January 3, 2026 — 03:45 PM | Wave 2 — Time Remaining: 14 Hr 15 Min
Gilbert's knees hit the wet wood. The sound was flat and gushy. Heavy. He flopped onto his side. The pallet-raft rocked under his weight, nearly tipping into the grey water. Cold, fish-flavored brine soaked into his 3XL shirt. It felt like a heavy, freezing skin. He didn't move. Every muscle in his thighs felt like it had been shredded by a rusty cheese grater.
His breath was a wet, rattling whistle.
"Courage," Gilbert hissed. He didn't look up. He watched a piece of grey fish-slime slide toward his hand. It left a trail of iridescent muck on the grain. "Slave. Report your hit points. If you have the durability... pull the aggro. Your Master's central nervous system is overheated. I require a momentary suspension of physical existence."
Courage stopped kicking a fish-man. He was a mess of pink fur and grey grime. He looked at his paws. He looked at his chest. He turned back to Gilbert.
"Abluh-bluh... ooga-booga! Heh-heh!"
Courage flashed a wide, toothy grin. He held up a pink thumb. It shook like a leaf.
"Good. I shall take five minutes," Gilbert wheezed. He licked his crusty and chipped lips. They tasted like salt, old grease, and copper. "A restorative meditation. My frame is unaccustomed to this unrefined labor. The closest I've come to this grind was the Great Nutmathon of '24. And I had a lumbar-supported chair for that and wipes to clean up. This environment is poorly optimized."
Gilbert shut his eyes. He didn't care about the smell of rotting kelp. He didn't care about the waves hitting his waist. He just lay there. A pale, doughy heap of damp polyester and delusion.
A metallic scream ripped through the air.
Gilbert's eyes snapped open. The world was a blurry, grey smear. Without his glasses, he could only see shapes. High above, a streak of gold moved against the orange smog. Malenia.
She was a whirlwind. Her blade cut through the dark. She parried tentacles the size of redwood trees. But she was slow. The rain had turned her robes into a sodden cage. The fabric was a lead weight. It clung to her golden legs. It stole the frame-perfect speed she needed to stay ahead of the hitboxes.
"YAAAAAAAAAAH!"
Her cry was jagged. Raw. She surged forward. A tentacle caught her cloak. It nearly yanked her out of the sky. She spun mid-air. Her movements were heavy. Labored.
She looked down at the raft. She saw Gilbert laying there like a beached seal. She saw Courage fighting for his life. Malenia's jaw tightened. She looked at her robes. She knew the cost of shedding them. She knew the eyes that would follow.
Courage yelped in pain.
Malenia didn't wait. She grabbed the fabric at her waist. One sharp, violent motion. She sheared the heavy cloth away. The weight vanished. She was leaner now. Faster. A streak of gold and rot. She snapped her wings and dived toward the beast's giant, glowing eye.
Gilbert saw the fabric fall. His brain registered the shift in the silhouette. He propped himself up on one elbow. A thick string of saliva pooled at the corner of his mouth. He didn't look away. He didn't blink.
"Madam..." Gilbert whispered. His voice was a nasal, breathy hiss. "The fanservice. The developers... they have such a refined palate. A most generous display of anatomical fidelity with a pair of healthy tops and bottoms. Your polygon count is exquisite... especially from this low-angle perspective, holy fuck. Truly, the asset-quality is... S-tier. Dam, I might have to rest for another five minutes just beat to this"
He licked his teeth. His eyes were wide. Fixed.
The moment was cut short.
Courage let out a sharp, yelping cry. A fish-man had lunged from the water. It held a jagged piece of boned shaped as a dagger. The blade caught Courage across the shoulder.
Blood leaked from the wound. Courage scrambled back. He clutched his arm. He grit his teeth. He went back in. But he was slower. He was losing his momentum.
BONK. SLAP. KICK.
He hit them. But the mackerel-men were persistent. They smelled the blood and notice the change in movement. They moved in. Their dead, glassy eyes didn't blink. They had no eyelids. Just a film of cold slime.
"Eee-hee-hee! Abluh-bluh! MURIEEEEL, wait. Who's Muriel?" Courage shrieked. He looked at Gilbert.
Gilbert pushed himself up. His arms buckled. "Courage... hold the aggro... I am still calculating the recovery frames for my core. My stamina is still low. I'm also feelingkinda horny right now too, might have to release some extra stress."
A shadow moved in the water. A fish-man surfaced. It cocked its arm back. It threw something. A short, jagged bone dagger whistled through the rain.
Courage ducked. His body plopped with a rubbery sound. He flattened himself. The blade missed his ear. It thudded into the wet wood of the pallet. It vibrated.
Courage looked at the dagger. He looked at the swarming fish-men. He looked at his arm. His eyes narrowed. He grabbed the handle. It was the perfect size. A short sword for a small hero with massive balls.
Courage didn't speak. He let out a low, guttural growl. He held the dagger like a steak knife.
"GrRRRrr... ruff-ruff! Ooga-booga!"
Courage swung the dagger in a wide, desperate arc. It caught the first mackerel-man across the throat. The creature let out a wet, bubbling hiss. It tumbled into the lake. Its brethren immediately swarmed the corpse. They didn't care about the fight anymore. They cared about the fresh meat. They tore at the grey flesh with needle-teeth.
"Huzzah!" Gilbert cheered. He sat up. He leaned his back against a blue barrel. "The vassal has equipped a sub-weapon. Use the Quick-Slash combo, Courage. Show these unrefined bottom-feeders the price of touching my property. Get them boy! Secure the perimeter!"
But more grey heads broke the surface. Dozens. They were jumping now. Their wet bodies slammed into the pallets. The smell was overpowering. A mix of dead fish, salt, and oil.
Above, the Kraken roared. It shook the foundation of the waves. Malenia was a whirlwind. The beast fought back with frantic violence. It grabbed submerged cars and streetlights from the depths, hurling the metal at her. She zipped through the air, her blade a golden hum.
Gilbert looked at the swarm. He looked at the dog. He looked at his own trembling, grease-stained hands.
"This is... unacceptable," Gilbert muttered. "I am the Master. I am the Alpha. I cannot allow the support to carry the whole session. It's unseemly. It breaks the immersion."
He reached into his bucket. His fingers touched something cold. Heavy.
Gilbert pulled out a heavy, weighted fishing net. He stood up. His legs screamed. He looked like a disaster. Wet. Torn. Smelling of sweat and lake-scum. His hair was matted to his forehead.
"Stay behind me, Courage," Gilbert growled. It was an ugly, wet sound. "The Alpha has returned to the field. I shall demonstrate a level of martial proficiency that will leave the chat begging for more. Witness the peak of the Utah Representative."
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
gamer_god_69: doggo got the shank!!! 🗡️🐕
slc_savage: gilbert is actualy standing up lol. he looks like a wet bag of laundry 🧺🤡
vile_virtue: he's gonna trip on that net and drown. rip bozo.
beehive_babe_99: look at gilbert staring at malenia... hes so creepy i cant 🤢 literal stalker vibes. provo_prepper_88: the kraken is inking the whole lake. u cant see anything now. the graphics r glitched.
xX_ShadowEdge_Xx: is he pising himslf again? looks yellow. And why does he have a boner?
Gilbert gripped the weighted edges of the net. He looked at the first mackerel-man reaching for the wood. The creature's gills pulsed. It smelled like a dumpster in July.
"Let the harvest begin. I shall collect these specimens. Sometimes… game is game, no matter the source or origin of the meat. A true connoisseur doesn't discriminate based on the species of the NPC."
The mackerels shivered. It was a strange, collective tremor. As if they understood the hunter had become something much weirder. They started slowly backing off.
Just before the closest one could run, Gilbert grabbed its arm. His grip was surprisingly strong. Desperation and spite provided a temporary buff.
"I ain't a furry or whatever, but I bet you are hella tight and that is enough to make me feel right. Come here, little specimen!"
Gilbert pulled the mackerel toward him. The fish-man hissed, its mouth snapping at the air. Gilbert didn't flinch. He slammed his forehead into the creature's face.
Crack. The fish-man's skull gave way. It went limp. Gilbert dropped it onto the wood.
"One hole ain't enough to fulfill me," Gilbert hissed. He wiped fish-blood on his sleeve, leaving a dark smear. "More. I need more! I will populate my harem with whatever the system provides for you freaks, I just need a little imagination to reach climax!"
He swung the net. It was heavy. The lead weights at the hem whistled. The net unfurled in a wide, messy web. It caught three mackerel-men as they tried to dive.
Gilbert yanked back. His back popped. A sharp pain shot through his spine. He didn't stop. He hauled the screaming, thrashing fish-men onto the raft. They tangled in the mesh, their webbed fingers catching in the nylon.
"Ass secured!" Gilbert yelled. He laughed. It was a high, hysterical sound.
Courage looked at him. The dog was backed against a barrel, his knife held low. He looked more afraid of Gilbert than the fish-men.
Above, Malenia landed a heavy strike. Her blade sank deep into the Kraken's mantle. The beast let out a roar that vibrated the very water. A cloud of thick, black ink exploded into the lake.
The world went dark.
The ink was oily. It smelled like diesel and old blood. It coated the raft. It coated Gilbert's skin. He couldn't see Malenia. He couldn't see the sky.
"The graphics! I'm blind!" Gilbert shrieked. He thrashed in the darkness. "The UI is gone! Help! I'm in a blind-status area!"
Sizzzzzzle.
The rain changed.
The heavy drumming on the wood turned into a sharp, aggressive hiss. Gilbert felt it on his skin. A drop landed on his neck. It burned.
"Ow! The acid! The acid rain is here!"
He felt a hand on his shoulder. A cold, metal hand.
"Silence, master of filth," Malenia's voice cut through the dark. She was back on the raft. He could feel her heat. She smelled like copper and sweat. "The beast retreats. We must move before the rain melts the very wood beneath us."
Gilbert looked toward her voice. He couldn't see her face, but he could imagine the ass and tits from the outline.
"Madam... I have secured the specimens," Gilbert whispered. He reached out in the dark, his hand fumbling. "Let me... examine them? In the dark? It would be a most... immersive experience."
He heard the sound of a blade being drawn. The cold steel touched his throat.
"Move," Malenia hissed. "Or the specimens shalt have thy head for their first meal."
Gilbert gulped. The adrenaline was fading. The exhaustion was coming back, ten times heavier than before.
"Y-yes. Quite right. Tactical repositioning. Iku—I mean, let us proceed. My Dear Malenia."
Courage whimpered in the dark. The raft drifted in the black ink. The rain hissed as it ate into the wood. The orange smog grew thicker, choking out the last of the light.
[SYSTEM ALERT]
[Wave 2 — Event: THE KRAKEN'S NURSERY COMPLETED]
Gilbert sat in the ink cover platform. He clutched his net. He looked toward where he thought Malenia was standing.
"Game is game, besides, I'm too stress and horney to care." he whispered to the dark.
[LIVE FEED: UTAH SECTOR CHAT]
gamer_god_69: did he just say game is game to a fish man? 💀
slc_savage: gilbert is the real boss of wave 2. the absolute horror.
vile_virtue: the screen is black. i cant see. is he dead?
beehive_babe_99: i hope the acid rain gets him. i literally cant take him anymore.
provo_prepper_88: look at the map. something else is moving in the smog.
xX_ShadowEdge_Xx: the boss isnt dead. it just went deeper. I think
The raft creaked. The pallets were thin. The acid was winning. And in the middle of the dark, a neckbeard smiled. He had his net. He had his goddess. And he had fourteen hours left to survive.