Jiraiya of the Sannin had seen many things in his life.
He had fought in three ninja wars. He had trained the Fourth Hokage. He had faced down Hanzo the Salamander and lived. He had written bestselling adult literature that sold millions of copies across the Elemental Nations.
He was a legend.
He was a sage.
He was, at this particular moment, absolutely terrified.
"So," he said, his voice cracking slightly, "you're Roku Tanaka."
"That's me! Nice to meet you, Jiraiya-sama!"
Roku extended his hand for a handshake.
Jiraiya stared at it like it might explode.
"The Hokage warned me about you," Jiraiya said slowly. "He said you were... unique."
"I get that a lot!"
"He said you accidentally manifested Amaterasu without a Sharingan."
"Yeah, I'm not sure how that happened."
"He said you turned into something that made Orochimaru—my former teammate, one of the most fearless ninja alive—flee in terror."
"He was being mean to my friends!"
"He said you have a pet dragon who is actually a primordial lightning goddess."
"Sparky's great! She's right over there!"
Jiraiya looked to where Roku was pointing.
Sparky stood in her human form, arms crossed, watching Jiraiya with the cold calculation of a predator evaluating prey.
"Toad Sage," she said flatly. "I have heard of you."
"Good things, I hope?"
"I have heard that you spy on women in bathing areas."
"That's... research."
"If you attempt to involve Roku in your 'research,' I will reduce you to component atoms."
"Noted. Very noted. Extremely noted."
Sparky nodded curtly and returned to her silent vigil.
Jiraiya turned back to Roku.
"Your girlfriend is intense."
"Girlfriend? Sparky's my best friend!"
"She... she literally confessed her love to you. I read the reports."
"Yeah, she said she loves me! That's what best friends do!"
Jiraiya opened his mouth.
Closed it.
Opened it again.
"That's not... that's not what that means."
"What do you mean?"
Jiraiya looked at this cheerful, oblivious young man—this walking catastrophe, this accidental god, this being of incomprehensible power who genuinely didn't understand that a primordial deity had romantically confessed to him.
"Never mind," Jiraiya said weakly. "Let's just start training."
The training ground Jiraiya had chosen was remote.
Very remote.
Specifically, it was an uninhabited valley three days' travel from Konoha, chosen because anything Roku accidentally destroyed would be far from civilization.
"The Hokage told me your main issue is chakra control," Jiraiya said, having recovered some of his composure. "You have enormous reserves—possibly the largest I've ever sensed—but no ability to regulate them."
"That sounds about right!"
"So we're going to work on that. Basic exercises. Simple techniques. Nothing fancy."
"Okay!"
"And if anything weird happens, we stop immediately and assess."
"That's probably smart!"
Jiraiya nodded, feeling slightly more confident.
This would be fine. He was a Sannin. He had trained jinchūriki before. He could handle one overpowered, well-meaning disaster of a human being.
How hard could it be?
Very hard.
Impossibly hard.
Jiraiya would later describe this training session as "the worst experience of my life, and I once fought a snake man who tried to steal my body."
It started simply enough.
"First, we'll work on water walking," Jiraiya said. "It's the same principle as tree walking, but on an unstable surface. You need to constantly adjust your chakra output to—"
"I tried tree walking once!" Roku said helpfully. "I flew into the sky!"
"You... flew?"
"Yeah! Like, really high! Sparky had to catch me!"
Jiraiya's eye twitched.
"Let's... let's skip water walking. We'll try something else."
"Summoning jutsu is one of the most versatile techniques a ninja can learn," Jiraiya explained. "You sign a contract with a summoning clan, and you can call upon their members for assistance."
"That sounds cool!"
"The toads of Mount Myōboku have been my partners for decades. If you'd like, I can introduce you to them."
"Sure! I love making new friends!"
Jiraiya produced a large scroll—the Toad Summoning Contract—and unrolled it.
"Sign your name in blood, then press your fingerprints below. The toads will evaluate your chakra and—"
Roku was already signing.
"—and hopefully accept you as a... wait, you're done already?"
"Yep! Is that bad?"
"No, it's just... most people hesitate. This is a lifelong commitment."
"But I want to meet the toads! They sound nice!"
Jiraiya shook his head and stepped back. "Alright. To summon, you'll need to channel chakra and perform these hand signs—"
Roku was already performing hand signs.
"—and then place your hand on the ground and... WAIT, ROKU, DON'T—"
Roku's palm hit the ground.
The world exploded.
Every ninja within a hundred miles felt it.
A pulse of chakra so massive, so overwhelming, that it registered on sensing equipment across the continent.
In Konoha, the Third Hokage dropped his pipe.
In Suna, Gaara's sand went berserk.
In Kumo, the Raikage's coffee cup shattered in his grip.
In the Pure Land, Madara Uchiha sat up from his eternal rest and screamed.
The smoke cleared slowly.
Jiraiya coughed, waving his hand to disperse the dust.
"Roku? ROKU?! Are you—"
He stopped.
He looked up.
He kept looking up.
And up.
And UP.
The creature that stood before him was not a toad.
It was not any creature from any summoning contract in existence.
It was the Ten-Tails.
The Primordial God-Tree.
The original source of all chakra.
The ultimate weapon that the Sage of Six Paths had sealed within himself, then divided into nine parts, then sealed the husk within the moon.
It was supposed to be dead.
It was supposed to be divided.
It was supposed to be IMPOSSIBLE to summon.
And yet here it was—a hundred meters tall, ten tails swaying lazily behind it, its massive singular eye looking down at the training ground with an expression of profound confusion.
"...What?"
Its voice shook the earth.
"Where... where am I? What year is this? Who summoned me?"
Roku waved cheerfully from beside its massive foot.
"Hi! I'm Roku! Sorry, I think I messed up the summoning jutsu!"
The Ten-Tails looked down.
Its eye focused on the tiny human who had just casually bypassed every seal, every dimensional barrier, every fundamental law of reality to summon it back into existence.
"You... you summoned ME?"
"I was trying to summon a toad! But I think I put too much chakra in!"
"'Too much chakra.' You put 'too much chakra' into a summoning jutsu, and you accidentally summoned the PROGENITOR OF ALL CHAKRA."
"Is that bad?"
The Ten-Tails was silent for a long moment.
"I have existed since before humanity. I have been feared as a god. I was divided by the Sage himself, and my components were scattered across the world as the Tailed Beasts. I have been sealed in the moon for a MILLENNIUM."
"That sounds lonely."
"...What?"
"Being sealed in the moon for a thousand years. That sounds really lonely. Did you have anyone to talk to?"
The Ten-Tails—the ultimate calamity, the final enemy, the being that existed to destroy and consume—felt something it had never felt before.
It felt... confused.
"No," it admitted. "I was alone."
"That's so sad! Everyone needs friends!"
"I... I don't have friends. I am a force of nature. A weapon. A—"
"Well, you have one now! I'm Roku, and I'll be your friend!"
Jiraiya watched this conversation happen.
He watched the most powerful being in existence—the creature that would have served as the ultimate weapon in Madara's infinite tsukuyomi plan—get befriended by a cheerful idiot who felt bad about its loneliness.
"I need to sit down," he muttered.
He sat down.
It didn't help.
"You want to be my... friend?" the Ten-Tails asked, its voice uncertain.
"Sure! Why not?"
"Because I am the ultimate evil. The destroyer of worlds. The—"
"You don't seem evil to me."
"I have ended civilizations."
"Did you WANT to end them?"
The Ten-Tails paused.
"I... no. Not particularly. I was sealed, and then I was released, and then people were attacking me, and I was confused and scared and—"
It stopped abruptly.
Had it just admitted to being scared?
The Ten-Tails did not get scared.
The Ten-Tails CAUSED fear.
"It's okay to be scared," Roku said gently. "Everyone gets scared sometimes. Even me!"
"YOU get scared? You, who summoned me with an accident? You, whose power I can barely comprehend?"
"Sure! I'm scared of failing my friends. I'm scared of hurting people by accident. I'm scared of lots of things!"
"But you don't act scared."
"Because being scared doesn't mean you can't still try your best! Being scared just means you care about the outcome!"
The Ten-Tails processed this.
It processed it for a long time.
And then, slowly, impossibly, it lay down.
The ground shook as its massive body settled onto the earth, its eye coming level with Roku.
"You are... strange," it said. "Strange and kind. No one has ever been kind to me."
"Well, I'm being kind now! What should I call you? Do you have a name?"
"I... I don't remember. It's been so long. I think the Sage called me something once, but..."
"How about Jūbi? That's what people call you, right? The Ten-Tails?"
"That is a description, not a name."
"Then we'll find you a real name! Something nice!"
The Ten-Tails—Jūbi—made a sound that might have been a laugh.
"You would name the destroyer of worlds?"
"Everyone deserves a name! How about... hmm... what do you like? What makes you happy?"
"I don't know. I've never thought about it."
"Then we'll figure it out together! That's what friends do!"
Jiraiya watched this exchange in stunned silence.
The Ten-Tails—the ACTUAL TEN-TAILS—was having a conversation about its feelings.
With his student.
Who was patting its enormous nose like it was a puppy.
And the Ten-Tails was... purring?
Could something that big purr?
Apparently, yes.
"I'm going to need SO much sake after this," Jiraiya muttered.
"I should return to my rest," Jūbi said eventually. "My presence in this world will attract attention. Dangerous attention."
"Will you come back if I summon you again?"
"You... you would summon me again?"
"Sure! We're friends now! Friends visit each other!"
Jūbi's massive eye blinked slowly.
"I... yes. I will come if you call. But please... be careful. There are those who would use me as a weapon. Who would seal me again, or worse."
"I won't let that happen! I'll protect you!"
"You would protect ME? The Ten-Tails?"
"Of course! That's what friends do!"
Jūbi made that almost-laughing sound again.
"You are the strangest being I have ever encountered, Roku Tanaka. And I have encountered the Sage of Six Paths himself."
"Thanks! I think that's a compliment?"
"It is. It definitely is."
The Ten-Tails began to fade, its form becoming translucent, returning to whatever dimension it had been sealed within.
"Until next time, friend," it said as it vanished. "I will be waiting."
And then it was gone.
The training ground was silent.
Roku turned to Jiraiya with a bright smile.
"That went well!"
Jiraiya's eye twitched.
"You befriended the Ten-Tails."
"Yeah! Jūbi seems really nice once you get past the whole 'ultimate calamity' thing!"
"You named it JŪBI."
"It's a placeholder until we find a better name!"
"YOU PATTED ITS NOSE LIKE A DOG."
"It seemed to like it!"
Jiraiya sat down again.
He was already sitting, but he felt like he needed to sit MORE.
"The Ten-Tails," he said weakly. "The being that the Sage of Six Paths died to seal. The creature whose return would end the world. It likes having its nose patted."
"Isn't that great? Everyone deserves affection!"
From her position on a nearby cliff, Sparky observed everything.
She was not jealous of the Ten-Tails.
She was ABSOLUTELY NOT jealous.
The fact that her lightning was crackling more intensely than usual was simply due to atmospheric conditions.
"Another ancient being falls to his charm," she muttered. "This is becoming a pattern."
She looked at her human hands.
She had taken this form to be closer to Roku. To interact with him on a level that her dragon form could not.
But now there was competition.
First the human women—she could handle them. They were mortal, limited, temporary.
But the TEN-TAILS?
"I am still his best friend," she told herself firmly. "A thousand years of sealed slumber does not override our bond."
She paused.
"Though perhaps I should be more... demonstrative."
That evening, Roku and Jiraiya made camp.
Or rather, Roku made camp while Jiraiya sat in a corner, drinking sake and muttering to himself about "the fundamental nature of reality" and "everything I knew was wrong."
Sparky materialized beside Roku, her human form solid and warm.
"You had an eventful day," she observed.
"I made a new friend!"
"The Ten-Tails."
"Yeah! Jūbi's really sweet once you get to know them!"
"The ultimate calamity. The destroyer of worlds. 'Sweet.'"
"Everyone has good in them, Sparky. Even ancient primordial entities!"
Sparky felt that familiar warmth in her chest—the emotion she had come to recognize as love.
He truly believed it. That was what made him special. He saw the good in everything, everyone, without exception.
"Roku," she said, her voice softer than usual.
"Yeah?"
"I... I want you to know something."
"What's that?"
"No matter what beings you befriend—other goddesses, ancient calamities, or anything else—I will always be your first."
Roku blinked.
"My first what?"
"Your first... companion. From beyond mortality."
"Oh! Yeah, you were my first mythical friend! That's special!"
Sparky's eye twitched.
"That is not quite what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"I meant that I—"
"Hey, Roku!" Jiraiya interrupted, finally emerging from his despair spiral. "We should talk about what happened today!"
Sparky's lightning crackled dangerously.
"Toad Sage," she said through gritted teeth. "Your timing is IMPECCABLE."
"Was I interrupting something?"
"YES."
"Great! Anyway, Roku, we need to discuss the implications of—"
A bolt of lightning struck the ground directly in front of Jiraiya.
He froze.
"Perhaps," Sparky said sweetly, "you could give us a moment?"
"Yes. Absolutely. Taking a walk now. A very long walk. Goodbye."
Jiraiya fled.
Sparky turned back to Roku.
"Now, as I was saying—"
"Is Jiraiya-sama okay? That lightning came really close to him!"
"He is fine. I missed on purpose."
"Oh, good! I was worried!"
Sparky took a deep breath.
"Roku. I am trying to tell you something important."
"I'm listening!"
"When I said I love you... I meant it in a specific way. A romantic way. I want to be more than friends."
Roku's face scrunched up in concentration.
"More than friends? Like... best friends?"
"No. Like... partners. Mates. The human term is 'lovers.'"
"Oh."
Roku was quiet for a moment.
"But we're already really close! Isn't that the same thing?"
"It is not the same thing. There is a difference between friendship and romance."
"What's the difference?"
Sparky opened her mouth.
Closed it.
She had existed for eons. She had witnessed the birth and death of stars. She had been worshipped as a deity and feared as a destroyer.
And she could not explain romance to this oblivious man.
"Physical intimacy," she said finally. "Exclusive emotional commitment. The desire to build a life together."
"But I already want to build a life with you! You're my best friend!"
"That is—" Sparky paused. "Actually, that is a start."
"A start to what?"
"To understanding. We will work on it."
She sat down beside him, close enough that their shoulders touched.
"For now, just know that I care for you. Deeply. In a way that goes beyond friendship."
"I care for you too, Sparky! You're really important to me!"
"I know. That is why I will be patient."
She leaned her head against his shoulder.
"Eternally patient, if necessary."
The next morning, training resumed.
"Okay," Jiraiya said, having somewhat recovered from the previous day's trauma. "New plan. No more summoning jutsu."
"But I wanted to try meeting the toads!"
"The toads can wait. We're going to work on something simpler. Something that can't possibly go wrong."
Sparky snorted from her observation point.
"Famous last words."
Jiraiya ignored her.
"We're going to work on basic chakra nature transformation. Everyone has a natural affinity for one of the five elements. Water, fire, earth, wind, or lightning. The first step is figuring out which one you have."
He pulled out a piece of paper.
"This is chakra paper. When you channel chakra into it, the paper will react based on your nature. If it burns, you have fire. If it gets wet, water. If it crumbles, earth. If it splits, wind. If it wrinkles, lightning."
"That's cool!"
"It's basic Academy stuff, but we need to start somewhere. Here, take the paper and channel a small amount of chakra."
Roku took the paper.
He channeled chakra.
The paper did not burn.
The paper did not get wet.
The paper did not crumble, split, or wrinkle.
The paper ceased to exist.
Not destroyed—ERASED. As if it had never been.
And in its place, floating in Roku's palm, was a perfect sphere of pure white energy.
It was beautiful.
It was terrifying.
It was definitely not any of the five standard chakra natures.
"What... what is that?" Jiraiya whispered.
"I'm not sure! It's pretty, though!"
The sphere pulsed gently, radiating warmth and light.
"It feels nice," Roku said, cupping it in his hands. "Like... like everything good, all at once."
Jiraiya's hands were shaking.
"That's not elemental chakra. That's not ANY kind of chakra I've ever seen. That's..."
He trailed off.
He didn't have words.
"It appears to be creation itself," Sparky observed, her voice unusually quiet. "Pure creative energy. The force that existed before the elements were differentiated."
"Is that rare?"
"It is not rare. It is IMPOSSIBLE. The Sage of Six Paths could create things from nothing. No one since has possessed that ability."
"Oh." Roku looked at the sphere. "Should I put it back?"
"PUT IT BACK WHERE?!"
"I don't know! Where did it come from?"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
The sphere eventually faded on its own, leaving behind a faint glow in Roku's palms that lasted for several hours.
Jiraiya spent those hours drinking.
"I was supposed to train you," he muttered. "I was supposed to help you control your power. Instead, you've shown me that everything I know about chakra is fundamentally incomplete."
"Sorry!"
"Don't apologize. Just... sit over there. Don't touch anything. Don't think about anything. Just... exist quietly."
"I can do that!"
Roku sat down and began meditating.
It was peaceful.
For about ten minutes.
"Jiraiya-sama?" Roku said, his eyes still closed.
"What."
"I think someone's coming."
"What do you mean?"
"I can feel them. Three people. Strong chakra. They feel... angry."
Jiraiya immediately went on alert.
His sensing abilities were good, but he couldn't detect anyone.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. They're still pretty far away, but they're coming fast. One of them feels really sad and confused—like there's something wrong with them."
"Wrong how?"
"Like they're not whole? Like parts of them are fighting other parts?"
Sparky's eyes narrowed.
"A jinchūriki," she said. "With an unstable seal."
"Can you tell which one?"
"Based on the description... the One-Tail. Gaara of the Sand."
Gaara had not planned to find Roku.
He had not planned anything.
Shukaku was screaming in his head, demanding blood, and the only way to make the screaming stop was to kill.
Kill.
KILL.
KILL KILL KILL—
"Shut UP!" Gaara snarled, clutching his head.
"Gaara!" Temari called from beside him. "You need to calm down!"
"I CAN'T! He won't stop! He never stops!"
Kankuro moved to restrain his brother, but sand lashed out, driving him back.
"Don't touch me! Everyone who touches me DIES!"
That's right, Shukaku cackled. Kill them. Kill everyone. You're a weapon, boy. That's all you'll ever be. A weapon, a monster, a—
"Gaara?"
A new voice.
Gaara looked up.
Roku was standing at the edge of the clearing, looking concerned.
"You're the guy from the exams," Gaara said, his voice hoarse. "The one who... the one who..."
He couldn't finish the sentence.
He couldn't remember what Roku had done. Only that it had made Shukaku go silent for the first time in Gaara's memory.
HIM, Shukaku hissed. It's HIM. The one who scared us. Kill him! Kill him before he—
"You look like you're hurting," Roku said, walking closer. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
"STAY BACK!" Sand erupted around Gaara, forming a protective shield. "I'LL KILL YOU!"
"I don't think you want to kill me."
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT!"
"I know you're in pain. I can feel it." Roku kept walking, completely unafraid. "There's something inside you that hurts. Something that won't let you rest."
Gaara's eyes widened.
"How... how do you know that?"
"Because I can see it. It's like a wound that never heals. It keeps bleeding and bleeding, and you're so tired of the blood."
Kill him, Shukaku urged, but the demon's voice was weaker now. Kill him before he—
"I can help," Roku said. "If you let me."
He reached out his hand.
The sand rose to block him.
And then, gently, Roku touched the sand.
Gaara felt it.
A warmth. A light. Something reaching past the sand, past Shukaku's defenses, past all the walls he had built around his shattered heart.
Something touched the broken pieces of his soul.
And began putting them back together.
In the seal, Shukaku thrashed.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! STOP! STOP IT!
But he couldn't stop it. The light was everywhere, filling every crack, every wound, every dark corner where the demon had hidden his influence.
And then the light spoke.
Why are you so angry?
BECAUSE I'M A WEAPON! BECAUSE I WAS CREATED TO DESTROY! BECAUSE—
But do you WANT to be a weapon?
The question stopped Shukaku cold.
Want?
What do you actually want? Not what you were made for. What do YOU want?
Shukaku had never been asked that question.
He had never even considered it.
I... I don't know.
That's okay. You can figure it out. But first, you need to stop hurting Gaara.
He's my host. I can't—
You can. You're choosing not to. There's a difference.
BUT IF I STOP, I'LL JUST BE... NOTHING.
You won't be nothing. You'll be you. Whoever that is.
I don't know who that is.
Then you get to find out. That's exciting, isn't it?
Shukaku was silent for a long time.
...Maybe.
So will you stop hurting Gaara?
...I can try.
That's all anyone can do.
Gaara opened his eyes.
The sand had fallen.
His mind was quiet.
For the first time in his entire life, his mind was QUIET.
"What... what did you do?" he whispered.
"I just talked to your friend," Roku said, smiling. "He's not as mean as he pretends to be."
"Shukaku is not my friend. He's a monster."
"He was scared. Scared and lonely. Kind of like you."
Gaara's eyes widened.
"How do you—"
"Everyone who's been alone too long starts to hurt. It's not their fault. They just need someone to remind them that they don't have to be alone anymore."
Roku extended his hand again.
"You don't have to be alone anymore, Gaara. You can have friends. Real ones."
Gaara stared at the offered hand.
He had killed everyone who had ever tried to touch him.
His own uncle. His own father's assassins. Random villagers who looked at him wrong.
But this man... this strange, kind, impossibly powerful man...
Gaara took his hand.
And nothing bad happened.
Temari and Kankuro watched in stunned silence.
"Did... did that just happen?" Kankuro asked.
"Gaara took someone's hand," Temari replied, her voice faint. "Without killing them."
"And Shukaku isn't screaming?"
"I don't think so. Look at his face."
Gaara's face, usually twisted in barely-contained madness, was peaceful. Confused, but peaceful.
"I don't understand," Gaara said quietly.
"That's okay," Roku replied. "You don't have to understand right away. Just know that you're not alone anymore. I'm your friend now. And friends help each other."
"Friends..."
"Yeah! We can hang out and talk and do fun stuff together! That's what friends do!"
Gaara looked at Roku with an expression that might have been wonder.
"I've never... I've never had a friend before."
"Well, now you have one! And if you want, I can introduce you to my other friends! They're really nice!"
"Other friends?"
"Yeah! There's Naruto—he has a fox inside him, kind of like your raccoon! And Sasuke—he's learning how to care about people! And Sakura—she's really smart! And Sparky—she's a lightning goddess!"
Gaara looked at Sparky.
Sparky looked at Gaara.
"Welcome to the circle," she said dryly. "The entry fee is apparently being traumatized and then befriended."
"I... thank you?"
"Do not thank me. Thank him." She gestured at Roku. "He is the one who cannot stop adopting broken things."
"I don't adopt broken things!" Roku protested. "I just make friends!"
"You befriended a primordial lightning goddess. A progenitor of all chakra. And now a jinchūriki with severe psychological damage."
"Because they're all nice!"
"They were not nice before you met them. The Ten-Tails was a world-ending calamity."
"Jūbi's a sweetheart!"
"Jūbi has destroyed CIVILIZATIONS."
"Everyone has bad days!"
Sparky pinched the bridge of her nose.
"This is my existence now," she muttered. "Forever."
Jiraiya emerged from his hiding spot, where he had been observing everything.
"So," he said, his voice carefully neutral. "You fixed Gaara."
"I didn't fix him! I just talked to him!"
"You talked to Shukaku. The One-Tailed Beast. And convinced it to stop tormenting its host."
"Shukaku was just scared and lonely! He needed someone to listen!"
Jiraiya looked at Gaara, who was still holding Roku's hand with an expression of shellshocked wonder.
He looked at Sparky, who was radiating exasperated affection.
He looked at the sky, which was completely normal and not at all ominous.
"We should probably get back to training," he said. "Before anything ELSE happens."
That was, of course, when something else happened.
A massive chakra signature appeared at the edge of Jiraiya's sensing range.
Multiple signatures, actually.
Coming fast.
Coming with hostile intent.
"We've got company," Jiraiya said, immediately going on alert. "Multiple hostiles. Jounin level, at minimum."
"More friends?" Roku asked hopefully.
"I don't think so."
The attackers burst from the treeline—five ninja wearing blank masks, their chakra suppressed but still radiating killing intent.
"Roku Tanaka," the lead figure said. "You will come with us. Our master wishes to study your abilities."
"Who's your master?"
"That is not your concern. Come quietly, and your companions will not be harmed."
Sparky stepped forward, lightning crackling around her fists.
"You threaten my beloved. You will regret this."
"A lightning user. Impressive, but—"
Sparky moved.
She didn't attack. Didn't strike. Just MOVED, faster than human eyes could track, until she was standing directly in front of the lead ninja.
"You were saying?"
The ninja backpedaled, but Sparky matched his movement perfectly.
"You cannot run. You cannot hide. You cannot escape."
"Everyone calm down!" Roku said, moving between Sparky and the attackers. "We don't need to fight!"
"Roku, they're trying to kidnap you."
"Maybe they just want to talk!"
"They explicitly said they want to take you to their master for study!"
"Well... maybe we can negotiate?"
The lead ninja stared at this strange young man who was trying to de-escalate a kidnapping attempt.
"There is no negotiation. You come with us, or we take you by force."
"But violence is bad! Someone might get hurt!"
"That is the point."
"What if I just said no? Would you leave?"
"We would take you anyway."
"That seems rude."
The ninja's eye twitched behind his mask.
"Just... come with us. Please."
"Okay!"
"ROKU!" Jiraiya, Sparky, and Gaara shouted in unison.
"What? He said please!"
"That doesn't mean you should go with kidnappers!"
"But they asked nicely..."
Sparky had had enough.
"Roku," she said, her voice dangerously calm. "These people want to hurt you. To dissect you. To take you apart and study the pieces."
"But—"
"If you go with them, I will destroy them. All of them. And then I will destroy whoever sent them. And then I will destroy everything and everyone they have ever associated with. I will leave nothing but ash and memory, and even the memory will fade."
The ninjas took a step back.
"Do you understand?"
Roku's expression shifted.
Not to fear—to concern.
"Sparky, you shouldn't say things like that. Even if you don't mean it."
"I mean every word."
"But that's... that's a lot of destruction."
"For you, I would destroy the world."
Roku was quiet for a moment.
Then he smiled—soft and sad.
"I wouldn't want you to. The world has a lot of nice people in it. Destroying it would be wrong."
"Then tell these people to leave, and I will not destroy them."
Roku turned to the ninjas.
"You should probably go," he said apologetically. "Sparky gets really protective, and I don't want anyone to get hurt."
The lead ninja hesitated.
On one hand, his orders were clear.
On the other hand, the lightning goddess was looking at him like he was already dead.
"This isn't over," he said finally. "Our master will not accept failure."
"Then tell your master I said hi! And maybe we can talk later, under better circumstances!"
The ninjas vanished.
Jiraiya let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.
"That was... that was something."
"Do you think they'll come back?" Roku asked.
"Almost certainly. Whoever sent them is clearly powerful and motivated. They won't stop just because their first attempt failed."
"Then we should figure out who they are and talk to them!"
"Talk to them."
"Yeah! Maybe they just don't understand that I'm not a threat!"
"Roku, you befriended the Ten-Tails. You fixed Gaara's seal. You turned Kabuto into a sobbing wreck. You ARE a threat, whether you mean to be or not."
"But I'm a nice threat!"
"There's no such thing as a—" Jiraiya stopped himself. "Actually, I don't know anymore. With you, there might be."
That night, dark clouds gathered over the training ground.
Not metaphorically—literal storm clouds, black and churning, filled with electricity.
"That's weird," Roku observed. "It wasn't supposed to rain."
"That is not natural weather," Sparky said, her eyes narrowed. "Something is manipulating the atmosphere."
"What kind of something?"
"I do not know. But it feels... old. Powerful."
Lightning began to arc between the clouds—massive bolts that lit up the sky.
"It's pretty," Roku said.
"It's dangerous," Jiraiya countered. "We should find shelter."
"But I want to see it up close!"
"ROKU, NO—"
But Roku was already walking toward the center of the training ground, arms spread wide, face turned up to the churning sky.
"It feels like Sparky," he said. "Like lightning, but... bigger. Wilder."
"That is primordial lightning," Sparky said, her voice carrying a note of wonder. "The lightning that existed before the world had a name. I thought I was the last fragment of it."
"There's more?"
"Apparently. And it's... calling to you."
A bolt descended.
Not toward the ground—toward ROKU.
It was massive—kilometers long, thick as a building, carrying enough power to level a city.
And Roku caught it.
He didn't mean to.
He just... reacted.
His hands came up, and the lightning BENT, curving around him, condensing from a world-ending strike into a sphere of crackling energy the size of a basketball.
And then he kept catching more.
Bolt after bolt after bolt—the entire storm's worth of lightning, drawn into his hands, compressed, contained, controlled.
"This is amazing!" Roku shouted over the thunder. "It's like pure power!"
"He is creating something," Sparky whispered, her voice awed. "He is creating a new technique. A new form of lightning."
In Konoha, the Third Hokage dropped his pipe for the second time that week.
In the Pure Land, Madara Uchiha started screaming again.
In various locations throughout the Elemental Nations, sensors felt a power spike that made every alarm go off simultaneously.
The lightning sphere in Roku's hands grew.
It took shape—condensing into something that was not a ball, but a FORM. A creature.
A DRAGON.
But not like Sparky. This was something else—something made of raw, unfiltered lightning, too bright to look at directly.
"That is Kirin," Sparky breathed. "Or rather, what Kirin COULD be. What Kirin was always meant to be."
"Kirin?"
"A technique that channels natural lightning. But what you have created... this is beyond Kirin. This is the ORIGINAL. The first lightning beast. The thunder that sounded when the world was born."
The dragon—the TRUE Kirin—opened its eyes.
They were white. Blinding. Infinite.
It looked at Roku.
Roku looked at it.
"Hi!" Roku said cheerfully. "I'm Roku! Sorry for summoning you! I think I caught too much lightning!"
The Kirin stared at him.
"...What?"
"I was watching the storm, and the lightning felt really nice, so I caught some, but then I couldn't stop catching it, and now you're here!"
"You... caught primordial lightning. By accident. And created me."
"Is that bad?"
The Kirin was silent for a long moment.
Then it began to laugh.
It was thunder—rolling, booming thunder that shook the earth and split the clouds.
"I LIKE YOU," the Kirin declared. "YOU ARE ABSURD. YOU DEFY ALL LOGIC. I LIKE THAT."
"Thanks! I like you too! You're really pretty!"
The Kirin preened.
"I AM, aren't I? The first lightning given form. The thunder that heralded creation itself."
"Very impressive! Do you want to be friends?"
Jiraiya watched as Roku befriended yet another primordial entity.
"I give up," he said to no one in particular. "I completely and utterly give up."
"Welcome to my experience," Sparky said, appearing beside him. "He does this constantly."
"Is he going to befriend every powerful being in existence?"
"Probably. He cannot help it. Kindness is his nature."
"And you're... okay with this?"
Sparky watched Roku laugh as the Kirin nuzzled him with a snout made of pure electricity.
"I am... adjusting," she admitted. "I thought I would be his only immortal companion. Now there is the Ten-Tails, and this new Kirin, and who knows what else he will accidentally befriend tomorrow."
"How does that make you feel?"
"Conflicted. Jealous. But also..." She paused. "Proud. He is special. I knew that when I first met him. Now the universe is learning what I already knew."
"Which is?"
"That Roku Tanaka is something that has never existed before. And may never exist again."
The Kirin eventually faded, its form dispersing back into the atmosphere.
But before it left, it made a promise.
"WHEN YOU CALL, I WILL COME," it thundered. "YOU HAVE GIVEN ME FORM. I WILL GIVE YOU MY POWER."
"Thanks! I'll try not to call too often! You probably have important thunder stuff to do!"
"I HAVE NOTHING TO DO. I DID NOT EXIST UNTIL YOU CREATED ME. CALL WHENEVER YOU LIKE."
"Really? That's so nice!"
"I AM NOT NICE. I AM DESTRUCTION INCARNATE. BUT FOR YOU, I WILL BE... ACCOMMODATING."
And with that, the Kirin was gone.
Gaara, who had been watching all of this with increasing disbelief, finally spoke.
"What... what ARE you?"
Roku turned to him with a smile.
"I'm Roku! I failed the Academy forty-seven times!"
"You just created a god."
"Did I? I thought I just caught lightning."
"You CAUGHT LIGHTNING. You caught ALL THE LIGHTNING. And it became a DRAGON."
"Yeah, it was pretty cool!"
Gaara looked at Temari and Kankuro.
His siblings looked back.
They all shared the same thought: What have we gotten involved with?
That night, around the campfire, Roku sat surrounded by his friends.
Jiraiya was drinking (again).
Gaara was quietly contemplating his new, quiet mind.
Temari was stealing glances at Roku (and adding herself to the ever-growing list of women who found him inexplicably attractive).
Kankuro was pretending not to be terrified.
And Sparky was pressed close to Roku's side, her head on his shoulder, her lightning form warm and comforting.
"Today was a good day," Roku said.
Everyone stared at him.
"A GOOD day?" Jiraiya sputtered. "You summoned the Ten-Tails. You fixed a broken jinchūriki. You were almost kidnapped. You caught primordial lightning and created a new god. How is that a GOOD day?"
"I made new friends!"
"That's... that's not..."
Jiraiya gave up.
"Sure. New friends. A good day."
"See? You get it!"
"I absolutely do not get it. I will never get it. I have accepted that I will never get it."
Roku beamed at him.
"Thanks for training me, Jiraiya-sama! I've learned a lot!"
"You haven't learned ANYTHING. You've just... done things. Impossible things."
"Isn't that a kind of learning?"
Jiraiya was quiet for a long moment.
"You know what? Maybe it is."
In Konoha, at a secret location, seventeen women gathered for an emergency meeting of the Roku Appreciation Society.
Ayame called the meeting to order.
"Ladies, we have a problem."
"The lightning goddess," Kurenai said grimly.
"Not just her. I've received reports that Gaara of the Sand—the DEMON of the Sand—has started following Roku around like a puppy."
"A MALE," Anko said, her eye twitching. "We've been worried about female competition, and now there's MALE competition?"
"I don't think Gaara is romantic competition. He's more like... an adopted murder child."
"Still! He's getting Roku's attention! Attention that should be ours!"
"We also have unconfirmed reports that Roku befriended... something. Something big. Something that made every sensor in the village panic."
"ANOTHER deity?"
"Possibly multiple deities."
The room fell silent.
"So let me get this straight," Ino said slowly. "We're competing for a man's attention. Against a primordial lightning goddess. Against multiple ancient entities. Against an entire VILLAGE of women who met him in Wave Country. And possibly against cosmic forces we don't even understand yet."
"That's correct."
"And our plan is...?"
"To persist. To be there when he needs us. To show him that we care."
"That's not a plan. That's just... hoping."
"Do you have a better idea?"
Silence.
"Then we persist. We hope. And we pray that someday, somehow, that oblivious, wonderful, impossibly kind man notices that we exist."
"Agreed."
"Agreed."
"Agreed," a voice said from the corner.
Everyone turned.
Sparky stood in the doorway, her arms crossed, her expression unreadable.
"HOW DID YOU—"
"I felt the concentration of Roku-focused energy and investigated. You are all in love with my beloved."
"Your BELOVED?!"
"I have made my claim. You are aware of this."
"He doesn't even understand what a claim IS!"
"This is... unfortunately accurate." Sparky sighed. "He called me his 'best friend' again this morning. I confessed TWICE."
The women exchanged glances.
They had been prepared to hate the lightning goddess.
But this... this was solidarity.
"He's hopeless," Ayame said sympathetically.
"Utterly."
"And yet we all love him anyway."
"We do."
"So... what do we do?"
Sparky walked into the room, her lightning dimming to a gentle glow.
"We work together," she said. "We pool our resources. We coordinate our efforts."
"You'd share him?"
"I would prefer not to. But I am realistic. And I would rather share him with worthy rivals than lose him to his own obliviousness."
"That's... unexpectedly pragmatic."
"I am a primordial entity. I take the long view."
"So we're allies now?"
"We are... co-conspirators. In the greatest challenge any of us has ever faced."
"Getting Roku to notice us."
"Getting Roku to notice ANYTHING romantic. Ever."
"That does sound challenging."
"It is. But together, we may succeed."
Ayame raised her glass.
"To the Roku Appreciation Society. May our efforts be blessed."
"To the Society!"
The glasses clinked.
Somewhere, completely unaware of the romantic machinations being planned on his behalf, Roku Tanaka sneezed.
END CHAPTER 5
Next Chapter: "The Chunin Exam Finals, A Tournament of Chaos, and I Think I Accidentally Became the Sage of Six Paths"
Preview:
"Roku, you were supposed to fight Neji."
"I did fight him! I just... I think I accidentally showed him his alternate timeline selves? And now he's crying and thanking me?"
"He was the ENEMY."
"He seems nice now!"
Meanwhile:
"So all of the Tailed Beasts have agreed to attend the finals? To watch ROKU?"
"They're calling it a 'family reunion.' The Ten-Tails is bringing snacks."
"THE TEN-TAILS KNOWS HOW TO MAKE SNACKS?!"
"Roku taught it. They had a cooking lesson."
"I'm going to go lie down. Forever."