INT. PADDY'S PUB — DAY
MAC(pacing in front of the bar like he's pitching Shark Tank, veins full of protein powder)
Dennis, I'm telling you—haptic VR is the future. It's not just "look at a thing." It's feel the thing. You can train in VR while you work out in real life and get fucking ripped.
DENNIS(behind the bar, polishing a glass with pure contempt)
Why?! You can do that without the goofy nerd goggles.
MAC(offended, doubling down)
No—because in VR you're doing combat training, okay? You're doing tactical movement. You're doing reactive resistance. It's— it's basically special forces training except—
DENNIS(cutting him off)
Except you're a grown man pretending to fight dragons in a headset.
DEE(on her phone, doomscrolling, half-listening)
VR is just catfishing with extra steps.
MAC(spins to Dee, thrilled she's engaged at all)
THANK YOU. Exactly! That's part of it. You can curate your identity, you can—
DEE(deadpan)
No, I meant like… you put on the goggles, and some greasy guy who lives in a basement says he's a 6'4" warrior prince, then you "fall in love" with him, and he steals your money.
DENNIS(pointing with the glass)
See? Dee gets it. It's a scam. It's a scam for losers with weak bodies and weaker minds.
MAC(taking that personally)
My body is not weak.
DENNIS(barely looking up)
Your body is loud.
MAC(steamrolling through)
It's not a scam. It's like— okay, imagine this: you're in a gym, right? But also you're in a medieval battlefield. So you're doing squats, but you're also dodging arrows. You're doing pull-ups, but you're also climbing a castle wall—
DENNIS(flat)
So it's exercise, but embarrassing.
MAC(frustrated)
It's exercise, but heroic.
DEE(without looking up)
It's exercise, but you get groomed.
MAC(pointing at Dee like she's being unfair)
You don't get groomed if you're the groomer.
DEE(looks up, offended)
Excuse me?
DENNIS(eyes narrow, intrigued by the phrasing)
That's… a disturbing sentence.
MAC(realizing too late, backpedaling)
No! I mean— you control the narrative! You control the space! Like, Dennis, you would dominate in VR.
DENNIS(instantly defensive, but curious)
I would dominate anywhere.
MAC(leaning in, seductive salesman mode)
Exactly. And in VR? You can dominate in a cape.
DENNIS(visibly disgusted by the idea of himself in a cape)
I will not be wearing a cape.
DEE(smirking)
Dennis would absolutely wear a cape.
DENNIS(cold)
I would wear a tailored coat. A mantle. A drape. Not a cape. Capes are for children and magicians.
MAC(excited again)
Okay—fine! A mantle! Great! That's the beauty of VR, dude! You can be whoever you want!
DENNIS(stops polishing, turns slowly)
No. That's the horror of VR. It's an entire world built by people who should not be allowed to build worlds.
DEE(scrolling again)
Yeah, no, that's true. It's like giving the weird kids from high school their own country.
MAC(angry)
You're acting like this isn't already happening. We're already in a world where weird kids have platforms.
DENNIS(gesturing broadly to the bar)
And look at the results, Mac. Look around. This is the world. It's sticky. It's depressing. It smells like failure and bleach.
MAC(confident)
That's why we need VR.
DEE(snorts)
So we can fail in 4D.
(Beat. The bar is quiet except for the sound of Dee's scrolling and Dennis's hatred.)
CHARLIE(O.S., approaching fast)
FRANK! FRANK! WE GOT THE FUTURE!
DENNIS(immediately annoyed)
No.
MAC(turning, excited)
Yes!
DEE(sighs, already regretting whatever's coming)
God damn it.
FRANK(bursting in, carrying a big box like it's a sacred relic)
Everybody shut up. We just found six headsets in the trash.
CHARLIE(behind him, jazz hands, like a deranged Vanna White)
Like a six-pack! Like a franchise!
DENNIS(stares, processing, then calmly horrified)
You found… six expensive electronics… in a dumpster.
FRANK(matter-of-fact)
Yeah.
DENNIS(leans forward)
That is not "yeah." That is crime.
FRANK(shrugs)
It's not crime if it's in the trash.
DENNIS(sharp)
That's not—
CHARLIE(cutting in, proud)
It's trash law, Dennis. Once it's trash, it's free. That's why I'm allowed to eat it.
DENNIS(disgusted)
You're not allowed to eat trash.
CHARLIE(cheerful)
And yet, here I am.
MAC(already grabbing at the box)
Holy shit—are these VR rigs?
FRANK(slaps Mac's hand away)
Easy! Don't get your hand grease on the merchandise.
DEE(finally looking up, interested)
Wait—are these like… the full ones? Like the "lay down and drool" ones?
CHARLIE(nodding intensely)
Yes! They're like fancy sleeping masks. But for your brain.
DENNIS(eyeing the box)
Where did you get these, Frank?
FRANK(opening the flaps, proudly)
We got 'em from behind the dumpsters.
DENNIS(slow)
Yes. I understand that. I'm asking why there were six… futuristic headsets… behind our dumpsters.
CHARLIE(helpful)
They were next to a bunch of ramen and a used mouthguard. So it's legit.
DEE(grossed out)
That makes it less legit, Charlie.
MAC(lifting one headset, reverent)
Oh my God. Dude. This is like— this is like the shit from anime.
DENNIS(immediately flinching at the word "anime")
Don't say anime.
MAC(ignoring him)
This is like full-dive. Like Sword Art Online.
DEE(instantly)
Isn't that the one where people get trapped and die?
CHARLIE(eyes wide, delighted)
Die?!
FRANK(freezes, then annoyed)
Nobody's dying. It's a game.
DENNIS(pointing at Dee)
Why does Dee know that? Dee, why do you know that?
DEE(defensive)
Because I have the internet, Dennis. And because I've been catfished by men who own swords. This is relevant to my life.
MAC(to Dennis, fast)
Dude, it's not about dying. It's about immersion. It's about sensation. It's about—
DENNIS(cutting him off)
It's about losers trying to escape their bodies.
MAC(gesturing to Dennis)
Your body is literally your whole thing! Imagine a world where your body is even better.
DENNIS(eyes narrowing)
My body is already perfect.
DEE(immediate)
It's… fine.
DENNIS(venom)
Don't.
FRANK(holds up a headset, squinting at a label)
Look at this. It's got writing on it.
CHARLIE(popping in close)
Is it Japanese? Can you read Japanese, Frank?
FRANK(lying instantly)
Yeah. I can read Japanese.
DENNIS(already annoyed)
No, you can't.
FRANK(reads it wrong, confidently)
It says… "Property of… Ar—Argus…" and then "Do not remove while in use."
CHARLIE(lighting up)
I told you! Permanent! Like marriage!
DEE(pulling back)
Okay, that's— no. That's bad. That's like a warning warning.
MAC(excited, ignoring every red flag)
This is huge. We could use this. We could—
DENNIS(calculating)
We could sell these.
FRANK(immediately protective)
No, no, no—hold on. We don't sell immediately. We test. We verify. We see the market. We create demand. We—
DENNIS(stares)
Frank, did you just say "create demand"?
FRANK(defensive)
I know business, Dennis.
CHARLIE(to Dennis, whispering, like a secret)
He's a predator.
DENNIS(ignoring Charlie)
We're not "creating demand." We're selling them to the first idiot with cash before we get arrested.
MAC(offended on behalf of VR nerds)
They're not idiots. They're early adopters.
DEE(suddenly inspired)
Wait—what if I use it. Like, hear me out: I become a VR streamer. I become, like, a cute fantasy girl. Everybody loves me. I get donations. I get sponsorships. Boom. Fame.
DENNIS(immediately jealous)
Nobody is donating to you, Dee.
DEE(snaps)
People donate to women online, Dennis. That's like… a thing.
DENNIS(cold)
Not you.
MAC(to Dee, fired up)
No, she's right, Dennis. It's parasocial. It's a whole economy. It's gross, but it's—
DEE(pointing)
Exactly! And I can do the voice. The little anime voice.
DENNIS(horrified)
Don't do an anime voice.
DEE(already doing it, awful)
Hiiii~! I'm Dee-chan—
DENNIS(slams the glass down)
Stop.
CHARLIE(genuine, intrigued)
Dee-chan's pretty good, dude.
DEE(smug)
Thank you.
DENNIS(to Charlie, disgusted)
Don't encourage her.
FRANK(thinking bigger, dangerous)
Forget streaming. Forget selling. If this is like that Sword Online show, you go into a game, you get loot, you get gold—
DENNIS(immediate)
You cannot bring out gold from a video game, Frank.
FRANK(scoffs)
Why not? It's digital. Everything's digital now. Money's digital. Crime is digital. Sex is digital.
DEE(without missing a beat)
Your sex is definitely digital.
FRANK(ignores her)
We go in, we get rare items, we come out, we sell 'em. Like bitcoin. Like— like Pokémon.
CHARLIE(eyes widening like he just saw God)
Dude… what if we find, like, a brain sword?
DENNIS(pinching the bridge of his nose)
A "brain sword."
MAC(thrilled)
Yes! Exactly! We min-max. We grind. We become the strongest. We dominate the server. We become legends.
DENNIS(deadpan)
You're describing being homeless in a headset.
MAC(insistent)
No, dude. This is the future. This is what real men are doing now. Warriors. Hunters. Protectors.
DENNIS(turns fully toward him, voice silky and cruel)
Mac… real men are not "protectors." That is something children say because they're scared of the dark.
MAC(bristling)
I'm not scared of the dark.
DENNIS(smiles)
You're scared of being average.
(Beat. Mac's face tightens. Dee watches like she's at a tennis match.)
MAC(quietly)
Put the headset on, Dennis.
DENNIS(laughs, dismissive)
No.
MAC(leaning in, voice low, challenging)
Put it on. Or admit you're intimidated by the concept of a world where you can't charm your way out of consequences.
DENNIS(freezes for half a second, then recovers)
I can charm my way out of any consequence.
DEE(immediate)
No, you can't.
DENNIS(snaps to Dee)
Yes, I can.
DEE(shrugs)
You charm your way into consequences. Different thing.
CHARLIE(nodding, wise)
It's like a trap-door charm.
FRANK(slaps the box)
Alright. We're doing it. We're trying 'em. Five minutes. We go in, we look around, we come out, we decide how to monetize the dream-world.
DENNIS(pointing)
I'm not "going in."
MAC(already moving)
You're going in.
DEE(standing up, excited, already imagining fame)
I'm going in.
CHARLIE(raising his hand like a kid in class)
I'm going in. I've been ready to go in for a long time.
FRANK(to Dennis)
Dennis, if you don't go in, you're gonna be the only asshole left out, and then you won't know what we're doing, and we'll scam you.
DENNIS(immediately, offended)
You won't scam me.
FRANK(grinning)
Then come in.
DENNIS(beat, then through clenched teeth)
Fine. Five minutes. And if I see a single elf, I'm suing someone.
CHARLIE(delighted)
Who you gonna sue, Dennis? The elves?
DENNIS(flat)
I will find an authority figure. I will demand answers. I will ruin their life.
MAC(clapping once, pumped)
YES. That's the spirit. That's the energy. That's the hero mindset.
DENNIS(turns)
I am not a hero.
DEE(grabbing a headset)
I'm gonna be a princess.
CHARLIE(grabbing one too, reverent)
I'm gonna be a wizard.
FRANK(grabbing one, already plotting)
I'm gonna be rich.
DENNIS(grabbing his like it's contaminated)
I'm going to be the same. But better.
MAC(grabbing his, flexing instinctively)
I'm going to be jacked.
INT. PADDY'S PUB — BOOTH — MOMENTS LATER
(The gang crowds into the booth like it's a cult meeting.)
DEE(adjusting the headset like it's couture)
Okay, do we… do we like… breathe normal? Or—
CHARLIE(already half-drifting, eyes unfocused, thrilled)
I think you gotta breathe special.
DENNIS(tight)
Charlie, shut up.
FRANK(patting his headset)
Alright. Everybody in. On three.
MAC(pumped, like a team captain)
This is it. This is the future. This is—
DEE(interrupting)
This is definitely how you get murdered.
FRANK(ignores, counts)
One…
CHARLIE(whispering, solemn)
Goodbye, bar world.
FRANK
Two…
DENNIS(already disgusted, but committed)
If this ruins my hair, I'm killing you.
FRANK
Three.
(They put the headsets on in near-unison.)
SMASH TO BLACK.