The cold rain, carrying with it the withered yellow leaves, was rampaging through the city's streets and alleys. The glow of the neon lights was blurred and broken by the rain curtain, creating a hazy and disheveled scene. Su Qing and I were sharing a black umbrella, standing right in front of the city's maternity hospital. The crowd flowed past us like shadows, and her pale cheeks were almost transparent in the dim light. Her eyes stared straight at me, with an indescribable stubbornness.
"Lin Chen, I'm pregnant."
Those three words were like ice spikes hitting the rain. I froze for two seconds, then forced a sneer and said with impatience, "Then go find the father of the child. What's the point of dragging me here at this hour?"
Su Qing's eyelashes quivered, and the raindrops wet her hair, sticking to her smooth forehead. "I've only had one man this year. If I don't come to you, who else can I go to?"
"Coincidentally, I've only had one woman this year too. Do you believe me?" I raised an eyebrow and retorted, my tone full of mockery.
"Lin Chen, are you still a man?" Her voice trembled slightly, but she still held her head high.
"We're both adults. We just got what we wanted." I kicked the puddle beside my feet irritably. "Don't try to pin this on me when something goes wrong. If you want me to take responsibility, show me the evidence. I don't want to be a father blindly, to be the fool who gets stuck with the bill."
Su Qing was silent for a long time. Raindrops trickled down the edge of the umbrella and onto her shoulders, soaking a patch of her clothes. Finally, she spoke, her voice as soft as a sigh. "I've had the baby removed. There's no evidence now."
I was instantly furious. My raised hand froze in the air for a moment, then came down heavily. "Are you treating me like a fool? The baby's gone, and then you tell me it's mine? Su Qing, have some shame!"
She bit her lower lip, which turned white from being pinched. Her eyes were filled with grievance and unwillingness, but she didn't shed a single tear. "You don't want to take responsibility, right? Then I'll go to your company tomorrow..."
"Are you crazy?!" I shouted in anger, not expecting her to pull this stunt.
Su Qing and I met in a bar. That night, she was wearing a red halter dress and stood out in the flickering lights. Drunk, we naturally had sex. But she was a model who spent most of her time in bars and on film sets. I'd heard about the chaos in her circle. To say she only had a relationship with me this year was a lie.
I didn't want to argue with her anymore. I took out my wallet and pulled out all the hundred-yuan notes, stuffing them into her hand. "You just want money, right? Take it. Don't bother me again."
Su Qing didn't look at the money or argue. She just nodded silently and turned to walk back into the hospital. In the rain, her figure was as thin as a leaf that could be blown away at any moment. Suddenly, I remembered that she probably still hadn't paid off her surgery fees. A complex emotion welled up in my heart - I was annoyed by her persistence, but couldn't help feeling that if she weren't desperate, she wouldn't have resorted to this method to force me.
After a few seconds of silence, I finally called out to her, "Wait."
She turned back, her eyes showing a hint of surprise.
I took out a credit card from my wallet and handed it to her. "This card can be overdrawn. You just had surgery. Buy something to nourish yourself."
But Su Qing didn't take it. Her fingers curled slightly, and she said softly, "No need. I came to you not for money, but because I didn't want to be slept with blindly and then get pregnant blindly, without even a word of explanation. Seeing you willing to give me money, that's your attitude."
With that, she turned and walked deeper into the hospital, her red dress disappearing into the shadows at the end of the corridor. ...
In the bar, heavy metal music pounded my eardrums, and the colorful lights twisted and flickered in the smoke. I sat alone at the bar, drowning my sorrows in alcohol, waiting for Zhao Yu - the only friend and colleague in this city with whom I could share my true thoughts.
Since the first time I stepped into this bar, I had seen all kinds of people. Lonely women sat alone with their drinks, lost in thought. Empty men looked around for their prey. Everyone was here, drinking different colored drinks, chasing after a mirage called "drunken life and death".
In fact, when we shed our daytime disguises and immersed our souls in this world of lights and wine, we were already living in a drunken life and death.
I couldn't remember when this place became my refuge. I liked the women who swayed their hips here, the flickering lights, the smell of alcohol mixed with perfume and tobacco, and this kind of indulgent decadence. Only here could the mess left by Jian Yue's departure be temporarily numbed and carved into an ignored tombstone.
I lit a cigarette, tore off the plastic film on the cigarette box, and covered my eyes with it. Through the film, the lights were refracted into blurry spots. My body swayed gently to the music, and a sense of resignation and decadence emerged. I was so absorbed that I didn't notice anything else.
"What are you daydreaming about?"
A hand pulled the film away from my eyes, and the world instantly became clear. Zhao Yu put down his briefcase, sat down beside me, took a cigarette from my box, and lit it. The flame flickered in the dim light.
"Why did you call me so urgently? What happened?"
"I need some money. I was cheated."
I took a big gulp of whisky. The spicy liquid slid down my throat, burning uncomfortably.
"Did you get some girl pregnant again?" Zhao Yu looked unimpressed, his tone teasing.
"Again? What again? This time I was really cheated!"
I slammed my hand on the table, still fuming.
"Who was it? Who had the nerve to cheat you, Lin Dasha?"
"Why do you care so much? Just lend me the money or not?"
"Every time I lend you thousands, at least let me know where my money is going, right?" Zhao Yu raised his eyebrows, not giving up.
"Su Qing."
I gritted my teeth and said the name, then lit another cigarette.
"The plane model who shot our company's promotional poster?"
"Who else could it be?" I scoffed. "You know how messed up her circle is. She said she only had a relationship with one man in a year. Do you believe that? If it were you, would you believe it?" I tapped my fingers on the bar, making a "clattering" sound.
"Such a thing would never happen to me." Zhao Yu flicked the ash off his cigarette. "But she shouldn't be short of a few thousand from you. Last month, our company paid her over ten thousand."
"She's got a high standard of living. How many days would ten thousand last her?" I interrupted him, full of disdain. "Probably got into trouble with someone else and has no money to fix it, so she came to me for a handout. I was so stupid to introduce her to the company. She made a lot of money, and now she's turning around and screwing me over. She has no conscience at all!"
Zhao Yu didn't respond to me. He lowered his voice and asked, "Did you use a condom when you were with her?"
I frowned, trying to recall. I was so drunk that night that my memory was fragmented. After thinking for a long time, I could only say stubbornly, "Yes! Otherwise, could I say she cheated me?"
Zhao Yu gave me a suspicious look and was silent for a long time before sighing, "Lin Chen, we've known each other for almost ten years. I have to say something. I know Jian Yue's breakup with you was a big blow, but it's been two years. Please don't treat yourself so badly. You only have a few years of youth. Find a reliable girl and settle down. Isn't that better?"
The words "Jian Yue" pierced my heart like a needle, unexpectedly. I was stunned for a moment before pretending to be nonchalant and saying, "Don't worry about me. I'm doing just fine."
"Are you doing fine or constantly in trouble?" Zhao Yu retorted, his tone laced with disappointment. ...
Zhao Yu tried to persuade me for a long time with all his heart, but I was impatient and just dealt with him perfunctorily. Finally, he threw out the words, "You can't be helped," and stormed off, even forgetting about my request for a loan. Fortunately, I had been frequenting this bar for two years and often brought friends here to spend money, so I was on good terms with the owner. This time, the bill was temporarily put on my tab. As I walked out of the bar, cold raindrops hit my face. I held an umbrella and walked alone on the empty street, truly feeling what it meant to be all alone. I had been striving in this city for two years, but what I had gained was not success but endless emptiness and loneliness. To get rid of this poisonous emotion, I could only put on a false mask and numb myself in indulgence, living contentedly in self-exile. But no matter how I struggled, Jianyue would never come back. ...
I walked aimlessly in the rain for several blocks before returning to the rental community. It was an old community built in the 1990s, without property management or security gates. Each building, eroded by time, looked dilapidated, yet they stood close together, as if huddling for warmth, fearing being swallowed by loneliness. I always felt that at night, when all was quiet, these old buildings would whisper to each other, sharing decades of solitude.
With a cigarette in my mouth, I took out the key from my pocket and headed towards the building I lived in. It was the only building in the community covered with ivy. Every summer, the south-facing walls would be dyed a deep green. If these buildings had genders, this one would surely be a woman, a cold and lonely one, always evoking a sense of sadness in people.
When I reached the ground floor, I paused for a moment. A red Audi Q7 was parked at the entrance of the unit. The car body was shiny from the rain. I had lived in this community for two years and had never seen a car worth more than 500,000 yuan. A wave of confusion welled up in my heart.
Without much thought, I whistled as I walked up the corridor. When I reached the top floor, I was surprised to find the door slightly ajar. I was sure I had locked it when I left. At first, I thought a thief had broken in, but then I remembered that I hadn't paid the rent to Uncle Li, the landlord, for two months. Most likely, he had come to collect it.
Pushing the door open, I saw Uncle Li sitting on the sofa smoking a cigarette, with a strange woman beside him. On the coffee table was a set of keys for an Audi Q7. Clearly, the car downstairs belonged to her.
A big question mark popped up in my mind: Uncle Li was just a petty and opportunistic man. How could he know such a woman with outstanding grace? She was wearing a well-tailored white dress, sitting in this shabby rental room like a pure white lily, so noble that one dared not desecrate her. This strange combination left me completely puzzled.