Chapter 12: Escape
Shinji seemed oblivious to the argument between the two women. His gaze, as if drawn by a magnet, remained fixed on the cold figure in the control room above.
He lifted his head, his voice soft yet piercingly clear through the hangar's silence:
"Is this the real reason you called me here? To pilot this... thing and fight that world-destroying monster outside?"
Gendo finally looked up from the data screen, peering down through the cold glass at his son, the corners of his mouth curling into that heart-stopping cold smile once more:
"Correct!"
"I refuse!" Shinji's voice suddenly rose sharply.
A decade of suppressed rage erupted like a volcano! No longer hiding, no longer restraining himself, he pointed at Gendo, each word squeezed through gritted teeth, filled with bitter hatred:
"You! Said! You! Didn't! Need! Me! When you abandoned me like trash at the train station ten years ago! Why didn't you say you needed me then?! When you ignored me completely these past ten years! Why didn't you say you needed me?!"
Gendo's voice remained icy and steady, completely unruffled: "I called you here precisely because you are needed."
"Why me?!" Shinji screamed, his eyes bloodshot. "Why does it have to be me?! What about others?!"
"Because others cannot do it." Gendo's reply was chillingly succinct.
"Hah! Can't do it?" Shinji laughed in furious disbelief, his voice trembling with emotion. "This thing I've never even heard of or seen before! And you expect me to pilot it right away?! How is that even possible?! Huh?!"
"Go receive the briefing." Gendo's reply remained cold and dismissive, as if dealing with a petulant child.
Those words ignited all the accumulated grievances, rage, and despair in Shinji's heart!
"Receive the briefing?! What a simple and direct answer!"
He took a sharp step forward, tilting his head back, unleashing a decade of blood-soaked accusations at his high and mighty father: "Then let me ask you!"
"Gendo Ikari! By what authority are you ordering me to do this?!"
"As a father?!"
"That 'father' who abandoned his five-year-old son alone in a chaotic, noisy train station, then turned and walked away without ever looking back?!"
"That 'father' who made me wait foolishly in a cold, empty house until sunrise the next day, only to be collected by a group of strange relatives?!"
"That 'father' who vanished without a trace for ten years, letting me live as an orphan?!"
"How dare you now?! What right do you have?! To use a flippant 'you're needed' and send me to pilot this monster to my death?!!!"
Shinji's roar echoed through the massive hangar, carrying the hoarseness of adolescence and bone-deep agony. Each word struck like a hammer, hitting everyone present right in the heart.
Misato trembled inside, watching the thin, shaking boy erupt with astonishing power, as if seeing her own helpless, crying younger self under her father's shadow.
She could picture that small figure waiting alone at the train station, could feel the chilling despair of ten years living under someone else's roof. Overwhelming sympathy and heartache nearly drowned her.
Gendo's glasses reflected a glaring white light under the lamps, completely obscuring his eyes.
He listened to his son's hoarse, vehement accusations, his face remaining utterly expressionless as if hearing a story unrelated to himself. Only when Shinji's questioning ceased did he slowly speak, his voice as piercingly cold as a Siberian gale:
"Do it if you can."
He paused, each word like an icicle:
"If you don't want to, then get out!"
Dead silence.
Absolute dead silence.
The entire Unit-01 hangar was left with only the faint hum of operating instruments and distant, muffled alarm sounds. All staff in orange work suits halted their tasks, their complex gazes fixed on the platform where the father and son stood like sworn enemies. The air seemed to solidify into heavy lead.
Misato opened her mouth but found her throat blocked, unable to utter a single word.
Watching Shinji's flushed cheeks from extreme anger and pain, seeing the nearly burning hatred in his eyes, she could only worryingly clench her fists.
Ritsuko sighed helplessly at the frozen deadlock. She understood that the ice between this father and son could never be melted by words alone.
Time was pressing; she had to break the impasse.
"Get in, Shinji-kun." Ritsuko's voice carried a trace of barely detectable weariness, but more than that, an undeniable resolve. "There's no time."
However, Shinji merely swept a cold glance at Ritsuko with those fiery eyes. His gaze was filled with disappointment, mockery, and finality.
Then, he turned abruptly!
Without hesitation, without any lingering attachment, he strode directly toward the passage gate he had come from! His back was straight, yet it radiated a profound loneliness and determination of one abandoned by the entire world.
"Shinji! Wait!" Misato snapped out of her daze, her heart lurching violently! Almost instinctively, she reached out and tightly grabbed his wrist as he passed by!
"Shinji!" Misato's voice was urgent and pleading as she pulled the boy toward her, forcing him to turn and face her.
"Think! Think about why you came here in the first place?!" Her gaze locked firmly onto Shinji's eyes, full of resistance and pain, her voice unconsciously softening with empathetic persuasion:
"Don't think about running away from your father! More importantly... don't run away from yourself!"
These words seemed directed at Shinji, yet also at her past self who had chosen to escape from her own father.
If she hadn't run away back then... would the outcome have been different? She didn't want to see Shinji repeat her mistakes, leaving behind irreparable regrets.
Professionally, as NERV's Chief of Operations, she had to make Shinji stay and pilot the Evangelion to fight the Angel.
Personally, seeing this boy who bore similar scars to her own, she couldn't stand by and watch him leave with even deeper hatred and pain.
Shinji's body, held back by Misato, came to a stop.
He lowered his head, his gaze complex as he looked at Misato's hand tightly gripping his wrist, then slowly raised his eyes to meet hers—filled with anxiety, sympathy, pleading... and a trace of something deeper, barely perceptible.
He knew.
Being familiar with the storyline, he understood all too well.
While Misato genuinely sympathized with his situation, her motives were equally mixed with the selfish desire to use him against the Angels and avenge her relatives lost in the Second Impact.
Her plea for him to stay wasn't pure.
This insight made Shinji's eyes grow even more obscure and unreadable.
In the control room, Gendo watched the two struggling figures below with cold indifference.
His face showed no expression, as if observing an irrelevant farce. Picking up the communicator, he issued an icy command:
"Fuyutsuki, wake Rei."
From the other end, Kōzō Fuyutsuki's voice carried clear hesitation and concern: "But... Rei's physical condition..."
"She's not dead!" Gendo interrupted Fuyutsuki coldly, without a trace of emotion, his tone as flat as if describing the state of an object.
These utterly frigid words clearly echoed throughout the entire hangar through the speakers!
Like the sharpest ice pick, they brutally pierced everyone's eardrums!
Shinji jolted violently! Though he knew Gendo would say this, hearing him speak about Rei Ayanami—who in some sense was an "extension" of his mother—in such an inhuman tone... an indescribable nausea and rage instantly surged up his throat!
The communication screen quickly switched.
A pristine white hospital room appeared on the monitor.
A slender figure lay on the sickbed, body wrapped in thick bandages, with a pale, nearly transparent face devoid of color beneath short blue hair. It was Rei Ayanami.
"Rei." Gendo's cold voice sounded in the hospital room.
"...Yes." An extremely weak response came, so faint it seemed it might cease at any moment, yet carrying absolute obedience.
"The reserve can't be used. Do it again." Gendo's command was brief and cruel.
"...Yes." Rei showed no hesitation, still responding in that weak yet mechanically compliant voice.
Witnessing this scene, Ritsuko's face instantly turned extremely grim.
A flash of pain and anger crossed her eyes as she remembered someone entrusting her to look after this girl within her capabilities.
She turned abruptly, no longer watching the control room or paying attention to Shinji and Misato on the platform, sharply commanding through the communication channel:
"Immediately switch Unit-01's system to Rei Ayanami's compatibility mode! Restart the program!" Her voice carried the decisiveness and resolution of someone pushed to the brink. After issuing the command, she strode quickly toward the control console without looking back.
In some aspects, her decisiveness was even more transparent and direct than Misato's.
"Understood! Changing pilot operation program! Preparing for restart!" Maya Ibuki at the control console promptly responded.
Misato looked at Rei's frail figure on the screen that seemed ready to vanish at any moment, then at Gendo's inhumanly cold profile, before finally turning to Shinji beside her—his eyes complex and silent.
Her heart was torn by conflicting emotions and anguish.
Finally, she cast a deep, helpless glance at Shinji, her fingers that had been tightly gripping his wrist slowly loosening one by one.
She said nothing more, only turned silently with eyes full of worry and powerlessness, walking in the direction Ritsuko had departed.
Heavy footsteps echoed through the empty hangar.
Icy red alarm lights abruptly illuminated, spinning to dye the entire platform in an ominous blood-colored glow.
The massive gate slowly opened before Shinji, revealing the dark passageway beyond.
The light from the passage illuminated the boy's solitary figure standing alone in the red glow.
Before him lay the path of departure.
Behind him stood the purple giant locked in Restraints, the ice-sculpture-like father in the control room, and the approaching Rei Ayanami.
He had to leave quickly—he understood that certain aspects of human nature would always be his greatest weakness, and Gendo Ikari was the master of manipulating hearts.
The entire world seemed to have shrunk until only he remained.
***
A/N: Some might find this similar to the original plot. In truth, what I wish to express is that this Shinji Ikari is indeed the Shinji from the original story—equally abandoned by his father for ten years, seeking the same answers the original Shinji longed to ask. The only difference is that this Shinji possesses a more mature soul, one that won't excessively sink into escapism, dependency, or the desperate search for validation and self-worth.