The silence was deep, like the ocean. But for the first time, it didn't feel suffocating. It carried something lighter—something close to recovery.
We sat together until dawn. When the sky finally began to pale, we stood and walked back toward our homes without saying much.
The wall I had been trying to build had cracked.
I couldn't keep it up anymore.
When I reached home, my skin felt warm—for the first time in twelve years. I had been noticed. Needed. The feeling lingered as I changed into my uniform, brushed my teeth, and ate my usual breakfast of stale bread. Somehow, it tasted sweeter than it ever had.
The sunlight through the window looked brighter.
More yellow.
At school, the crowd felt different. I still kept my head down, but it felt like people could see me now, really see me. I sat at my desk in the corner, as always.
After a while, Tsukiakari came in and took the seat beside me.
Cold stares followed. Whispers too—quiet, but sharp enough to cut. I was used to them. Tsukiakari acted as if she didn't hear anything. She laughed softly, tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and kept talking to me like nothing was wrong.
I didn't reply.
But this time, I was smiling.
A smile I didn't try to suppress.
Mrs. Kouya entered the classroom and greeted us, and the lesson began. The words blurred together, just like always. Yet somehow, I remembered every single thing she said.
After school, Tsukiakari asked me to go with her to her favorite place.
I felt the eyes on us immediately. Watching. Judging.
I hesitated.
She took my hand and started running.
I couldn't say no anymore.
No, that wasn't it.
I didn't want to say no.
Even though something inside me still resisted, I wanted her to be part of my life.
On Gekko Bridge, outside the village near the forest, we finally slowed down. There was no one around. Just the sound of wind through the trees and the faint rush of water below.
For the first time in longer than I could remember, I started a conversation. My voice trembled.
"Ahh… so where are we going?"
She turned toward me, tilting her head to the left, her hair falling with the motion. Smiling, she said, "Just trust me on this one. C'mon, follow me! Pick up the pace!"
She started running again, my hand still in hers. Before I realized it, I was chasing after her.
"Stop—slow down!" I shouted.
Eventually, we reached a river deep in the woods. The sound of flowing water was calming. The air smelled fresh, like rain had just passed through.
It felt like a place meant to sooth both body and soul.
Suddenly, Tsukiakari grabbed a rope tied to an old tree branch. She swung across and landed easily on the other side.
"C'mon, Shin!" she called. "It's your turn!"
I froze.
"No—that's dangerous. Come back!"
She laughed. "What? A kid who was trying to die is afraid now?"
"C'mon—don't be a scaredy-cat!"
"Come on, or I'm going alone!"
I sighed.
There was no winning against her.
I grabbed the rope and swung, my eyes squeezed shut. "If I die, it's on you this time," I muttered.
I reached the other side, but I forgot to jump with my eyes closed.
"Jump, dummy!" she shouted.
I opened my eyes and let go.
I landed badly, falling back and hitting the ground hard.
She burst out laughing.
My face burned red. "C'mon, it ain't that funny!"
"It is!" she said, still laughing. "Now come on—let's go!"
We went deeper into the woods.
Then I saw it.
A field of white dandelions stretched out before us, so vast it felt like you could drown in it. Tsukiakari stood in the center, facing me, her head tilted slightly to the right.
The air moved.
Her hair flowed, painting the blue sky yellow. White dandelions drifted around her. Her sapphire-blue eyes reflected the sunlight.
At that moment, I thought I saw an angel.
A beauty so overwhelming it could steal your life.
And without realizing it, I whispered
"Yes, Now I'm afraid to die."