The paper sliding doors to the courtyard creaked open as the somewhat lazy afternoon sunlight slanted in, bringing with it three unexpected figures.
"Yo, if it isn't our 'Head of the Clan'?"
Hiroki, holding a plate of red bean mochi snacks, teased Yoruichi as she entered.
"Finally decided to return to this nest?"
Hiroki slowly stuffed the last half of the snack into his mouth before lazily looking up.
"I have serious business with you!"
Whoa, how rare! Two more figures followed behind Yoruichi. On the left was a guy with shaggy light-yellow hair, a dead-fish stare, and a white lab coat; he had a harmless, silly smile, but a researcher's sharpness was hidden deep in his eyes—Urahara Kisuke, no doubt about it.
On the right was a petite figure standing meticulously slightly behind Yoruichi, her deep purple hair tied in a neat bun. Though her face was youthful, it was cold and stern. She wore a trainee's Onmitsukidō uniform similar to Yoruichi's but more formal—Yoruichi's little shadow, Soi Fon (Suì-Fēng).
Hiroki brushed the crumbs off his hands and didn't bother to stand up. He remained sitting cross-legged and said in a drawn-out tone, "Heh, looking for me? For business? How rare."
His listless eyes seemed to wander over Urahara Kisuke casually, but then his eyebrows shot up. His face instantly switched to an incredibly annoying expression of 'sudden realization' mixed with 'schadenfreude,' and his voice jumped an octave:
"Oh—! I get it, I get it!" He slapped his thigh and looked at Yoruichi with a fervent gaze that said 'you've finally come to your senses.' "You're finally dropping the act? Ready for a showdown with that old man Kiyone?! Oh man, I've been waiting for this day forever!"
He rubbed his hands together excitedly. "So, is my massive alimony payment secured?! Let me tell you, Yoruichi, it's been ten years! Prices have skyrocketed so many times; you have to increase the alimony! That initial amount isn't nearly enough anymore!"
"Shut up!" Yoruichi's golden eyes glared at him, her cheeks puffing out slightly in anger at his rapid-fire, nonsensical bullshit. She could feel Urahara struggling to hold back his laughter beside her, and even Soi Fon's body behind her stiffened.
"Who—who's having a showdown?! That's not what I'm talking about at all!" She took a deep breath, trying to suppress her anger. "And! Kisuke and I are just like-minded research partners! Friends! That's it!"
"Ohhh~~~ Friends." Hiroki dragged out the last word, his eyes darting between Yoruichi and Urahara with a dismissive 'I get it, I totally get it' look. "Friends are good, 'like-minded' is even better."
"It's fine, it's fine, I don't care about the 'depth' of your relationship," he waved his hand dismissively with an air of magnanimity. "I only care about—" He paused deliberately, leaning in closer and lowering his voice so everyone could hear: "How much longer until I can happily collect that alimony I've been waiting an eternity for?"
Hiroki's tone was flippant yet persistent, as if that alimony was the only shining piece of gold in front of him.
"You... Hmph! You're beyond help!" Yoruichi was speechless, choked by his thick-skinned attitude of only caring about money. She huffed and turned her head away in anger.
"Now, now, Lady Yoruichi, calm down." Urahara Kisuke hurriedly tried to smooth things over, his signature smile looking a bit helpless. "If there's something to discuss, just explain it clearly to Hiroki-san. I'm sure he'll understand." Urahara's voice was gentle and calm, attempting to diffuse the tense and bizarre atmosphere.
However, before Urahara could finish, a petite but oppressive figure suddenly flashed out from behind the screen next to Hiroki! Uchiha Izumi was like a young leopard protecting its master, her delicate face covered in a layer of frost. Her pitch-black eyes had somehow turned crimson with three Tomoe! She glared at Urahara Kisuke, who dared to call Hiroki by his name so casually. Her voice sounded like it was laced with ice shards: "Insolent! What manner of rude person dares to address Lord Hiroki so familiarly?!"
With that posture, if Hiroki hadn't been there, her sword would likely have already struck. After ten years of following him, her loyalty to Hiroki had long since integrated into her very blood and bones; any potential offense was an absolute taboo.
Seeing Izumi's bristling state, Hiroki actually found it amusing. He reached out and gently tugged on the hem of Izumi's clothes, signaling her to step back a bit. Then he pointed at Urahara and spoke to Izumi in a natural yet annoying tone, as if introducing a neighbor: "Oh, this guy," he nodded toward Urahara, "the famous Urahara Kisuke, the eccentric genius of the Technology Development Bureau. Well,"
He glanced at Yoruichi specifically and added, "He's probably Lady Yoruichi's 'para...' uh, I mean future live-in husband... ahem, anyway," he cleared his throat and continued talking nonsense with a straight face, "show some respect. He might be 'Lord Shihōin Kisuke' in the future. Be polite to the future Great Noble, Izumi." Every word of his "advice" was a deliberate attempt to annoy Yoruichi.
"Huh? Marrying in?" Yoruichi was completely defeated by Hiroki's train of thought, reacting like a cat whose tail had been stepped on. "Change my name? Change whose name! I told you, Kisuke and I..." She was about to argue that they weren't in that kind of relationship when Hiroki cut her off.
"Eh?" Hiroki exaggeratedly picked his ear. "You can marry in without even changing your name? When did the Shihōin Clan's rules become so lax? Did old man Kiyone... oh no, did the Old Master agree?" He deliberately swallowed the word "old geezer" and replaced it with "Old Master," but his mischievous eyes showed no respect at all. He was stoking the fire, adding fuel to the relationship between Yoruichi and Urahara.
Yoruichi's chest heaved with anger, feeling that communication with Hiroki was impossible. "You... I'm talking to a brick wall!" She gave up on the topic and forced the conversation back on track. "Fine! You've had your fun! I'll say it again, I came back to find you for serious business!"
Seeing that she was truly quite angry and, surprisingly, hadn't stormed off immediately (likely for Urahara Kisuke's sake), Hiroki finally dropped a bit of his cynical act, though he still sat lazily. "Fine, go ahead. I'm listening." He wanted to see what kind of business would bring Yoruichi to her "husband in name only" with her "lover" in tow.
Yoruichi took a deep breath and pointed at Urahara Kisuke. "Kisuke's research has hit a critical bottleneck. He needs to purchase a batch of extremely precise and expensive equipment to break through. The results of this research are of great significance. Once successful, it will be enough to serve as the achievement needed for his promotion to Captain of the 12th Division! Captain of the 12th Division, you understand the weight of that, right?" She emphasized the importance, trying to evoke a shred of noble dignity or a sense of the big picture in Hiroki.
Hiroki nodded cooperatively with a look of "Oh, how impressive." "Yeah, impressive, impressive. Then buy it! Why tell me? Captain Urahara, oh no, future Captain Urahara, go ahead and buy, buy, buy!" He even made a "please, be my guest" gesture.
Yoruichi's cheek twitched as she suppressed the urge to punch him. "Buying it! Requires additional, massive funding! This money! Needs your approval to be allocated!"
Hiroki was truly stunned this time. "Huh? What do you mean?" He was completely bewildered. Money? Asking him for approval? What kind of cosmic joke was this? His "dowry" and the "assets allocated by Kiyone" were already dead money that he could control himself. What did the Shihōin Clan's money have to do with him?
"I. Asked. Father!" Yoruichi said each word emphatically, her tone full of frustration. "He said himself that all the family's asset management and control were transferred to you three years ago! Any large additional expenditure exceeding the regular budget must! Have your signature of approval!" This was the core piece of news the old fox had told her, weakly but clearly, before she left his bedside, and it was the main reason she had to swallow her pride and come back to face Hiroki today.
"Ah? When did this happen?" Hiroki was completely dazed, trying hard to remember what that old man Kiyone had said while sickly holding his hand three years ago... He seemed to have mentioned a bunch of family businesses... but at the time, Hiroki's mind was filled with thoughts like "Why hasn't the old man kicked the bucket yet?" and "When can I take the money and leave?" He thought it was just the old man's deathbed rambling and hadn't taken it seriously at all.
Just then, Tamaki Chizuru, who had been standing nearby, braved the heavy atmosphere and took a cautious step forward. Her voice was as faint as a mosquito's buzz but clearly answered Hiroki's confusion: "Young Master... Three years ago... Lord Kiyone did indeed... indeed entrust the symbolic Seal of Authority and the core ledgers to you. At that time, I reminded you to verify them..." Her voice grew smaller as she remembered the Young Master was staring blankly at a model of some new mutant flower he'd bred in the courtyard, casually signing his name on the ledgers and budget sheets.
"Uh..." Hiroki coughed awkwardly, his old face flushing slightly. Now that Chizuru mentioned it, it did seem like that was the case. Kiyone had given him a pile of boxes and seals, but he had found them to be a nuisance and tossed them to Chizuru to keep. As for those documents... anyway, he had signed whatever Chizuru handed over with his eyes closed; how was he supposed to know the specific contents?
"Cough, cough, cough," he tried to cover his embarrassment, "I remember now, I remember. It's mainly because I'm usually occupied with a myriad of daily affairs, official business... uh... noble social engagements, and... well, worrying about the family's future and such. It's too busy! I didn't pay much attention to such a small matter." He waved his hand with a heroic air as if it were a "trifle," successfully making the corners of the mouths of Yoruichi, Urahara, and even Soi Fon beside them twitch.
"'Didn't pay attention'?" Yoruichi's voice was squeezed out from between her teeth, carrying a hint of icy frost. "You know now, don't you? So, this money—are you approving it or not?"
At the mention of approving money, Hiroki's salted-fish posture, which had just recovered a bit of spirit, instantly returned. "Not approving." Two words, decisive and without any room for negotiation.
"You!" Yoruichi was practically exploding with rage, the flames in her golden eyes nearly spitting out. "There's my money in there! It's the family dividends I earned from doing missions!"
"So what if it's your money?" Hiroki spread his hands with a rogue-like expression. "Go to the treasury and take it yourself then? Find the elders for the keys? What's the use of telling me?" His words were pure mockery—all procedures ultimately had to circle back to his signature; he was intentionally blocking her!
"You!" Yoruichi clenched her fists, her knuckles turning slightly white. But surprisingly, she didn't just storm off as usual! This abnormal reaction made the little abacus in Hiroki's heart start clicking again—it seemed this 'research' really was quite important to Urahara? Or rather, it was important to Yoruichi for paving Urahara's way? There was a chance!
Sure enough, after a few seconds of silence, Yoruichi asked through gritted teeth, "Speak! What are your conditions!" She knew this bastard too well; there was no way he would let go without benefits.
"Conditions?" Hiroki's eyes lit up. He rubbed his chin and began to think with a pretense of seriousness. His gaze swept over the two people behind Yoruichi like radar, finally landing with great interest on the expressionless, quietly standing Soi Fon.
"Hmm..." He intentionally drawled, revealing a smile that looked ill-intentioned no matter how one saw it. "How about this: lend me 'Soi Fon' to play with for a few days? Just a few days! Let her accompany me to noble salons for tea and dancing! I promise to return her to you in one piece!" For ten years, he had never forgotten this little follower.
"You bastard! Don't even think about it!" As soon as Hiroki finished speaking, Yoruichi was like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, instantly exploding in fury; her spiritual pressure almost went out of control. Behind her, Soi Fon's body also suddenly tensed up. Although she didn't speak, her suddenly sharp gaze and her hand placed on the hilt of her sword clearly expressed that she was in a very bad mood.
"Tch, if you don't want to, then don't. Why get so worked up? It was just a joke." Seeing that his provocation had succeeded, Hiroki quickly quit while he was ahead. He admitted defeat verbally, but his face wore an expression that said, 'What are you reacting so strongly for?'
"Then you go to Lord Kiyone and propose a divorce?" Hiroki switched to another "condition."
"Why don't you go!" Yoruichi snapped back irritably.
"I don't dare!" Hiroki said righteously.
"I don't dare either!" Yoruichi's breath hitched, nearly choking her. She now truly understood her father's feeling of coughing up blood from being angered by her. Go to her bedridden father, whose obsession was having a grandson, and say "I want a divorce"? She feared her father would have a sudden recovery just to give her a taste of family discipline.
"This won't do, that won't do. Tell me, what can you do? No money, no lending people, no benefits..." Hiroki spread his hands, deciding to be completely useless to the end.
"How about..." Driven to desperation, Yoruichi threw caution to the wind. Her golden eyes squinted at Hiroki with a bit of a reckless spirit and faint mockery. "I bear you a child? To satisfy the old man's final wish? Anyway, he just wants to see a grandson. Once he's holding one, maybe he'll let go happily?" Her words were half out of anger and half a test, wanting to see how Hiroki would take this completely impossible-to-fulfill proposition.
Sure enough!
Hiroki was like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, his fur instantly bristling as he nearly bounced off the ground. "Stop, stop! Dark-skin begone! Stay away from me!" He waved his arms exaggeratedly as if Yoruichi would infect him with some fatal germ just by getting close. "I've told you eight hundred times! My aesthetic is very stubborn! I only like 'fair-skinned, beautiful, with long legs'! Fair skin! Understand! Look at that skin of yours; it's so oily and shiny it could be used as a searchlight at night! Having a kid? Don't even think about it! Even genetic improvement couldn't save that!"
"Hmph! Shallow! Vulgar! Low-ability!" Yoruichi snorted repeatedly in anger, feeling that if she stayed one second longer, she wouldn't be able to resist drawing her sword. Behind her, a trace of disappointment (towards Hiroki) and a faint, imperceptible... joy? flashed across Soi Fon's tense little face. Meanwhile, Urahara tried hard to turn his head to the side, his shoulders shaking suspiciously.
The room fell into an extremely eerie silence. The air was thick with Yoruichi's anger, Hiroki's disgust, Izumi's vigilance, Soi Fon's coldness, Urahara's muffled laughter, and Chizuru's bewildered low spirits.
Finally, it was Hiroki who broke the silence, based on the mindset that Urahara seemed to have some "value." He turned to Urahara Kisuke, who had been trying hard to be part of the background, and spoke in a business-like, less punchable but still calculating tone. "Alright, since your 'like-minded research partner'"—he pointedly glanced at Yoruichi—"says this is an 'investment' with a major impact on a future Captain position... then, as the financier... cough... as the funding provider, I think it's only right that I share a portion of the future proceeds, right? Even brothers must settle accounts clearly, Captain Urahara?"
Urahara quickly straightened up. "Yes, yes, yes, it's only proper. Mr. Hiroki is right."
"Hmm," Hiroki nodded with satisfaction, regaining some of his fake air of being in control. "However, those bottles and jars, energy trajectories, and whatever else you're researching..." He waved his hand dismissively. "It's too profound; I don't understand it. It seems unprofessional and ungenerous of me to rashly suggest a profit-sharing ratio." He beckoned to Tamaki Chizuru, who had been as quiet as a painting by the table but was listening intently.
"Chizuru."
"Yes, Young Master." Chizuru immediately stepped forward.
Hiroki pointed at Urahara Kisuke. "This is Mr. Urahara Kisuke. Represent me and communicate with him in depth. See how much funding he lacks, what equipment he needs to buy, and what exactly the research is. What benefits can it produce? What is its market... no, what is its value to the Seireitei? How big is the risk? What is the expected payback period? What kind of return on investment can be achieved? How will the future profit-sharing be divided? To whom do the technical patents belong? Should we use equipment or technology as collateral?"
He threw out a series of pragmatic, slightly greedy questions born purely of a businessman's instinct in one breath.
"Discuss all these details thoroughly with him and reach a clear agreement. Draft a preliminary investment letter of intent for me to see." He gestured toward Urahara with his chin while looking at Chizuru. "Go on, Steward Chizuru, show off your professional qualities."
"Yes, Lord Hiroki. This servant understands." Tamaki Chizuru bowed respectfully, then looked up at Urahara Kisuke. Her face immediately switched to the capable and shrewd expression she had developed over years of managing many industries for "Lord Shihōin Hiroki." She bowed slightly. "Mr. Urahara, please follow me. Shall we move to a quiet place to discuss in detail?"
Urahara Kisuke looked at Chizuru, whose aura had instantly transformed from a submissive maid to a strong woman. A glint of light and deep interest flashed in his eyes behind his glasses, and he also bowed politely. "Very well, I'll trouble you, Miss Tamaki. Lady Yoruichi, please excuse me for a moment." He and Chizuru walked one after the other toward the study in the side hall.
In the courtyard, only Hiroki, Yoruichi, Izumi, and Soi Fon remained. The atmosphere became subtle and awkward once again.
Izumi continued to watch Yoruichi and Soi Fon vigilantly, especially Soi Fon. Meanwhile, Soi Fon was like Yoruichi's shadow, watching coldly from the sidelines.
Hiroki slowly picked up another new pastry.
Yoruichi crossed her arms and gave a heavy "Hmph," like a proud cat that had suffered a setback. Although her mission goal was achieved (at least there was hope for the money), the process had been utterly frustrating.
Sunlight flowed silently into the now-quiet courtyard, where only the aroma of pastries and the residual (invisible) scent of gunpowder remained.