When you travel with people encompass in the same vacinity, there are do many conflicting emotions you will be experiencing. The most is that it will be good except for the moment when you began to feel left out in most of the things you do.
How do you find interest in things most find amusing? What do you do when will they do doesn't interest you but it's all for the same interest and belief?
So many things happen that we can't explain and when we try to explain, so many people think you are crazy and most think that you are joking - the funny one - but a dozen of them peg you as the outcast.
I have seen and heard many things in this my new twenty two years that I've and still am alive. But it doesn't matter, it all makes you better. Some makes you stronger but it all depends on how you view look and think and comprehend things.
In times such as this, I just keep mute and be supportive. I smile enough so as not to poke out weirdness from any side. I talk not much, just enough to remove prying eyes off me. I join their activities - though albeit - to show to them that I am still with them.
I truly do not know what's wrong with me. I surely don't know why I act the way I act or behave the way I behave. Certainly don't know why few things interest me and bazillion doesn't. But all I know is that I am always happy with what I'm already used to.
One thing I know for sure is that you can't find me wanting because I'm busy socializing for anyone to notice.
But to be sincere, I have my preferences which I think sometimes are a bit much and uncall for. I prefer - sometimes - a sad song for a happy mood; sometimes a happy song when I'm angry; most times I prefer songs that don't have anything in common with what I'm currently feeling.
Sometimes I need the lyrics more than the meaning, most times the song to the lyrics. Most of the time, I prefer to be assured, some with a warm hug, some yelling at me, some don't talk about what just happened.
All I'm saying is, you can prefer different things when you're with people, but you don't have to be overly, OVERLY be selfish. Try to work with others. Or try to be you without making others feel bad or uncomfortable to have you join them.
Look, when I'm with others for instance, I don't talk quickly or take the spot from others. I try to work alongside them to see a common goal is achieved. I may not enjoy myself entirely, but I won't be alone.
Look at it this way, I am a loner who is pretty good at being alone. That is, I talk a bit much so others won't term me as 'an outcast', I associate enough to be tagged 'normal' and be a bit quiet to be term 'a good listener.'
In the end, ask yourself this; what did you achieve today? how did you achieve it? what did you gain in achieving it? did you break any bridges just to achieve?
Bridges? Yes bridges! Most times everyone wants to make oneself happy and accomplished while we remain oblivious to the feelings of people around us. Don't worry, this is a topic for discussion which is better kept for another day just to have it in details.
Now, back to our main course of discussion (sorry for the deviation, it was necessary), I'm different than I thought I was myself. But I don't make my friends sweat because me. Neither do I give them a hard time in dealing with me. That's why I have few friends to condole and have to share my life with.
Either way, the few friend I have understood me well and we flow together.
Now, let me fill you in. I am a lady who loves and loves with her while being. But I love the ones who don't love me back and the loves who loves me, I don't love them back.
There are so many things about me that even I don't quite understand, but I'm quitting now from finding out who truly I am apart from who God wants me to be.
I have my calling, but don't get me wrong, I will be married to a guy who I need to be sure will be able to handle me and I him.
To achieve this, I need to know why, and when because I'm a hell of work to do.
P.S.: Don't expect any intimacy details from me, but my life's story. Don't judge me, because I won't judge you too. That's why I'm different, belief it or not, I still am.