Faint white flakes touch down on the dry grass in the schoolyard. It's snowing, which would usually make Kenji happy, but he prefers it not to snow today.
The minute hand on his wrist-watch has nearly made its full rotation— the school day is almost over.
Although Writing is Kenji's favorite class, it is also the last obstacle before he can see Haruko.
The moment the bells ring through the school, a firework that's been ignited since last night's messaging with Haruko has finally set off in his chest.
He's usually the last to leave class to avoid the overflowing traffic in the hallways, but he can't be a moment late from their designated meeting time.
Kenji bashes his knee against his desk as he heaves himself up, causing his messy stack of books to fall off the edge where it sat.
The sudden thunderous clatter against the marble floor startles his classmates. They turn to Kenji, some with a look of concern, others with annoyance.
His lips twitch into a smile, his jaw cramping from such an unfamiliar action. However, inside he is crying silently.
He snatches his books, nearly losing control of them as he rushes to see Haruko.
Meanwhile, Haruko is under a Prunus tree in the school garden, touching its aged bark in her small hand. The bark's grooves fit her hand perfectly, as if they were one and the same.
So delighted with the fact, Haruko is unaware of Kenji peeking from a corner from afar.
Kenji observed his wrist-watch, and he's fourteen seconds late. His tardiness had bored Haruko so much that she'd stare at a tree.
Kenji isn't suitable for Haruko, so he must leave.
Kenji turns to leave, but he should see Haruko.
Kenji turns to see Haruko, but he isn't suitable for Haruko, so he must leave.
Kenji turns to leave, but a dove flies into his head.
Alerted by a manly squeal, her attention snaps to the noise.
"Kenji!"
Haruko's perfect smile makes Kenji's heart bleed.
Despite the frigid air aching their joints, they sit shoulder to shoulder under the Prunus tree, its branches almost fully undressed.
Kenji has planned conversation-starters since Haruko asked to meet him in the school's garden last night. Despite the countless mental rehearsals, they now fall flat in Haruko's presence.
His conversation skills aren't enough for someone like Haruko, so they remained seated until she broke the silence.
"This Prunus tree is my favorite tree!"
Why is it her favorite tree?
"Because it's the prettiest!"
The Prunus tree isn't as pretty as Haruko.
"Compared to other trees, these trees live for oh-so many years. Yet, even though this one's an ornamental tree, it still produces prunes!"
Kenji finally turns to a Haruko gazing at the bony branches above their heads.
It's not the only pretty plum tree in the area, but Haruko visits this tree whenever she can.
And it's too old to fulfill its most redeeming qualities.
It's far from beautiful for The Perfect Haruko.
"Even in its final moments, it strives to be pretty for others. That's what makes it beautiful."
It's beautiful for The Perfect Haruko.
Despite its aging flaws, Haruko can still see its beauty.
"So it deserves to be seen by others until its very end."
Because of her words, Kenji holds Haruko's hands.
They never didn't hold hands before, but this is Kenji's first time reaching for hers first.
Her tired, pen-calloused fingers lock with his, and any chills Kenji had from the cold outdoors has dissipated from Haruko's warmth— just from holding hands.
There's so much grace in Haruko's features, like the dimples that form on her soft cheeks when she smiles, or her long blonde hair falling over her eyes.
Haruko hates her small, red-tipped nose because her family always jokes about it at family reunions. But to Kenji— that's his favorite feature about her.
He loves all the things that make her Haruko.
Kenji wants more moments like these.
Haruko has been studying really hard for university admissions exams to get into a very good school. She's been at it every day for the past few months, so small moments like these are scarce commodities.
Meanwhile, Kenji isn't smart or ambitious enough for university, so he spends his free time reading manga.
There's nothing special about Kenji. He is flawed, far from Haruko's perfection.
Kenji must change.
As Haruko stands, Kenji follows.
The little free time she had has been wasted on Kenji. She must return home to study.
Haruko begins to walk, not unleashing her hand from his until her arm can't extend any longer.
If time could freeze, Kenji thought, he'd want it to be now.
It isn't fair that Haruko can give Kenji happiness, but Kenji can't give her happiness. He must become more worthwhile for her sake.
Kenji stops at a 7/11 on his way home, picking up magazines on male actors/models he found handsome.
He doesn't like to go home until he's tired enough to sleep immediately, even if it's freezing outside. But he needs to become more worthwhile for Haruko.
Kenji holes himself in his room, tucking the tablecloth around his body for any extra warmth as he flips through the pages of the magazines.
*fweck* *fweck* *fweck*
'...the audience roars as ___ slicks his hair while standing on the red carpet. Handsome and arrogant!''Latest: Hottest male lead star ___ from love-drama is trending on LaterGram after his sexy raging outburst— his character pushing female lead into a locker before making out after a dispute.''HOTTEST! ___ surprises fandom on his latest LaterGram post with a massive bulge in his gray sweatpants after sweaty gym-sesh! His followers are crushing over his subtle yet abrasive confidence.'
Kenji couldn't do these things in his fairest dreams. Haruko would be happier with these men.
He settles in front of a mirror.
The reflection of his uncovered sunken-chest and his thin arms cause him to cringe. A bleak contrast to the men's physiques in the magazines.
Kenji rehearsed lines he saw on the papers that would make Haruko happy.
"To live without you would be torture.""I'd give up all ages of this world to spend a lifetime with you.""This world is crap, but I'm willing to go through some diapers for you."
Kenji came up with the last one. He can picture it in the magazine– 'hottest lines from men this week… bold and spicy.'
Kenji flinches at the sound of his father's bedroom door slamming open and shut.
Kenji must calm his father down.
He pulls out his pocket-journal and writes his father's name as the headliner, then begins writing the right words that describe his father.
StinkyMeanDirtySick
Kenji rips the page off the pocket-journal's spine and slides the note under his father's bedroom door.
The slamming has ceased.
There is a long-moment of silence that follows that would only be interrupted when Kenji squeals.
He had forgotten to write the right words for Haruko.
Kenji shakes his pen before pressing it against a new page, headlined 'Haruko,' and he began writing.
LoveWarmExcellencyKindSmartHealthy
He closes his journal satisfied.
Kenji jumps into bed, curling himself to fit the entirety of his body underneath the tablecloth.
When he feels too cold, he thinks of Haruko because her name alone is enough to heat his frigid house.
The ground is almost thick with snow, aside from the salted sidewalks and roads.
Bundled in his father's winter coat and scarves, Kenji is making his way to a cafe to see Haruko.
It's winter break, and Kenji's body aches to be near Haruko's radiant warmth as the days get colder.
He pulls the front doors of the cafe towards him, beating the snow-mush and dampness from his boots against the welcome carpet.
Kenji's eyes read the aisle of booths. It's empty aside from Haruko, who's sitting at the end of the cafe nearest to the window.
Instead of sitting across from her as he usually does, he seats himself next to her.
The tip of her nose is more red than usual.
Haruko grabs Kenji's hand and places it on her warm cheek. He can't tell what's warmer, her hand or her hazel eyes burning into his pupils.
A simple 'hello' from Haruko was enough to make Kenji want to lean into her lips, but he mustn't be presumptuous.
Nine months and twelve days have passed since they've been officially dating, and they've never once kissed.
Kenji remembers an earlier conversation where Haruko recalled her favorite moment from a romance film where the male lead pulled the heroine in for a kiss.
In Haruko's words, 'her heart went kaboom!'
Thinking about her soft voice imitating the word 'kaboom' made Kenji giggle silently inside to himself.
But Kenji can't kiss her until he proves himself worthy enough for her affection.
Today, he has decided, will be his first and only trial to show his worth to her.
He removes his hand from Haruko's cheek and takes her hand.
Just as rehearsed, he will make Haruko fall in love with him.
His eyes fret across the cafe, unable to settle on one spot as he tries to gather his confidence.
After declaring to Haruko that he had a special announcement, he forced his lips to move, professing: 'to live without you would be torture.'
"Aww."
Haruko sounds sincere, but she's just being nice.
Kenji tries again, this time slicking his hair as he professes: 'I'd give up all ages of this world to spend a lifetime with you.'
"I would too."
Haruko sounds sincere, but she's just being nice.
Kenji tries again, his shoulders stiff as he leans deeper into his chair, professing 'this world is crap, but I'm willing to go through some diapers for you.'
"Fufufu…"
Haruko is laughing at Kenji.
"That was so corny– I love you…"
Haruko loves Kenji.
He laughs with Haruko, the weight clinging to his shoulders since this morning seeming to dissipate.
Haruko spots a pocket-journal that sits between the two as she wipes the tear marks off her blushing cheeks. Kenji feels his heart drop into his stomach when he notices her grabbing it.
She opens it carefully, her eyes thoughtfully scanning each page before turning to the next.
*fleck* *fleck*
His body twitches, aching to reach for the journal, but he doesn't want to seem improper to Haruko. So instead, he explains the journal is for writing words that he feels encapsulates a person.
"Hnn, every page is about me?"
Haruko thinks Kenji is a creep.
Kenji can't look at Haruko, so he lowers his head instead, his eyes tracing the seams of his gray sweatpants.
Haruko's arms fold around Kenji's neck as she digs her head onto his shoulder.
Kenji is confused, but he can't help but enjoy the sensation of her breathing on his neck, so he wraps his arms around her hips to hold her closer.
Unfortunately, the evil barista intercepts the moment, wanting to take their orders.
Kenji doesn't drink coffee, but was willing to make exceptions after Haruko ordered a latte.
When the barista returns with the drinks, Haruko asks to borrow their ballpoint pen they used to take their order. The barista obliges
"Can I write some words about you?"
Kenji nods, anxiousness plaguing him inside.
Haruko opens a new page in the journal, using her body to cover her writing from Kenji.
After a few minutes of silence seemingly strung out to Kenji, she closes the journal and hands it to Kenji.
Kenji's mind is racing, bracing itself for sweet-nothings that she doesn't really mean.
He opens the journal and flips to the latest page, it reads:
Kenji
LoveSincerityPresenceUnparalleledSmileCaringSmellEarsNoseChinEyes…
The rest of the bullet points on the next few pages list every other biological feature he has.
Kenji isn't certain whether to be impressed or to laugh, so his cheeks shade redder than Haruko's nose instead.
Kenji loves Haruko, and Haruko loves Kenji.
She pulls a small box in red wrapping from her jacket.
"Can I give this to your parents? I'd like to get to know your dad before the holidays!"
If Haruko wants to give a present to Kenji's parents, that means she must come to his home.
She mustn't come to Kenji's home.
"Yes! Thank you, Kenji!"
Haruko is coming to Kenji's home.
"If you could write a word about your family, what would it be?"
Kenji remembered falling asleep on his living room couch while his mother and father were playing loudly in their room.
The TV gave Kenji a lulling white noise until it finally caught a signal reception.
"Th… across… nort… sphere"
Kenji opened his eyes to see arctic wolves traversing a steep slope in a taiga.
Unlike the rest of the wolves, one fell far behind as it slipped and rose frequently.
"This wolf is sick."
The camera cut to the wolves surrounding the sick wolf.
"To not endanger the pack, they must eat the sick."
The camera cuts to the remains of the deceased wolf, torn apart by its pack.
Kenji was upset, so he left to cry in his bedroom.
The next day, Kenji couldn't erase the scenes that unfolded on the TV from his mind, so he had skimmed through articles and websites using his school library's computer.
'...when a member grows too sick to keep its pace, the pack may turn on the wolf, sparing the others from its burden and risk of weakness it may bring.
When reading this article, Kenji accidentally clicked an external link, bringing him to a Wiki-page of a mythical wolf.
'A young man who was born too weak was exiled from his village and sought God for strength. A great wolf known as Amarok came to him and granted him strength and wisdom. Eventually, he became strong enough to smite his old village away.'
Kenji ran home to show off his new information.
"A wolf? Ke ke…"
Haruko's laughter would've caused her to fall if she wasn't holding onto Kenji as they traversed the mushy sloped sidewalk.
Kenji's mind wishes it would snow, so he and Haruko would be stuck doing nothing rather than reaching their destination. However, Kenji's heart wished otherwise.
Haruko of all people would understand, Kenji thought.
They bashed their boots on the welcome mat before entering Kenji's home.
"What's that smell?"
Haruko's nose wrinkled
The smell came from Kenji's father's sickness.
"It's coming from his sickness? Is he alright?"
She must leave the gift on the kitchen counter.
"I want to hand this present to your father!"
Kenji's father would make Haruko sick as well.
"I'll wash my hands!"
It's airborne.
"I'll wear a mask!"
Haruko would understand.
She wrapped her scarf around her mouth as the two approached the master bedroom.
Kenji knocked on the door before turning the knob, pushing it slowly as his heart braced itself to see its creator.
Haruko steps back, the putrid smell assaulting her nose and eyes. When her vision returns, she falls on her knees. She has seen Kenji's father.
He's sunken into his bed, earlier juices and odors that once seeped from his body have now stained his bedsheets.
Kenji's eyes lock onto his father's face. His dry leathery lips have shriveled which reveal his yellow, disheveled teeth from his drinking days.
Kenji turns to the present Haruko had dropped on the floor and threw it onto the bed before slamming the door shut.
"What was that?!"
That is Kenji's father.
"Why?!"
Kenji's father had died.
"Why?"
Kenji's father was sick.
"Where is your mom?"
She became sick, so Kenji's father had eaten her.
"What?!"
Kenji still misses his mother, and he never really believed that she became sick like his father had said after cutting up his mother.
"Kenji…"
So that meant that Kenji's father's sickness killed his mother. That's why Kenji had to eat his father before he became sick too.
"But you didn't have to…"
Kenji holed himself in his room when he saw his father standing over mother. He prayed for Amarok. With Amarok's strength and wisdom, he grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed his father.
Haruko leapt onto Kenji with wide open arms. Despite her shivering, she still gave Kenji warmth.
Haruko understands.
"I should go…"
Haruko mustn't go.
"Let go of me!"
Haruko mustn't go.
"Kenji, we need to contact the cops!"
Then the authorities will never let Kenji feel Haruko's warmth again.Haruko darts down the hall as she abandons Kenji's hold on her forearm.
She nearly slips turning the corner, allowing Kenji to grab onto her ankle.
Haruko jerks her leg, his grasp slipping off her leg sleeve.
Haruko slams the front door shut behind her while Kenji tries to stand.
She pulls her smartphone out of her coat pocket.
Kenji shoulders into the front door, nearly knocking it out of its already loose hinges.
Haruko's footsteps reverb rapidly as she descends down the stairwell.
Her thumbs fidget with the screen as the cold increasingly seizes her finger joints.
Haruko's sharp, arrhythmic breathing makes Kenji ache to feel her breath on his neck once again.
As soon as she reaches the apartment's entrance, she tries shoving the dual-doors open before realizing it's jammed shut from the mass of snow on the other side.
Kenji is gaining on her, his footsteps reaching closer make Haruko cringe.
Haruko spots a window on the other end of the room, sprinting towards it after swift consideration.
She unlocks it, struggling to push it upwards as heavy winds pound against the glass. So instead, she grabs the nearest plant holder and strikes it against the window.
The first strike fails and causes her arm to vibrate, the pain subsiding in the presence of rushing adrenaline.
The second strike is a success.
Before Haruko's body could fully exit the window, Kenji grabs her ankle from inside.
She jerks her leg, against the windowframe, fragments of the shattered window dicing Kenji's forearm and her shin.
He winces in pain, releasing her ankle as he covers the cut.
Haruko falls as she tries to run after standing, her blood from the gash on her shin staining the fabric of her pants
She stands again, limping as she runs through the back alley of the apartment-building.
Kenji heaves himself through the window, his heavy clothing sustaining most of the damage from the window shards.
The snow falling earlier had become more aggressive, limiting both of their visibility.
Unaware of her location, she cries for help.
Kenji doesn't worry, since this area is mostly unpopulated.
Those who did live here were mostly unbothered with each other's issues. That's why Kenji's mother's cries for help were just a disturbance.
"Please, stop it, Kenji!"
Haruko's wails hit Kenji's body like a train.
Haruko would never be afraid of Kenji.
Haruko is sick.
Kenji grabs Haruko, falling onto her.
Her cries grew more animalistic as she pounds against Kenji's chest and face.
Kenji is sad that Haruko is sick.
It's his fault that she became sick.
Her punches grow more feeble as Haruko realizes the paltry impact it had on Kenji.
Haruko's last attempt of survival was to plead, but Kenji couldn't hear a single word.
By looking at her sobbing face, his mind reels back to Haruko sitting underneath the Prunus tree in the school garden.
Kenji remembers and believes every word that came from Haruko.
Kenji remembers the Prunus tree striving for beauty, even in its days before its passing.
Kenji remembers why it remained beautiful until its death— for people like Haruko.
Kenji didn't understand then, but he understands now.
Haruko must smile.
The corner of her soft lips twitches as her mouth forms into a smile. Compared to her other smiles, her eyes looked much eager today.
Kenji grabs Haruko's neck with his healthy arm, her smile faltering momentarily before returning.
Kenji's eyes grew weaker and soaked as he tightened his grip.
Haruko's body jerked involuntarily underneath Kenji's, her red face turning pale.
Kenji knows he's being presumptuous, but he wants to ease Haruko's pain as he cleanses her sickness.
His forehead presses onto Haruko's as his lips reach for her lips.
Haruko's lips are chapped and cold, but they're also warm and alive.
Kenji rose to see Haruko, smiling before the light in her eyes dimmed to nothing.
If he could, he'd stay with the deceased Haruko until he too passed, but a commanding voice with a blinding beam of light came from behind them.
As the man's beam of light grows closer, Kenji makes out who it truly is.
Kenji wraps his arm around Haruko's neck once more before standing and turning tail.
The officer's once demanding voice turned into sharp surprise.
He turns onto a steep crossing bridge above freezing waters; the sounds of wheels burning and sirens wailing grow louder behind Kenji.
His legs sting in frigid pain as he fights through thick layers of snow.
As Kenji reaches the peak of the arching bridge, a thought causes him to shiver more than he already has.
He had forgotten to write the right words for Haruko.
Kenji's blue fingers painfully clutch and retrieve his pocket-journal.
He had also forgotten to bring a pen, so he douses his index finger with the blood on his forearm.
Kenji headlines the final paper of his pocket-journal 'Haruko,' then he begins to write while traversing the thick snow.
LoveWarmExcellencyKindSmartSic-
Before Kenji can finish his final word for Haruko, his leg unexpectedly gives out, the weight of his other leg pushing him off the ledge of the bridge.
The frosty waters strip any remaining heat Kenji once had.
In his final moments, Kenji hadn't wished to die beautifully.
Rather, he had wished for Haruko's warmth in this flurry of icy pain.
Kenji's body becomes numb.
Kenji is sick.
Kenji is dead.