Jay's POV
I reached my dorm and rested for a bit and there were messages from Keifer which I avoided because I know I have to do it.
The next day came and I have to avoid him in person and it was really difficult and since we were in the same class, so I decided to go late to class in that way I will sit in front instead of being with my friends and him and I will leave quickly once the classes get over and that exactly how I executed and I left quickly to dorm and after reaching the dorm I notice Keifer was calling but I did not pick instead I just texted him saying that I have headache and going to rest, to which he replied , " are you okay? Do you need something?"
I just said, " No, I will be fine once I take rest"
He said, " Okay" but I know he is not fully convinced.
The next day, we had our minor subject classes, so everyone was in different classes so it was easy for me to avoid him, once the classes were over, I quickly ran to my dorm because I know Keifer will come looking for me. And just like that he called but thankfully by that I was in my dorm, so I ignored his calls and my heart ache doing such thing but I have to do so.
The next day an unexpected thing happened, as usual I planned to leave late for the university but as I left the dorm, I noticed Keifer standing outside the dorm gate and he noticed me coming and there is no hiding from him now, I have to face him.
I went out and asked
Jay: " Keifer, what are you doing here?, it's late for class, come we will leave"
Keifer: " Why are you avoiding me Jay?"
That question did something to me that I couldn't express
Jay: " It's nothing like that, Come it's late already" I lied through my teeth and proceed to move but Keifer stopped me by holding my hand.
Keifer: " Jay, please tell me why are avoiding me" he asked in a lower and softer tone
I slowly removed my hand from his hold
Jay: " Keifer it's getting late, let's talk later"
Keifer: " Fine, let's talk tonight at our place and I will be waiting untill you come"
I just nodded my head, because I know he will not give up
I knew what was going to happen tonight, when Kiefer asked me to meet him and I agreed because I cannot keep avoiding him forever so I made the decision to tell him, I know he likes me and probably going to express himself but I cannot accept that, after the days I spent at my parents home I realised and remembered the reason why I was running from all of this, people and love.
It is never going to last because at some point you become the person they gave up everything else for , and they are going to make you feel guilty about it
I know I had one thing to do that is if he says that he like me, I would decline it quietly and tell him the reason and also say sorry to him if have given him any hope, but I know Kief he will not back down easily but I have to make him and I know he is sad that I am avoinding him but I have to do this for him, I can't afford to drag him down.
Time came when we were supposed to meet, I got ready and went out and as expected he was waiting outside, I just gave him a small smile and he smiled at me back but it did not reach his eyes as if he realised something bad is gonna happen
We quietly walked to park, it was unusual because usually either one of keeps talking, but I was thinking how would our walk back to our dorm will be after everything that will be said, it kind of scared because I did not want him to get yet ironically I am the one who is going to hurt him, but I have to because I know for a reason Love is not for me , but it is not like that for him, he grew up with nothing but love .
I was still lost in my thoughts when we finally reached the park, we settled down in our usual place and he seemed a little hesitant to start.
K: "Jay, I have to say something and I think you know what it might be"
I starred at him because I do know what he was going to say
K : "Jay, I wanted to say this last week itself and I prepared everything but you have to leave suddenly and I thought maybe I can say this after you returned but I don't know what happened you started avoiding me, I did not know what the reason was but it really hurt me" he said and I could see the hurt in his eyes and I don't why my eyes also started to tear up
K: " But that's is when I realised that it hurt so bad because I am so in love with you" he said looking into my eyes and that is when tears fell from from my eyes and continued
K: "Jay, I love you and I don't know what I did to hurt you because you have been avoiding me but whatever it is we can fix it" he said sincerely with tears in his eyes
I slowly nodded a no and started speaking, " No, You cannot fix things that is beyond repair and that is me, you were never the problem and you never hurted me it was always me from the beginning, and Kief you deserve someone better someone like you"
K: " Jay what are sayi-"
I cut him off by saying
J: " Kief, I never wanted to have a relationship in first place from my childhood after growing up with my parents and then I met you and I am going to be honest with you I have feelings you but I can't have relationship because once we get into one I will ruin it by some way and I don't want you to go through that pain because of me and it will be better if we stop things before it even started." I said with tears falling from my eyes
K: " Jay, If you like me then what is the problem?"he asked in a broken voice
J: " The problem is Kief that I am afraid once you see the whole me, you will maybe realise I am not worth it all"
K: " Jay, don't ever say such things like that, and I do really mean it when I say I love you and it includes all the parts that you are afraid to show the people and I am not giving my love for you for any reason!"
J: "Your saying that because you haven't seen them and I don't want you to feel like you abandoned me because it is not, even my parents see as a burden and it will be just a matter a time that-" I wasn't able to complete the sentence because the thought of Kiefer not loving me scared me the most and tears started to fall continuously and I broke down and started crying
J: " See now also I am hurting you and if we continue this either I am going to end up hurting you or the other way around"
Suddenly rain started to pour when he started speaking again
K: " Jay I know life is not fully happy moments , it has it's ups and down but you cannot choose someone just to have happy moments, then to be honest it is not love, Love is when you are with each other through every movements not just the happy one but the sad one especially and the hard journey will be worth it because it is for the person you Love, No matter how hard or difficult the journey is it will always be worth it because at the end it will be the one I love and it's you!
Jay: " I am hurting you right now. That's what I'm gonna do if we continue this and I don't Want you to get hurt because of me."
He got up from the seat and turned his back like he was about to leave that is when it started, My breathing became heavy ,my heart started pounding, I wasn't able to See sight of him leaving and my panic attack started. I plopped on the floor with thud holding my chest.
Author's Note:
Hey guys, hope you liked the chapter.🤍
Are you guys finding the story interesting because the comments are really low unless there is target.
Honestly the comments is my motivating factor, so let me know your thoughts about the story.
What do you think is going to happen next??
As I said in the previous note, I will be busy this week and don't know when will the next update, but if your comments motivates me it might come faster.
It is kind of one of my favourite chapter in terms of writing🤍✨
Thank you for supporting the story❤️!