[SYSTEM STATUS UPDATE]
[HOST: MARCUS CHEN]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,195 (DORMANT)]
[FORMS UNLOCKED: 2 (GUARDIAN STATE, ULTRA OBLIVIOUS)]
[TECHNIQUES KNOWN: 4 (KAMEHAME-ACHOO, STUMBLE STEP, CONFUSION BARRIER, APOLOGETIC PUNCH)]
[TECHNIQUES HOST THINKS HE KNOWS: 0]
[TIME SINCE SAIYAN INVASION: 3 DAYS]
[VEGETA'S CURRENT LOCATION: FLEEING AT MAXIMUM SPEED]
[VEGETA'S THERAPY NEEDS: CRITICAL]
[BEERUS STATUS: EN ROUTE]
[PANCAKE SUPPLIES: DANGEROUSLY LOW]
Three days had passed since the Saiyan invasion.
The Z-Fighters were recovering. Yamcha was out of the hospital. Tien had a new prosthetic arm courtesy of Capsule Corp. Chiaotzu was... well, Chiaotzu was dead, but they were planning to wish him back with the Dragon Balls, so it was fine.
Piccolo had thrown himself into training with a fervor that bordered on concerning. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Marcus's unfocused gaze and messy hair. Every time he tried to sleep, he heard the word "broccoli" echoing in his nightmares.
He was NOT going to be outdone by someone who didn't even remember being powerful.
Goku, meanwhile, had been trying to spar with Marcus.
It wasn't going well.
"Okay, Marcus! Try to hit me!"
Marcus threw a punch.
It was, objectively, the worst punch in martial arts history. His form was nonexistent. His balance was terrible. His follow-through looked like he was trying to swat a fly while falling down stairs.
Goku dodged easily.
"Good effort! Now try again, but this time—"
Marcus tripped over his own feet and accidentally headbutted Goku in the stomach.
Goku doubled over, wheezing.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS INVENTED A NEW TECHNIQUE: ACCIDENTAL HEADBUTT!]
[+25 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,195 → 5,220]
"Sorry! Sorry! Are you okay?! I didn't mean to! My feet do things sometimes and I don't know why!"
[DING!]
[HOST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND HIS OWN FEET!]
[+10 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,220 → 5,230]
Goku straightened up, laughing despite the pain. "No, that was great! Unpredictable! I didn't see it coming at all!"
"Because it wasn't supposed to happen!"
"That's what makes it good!"
Marcus looked at Goku with genuine confusion. "Pineapple Man, I don't think you understand how fighting works."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ACCUSED EARTH'S GREATEST WARRIOR OF NOT UNDERSTANDING COMBAT!]
[THE IRONY IS PALPABLE!]
[+35 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,230 → 5,265]
Meanwhile, in the vast emptiness of space, a cube-shaped vessel hurtled toward Earth at speeds that defied physics.
Inside, Beerus the Destroyer lounged on a pile of cushions, his tail swishing with agitation.
"How much longer, Whis?"
"Approximately four hours, Lord Beerus."
"That's too long. I'm hungry."
"You're always hungry, my lord."
"Don't sass me, Whis. I'm a God of Destruction. I could destroy you."
"You could try." Whis smiled serenely. "Would you like some tea while we wait?"
Beerus grumbled but accepted the tea. His mind kept drifting back to the vision he'd had—the human with the impossible aura, surrounded by that indescribable energy, eating pancakes with an expression of pure contentment.
"Whis, what do you make of what I sensed?"
"Honestly? I'm not sure." Whis tapped his staff thoughtfully. "The energy signature was unlike anything in my experience. It wasn't divine ki. It wasn't mortal ki. It wasn't even Ultra Instinct, which would be the closest comparison."
"Then what was it?"
"If I had to guess..." Whis paused delicately. "It felt like the universe itself was confused."
"The universe was confused?"
"Yes. As if reality encountered something it didn't understand and simply... gave up trying to constrain it."
Beerus's eyes narrowed. "That's impossible. Reality doesn't just 'give up.'"
"And yet, here we are, traveling across the cosmos because you had a dream about pancakes."
"I had a dream about a THREAT. The pancakes were incidental."
"Of course, Lord Beerus."
Beerus could hear the smirk in Whis's voice, but chose to ignore it.
Back on Earth, Marcus had wandered away from training (Goku didn't notice for twenty minutes) and found himself in the kitchen, staring at the stove.
"I want to make pancakes," he announced to Mr. Whiskers, who was napping in his designated corner. "Chi-Chi always makes them, but she's at the store. I should learn to make them myself. That's what adults do, right? Make their own food?"
Mr. Whiskers opened one eye, assessed the situation, and immediately began looking for escape routes.
[SYSTEM WARNING!]
[HOST IS ABOUT TO ATTEMPT COOKING!]
[HISTORICAL SUCCESS RATE: 0%]
[PROJECTED OUTCOME: FIRE]
[PROBABILITY OF FIRE: 97%]
[PROBABILITY OF SOMEHOW FLOODING THE KITCHEN DESPITE NO WATER BEING INVOLVED: 34%]
[GOOD LUCK!]
Marcus gathered ingredients with the confidence of someone who had never failed at anything (because he didn't remember his failures).
"Okay, pancakes. Flour, eggs, milk, and... what else? Sugar? Salt? Are those the same thing? They're both white and granular."
[DING!]
[HOST CANNOT DISTINGUISH BETWEEN SUGAR AND SALT!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,265 → 5,280]
He grabbed both and added generous amounts of each.
"Butter! Pancakes have butter! I think! Or is that toast? Bread products are confusing."
[DING!]
[HOST IS CONFUSED BY BREAD PRODUCTS!]
[+8 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,280 → 5,288]
He added an entire stick of butter.
"Now I mix it! With a... mixing thing!"
He looked around, couldn't find a whisk or spoon, and grabbed the first implement he saw.
A hammer.
"This works!"
[DING!]
[HOST IS USING A HAMMER TO MIX PANCAKE BATTER!]
[THE SYSTEM IS CONCERNED BUT ALSO IMPRESSED BY THE CREATIVITY!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,288 → 5,308]
Mr. Whiskers had wisely retreated to the backyard.
Three hours and fifty-seven minutes later, the cube-shaped vessel entered Earth's atmosphere.
Whis guided it down gracefully, landing in a field not far from the Son residence. The sleek vessel dissolved into particles, leaving Beerus and Whis standing in the afternoon sunlight.
"So this is Earth," Beerus mused, looking around. "Quaint. Primitive. I can sense several notable power levels nearby."
"Indeed. Son Goku, the Namekian called Piccolo, and..." Whis paused. "Ah. There it is. That strange energy signature. It's coming from that house."
He pointed toward the Son residence, where a plume of smoke was rising from the kitchen window.
"Is that building on fire?"
"Partially, yes."
"Should we be concerned?"
"Not particularly. The energy signature I mentioned seems to be the source of both the fire and the attempts to extinguish it."
They approached the house.
Through the window, they could see a young man in a blue gi frantically waving a towel at a flaming pan while shouting, "NO! BAD FIRE! STOP BEING FIRE!"
[DING!]
[HOST IS ATTEMPTING TO REASON WITH FIRE!]
[+25 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,308 → 5,333]
Beerus watched this display with a mixture of confusion and morbid fascination.
"Whis. Is that him? The one from my vision?"
"I believe so, Lord Beerus."
"He's yelling at fire."
"Yes."
"He's telling it to stop being fire."
"I heard."
Beerus was quiet for a long moment.
"I came across the universe for THIS?"
"To be fair, you also came for pancakes. Which appear to be the source of the fire."
Inside, Marcus finally managed to smother the flames with a combination of the towel, a pot lid, and sheer desperation. He stood in the smoke-filled kitchen, covered in ash and failed batter, looking at the charred remains of what might have once been food.
"I don't think these are pancakes anymore," he said sadly.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED THAT CHARCOAL IS NOT PANCAKES!]
[RARE MOMENT OF CLARITY: +5 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,333 → 5,338]
The front door opened.
Marcus turned to see two figures entering—a tall, elegant being with blue skin and white hair, and a shorter, purple, cat-like creature with an expression of supreme irritation.
"Hi!" Marcus said, waving with his ash-covered hand. "Welcome to the Son house! Are you friends of Goku? I'm Marcus! Sorry about the smoke, I tried to make pancakes but they turned into fire! That happens sometimes. Well, always. It always happens."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED THAT HIS COOKING ALWAYS RESULTS IN FIRE!]
[+12 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,338 → 5,350]
Beerus stared at the human before him.
This was the being from his vision? This ash-covered disaster of a person who couldn't make pancakes without committing arson?
"I am Beerus," he announced imperiously. "God of Destruction. And this is my attendant, Whis."
"A god?" Marcus's eyes went wide. "Like, a real god? That's so cool! I've never met a god before! Do you have powers? Can you fly? Wait, Goku can fly and he's not a god. I think. Is Goku a god? He's never said he's a god, but maybe he forgot? I forget things all the time."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED IF GOKU FORGOT HE WAS A GOD!]
[+18 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,350 → 5,368]
Whis chuckled. "Oh my. He's exactly as described."
"Described?" Marcus tilted his head. "Has someone been talking about me? Was it Piccolo? He's always grumpy when he talks about me. I think he might not like me very much, which is sad because I like him a lot. His green is very pretty."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS COMPLIMENTED PICCOLO'S SKIN COLOR WHILE HE'S NOT PRESENT!]
[+10 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,368 → 5,378]
Beerus's eye twitched.
He could sense it now—the strange energy lurking beneath the surface of this seemingly idiotic human. It was dormant, barely detectable, but it was THERE. And it was wrong in a way that made his divine senses itch.
"You," Beerus said, stepping closer. "You're the one who defeated those Saiyans."
"I did? Oh, right! Everyone says I did something, but I don't really remember. I zone out sometimes. My therapist said—"
"I don't care about your therapist."
"That seems mean. She was a nice lady."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS DEFENDED HIS THERAPIST TO A GOD OF DESTRUCTION!]
[+22 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,378 → 5,400]
Beerus felt the human's power tick upward. His eyes narrowed. "What was that? Your energy just increased."
"Did it? I don't really feel anything. But I also can't feel a lot of things. Like my left pinky toe. It's been numb since I was twelve. I dropped a bowling ball on it. Or was it a regular ball? Balls are hard to remember."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CONFUSED A BOWLING BALL WITH A REGULAR BALL!]
[WHILE ALSO REVEALING CHRONIC NERVE DAMAGE!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,400 → 5,415]
Beerus watched the power level climb again. "It did it again! Every time you say something stupid, you get stronger!"
"That sounds fake." Marcus frowned. "Strength comes from exercise, not talking. Although Goku yells a lot when he powers up, so maybe talking IS involved? But that's yelling, not talking. Is yelling a kind of talking? Or is talking a kind of yelling? Where's the line?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS QUESTIONED THE PHILOSOPHICAL BOUNDARY BETWEEN TALKING AND YELLING!]
[+14 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,415 → 5,429]
"STOP TALKING!"
"Okay!"
Marcus fell silent.
His power level stopped climbing.
Beerus took a deep breath. This was unprecedented. Ridiculous. IMPOSSIBLE. A mortal who got stronger by being stupid? It defied everything he understood about power and cultivation.
"Lord Beerus," Whis said calmly, "perhaps we should investigate further. Under controlled conditions."
"Controlled conditions?"
"A battle, my lord. See what he's truly capable of."
Beerus considered this. He HAD come here partly to evaluate this strange human. And he was getting irritated, which usually meant he wanted to destroy something.
"Fine." He cracked his knuckles. "Human. We're going to fight."
Marcus's eyes went wide. "Fight? But I don't want to fight! Fighting is mean! Can't we just have tea? Do you like tea? Chi-Chi has really good tea. Green tea, I think. Or maybe it's brown tea. Tea colors are confusing."
[DING!]
[HOST DOES NOT UNDERSTAND TEA COLORS!]
[+8 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,429 → 5,437]
"I am a GOD. You don't get to refuse me."
"But refusing is a thing I can do. I do it a lot. I refused to eat broccoli as a kid. I refused to do my homework sometimes. I refused to accept that the vending machine killed me, which is why I asked for a second opinion—"
"WHAT?!"
"—but the second opinion was just the System, and the System agreed with the first opinion, so I'm definitely dead. Or was dead. I'm not sure how death works when you're in a new body. Is this still death? Or is it life again? Philosophy is hard."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CASUALLY REVEALED HIS REINCARNATION TO A GOD OF DESTRUCTION!]
[WHILE DISCUSSING PHILOSOPHY!]
[+45 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,437 → 5,482]
Whis's eyebrows rose slightly. "Reincarnation? How fascinating. That would explain the unusual soul signature."
"You can see my soul? Is it pretty? I hope it's pretty. I always imagined souls would be like... glowing orbs? Or butterflies? I like butterflies. They're colorful and they don't judge you for saying stupid things."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ANTHROPOMORPHIZED BUTTERFLIES!]
[+10 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,482 → 5,492]
Beerus was losing patience.
"ENOUGH! We fight NOW!"
He launched himself at Marcus with godly speed.
Marcus, in the middle of pondering butterflies, didn't see it coming.
Beerus's fist connected with Marcus's face.
Marcus went flying through the wall of the kitchen, through the living room, and out the other side of the house, creating a Marcus-shaped hole in the structure.
"Lord Beerus!" Whis admonished. "Chi-Chi will be quite upset about her wall."
"She can build a new one."
They floated through the holes to find Marcus lying in a crater outside, blinking up at the sky.
"Ow," he said. "That hurt. Why did you do that? I thought we were having a conversation. Conversations don't usually involve punching."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS BEEN PUNCHED BY A GOD AND IS CONFUSED ABOUT SOCIAL NORMS!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,492 → 5,512]
Beerus floated down, surprised. The human was still conscious. That punch should have atomized a normal mortal.
"You're more durable than I expected."
"Thanks! I think? Being durable sounds good. Like furniture. Am I furniture? No, that doesn't seem right. Furniture doesn't talk. Except in that one movie I saw. The teapot sang."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS COMPARED HIMSELF TO A SINGING TEAPOT!]
[+16 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,512 → 5,528]
Beerus threw another punch.
Marcus, still lying on the ground, sneezed.
A blast of energy erupted from his face, colliding with Beerus's fist and stopping it cold.
"ACHOO! Sorry! Allergies! The pollen here is—ACHOO!—really bad!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS SNEEZED A GOD'S ATTACK AWAY!]
[+55 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,528 → 5,583]
Beerus stared at his fist, which was tingling slightly.
"Did you just... sneeze at me?"
"I didn't mean to! It just happened! My body does things I don't control! Like that time I—ACHOO!"
Another blast of energy.
Beerus dodged this time, watching the sneeze-beam carve a trench through the landscape.
"That's NOT a sneeze! That's an energy attack!"
"It felt like a sneeze! My nose got all tingly and then—ACHOO!"
[DING!]
[HOST IS HAVING AN ALLERGY-BASED ASSAULT ON A GOD!]
[+40 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,583 → 5,623]
Whis was openly laughing now. "Oh my, Lord Beerus! It seems you've met your match in pollen season!"
"SHUT UP, WHIS!"
Beerus powered up, his aura flaring with divine energy. "Fine! If you won't fight properly, I'll MAKE you fight properly!"
He began launching rapid-fire ki blasts at Marcus.
Marcus, still lying in the crater, rolled to the side to avoid the first one.
Then rolled the other way for the second.
Then rolled back.
Then sneezed again, deflecting three blasts at once.
Then stood up, tripped over a rock, and accidentally dodged a blast that would have taken his head off.
[DING!]
[HOST IS FIGHTING A GOD BY ROLLING AND TRIPPING!]
[+100 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,623 → 5,723]
From the distance, Goku arrived, having sensed the divine energy. Piccolo was right behind him, as were Krillin and Gohan.
They stopped dead at the sight before them.
Marcus was somehow dodging Beerus's attacks through a combination of sneezing, falling, and what appeared to be interpretive dance.
"Is that... Lord Beerus?" Goku whispered.
"It appears so," Piccolo said, his eye already twitching.
"And Marcus is... fighting him?"
"That's a generous term for what's happening."
"I HATE this," Piccolo added. "I hate everything about this."
Beerus was getting ANGRY.
He was a God of Destruction. He had ended civilizations. He had destroyed planets on a whim. He was one of the most powerful beings in the universe.
And this MORTAL was making him look like a FOOL.
"STAY! STILL!"
"I'M TRYING! But the ground keeps moving! Is the ground supposed to move?! I don't think the ground is supposed to move!"
[DING!]
[HOST THINKS THE GROUND IS MOVING (IT IS NOT)!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,723 → 5,738]
Marcus ducked under a punch, stumbled forward, and accidentally headbutted Beerus in the chin.
The God of Destruction's head snapped back.
"OW! THAT ACTUALLY HURT!"
"SORRY! I'm so sorry! My head just goes places sometimes! It has a mind of its own! Wait, that's literally true—my brain is in my head! So my head DOES have a mind of its own! Whoa!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS HAD A PHILOSOPHICAL REVELATION ABOUT HEAD-BRAIN RELATIONS!]
[MID-COMBAT!]
[+30 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,738 → 5,768]
Beerus rubbed his chin, his divine pride wounded. "You... you HEADBUTTED me."
"I didn't mean to! Well, I did it, so I guess I meant to? But I didn't plan to! Is there a difference between meaning to and planning to? Intent is complicated."
[DING!]
[HOST IS QUESTIONING INTENT DURING A BATTLE WITH A GOD!]
[+18 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,768 → 5,786]
"THAT'S IT!"
Beerus's aura exploded with power. The ground shattered beneath him. The sky darkened. Lightning crackled across the atmosphere.
"I was going to go easy on you, mortal. But you've ANNOYED me. And when I'm annoyed, THINGS CEASE TO EXIST."
He raised his finger, a tiny purple sphere of destruction energy forming at the tip.
"This is called Hakai. It erases things from existence. Not just kills them—ERASES them. No afterlife. No reincarnation. Complete and utter oblivion."
Marcus looked at the purple sphere.
"It's pretty," he said. "Like a grape. I like grapes. Well, I like grape juice. Actual grapes are too... grape-y? Is that a word? Grape-y?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS DESCRIBED DIVINE DESTRUCTION ENERGY AS "GRAPE-Y"!]
[+50 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,786 → 5,836]
Beerus's eye twitched. "Are you... are you even taking this seriously?"
"Taking what seriously?"
"THE THREAT TO YOUR EXISTENCE!"
"Oh, that! Well, I already died once from a vending machine, so existence seems pretty fragile anyway. What's one more time?"
[DING!]
[HOST IS UNFAZED BY EXISTENTIAL ANNIHILATION!]
[+35 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 5,836 → 5,871]
The Z-Fighters watched in horror.
"He's going to use Hakai!" Goku shouted. "We have to stop him!"
"HOW?!" Krillin demanded. "That's a God of Destruction! We can't—"
Gohan suddenly broke away from the group. "MR. MARCUS!"
The boy ran toward the battlefield.
"GOHAN, NO!"
But Gohan kept running, tears streaming down his face. "Don't hurt him! Please! He's my friend! He brings us sandwiches and he tells funny stories and he doesn't understand anything but he's NICE! PLEASE DON'T HURT HIM!"
Beerus paused.
He looked at the crying child, then back at Marcus.
"Your... friend?"
"Yeah!" Gohan planted himself between Beerus and Marcus. "He saved me from the bad men! He saved my daddy's friends! He's a hero even if he doesn't know it!"
Something shifted in Marcus's expression.
That strange, distant look entered his eyes.
"Gohan," Marcus said, and his voice was different now. "Get behind me."
[SYSTEM ALERT!]
[TRIGGER DETECTED: GOHAN IN DANGER]
[GUARDIAN STATE: ACTIVATING]
[OBLIVIOUSNESS: DECREASING]
[PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS: MAXIMIZING]
Gohan looked up at Marcus and immediately scrambled behind him. He recognized that tone.
So did the other Z-Fighters.
"Oh no," Piccolo whispered.
"Oh YES," Goku said, leaning forward with excitement.
Beerus felt the shift in the air. The strange energy he'd sensed in his vision was stirring, rising from dormancy like a beast awakening from slumber.
"So," the God of Destruction said, actually smiling now. "THERE you are."
Marcus looked at Beerus, and his eyes were focused—really focused—for only the second time since arriving in this universe.
"You pointed that thing at Gohan."
"I threatened YOU, not the child."
"Gohan ran in front of me. He put himself in danger. For me." Marcus's voice was eerily calm. "He's a kid. Kids shouldn't have to be brave. That's what adults are for."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS EXPRESSED GENUINE WISDOM!]
[THE SYSTEM IS CONFUSED BUT SUPPORTIVE!]
[+??? STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: RISING...]
"I don't like fighting," Marcus continued, his energy beginning to swirl around him. "I've never liked fighting. It's mean and it hurts people and it makes everyone sad."
The aura was building now—that impossible color that didn't exist in normal reality.
"But if fighting is the only way to protect my friends..."
His hair began to shift, getting messier, more chaotic, defying gravity and logic simultaneously.
"Then I guess I'll have to figure out how to fight."
[GUARDIAN STATE: FULLY ACTIVE]
[EMOTIONAL CATALYST: PROTECTION OF GOHAN]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,000... 12,000... 20,000...]
Beerus grinned. "NOW we're getting somewhere!"
He launched the Hakai sphere at Marcus.
Marcus raised his hand.
The sphere stopped.
Not deflected. Not blocked. STOPPED. It hovered an inch from his palm, the destruction energy roiling against an invisible barrier.
"This isn't nice," Marcus said. He SQUEEZED, and the Hakai energy crumpled like tinfoil, dissipating into nothingness.
Beerus's eyes went wide. "You... you destroyed Hakai energy. That's IMPOSSIBLE."
"I don't know what's possible or impossible. I never paid attention in school."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED TO NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN SCHOOL WHILE DOING SOMETHING IMPOSSIBLE!]
[+75 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 35,000... 50,000... 75,000...]
"Lord Beerus," Whis said, his usual serenity replaced by genuine interest. "His power is still climbing. Remarkably, even in this serious state, his responses contain enough... let's call it 'authentic obliviousness'... that the unusual growth mechanism remains active."
"He's getting stronger by being stupid even while he's being serious?!"
"It appears his baseline understanding of reality is simply so skewed that even his focused state qualifies as sufficiently... unusual."
"THAT'S ABSURD!"
"And yet, here we are."
Marcus took a step forward. The ground cratered beneath him.
"You're really strong," he said. "I can feel it. You're way stronger than those Saiyan guys. Way stronger than anyone I've ever met."
He tilted his head, that strange unfocused-focused look in his eyes.
"But I made a promise. Not out loud, because I don't remember making it. But somewhere inside me, I promised that I'd protect my friends. So I'm going to do that."
[POWER LEVEL: 100,000... 150,000... 200,000...]
Beerus powered up further, his divine aura clashing against the impossible aura surrounding Marcus.
"You're interesting, mortal. More interesting than anything I've encountered in millennia. But you're still just a MORTAL. And I am a GOD!"
He vanished, reappearing behind Marcus with a kick aimed at his head.
Marcus wasn't there.
[TECHNIQUE: STUMBLE STEP (SERIOUS VERSION)]
The kick passed through empty air.
Marcus appeared beside Beerus, one hand raised.
"Kamehame..."
Beerus's eyes widened. "You know the Kamehameha?!"
"I know the gestures! Goku showed me! I don't know what happens after the gestures, but—"
Blue energy exploded from his palms.
"—HAAAAA!"
The beam slammed into Beerus at point-blank range, sending the God of Destruction rocketing across the landscape.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS USED KAMEHAMEHA PROPERLY!]
[FOR THE FIRST TIME!]
[WHILE NOT SNEEZING!]
[+150 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 200,000 → 350,000...]
Goku's jaw dropped. "He... he actually did it! A REAL Kamehameha!"
"How?!" Piccolo demanded. "He's never trained that technique!"
"He watched me do it once! I guess that was enough?"
"THAT SHOULD NOT BE ENOUGH!"
Beerus exploded out of the rubble, his formal outfit torn, a few singes on his purple fur.
"You BURNED me. A mortal BURNED me."
He was smiling now. A genuine, excited, absolutely terrifying smile.
"I haven't felt like this in CENTURIES!"
He charged at Marcus, unleashing a flurry of divine attacks.
Marcus met him blow for blow.
Not through skill—his form was still terrible. But his power had risen so dramatically that it didn't matter. His terrible punches hit like mountains. His clumsy blocks absorbed godly strikes. His random movements somehow positioned him perfectly for counterattacks.
[DING!]
[HOST IS FIGHTING A GOD WITH NO TECHNIQUE AND PURE POWER!]
[THIS IS THE MOST MARCUS THING POSSIBLE!]
[+200 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 350,000 → 550,000...]
Beerus threw an overhead strike.
Marcus ducked (by accident—he was looking at a cloud that looked like a bunny) and raised his fingers to his forehead.
"Special Beam..."
"WHAT?! THAT'S THE NAMEKIAN'S—"
"CANNON!"
A spiraling beam of purple-yellow energy lanced out, scoring a direct hit on Beerus's shoulder.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS USED SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!]
[A TECHNIQUE HE WAS HIT WITH ONCE AND APPARENTLY MEMORIZED!]
[+175 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 550,000 → 725,000...]
Piccolo fell to his knees. "He... he used MY technique. The technique I spent MONTHS developing. He used it after experiencing it ONCE."
"That's so COOL!" Goku exclaimed.
"IT'S NOT COOL! IT'S THE OPPOSITE OF COOL! IT'S INSULTING!"
Beerus clutched his wounded shoulder, the divine blood—purple, of course—seeping between his fingers.
"You're full of surprises, mortal."
"I don't know how I did that." Marcus looked at his hand. "I just remembered how it felt when you used it against me—wait, no, that was Piccolo. But it felt the same? Energy is weird."
[DING!]
[HOST DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW HE USED A TECHNIQUE HE WAS ATTACKED WITH!]
[+60 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 725,000 → 785,000...]
Beerus launched himself at Marcus again, his attacks faster, more desperate.
Marcus dodged—stumbled—blocked—tripped—deflected—
And then, in a moment of perfect accidental timing, he opened his mouth.
What came out was not a scream.
It was not a ki blast.
It was a ROAR.
A torrent of golden-yellow energy erupted from Marcus's mouth like a Great Ape's mouth blast, engulfing Beerus entirely.
[DING!]
[HOST HAS USED THE GREAT APE MOUTH BLAST!]
[WITHOUT BEING A GREAT APE!]
[OR A SAIYAN!]
[THE SYSTEM DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO CATEGORIZE THIS!]
[+500 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 785,000 → 1,285,000...]
Goku made a sound that was half-gasp, half-laugh. "WAS THAT VEGETA'S GREAT APE ATTACK?!"
"HOW?!" Krillin screamed. "HE'S NOT A SAIYAN! HE DOESN'T HAVE A TAIL! HE WAS NEVER A GREAT APE!"
"Maybe he saw Vegeta do it and just... learned it?" Gohan offered.
"THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!"
The blast faded.
Beerus stood in a crater, breathing heavily, his clothing completely destroyed (revealing his purple cat-like body), smoke rising from his fur.
But he was smiling.
And then he started laughing.
"HAHAHAHA! WONDERFUL! MAGNIFICENT! You're the most absurd creature I've ever encountered!"
Marcus, still in his serious state, tilted his head. "Is... is that a compliment?"
"It's the highest compliment I can give! You don't make SENSE! Your power doesn't make sense! Your techniques don't make sense! YOU don't make sense!"
"That's what my teachers always said."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ONCE AGAIN RELATED GOD-LEVEL COMBAT TO MUNDANE CHILDHOOD MEMORIES!]
[+80 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 1,285,000 → 1,365,000...]
Beerus straightened up, his divine power flaring.
"Alright, mortal. You've impressed me. So now I'm going to stop holding back."
The air SHATTERED.
Reality itself seemed to crack as Beerus unleashed his true power—not full power, not even close, but more than he'd used in centuries.
"Let's see how you handle THIS!"
He vanished.
Marcus couldn't track him.
CRACK!
A fist connected with Marcus's cheek.
CRACK!
A kick to the ribs.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Marcus was being brutalized, Beerus moving too fast for even his enhanced state to follow.
The Z-Fighters watched in horror.
"He's losing!" Krillin shouted.
"He was never going to win," Piccolo said grimly. "That's a God of Destruction. Even with that insane power boost, the gap is—"
Marcus hit the ground hard.
He lay there, battered and bleeding, staring up at the sky.
Beerus floated down, barely winded. "You did well, mortal. Better than anyone has in eons. But in the end, you're still just—"
"Gohan," Marcus whispered.
"What?"
Marcus turned his head, looking toward where Gohan was standing with the other Z-Fighters. The boy was crying, hands over his mouth.
"He's crying. I don't like it when he cries."
"He's crying because you lost."
"Then I shouldn't lose."
Marcus's eyes changed.
The unfocused-focused look was replaced by something else entirely.
Complete. Utter. EMPTINESS.
[SYSTEM ALERT!]
[GUARDIAN STATE: MAXIMUM]
[EMOTIONAL TRIGGER: GOHAN'S DISTRESS]
[SECONDARY STATE ACTIVATING...]
[ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: ENGAGING]
The impossible aura returned—but stronger. So much stronger. It wasn't just a color that didn't exist anymore. It was a PRESENCE. A feeling of reality itself getting confused and giving up.
Marcus stood.
His injuries healed.
Not regenerated—just... undone. As if the damage had never happened because Marcus had forgotten it occurred.
[ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: FULLY ACTIVE]
[POWER LEVEL: ERROR]
[REALITY COMPLIANCE: FAILING]
[THE SYSTEM IS HIDING BEHIND A METAPHYSICAL COUCH]
Beerus took a step back.
Whis's eyes widened.
"Lord Beerus. We should leave."
"What?"
"NOW."
It was too late.
Marcus raised one hand, palm open.
"Kamehame..."
Blue energy gathered.
His other hand went to his forehead.
"Special Beam..."
Purple spirals formed.
His mouth opened.
Golden light built in his throat.
[WARNING!]
[HOST IS COMBINING THREE INCOMPATIBLE TECHNIQUES!]
[THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!]
[THIS SHOULD NOT WORK!]
[THE SYSTEM IS VERY CONCERNED!]
All three energies merged—blue, purple-yellow, and gold—swirling together into something new. Something that had never existed before.
"OBLIVIOUS..." Marcus's voice echoed with that strange layered quality. "CANNON!"
[NEW TECHNIQUE CREATED!]
[NAME: OBLIVIOUS CANNON]
[DESCRIPTION: A FUSION OF KAMEHAMEHA, SPECIAL BEAM CANNON, AND GREAT APE MOUTH BLAST, COMBINED THROUGH SHEER IGNORANCE OF THE FACT THAT THEY CAN'T BE COMBINED]
[POWER LEVEL: DON'T ASK]
The beam fired.
It wasn't one color. It wasn't three colors. It was that impossible shade that existed only when Marcus was in this state—the color of cosmic stupidity, of obliviousness so profound it became transcendent.
Beerus raised both hands, pouring everything he had into a defensive barrier.
The Oblivious Cannon hit.
There was a moment of silence.
Then light.
Then nothing.
When the light faded, Beerus was on one knee, arms shaking, barrier flickering.
He'd stopped it.
Barely.
"You... you actually..." He looked up at Marcus, and for the first time, there was something like respect in his eyes. "You actually hurt me. Truly hurt me."
Marcus floated there, the Ultra Oblivious aura still swirling around him.
"Do you give up?"
His voice was calm. Empty. Completely without malice.
Beerus laughed weakly. "Give up? A God of Destruction?"
"I don't want to fight anymore. Fighting is mean. Can we stop?"
It was such a genuine request. So simple. So... Marcus.
Even in his most powerful form, he didn't want to fight.
He just wanted to protect his friends and go back to trying (and failing) to make pancakes.
"Whis," Beerus said.
"Yes, Lord Beerus?"
"If I say yes, can we still get pancakes?"
A long pause.
Then, impossibly, a small smile crossed Marcus's empty face.
"Chi-Chi makes really good pancakes."
[BATTLE CONCLUSION: DRAW (EFFECTIVELY)]
[BEERUS: SURVIVED, HUMBLED, WANTS PANCAKES]
[MARCUS: VICTORIOUS(?), CONFUSED(?), ALSO WANTS PANCAKES]
The Ultra Oblivious form faded.
Marcus blinked, looked around at the devastated landscape, the injured God of Destruction, and the horrified Z-Fighters.
"Huh. I zoned out again, didn't I?"
[DING!]
[MEMORY ERASURE: COMPLETE]
[HOST HAS NO RECOLLECTION OF THE PAST THIRTY MINUTES]
[POWER LEVEL: RETURNING TO BASELINE... 8,500]
[NOTE: BASELINE HAS SIGNIFICANTLY INCREASED]
"What happened? Why is the purple cat man kneeling? Is he tired? Does he need a nap? I like naps."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED IF A GOD OF DESTRUCTION NEEDS A NAP!]
[+25 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,500 → 8,525]
Beerus stared at Marcus.
Then he started laughing again.
"You really don't remember?"
"Remember what?"
"You just fought me! You used techniques you shouldn't know! You created a new attack that nearly killed me!"
Marcus looked genuinely confused. "That doesn't sound like something I'd do. I don't know any techniques. I quit karate when I was seven."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS DISMISSED HIS OWN GODLIKE BATTLE AS UNLIKELY!]
[+40 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,525 → 8,565]
Whis floated down, still elegantly composed despite everything. "Remarkable. He genuinely doesn't remember. The transformation not only enhances his power but also erases his memory of the event."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Goku asked, having finally approached.
"Both, I imagine. He can't train to access the form, because he doesn't know it exists. But he also can't be traumatized by the power he wields."
Marcus noticed Gohan and immediately brightened. "Little buddy! Why are you crying? Did something bad happen? Are you hurt?"
Gohan ran forward and hugged Marcus tightly. "You saved us! Again!"
"I did? Huh. I must be pretty good at that." Marcus patted Gohan's head awkwardly. "I'm glad you're okay. That's the important thing."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS EXPRESSED GENUINE CARE FOR A CHILD!]
[NOT STUPID, BUT WHOLESOME!]
[+15 STAT POINTS ANYWAY!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,565 → 8,580]
Beerus stood up, dusting himself off. His injuries were already healing thanks to his divine constitution.
"Well. This has been educational." He looked at Marcus with an expression that was half-irritation, half-fascination. "You're annoying, mortal. Confusing. Impossible."
"Thanks?"
"It wasn't entirely a compliment."
"Oh. Sorry?"
"And you're still doing it."
"Doing what?"
[DING!]
[HOST IS ANNOYING A GOD WITHOUT REALIZING IT!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,580 → 8,600]
Beerus's eye twitched, and then he laughed again. "You know what? I like you. You're the most entertainment I've had in millennia."
"I like you too! You're a very pretty purple color. Like grapes! Or eggplants! Or... wait, I already said grapes. What else is purple? Plums? Are plums purple? I feel like they're purple but also red? Fruit colors are confusing."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS LISTED PURPLE THINGS TO A GOD!]
[+12 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,600 → 8,612]
"Now then." Beerus clasped his hands behind his back. "I believe someone promised me pancakes."
"I did? Wait, I tried to make pancakes earlier, but they turned into fire."
"Then someone ELSE will make pancakes."
"Chi-Chi makes really good pancakes."
"So I've heard. Let's go."
Beerus started walking toward the Son house (or what was left of it after the battle).
Whis followed, smiling serenely.
Marcus followed too, completely unbothered by the fact that he'd apparently fought a God of Destruction and come out on top.
"Hey, Mr. Purple Cat? Can I ask you something?"
Beerus sighed. "What?"
"Why are your ears so pointy?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ASKED A GOD ABOUT HIS EARS!]
[+18 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,612 → 8,630]
"They're not—" Beerus stopped himself. "I'm not engaging with this."
"Engaging with what?"
"This conversation."
"But we're talking. Isn't that engaging?"
"WHIS, MAKE HIM STOP."
"I'm afraid that's beyond even my abilities, Lord Beerus."
Back at the Son house (the kitchen and living room walls had been quickly repaired with capsule technology), Chi-Chi was making pancakes for a God of Destruction.
This was her life now.
She'd long stopped questioning it.
"More syrup, Lord Beerus?"
"Yes. And more butter."
"Of course."
Marcus sat at the table, happily eating his own stack of pancakes, apparently having forgotten that he'd burned down the kitchen earlier AND fought a cosmic deity.
Mr. Whiskers had returned from hiding and was curled up in his corner, eyeing Beerus with the wariness of a creature that recognized an apex predator.
Goku was excitedly asking Whis about training opportunities.
Piccolo had left immediately after the battle, muttering about needing to train for "the next ten thousand years."
Gohan was doing homework, occasionally glancing at Marcus with hero worship in his eyes.
And Krillin was in the corner, questioning every life choice that had led him to this moment.
"So," Beerus said between bites, "I'll be returning periodically to check on this planet."
"Is that a threat?" Chi-Chi asked evenly.
"No. It's a promise. I want to see how he develops." He pointed at Marcus with his fork. "That one is the most interesting mortal I've encountered in eons. I want to see what happens next."
Marcus looked up, syrup dripping down his chin. "What happens next? Next is dinner, right? Then sleep? I like sleep. Sleep is like being dead but you wake up. Unless you're actually dead, then you don't wake up. Unless you get reincarnated, then you wake up somewhere else. Life is complicated."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS PHILOSOPHIZED ABOUT LIFE, DEATH, AND SLEEP!]
[+22 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,630 → 8,652]
Beerus watched the power increase happen in real-time.
"Fascinating. It truly is connected to his... unique... mental state."
"He's not stupid," Chi-Chi said defensively. "He's just... different."
"I didn't say stupid. I said unique." Beerus took another bite of pancake. "These are excellent, by the way."
"Thank you, Lord Beerus."
"You're welcome." He glanced at Marcus again. "Take care of that one. The universe would be much less interesting without him."
"We're trying."
Marcus finished his pancakes and looked around with a satisfied smile. "That was great! Thanks, Chi-Chi! You're the best!"
"You're welcome, Marcus."
"Hey, Mr. Purple Cat?"
"I have a NAME."
"Right! Lord Beerus! Like beer! Or buses! Or—"
"It's not like any of those things."
"Oh. What IS it like?"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS QUESTIONED THE ETYMOLOGY OF A GOD'S NAME!]
[+15 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,652 → 8,667]
Beerus stared at him for a long moment.
Then he laughed.
"I have no idea. No one's ever asked me that before."
"Really? That seems like an important question. Names should mean things. My name is Marcus, which I think means... something? I don't actually know. I never looked it up. Maybe I'm named after a famous Marcus? Is there a famous Marcus? I feel like there is, but—"
"Please stop talking."
"Okay!"
Silence fell over the table.
For about three seconds.
"Hey, Lord Beerus? One more question."
"WHAT."
"Can I pet your ears? They look really soft."
Everyone in the room froze.
Beerus's eye twitched.
"No."
"Are you sure? I'm really good at petting things. Mr. Whiskers loves it when I pet him."
Mr. Whiskers made a sound that suggested he had complicated feelings about this claim.
"I said NO."
"Okay. But if you change your mind, the offer stands."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS OFFERED TO PET A GOD OF DESTRUCTION!]
[AND THE GOD ALMOST CONSIDERED IT!]
[+45 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,667 → 8,712]
Whis leaned over to Beerus. "He's grown 100 power levels just during this meal, my lord."
"I know."
"At this rate..."
"I KNOW."
Beerus looked at Marcus, who was now trying to build a tower out of his remaining pancake pieces.
"What are you doing?"
"Making a pancake castle! Every meal should have architecture, that's what I always say. I've never actually said that before, but I'm saying it now, so now I always say it."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CREATED A NEW PERSONAL PHILOSOPHY ON THE SPOT!]
[+20 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,712 → 8,732]
Beerus watched the power climb.
He watched the pancake castle grow.
And for reasons he couldn't quite explain, he found himself smiling.
This mortal was absolutely ridiculous.
And absolutely magnificent.
Later that night, Beerus and Whis departed Earth, promising (threatening?) to return.
The Z-Fighters gathered to discuss what had happened.
"So... we're all in agreement that Marcus is terrifying, right?" Krillin asked.
Nods all around.
"And we're also in agreement that he has no idea he's terrifying?"
More nods.
"And we're NOT going to tell him?"
"Definitely not," Piccolo said firmly. "If he becomes aware of his power, it might not work the same way. His strength seems tied to his obliviousness. Making him self-aware could ruin everything."
"Or make it worse," Goku offered cheerfully. "Maybe if he knew, he'd get EVEN stronger!"
"Goku, please stop suggesting things."
"Okay!"
Marcus wandered into the room, still wearing bits of maple syrup on his face.
"Hey everyone! What are you talking about? Is it a secret? I love secrets! I'm really bad at keeping them, but I love HEARING them!"
[DING!]
[HOST HAS ADMITTED TO BEING BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS!]
[+8 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,732 → 8,740]
"We were just talking about training," Goku said quickly.
"Training! I love training! Even though I'm bad at it! Actually, I'm bad at most things, but that's okay because being bad at things is how you learn to be less bad at things! That's what my mom always said. Or maybe that was a fortune cookie. Fortunes and moms are both wise."
[DING!]
[HOST HAS CONFLATED MATERNAL WISDOM WITH FORTUNE COOKIES!]
[+18 STAT POINTS!]
[POWER LEVEL: 8,740 → 8,758]
The Z-Fighters exchanged glances.
This was their life now.
Protecting a world that was, in turn, protected by someone who couldn't protect himself from a vending machine in his previous life.
Somehow, impossibly, it was working.
[CHAPTER 5 COMPLETE]
[FINAL POWER LEVEL: 8,758 (DORMANT)]
[PEAK POWER LEVEL DURING ULTRA OBLIVIOUS: THE SYSTEM REFUSES TO CALCULATE]
[TECHNIQUES KNOWN (ACCORDING TO THE SYSTEM): KAMEHAMEHA, SPECIAL BEAM CANNON, GREAT APE MOUTH BLAST, OBLIVIOUS CANNON, KAMEHAME-ACHOO, STUMBLE STEP, CONFUSION BARRIER, APOLOGETIC PUNCH, ACCIDENTAL HEADBUTT]
[TECHNIQUES KNOWN (ACCORDING TO MARCUS): "I DON'T KNOW ANY TECHNIQUES"]
[NEW RELATIONSHIPS:]
[- BEERUS: INTERESTED, CONFUSED, WEIRDLY FOND]
[- WHIS: AMUSED, OBSERVING]
[UPDATED RELATIONSHIPS:]
[- GOKU: EXCITED FRIEND (WANTS TO SPAR MORE)]
[- PICCOLO: RIVAL (HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS)]
[- CHI-CHI: EXHAUSTED CARETAKER]
[- GOHAN: DEVOTED FAN]
[- KRILLIN: TERRIFIED ACQUAINTANCE]
[- MR. WHISKERS: STRESSED BUT LOYAL]
[BEERUS STATUS: RETURNING HOME, THINKING ABOUT EAR PETS]
[HE'LL NEVER ADMIT IT, BUT HE'S CONSIDERING IT]
[NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:]
["Why Are We Going to a Planet Called 'Namek'? Is It Made of Names?"]
[FEATURING:]
[- THE FRIEZA SAGA BEGINS]
[- MARCUS ASKS FRIEZA WHY HE'S SO SHORT]
[- FRIEZA DOES NOT TAKE THIS WELL]
[- MARCUS ACCIDENTALLY BEFRIENDS THE GINYU FORCE]
[- "YOUR POSES ARE REALLY COOL! CAN YOU TEACH ME?"]
[- GINYU CRIES TEARS OF JOY]
END OF CHAPTER 5