Jax Nova died ragequitting a game. One second he's screaming at lag spikes, the next—nothing. Heart gave out mid-rant.�He wakes up gasping in a cryo-pod on some grimy space station. Neon Helix, Sector 7G. The pod cracks open. Jax spills out naked onto a slick metal floor. Alarms scream WHOOP-WHOOP. Holo-screens pop up around his head like annoying pop-up ads.�Quantum Reboot System: Online.
Welcome back, Legendary Reincarnator. Past life perk: Earth Gamer God. New title: Buggy Messiah.
Quest 1: Charm the Station AI, Luna. Reward: Starter harem ship. Fail: You turn into a clown forever.Jax blinks hard, hands over his crotch. "Charm? Are you kidding? I suck at talking to real girls. This has to be a glitch—give me a new character!"The system beeps. Voice command logged: "Bug Queen must reroll!" Summoning Luna. Misunderstanding level: Rising.A hologram flickers in. Hot blue alien girl in a tight jumpsuit, big eyes sparkling. "Bug Queen? Master, you reboot my heart! Romance mode on!" She blows a kiss. The pod seals shut, filling with pink mist that smells like candy and trouble.�Jax bangs on the glass. "Stop! Cut it out!" The pod hums and shakes like a bad massage chair. Pirates burst through the wall—big guys in armor, swords glowing plasma-blue.Their captain, a tentacle-faced brute named Razorface, hits the deck. "The prophecy! Naked messiah from the cryo-womb! He commands the Bug Queen to reroll the stars!" His crew cheers, thinking Jax's arm-waving is some holy dance.�Luna laughs from the holo. Achievement unlocked: First harem member. Pirate loyalty spotted. Bonus power: Infinite Inventory.Jax slips on spilled cryo-goo. Face-plants right into the captain's lap. "Get off me, you squid!" System chimes: Holy marriage sealed. Captain is now your Void Consort. Test inventory: Store one ally.Slurp. Razorface gets sucked into Jax's pocket like a vacuum cleaner mishap. A muffled burp echoes from inside. Pirates panic—then bow lower. "He eats enemies whole! Hail the Black Hole King!"A massive void beast smashes the hull. Tentacles everywhere, size of a bus. Jax grabs a loose wrench. "Die, you oversized calamari!" He swings wild. Wrench flies into the beast's mouth. It gags, hacks, and spits Jax out covered in slime.Pirates lose it. "Beast tamer! He owns the void!" Luna spawns cheerleader clones. Quest done! Fleet: One ship, fifty fans, one gross pet. Level up: Stealth mode.Jax lights up neon pink. Invisible to machines, but he glows like a rave stick. Pirates crash into walls trying not to stare. Thud. Thud. Honk.A fleet admiral broadcasts everywhere: "Buggy Messiah takes 7G! The Helix shakes!"Jax, dripping goo and glowing: "This is not fine." System: New title: Glitch Emperor. Laughter spreads galaxy-wide. Next: Wed the emperor's daughter. Don't screw up, loser.�