Chapter 6: Annoying Sorting
After Juvia's little adventure putting Malfoy in his place, the two young princes soon returned to their compartment, where they simply sat quietly next to each other, with Juvia using Naruto's shoulder to rest her head for quite a while, both of them thinking about different things.
She was thinking of new ways to mess with Malfoy until she felt her family honor had been properly avenged, and he was simply trying to figure out a real way to escape the problem of having to stay for at least a year in the school of Dumbledore, the old lunatic goat—or, in the best of cases, a way for his father to remove him, because a false noble like him did not deserve control over one of the oldest territories in the magical world, a territory that had once been the cradle of several of its most powerful magical bloodlines.
So focused were they on their own little worlds that Juvia practically jumped when they heard a rather insistent knock on the door of their compartment, while Naruto… actually just growled in annoyance, since he had been perfectly comfortable with Juvia's position, and now his arm itched from suddenly missing the pleasant weight of the girl.
Both turned their heads to see who had dared interrupt them, and when they did, they saw what, in their opinion, was without a doubt one of the ugliest girls they had ever seen in their lives. And Naruto had been forced to socialize with the princess of the orcs who, well… was not exactly a beautiful woman.
But back to the girl: she had pale skin, completely tangled brown hair that could only be compared to a scouring pad, incredibly dense and thick, and her front teeth were unbelievably large.
"Kto-to vrag lichnogo ukhoda" [someone is an enemy of personal care, Juvia commented while blinking a few times, as if doing so might change the image in front of her eyes. She had met people with curly, thick hair, but every single one of them took care of their curls and looked truly elegant and neat—nothing like the tangled ocean of brown she had before her now.
Naruto could only nod, genuinely unable to understand how someone could have such low self-esteem that they did not even make the slightest attempt to care for their appearance, especially when his father had explained to him in great detail: "The image you present to the world is the most important thing; you may have the best arguments, the best lineage, the greatest power, but if you don't present the image that supports it, no one will ever take you seriously."
Even so, he was polite enough not to mention it.
"Can we help you?" the red-haired prince asked as he looked at the girl, who had simply stood there staring at Juvia, torn between glaring at her for what she was sure—judging by the tone and the unknown language—had been an insult, and asking whether her blue hair was natural or dyed so she could reprimand her, since the school rules clearly forbade dyed hair.
However, she snapped out of her thoughts as soon as she heard the question from the compartment's other occupant, and after remembering why she had knocked in the first place, she looked at both of them with what could only be described as the most bossy, condescending expression she could muster. They knew that expression very well: their parents used it all the time when dealing with people they disliked who thought themselves far more important than they truly were.
"Have you seen a toad? A boy named Neville lost one," she said in what they easily identified as a very authoritative tone, completely skipping every social protocol such as greeting, introducing herself, and… basically just throwing out a question as if they were acquaintances instead of complete strangers.
"Chto ternyer inglichesy s ignorar completa normativa social? Da," Juvia asked, genuinely confused. Seriously, she had spoken with three English people so far and all three completely ignored social code; did they not know that the culture and etiquette of a well-educated society were the key to a firm and lasting government?
"Son anglichane, Juvia… znayesh' tak zhe khorosho, kak ya, chto oni stoletiyami schitayut sebya tsentrom mira i vazhnee ostal'nykh… dazhe yesli ikh obshchestvo nakhoditsya v polnoy upadochnosti" [They are English, Juvia… you know as well as I do that they have spent centuries believing themselves the center of the world and more important than everyone else… even if their society is in complete decay, Naruto commented dryly, earning a confused look from the big-toothed girl, for although he had spoken the same language the blue-haired girl had used before, his tone had been much more… calm and less insulting, so to speak.
The girl, however, had reddened quite a bit at Juvia's clear insult. She, of course, believed she had excellent manners; the fact that she had been bossy and had not even considered introducing herself, naturally, never crossed her mind, much less that this was essentially an affront to proper manners and appropriate social code. And hearing the red-haired boy, even if his tone was much calmer, only worsened her temper and, somehow, made her hair even thicker than it already was.
"It's rude to speak in another language when someone asks you a question, you know?" she said in her haughty and condescending tone, overlooking that she had just proven them right about being completely ill-mannered and acting as if she were the only one in this compartment who held any authority. Then, without giving them the slightest time to answer, she simply turned on her heel and slammed the door shut.
"It is pigs education demand answer without present first… and much more speak in that condescending little tone! Da," Juvia huffed with a snort quite fitting for a princess like her, and simply let herself drop back onto Naruto's shoulder.
Naruto simply laughed softly at his friend's antics and began to gently run his fingers through her hair, making her start to purr with satisfaction.
"See why I didn't want to come in the first place?" he asked softly, giving her yet another of the countless reasons why he genuinely did not want to study in Britain. Its inhabitants were conceited, had superiority complexes, were extremely narrow-minded—very, very narrow-minded—and, most importantly, had manners as if they had been raised in a pigsty.
"Juvia still think can endure… total only be one year!" the blue-haired girl said.
She could endure living with ill-mannered pigs for a year, and if she couldn't, she would simply leave during the Christmas holidays and never return. It wasn't as if she truly needed to study in a school: she was the tsar's daughter, she had the best tutors and teachers her father's money could buy.
Not much time after that, they finally arrived at Hogsmeade Station, and saying the trip had been incredibly annoying and tedious was an understatement. To begin with, they had not met a single person with proper manners or who was even minimally polite. Only one rather shy boy had properly introduced himself before asking about his toad… which, in any case, they hadn't seen; it wasn't as if toads were particularly noticeable.
Leaving all that aside, the station held about as many people as they expected, around 300 students, if Naruto's eyes weren't deceiving him. The older students simply got off the train with their trunks, following a group carrying lanterns, surely guiding them toward the carriages that weren't far from the station.
They were about to follow the older students when, out of nowhere, they saw the rest of the first-years being led in the opposite direction from the carriages, which, besides earning a rather colorful curse from Juvia ("Blyat!"), caused both of them to follow the other newcomers.
Only to be left slightly bewildered at the sight of the largest person they had ever seen. Of course, both were aware of the existence of half-giants, but the ones they had met so far were considerably taller, less hairy, and with hygiene standards far more refined than those shown by the big man before them. That is to say, what kind of minimally educated person displayed a beard so tangled that it hid practically his entire face except for his eyes and nose?
"First years! First years over here!" the giant shouted, attracting the students' attention without much difficulty. It wasn't as if he needed to shout for it; his sheer size was enough.
Juvia, for her part, simply looked at the big man with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty. "Creer haber ley prohibir a medio gigante trabajar cerca niños!" [Believe having read law forbidding half-giant work near children!] she asked innocently. She had nothing against big folk or anything like that, but… they were famous for their complete lack of common sense, being rather clumsy, and sharing Naruto's tendency for dangerous pets… and that said a lot, considering Naruto raised fenrirs as if they were puppies.
"Britain," Naruto reminded her indifferently. Whether Dumbledore had a half-giant working at the school or not was something he didn't particularly care about, though his father certainly would, since once again, laws were there for a reason, not just because the kings wanted them.
With that in mind, he simply took out his notebook, the one his father had asked him to use to write down every irregularity he found in the school, no matter how small. And he wasn't sure why, but something in his mind told him he was going to need more than one of these.
Rolling her eyes, Juvia simply slipped her arm through Naruto's and began guiding him toward the half-giant, who, upon seeing the young pair, couldn't help but smile a little; to his eyes, there was nothing quite like young love.
"You must be the last ones I was missing, now follow me and watch your step!" Once he had everyone gathered, he no longer needed to shout and spoke in a soft voice… though it still sounded like a normal person speaking loudly, but that was natural given his size.
Even so, the group of first-years followed the giant without much resistance and walked along the narrow, thorny, dark, and rather overgrown path, which only made Naruto add even more notes to his notebook, having already filled two pages describing nothing but the path.
Soon, the unmistakable sound of water and the scent of fresh water filled Naruto's nostrils, and he lifted his gaze to see the great body of water that was Hogwarts' Black Lake, which only made him blink in slight confusion. Why in the world had they brought him to the damn lake? Winter was approaching; being close to the water was asking for children to fall ill or, worse yet, suffer hypothermia.
"Give something, at least be quite pretty sight!" Juvia commented in a much calmer tone than before, this being the first time since they had come to Britain that she genuinely found something truly charming.
And it was no wonder, for even if it paled in comparison to the imperial palace of Qin atop the great Mount Tai, or the floating mountains of Eldrieden, Hogwarts Castle was a dazzling sight in the darkness, with its stone walls illuminated by…
"Those… is that torchlight?" Naruto asked while trying to force his eyes to see more clearly, but even elven eyes had their limits at night. Still, he was fairly certain that instead of using rune-light illumination, the damned castle was still using candles and torches to light its hallways.
"Continuous fire hazard," he sighed before adding more notes to his notebook. He hadn't even spent a full hour in the school and had already found another damn violation of the safety code.
"Four to a boat! No more than four to a boat!" the half-giant shouted, causing Juvia to drag Naruto toward one of the boats, where, to their misfortune, the same thick-haired, big-toothed girl boarded shortly after, along with another boy they didn't bother paying attention to.
"What are we getting on the boats for?" Naruto asked, not entirely sure what was supposed to be happening at that moment.
Fortunately, before the thick-haired girl could begin a tirade about paying attention and how he couldn't go through life without giving the slightest attention to people, the half-giant had given the order for everyone to sit down. After that, the unmistakable sound of wood hitting wood reached everyone's ears, and soon the boats began their slow movement over the dark, frozen surface of the Black Lake.
"They use boats to take children to school," Naruto muttered as he wrote down another violation of the safety code. Damn it. The views were not worth the students' health.
After a short boat ride that gave them a good view of part of the castle, they finally reached the other shore, where they were guided along a wet and slippery path that once again made Naruto scribble quickly in his notebook.
Fortunately, although the interior of the castle was still just as damp and cold, at least it was not damp enough to cause accidents, so he only noted that the castle needed to improve many aspects, such as lighting and heating.
So focused was he on his thoughts that he truly never paid attention to how they had arrived at what would be the doors of the Great Hall, nor to how the half-giant had escorted them to their place in front of the entrance.
"Everyone, pay attention!" The firm, feminine voice of a woman made Naruto look up to see a tall, rather severe-looking witch, with dark and graying hair tied in a tight bun. The woman in question introduced herself as Deputy Headmistress McGonagall, and then proceeded to give what could only be described as a speech clearly rehearsed and repeated—surely every year—word for word. In it, she explained how following the rules would earn them house points, how breaking them would earn detentions and loss of points, and how they would soon be sorted into each of the four houses: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin.
And she explained how during the seven years they would spend at Hogwarts… (not as if Naruto planned to spend all seven years here if he could avoid it…) their house would be like their family, and that they should stay united and always present a united front at all times to forge bonds of friendship, and he didn't know what else, because he had disconnected the moment she began talking about the power of friendship and bonds. Of course, he knew those were very real things, since love magic existed and was quite powerful, but it wasn't something taught in a school; that was something you learned by… literally experiencing it yourself.
Finally, she informed them that they would soon undergo the selection test, but that she would not reveal what it was, which naturally made Naruto roll his eyes. It was completely unnecessary theatrics when literally the stupid hat that sorted the houses appeared in the newspapers every year as the oldest magical relic in the British Isles… which was technically a lie, since the swords of the Round Table existed, but he supposed the hat gained points for being a hat and not a piece of metal.
With the speech finished, she simply asked them to wait a few moments while she prepared the rest of the student body for their arrival, and without another word, she turned around and entered through the doors of the Great Hall.
"That be completely tedious!" Juvia muttered before simply looking at Naruto with a charming smile. "I go bother Malfoy, you come?"
"Pass. I have to think how to organize all this into a letter for Father," Naruto said as he reviewed the list of notes he had. And damn, he was going to hate this job: one hour in and he had already identified more than half a hundred violations of the safety code, the sanitation code, and the labor code, if they considered that they had a half-giant guiding the first-year children.
"You lose!" she said before walking away from her friend with a cheerful skip in her steps.
END OF CHAPTER.