"Haste makes waste."
I'd heard that saying more than once. I just never thought it would come back to bite me like this.
Winter, black ice… It probably wouldn't have stung as much if I'd slipped and ended up under a car. But the fact that I managed to put my own car into a skid on an empty road… and on winter tires.
Yeah. That really doesn't do me any credit. Maybe I could try to justify myself by saying I was rushing for a good reason. Although, who cares anymore? That won't help Marina. Or me…
And definitely not those blurry shapes on the roadside, hurrying toward me through half-meter snowdrifts. Cold… It's so cold.
Is it because I'm dying, or because a tree punched through the windshield? Either way—what's the difference now?
Pain flared in my chest and I started coughing. It hurt even more. Not because of the blood-red spots I was spitting onto the pale plastic of the mangled dashboard, but because of the massive chunk of wood that had pierced my chest on the right.
"Hang on, kid!" one of the blurred shadows shouted to me in an old man's voice. "What the hell… Why, why are you young idiots always in such a hurry?"
I really wanted to tell him exactly where I was hurrying.
To tell him about Marina, about everything—everything. To speak my mind one last time, I guess. That's what I wanted, right?
It's getting dark. How long have I been lying here? When I went off the highway, it had barely been past nine… Oh. Yeah. I'm dying.
What a shame. Aimless, inglorious… Fine. I should conserve my strength—the man told me to hold on. I should believe him. After all, I was the one who "left the road," not him. Experienced people should be trusted…
For some reason it became a little warmer. And brighter. The pain went away. The darkened world filled with color—mostly blues and reds—flashing right beneath me.
Wait a second. Those are emergency beacons! And there are angels in blue uniforms with red crosses. And traffic cops in reflective vests darting around the car. Oh—rescue workers, too! What's that thing in their hands? Oh. Hydraulic cutters. I'd only seen those on the news.
Hey! Guys! I'm here, I'm right here… Literally ten meters above you.
What?!
***
"Had your fill?"
That's how the Voice addressed me for the first time.
To be honest, I even got bored from sheer hopelessness, watching them rip my bleeding body out of what, just half a year ago, had been the newest European sedan. Yeah. So much for quality. The steering rack jammed hard. Wheels locked up… Looks like I pulled something stupid somewhere in my race with fate.
But it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters: I can see the paramedic shake his head. No. He's shaking it no.
"Uh-huh," I waved at the Voice without looking, like, sure—come on over. Two ghosts will have more fun. "Come on in. Make yourself at home."
The Voice looked like a clot of light, white mist. Warm… comforting. I don't even know how to describe it.
"I truly am only a guest," the Voice admitted. "But you, as you can see, have no place here anymore."
"I can see that," I said. "Too bad…"
"Too bad you died?" the Voice clarified.
"Too bad I hurried," I admitted. "Right now I'd probably already be with Marina."
"You know you couldn't have helped her," the knowing Voice said. "It's beyond human ability. Beyond yours. Medicine is only a small part of success. Surgery…"
"At least I would've been there. And the surgery would've gone well—definitely. But without the meds… The hospital doesn't have them. I failed her and I failed myself… Forget me. Marina's the one I feel sorry for. I couldn't…"
"Caring for those close to you is commendable," the Voice agreed. "For those who are younger. Weaker…"
"She's my first love," I admitted. "Ten years together… 'Safe as houses,' yeah."
The Voice fell silent. For some reason, I didn't care at all anymore about what was happening. I promised Marina I'd make it. And I didn't.
"Flight delay, long security check, sleet outside, a sudden cold snap," the Voice listed everything I'd been cursing since dawn. "Are you sure it was only you?"
"It's always only you," I said. "At least in this case. If there were a second chance…"
"And what would you do?" the Voice sounded interested. It seemed to me—or was it real—that it was speaking very… fast. Like it was in a hurry.
"I'd do everything right. If I knew what I know now. A month ago I wouldn't have come home from work and gone to sleep, and I would've ordered the meds in time. I would've sat down at that damn computer and done it!" I snapped. "If only I'd known…"
"What if I told you that what happened can be fixed?" the Voice suddenly asked.
"Go on then, you divine bitcheness," I laughed helplessly. "Undo it. Tell me where to sign in blood so I can go back a month."
"That… I can't help with anymore," the Voice said. "But something is within my power."
"Really?" I was surprised.
I blinked, and everything around me was gone. The ice, the snow, the car, the people… Even the flashes of the beacons.
Only me, the white clot that looked like cotton soaked in water, and the darkness around us.
"I can save her," the Voice said. Does it even have a mouth? What kind of unknown thing is it…?
"Save Marina?" I grew wary.
"Exactly," the Voice assured. "You will help me, and I will help you. A mutually beneficial deal."
"And how will you help me if you won't bring me back to life?" Maybe I'd hit my head harder than I thought.
"Your body is dead," the Voice said. "I can't help you personally in this world anymore. But while there is still time, I can heal your beloved. Not only from the disease that is killing her. I will also make it so she can become a mother. I will fulfill her most cherished dream…"
"Our dream," I corrected automatically.
"Yours," the Voice agreed. "But in exchange, you will go where someone must be saved… something… such a complicated language—why did you make it like that?"
"Get to the point, cotton," I wanted to grab it by the collar, but… it's a cloud. Grab its fluffy bit, and what if it likes it? "I die, but she lives and will be happy, right? My Marina?"
"Yes. In exchange, you will go… to a familiar place. Where difficulties and a mission await you."
"Don't care. Do it."
"You will have enemies…"
"Don't care. Do it."
"Possibly—friends."
"Where's the ear I'm supposed to shout into?"
"You will never return here," the Voice warned.
"But she will be happy?" I clarified.
"Yes," the Voice said distractedly. "You… agree quickly. The others… they don't care, they want something else… And here. Have you had to sacrifice yourself often?"
"None of your business, cotton," I didn't need a philosophizing therapist in the dark. "Come on, do your dirty work, Bus-sama. Let's go. Where do I need to save a dragon and a princess…"
And then darkness came. Total, lightless darkness. No glowing tunnels. No phantasmagoric visions.
The Voice simply disappeared.
And I…