
"It is... a scent from the Heavens," she stammered, clutching her hands to her chest.
Barnaby snorted from the fire, though he looked impressed. "If we're done smelling the scholar, we should move. We have two more hamlets to pass before nightfall, and I'd rather not be on the road when the sun goes down."
"But the view is so nice! We should stay a little longer." I stood there, towel draped over my shoulder like a king of the locker room, holding out the plastic containers with the casual air of a guy offering a stick of gum.
"This," I said, holding up the bar of Safeguard Anti-Bacterial, "is soap. You lather it with water, scrub your skin, and it kills things you can't even see. In my village, we call them 'germs.' In your tongue, let's just call them 'the invisible gunk that makes you smell like a wet dog or maybe curse.'"
They stared at the yellow bar like it was a carved gemstone. Then I held up the green bottle of Sunsilk. Elsa's eyes practically turned into hearts. She took the bottle from me as if I were handing her a dragon's egg, cradling it with a level of reverence that was frankly embarrassing. "This is for hair."
They all looked at me.
"Go," I waved them toward the waterfall. "Get in. Scrub. Don't drink the bubbles."
Elsa was gone in a blur of green silk. Thirty minutes later, she emerged from behind the mist, and I actually had to squint. She didn't just look clean; she looked like she'd been photoshopped. Her rainbow hair wasn't just colors anymore; it was radiant, flowing like liquid silk over her shoulders. She was practically vibrating.
"Art!" she cried, rushing over, her scent now a mix of 'Floral Spring' and pure magic. "My skin… it breathes! And the mana… I feel a breakthrough! The circle in my core that has been dormant since my academy days just… shattered! I can feel the wind spirits whispering again!"
Barnaby and Herbert didn't wait. They dived into the pool like two massive boulders. Ten minutes of aggressive splashing later, they climbed out, grinning like idiots.
"Master Art," Herbert rumbled, his voice shaking with emotion. "I have fought in the Great Dungeons, I have bathed in the healing springs of the High Elves… but I have never felt this… pure."
I handed my microfiber towel to Herbert. He touched the soft, white fabric and gasped. "What manner of loom birthed this? It's softer than a cloud's underbelly!"
But the real "Wow" moment came from Barnaby. He was blinking, his milky, blind eye darting around. "Art… the mist. I can see the mist. The grey is… fading. I can see the color of the trees again."
I gawked. "Wait, what? It's just soap and a towel! It's not a miracle cure! It's literally for getting rid of body odor!"
Barnaby dropped to one knee, his head bowed so low it touched the damp grass. "To you, it is a tool of the everyday. To us, it is a Divine Purification. You have washed away the rot of our failures, Art. I am forever in your debt."
I felt a lump in my throat. I'm a 70-year-old soul in a 20-year-old body, and seeing a tough man like Barnaby break down over a bar of Safeguard was a bit much for my cynical heart. I needed to break the tension, and I needed to do it with sugar.
"Alright, alright, enough with the waterworks," I sassed, pulling out my phone. "You guys did a good job today. Here's a little something for the road. Consider it a 'Divine Reward' for not drowning."
[Item: Assorted Jumbo Lollipops & Rainbow Drops]
[Price: 5 VP]
[Remaining Balance: 163 VP]