Elara's pov
I didn't sleep that night.
I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling, my fingers touching my lips over and over again. I could still feel him there. Could still taste him. Could still remember the way his hand had tangled in my hair, the way his body had pressed against mine.
We kissed.
Kaelen and I kissed.
And we couldn't talk about it. Couldn't acknowledge it. Couldn't let it happen again.
But gods, I wanted it to happen again.
I rolled over, buried my face in my pillow, and tried to push the thoughts away.
Tomorrow night, we would leave. We would go to the hinterlands. We would pretend to be normal people and learn the truth about the kingdom.
I needed to focus on that. Not on the way his lips had felt against mine. Not on the way my whole body had come alive at his touch.
Focus, Elara. Focus.
But sleep never came.
The next day moved slowly. Too slowly.
I went through my usual routine. Breakfast with Lena, who barely spoke to me. A meeting with some minor nobles about something I couldn't focus on. Paperwork in my father's study that I stared at without reading.
Every time I saw Kaelen, my heart jumped. And every time, he kept his eyes forward. Professional. Distant. Like nothing had happened.
Like he hadn't kissed me until I couldn't breathe.
It lived between us now. That kiss. Unacknowledged but impossible to ignore. It changed everything. The way the silence felt when we were alone. The way his voice sounded when he said "Your Majesty." The way I was hyperaware of his presence behind me, always three steps back, always watching.
I wanted to talk about it. Wanted to ask him what it meant. Wanted to know if he regretted it.
But I couldn't. We both knew we couldn't.
Duty didn't care about confusion or longing or feelings that had no place between a queen and her guard.
So we didn't speak of it.
We just let it sit there. Heavy. Dangerous. Growing stronger with every passing hour.
By afternoon, I couldn't stand it anymore. I needed to prepare. Needed to do something with my hands.
I went to my chambers and started going through my wardrobe. All these beautiful gowns. All this silk and jewelry and finery.
None of it would work for where we were going.
I needed to look like a common person. A farmer's daughter. Someone no one would look at twice.
I found some old dresses at the back of the wardrobe. Simple ones. Made of rough cloth. They'd been gifts from visiting nobles' daughters years ago. I'd never worn them because they weren't suitable for a princess.
Now they were perfect.
I laid them out on my bed. Studied them. Tried to imagine myself in them.
A knock came at the side door. Lena.
"Come in," I called.
She entered slowly. Her face was still tight from yesterday. She'd been crying again.
"Lena—"
"Don't," she said. "Just... don't apologize again. I'm here to help, even though I think this is the stupidest thing you've ever done."
I smiled weakly. "Thank you."
She walked over to the bed and looked at the dresses. Picked one up. Examined it. "This one is too fine. The fabric is too good. You need something more worn. More patched."
"I don't have anything like that," I said.
"I do," she said quietly. "I'll bring you some of my old clothes. They'll fit better anyway. And they look like what normal people actually wear."
She left and came back a few minutes later with an armful of clothes. Simple dresses. A worn cloak. Sturdy boots.
"Here," she said, laying them on the bed. "Try these."
I stripped off my royal gown and pulled on one of her dresses. It was rough against my skin. The color was faded. There was a small patch on the sleeve.
It was perfect.
Lena circled me, studying. "Your hair needs to be different. You can't wear it like a noble. It needs to be simple. Plain."
She sat me down and started redoing my hair. Pulling it back into a simple braid. Nothing fancy. Nothing that would draw attention.
"There," she said when she was done. "Now you look like a farmer's daughter. Maybe a merchant's assistant. Someone normal."
I looked at myself in the mirror. She was right. I looked completely different. Like someone who worked for a living. Someone who'd never worn a crown.
"Thank you," I whispered.
Lena's eyes filled with tears. "Promise me you'll come back."
"I promise."
"Promise me you'll be careful."
"I will."
"Promise me you won't do anything stupid."
I smiled sadly. "I can't promise that. This whole thing is stupid."
She laughed, but it came out as a sob. Then she paused, looking at me carefully. "How did Kaelen even find out about your plan? I thought we were the only ones who knew."
I felt my face heat slightly. "He... he overheard us. Last night. He was standing right outside my door. The walls are thin, I guess."
Lena's eyes widened. "He heard everything?"
"Everything," I confirmed.
"And he just... barged in and demanded to come with you?"
"More or less," I said. "He was angry. Said I couldn't go alone. That it was too dangerous."
Lena was quiet for a moment. Then, surprisingly, she smiled. A small, genuine smile. "Well, at least there's that."
"What do you mean?"
"At least your bodyguard is going with you," she said. "At least you won't be completely alone out there. Kaelen is a good fighter. Strong. Smart. If anyone can keep you safe, it's him."
I looked away, my heart doing that stupid jumping thing again at the mention of his name. "Yes. I suppose that's true."
"Elara," Lena said softly. She took my hand. "I'm still terrified for you. I still think this is insane. But knowing Kaelen will be there... it helps. A little."
"He won't let anything happen to me," I said. And I believed it. Completely.
"I know," Lena said. She pulled me into a tight hug. "I hate this. I hate that you're doing this. But I understand why."
"Do you?"