◆◆
His hair spilled down in front of me. A soft scent of vanilla drifted through the air. It felt as though my heart were calming. Our lips slowly parted. Long lashes falling downward, eyes that seemed to hold light within them, moist and full lips. Without realizing it, my hand reached toward that delicate face. He was beautiful. I wanted to touch him.
"We seem to have quite a lot in common."
He covered the hand that had been touching him with his own.
"Don't you feel wronged, Seonmi?"
He pulled my hand and slid it inside the waistband of his trousers. When I flinched and tried to withdraw my hand, he pushed it deeper until his hardness inevitably pressed against my palm.
"Like a rose blooming in mud. So beautiful like this, yet trampled by
people simply because it bloomed in mud. How unfair that life must be." He continued speaking calmly, but my mind was filled only with the heat of him against my hand. I slowly closed and opened my eyes. I had not even drunk wine, yet my entire body felt hot. His beauty was not aggressive. Instead, it made people careless. In an instant he pushed me back onto the bed and climbed over me.
"Touch me."
His voice was unbearably suggestive. In his expression, innocence and temptation strangely coexisted. Everything he did was undeniably perverse, yet when I looked at those pure eyes that did not match his actions, I felt guilty instead. It felt as though I had broken a taboo. Yet that strange feeling excited me even more. It kept pushing me toward doing something wrong. He touched me carefully, as if shaping a work of art. And at the crucial moment, just like before, he waited for me. As though he wanted me to climb on top of him.
"May I get on top?"
Go Chaeha let out a faint laugh.
"I've never heard such a cute line during a conversation between
bodies." Embarrassment rushed over me. When I turned my head away, he kindly turned my face back toward him and spoke with a smile that could make anyone misunderstand.
"Yes, Seonmi. Climb on top as much as you like."
At his suggestive words, the fear that the flow might be broken had already disappeared. Our bodies tangled together. We collided and explored each other with such intensity that our whole bodies were soaked with sweat. The half-folded sheet had twisted down from the edge of the mattress, and the pillow had long since been knocked out of place. Warmth still lingered between the crumpled blankets. Even the air itself felt subtly warm. The crooked wrinkles and stretched fabric left in Go Chaeha's room silently testified to our movements and breathing.
"I wish you could stay until morning."
He lay face down on the bed with his naked body, his face half buried in the pillow. Even that sight was seductive, but once the fierce act ended I returned to reality. I did not want to leave, but I had to. I was not a guest staying here.
"I should go."
"How heartless."
Seeing him sulk like that secretly pleased me. I found myself wishing the time with him would repeat again and again.
"Thank you for tonight."
"Go safely, Seonmi."
I finished dressing and walked toward the door. What? Something felt strange. I tried to open the door, but before I could even touch the handle, it pushed open by itself. Had we not closed it properly? I wondered if I should mention the strange trace to him. When I glanced back, my eyes met Go Chaeha's. He smiled gently and gestured for me to go. It would be better to just leave. So I bowed my head briefly and returned to where I belonged.
◆
Perhaps the warm sunlight pouring through the window loosened my tension, because I briefly dozed off. This is why even a single ray of sunlight cannot be allowed in the office. The curtains had been left open the day I saw that girl. I had never stayed in the office at this hour since then, so I did not realize how powerful the sunlight pouring through the curtains could be.
"If you are tired, perhaps you should rest your eyes for a moment."
I removed the glasses I had been wearing and massaged my eyes. The chief aide of the Eastern Palace watched me with his usual stiff expression, though he seemed concerned.
"I'll just finish this."
Everyone's eyes were on me. The Crown Prince who would soon possess the power of the next throne. That gaze was both praise and shackles. I learned the weight of it far too early. The crown had not yet been placed on my head, yet responsibility already pressed heavily on my shoulders. Filling every fragment of my day with work was not simply diligence. I feared that if I stopped even for a moment, anxiety would catch up to me. The obsession that I must not make mistakes. The fear that I might fail expectations. No one could know. And no one must discover it. When I opened the curtains, I could feel time passing. The sun set, and before long darkness fell. My steps headed toward the detached palace. When I arrived there, a deep silence filled the space. As I climbed the stairs and was about to enter a room, I heard a faint sound. In the quiet space, the sound irritated me. Go Chaeha's room. A place I normally never visited. Why had my steps led me here? Just as I was about to knock, a wet kissing sound came from inside. So it begins again. Even if I opened the door now, he would not even pretend to be surprised. When I twisted the handle, the door opened slightly. Through the narrow crack in the door, I saw not Go Chaeha's face—but the woman in his arms. That woman. I recognized immediately who she was. A name I could never forget… no, a name I would remember until I corrected her behavior. 'What is your name?' 'Seonmi.' I had been suspicious since the moment she said she was running an errand late at night. But to think she had already entangled herself with that bastard. A woman with not a single likable trait. I hate sharing what belongs to me with anyone. Yet she dares to touch it again. The pale skin visible through the crack in the door, the long legs that appeared now and then, the curve of her chest. The silhouette remained in my mind like an afterimage. I stopped working and muttered the thought that crossed my mind.
"Birth really cannot be helped."
Knock. Knock.
"Come in."
"Greetings, Your Highness the Crown Prince."
Go Chaeha calmly walked into my office, a place he rarely visited. He wore the same falsely gentle smile as always. I had no desire to speak with such a frivolous man. It would be a waste of energy.
"I'm rather busy right now. If it's work related, speak to the chief
aide of the Eastern Palace—"
"Was I assigned any work? At most I'm trapped in this vast palace
indulging in hobbies. Or perhaps that is my job?" He smiled annoyingly. He had watched me for nearly ten years, so he knew better than anyone what kind of person I was. That was why he was skilled at steering conversations toward the very topics I wanted to avoid.
"Why are you here?"
"So now you feel like talking to me. Thank you."
He dropped into the leather sofa beside him as if it were his own room.
"Did you come to my room yesterday?"
"..."
"It looked like you were enjoying the view through the crack in the
door. So I left you alone."
"Thanks to you, it was quite entertaining."
"Do you perhaps like that girl? If you wish, I could lend her to you."
"What should I do? Even without borrowing her, she is already mine."
Tension stretched tightly between us. Neither side intended to give in. Go Chaeha made a gesture as though slightly surprised.
"Do you harbor feelings for her?"
"To be precise, not feelings. I simply keep her beneath my feet."
Go Chaeha was clearly thinking about something. That blank expression of his meant he was thinking the most. Then his expression returned.
"I see. Thank you for creating another interesting situation. Even if
you may not want it, I have no intention of giving that girl up."
"I never thought you would give up. But you will. Your nature demands
that you taste everything once before you feel satisfied. And once you have tasted it, you grow bored quickly. That's who you are." Go Chaeha's expression darkened. After a brief silence, the corner of his mouth curled upward.
"Perhaps. But do not become careless. There will surely come a moment
when things go wrong." With that, he stood up from the sofa and left without looking back. My head throbbed.
"I spoke unnecessarily and created trouble."
◆◆
"Seonmi."
He approached me warmly and handed me a bouquet. He pulled out a piece of chocolate from among the flowers and gave it to me. It was far more expensive than the cheap chocolate I used to keep in my apron pocket.
"Thank you."
"That reaction is disappointing. It would be nice if you showed that
beautiful smile… Perhaps I should have hidden a jewel instead."
"No… I really like it."
I am weak to kindness. Ever since my mother left, I had never felt such warmth. When I lived in the hillside slums, I searched desperately for kindness, but the world only demanded kindness from me. It never gave it. When I held the chocolate carefully in both hands, he stepped closer and stroked my hair.
"Don't share it. Eat it all yourself."
When he smiled warmly, I almost laughed foolishly along with him. From afar I saw Kim Sera glaring at me. Another scolding would come. Kim Sera had become even more blatant since that day. Every time we met she sighed for no reason, bumped my shoulder on purpose, or dropped a bucket of water near my feet. Each time I saw the corner of her mouth curl upward.
"Do you think the palace is your playground?"
Her low words carried clear hostility.
"He is kind to everyone."
She seemed to be referring to Go Chaeha.
"Don't mistake yourself for some princess. You worn-out parachute."
Kim Sera tore the name tag from my uniform and threw it onto the floor.
"Oh my, look at her expression. She must have misunderstood terribly."
The other maids pointed at me and mocked me.
"His Highness the Crown Prince is entering."
At the words of a maid who ran in breathlessly, everyone scattered as if nothing had happened. Go Won walked slowly into the palace. The air subtly sank. As he moved forward, people's gazes naturally followed him, yet he acted as though he were used to it. His gaze rested on me for only a moment—so brief it could hardly even be called a glance. Then he stepped lightly on my name tag lying on the floor and walked past. I picked up the name tag after he left. A small crack had formed in the acrylic. You really do have a talent for making people miserable. No one cared. Whether it fell or was stepped on. In this magnificent palace, I was no different from that trampled name tag.
"Sera, may I see you?"
At Go Chaeha's voice, I turned my head. He stood facing Kim Sera. That was not the expression he wore when speaking to me. He was clearly about to scold her. I saw a subtle crack in Go Chaeha. I would never forget the anger in his eyes. I worried slightly. How many people could truly like a worn-out parachute? It might be natural that everyone began with unpleasant feelings. But that did not mean her actions were right. Still… remembering the cold fury in Go Chaeha's eyes yesterday, like someone confronting his own trauma… I followed them carefully. They entered a room. Through the slightly open crack in the door, I could see them. The room was located at the end of the corridor, where no one usually passed. Still, watching them through the crack felt suspicious and dangerous. Pretending to wipe a large flowerpot in the corner, I leaned closer to the door and listened. I could faintly hear the voices of Go Chaeha and Kim Sera.
"Have you found another woman? I'm deeply hurt. Am I not someone special to you, Chaeha?"