Kaizen's thumb hovered uncertainly over the screen.
'Do I actually want to see this? No, definitely not. Do I have to see it anyway? Yes, unfortunately.'
#1. The Corn Dog Warrior
Views: 15.2k | Comments: 2.1k
Kaizen clicked on the first trending thread. He had to see exactly how much damage had been done to his reputation.
A shaky video started playing automatically. It had been recorded by some bystander who was hiding behind a dumpster during the fight. The footage showed the exact moment when Kaizen drove the wooden skewer into the Goon's thigh.
The comments section below the video was an absolute wasteland.
xX_Slayer_Xx: LMAOOOO just look at his face! He looks like he's about to cry while simultaneously stabbing a guy!
Magic_Girl_Lulu: Wait is that a sausage stick? Please tell me that's not a sausage. That's actually iconic.
SimpForCedric: Absolutely trash fighting form. Negative aura. But 10/10 comedic timing.
Lance_Fan_Club_Pres: This video is clearly edited! Lord Lance's elite guards would never lose to a peasant with a snack! REPORTED FOR MISINFORMATION!
Goblin_Merchant_44: I sold him that corn dog! Prices are going up tomorrow! Buy now while supplies last!
Kaizen groaned out loud. "Absolutely perfect. I am a meme now. I am going to be known as the Corn Dog Guy for the rest of my life."
He scrolled down through the feed, looking for anything actually useful, any real news about upcoming classes or academy schedules.
His thumb stopped scrolling when he reached the fourth trending topic.
#4. Somehow, I Became Their Weakness (BL novel)
Author: SpreadedCheekz
Views: 128K | Comments: 69.6k
Kaizen blinked at the screen in confusion.
'BL? What does that stand for?'
'And what's up with that user name? Spreaded Cheeks? He he he.'
His mouth twitched as his brain immediately went in the dumbest possible direction.
'They clearly have a medical issue,' he decided solemnly. 'They should consult Nurse Jenny to get those spreaded cheeks checked. This is a health concern.'
Feeling proud of his maturity, Kaizen's eyes drifted back to the title.
#4. Somehow, I Became Their Weakness (BL novel)
'BL? What even is that? Let me see. I am curious now. It has the highest and comments and viewers out of the trending.'
He frowned, trying to figure it out.
"Battle Legion? Blood Line? Ballistic Logic?"
None of them sounded quite right, but he nodded anyway, satisfied with his effort.
Then he noticed the numbers again.
One hundred and twenty-eight thousand views. Nearly seventy thousand comments. In just a few hours.
Kaizen straightened.
'This must be important.'
'Probably some kind of high-level combat guide.'
'Finding enemy weaknesses. Psychological warfare. Maybe exploiting rival faction leaders.'
That sounded extremely useful for someone whose Defense stat was a joke and whose HP barely qualified as a suggestion.
'Yes,' Kaizen thought confidently. 'This is educational content.'
Without hesitation, he tapped the link.
The screen loaded.
Pink.
Not a soft pink. Not a tasteful pink.
A violently bright, aggressively enthusiastic pink that felt like it was screaming directly into his soul.
Kaizen froze.
Chapter 1: The Sweat on His Neck
Kaizen's eyebrows twitched.
'Odd chapter title. But maybe it's metaphorical. Like… stress during battle.'
He kept reading.
The paragraph loaded.
The two alpha males loomed over the trembling boy, their heavy breaths mixing together in the cramped infirmary air. "You're mine, let me taste you," the golden-haired warrior growled possessively, pinning the boy's slender wrists down against the bed. "No," the dark prince whispered back, his red eyes burning with possessive hunger as he slowly licked his lips. "He belongs to the darkness... and to my bed."
Kaizen read the paragraph once.
Then he read it again, slower, his eyes widening with every word.
His brain immediately blue-screened, complete with imaginary error noises.
"GYAH!"
Kaizen yelped loudly and threw the phone across the room.
It flew through the air spinning like a shuriken and slammed into the wall with a loud thud before clattering to the floor.
Kaizen scrambled backward against his headboard, clutching his chest with both hands. He stared at the phone lying on the floor like it was a live grenade about to explode.
"What was that?!"
He whispered hoarsely, face burning so hot he was pretty sure steam was coming off his ears.
"What the actual hell was that?! Why were they breathing heavily?! Why were they pinning wrists to beds?!"
His soul felt violated.
He felt unclean.
He felt like he needed a long shower, followed by holy water, followed by a memory wipe.
"That was not a strategy guide! That was... that was absolute filth!"
He glared at the phone like it had committed a crime.
"I do not know who this SpreadedCheekz person is, but I hate them with every fiber of my being. I hate this entire genre. I am officially declaring myself the Anti-BL Chairman effective immediately."
He still had no idea what BL actually stood for.
But he hated those two letters with a burning passion now.
Very cautiously, Kaizen crawled to the edge of the bed and peeked down at the phone, which was still glowing innocently on the carpet like it hadn't just traumatized him.
The comments section was visible.
Yaoi_Lover_99: KYAAAAA! The tension is killing me!
Secret_Princess: More chapters! Please update faster! My nose is literally bleeding!
Demon_Wife: I need them to sandwich him RIGHT NOW!
"Sandwich?!" Kaizen actually gagged. "No! Absolutely not! What does that even mean?!"
His horror deepened as he noticed the usernames.
Princess. Wife. Lover.
'…Why are there so many girls here?'
It slowly dawned on him that many of the dignified, elegant female students he saw walking around campus, casting polite smiles and discussing spell theory, were apparently enthusiastic consumers of whatever nightmare genre this was.
Kaizen's worldview cracked.
"I need to cleanse my eyes immediately. I need boring, sterile, safe information."
He gingerly picked up the phone from the floor, holding it carefully by the corner as if it were contaminated with some kind of disease. He swiped out of the page so fast he almost cracked the screen.
He navigated quickly to the Academic News tab.
Session: Second Year
Top News: Expedition Team returns safely from the Frostlands.
Session: Third Year
Top News: Student Council President declares official war on hallway clutter.
"Good. Normal news. Safe, boring news about school activities."
He scrolled through the Second Year student rankings.
Rank 1: Sylvia Nova (D+ Rank)
Rank 2: Marcus Steel (D Rank)
"Absolute monsters," Kaizen whispered, feeling his heartbeat finally slowing down to normal. "Actual monsters roaming around the upper floors of this academy."
He put the phone down on the nightstand, making sure to place it face down. He was not taking any chances with random notifications popping up.
He looked toward the window. The moon was hanging high in the night sky.
"Tomorrow," Kaizen whispered, feeling his resolve hardening like steel. "I am going to obtain that hidden weapon so I can get powerful enough to survive this place. I absolutely need it."
He glanced over at the wall where he had thrown the phone earlier.
"And I am going to find a deletion spell to remove that horrifying content from the internet forever."