"Det er ganske sandt, hvad Philosophien siger, at Livet maa forstaaes baglænds. Men derover glemmer man den anden Sætning, at det maa leves forlænds."
(It is perfectly true, as the philosophers say, that life must be understood backwards. But they forget the other proposition, that it must be lived forwards.)
—Søren Kierkegaard, Journals IV A 164 (1843)
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
At 8:20 AM, Kiyotaka arrived at his homeroom.
Coincidentally, he had also arrived at the same time according to his memories. The realization annoyed him a little.
Then again, maybe it was just a coincidence, not evidence he'd be reliving the future he dreamed.
Taking a seat, he spared a glance at Horikita. She was already engrossed in her book.
Already annotated, he noted.
He turned away quickly, lest the girl notice he was observing her. He'd rather not deal with the headache that was Horikita's interrogation.
Instead, he spent the next few minutes observing his classmates.
I did that last time too...
Kiyotaka breathed deeply.
It'd be better for his mind to stop making these connections. Better to let things unfold. Better not to worry.
It wasn't like he was shoved in a dystopian nightmare.
If anything, the dream was like a hyper realistic VR simulator. The logic of events made sense too. At least, they aligned with his logic.
For one, if you don't approach people, how will you have friends?
He briefly considered rising from his seat, approaching someone, saying hello.
But the bell rang first. Chabashira Sae opened the door.
There went his chance to defy fate.
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
Eventually, lunchtime arrived.
Things unfolded as it did in Kiyotaka's dream. He decided he wouldn't call them memories just yet.
Not until something conclusive happened.
The scene this morning could be chalked up to his classmates reacting as he expected them to.
After all, the introductions yesterday were an indicator he was in a class of problem children.
Why were they so opposed at the thought of introducing themselves? That made no sense. It'd be useful for everyone to know each other's names.
Kiyotaka brushed away his rude thoughts. Maybe high schoolers were meant to behave that way. Fifteen seemed to be the prime age where hormonal imbalances led teenagers to be rebellious.
Instead, he opted to observe his classmates. Some had already formed cliques, and as such, were having lunch together.
He felt a little jealous. Not really. But it'd be nice to share lunch with others.
Kiyotaka sighed. 'This should also be the point where Horikita insults me for no reason.'
And right on cue...
"How pathetic."
Kiyotaka turned to his seatmate. She followed his dream's script.
So he did too.
"What? What's pathetic?"
Horikita stared at him blankly. "Your thoughts are like an open book. 'I want someone to invite me along. I want to eat with someone!'"
"But you're alone, too, aren't you? Haven't you thought the same thing? Or do you intend to spend three years here without making a single friend?"
"That's right. I prefer to be alone," she replied quickly, without hesitation.
Only Horikita could proudly admit this and not cringe.
"Why don't you stop worrying about me and instead think about yourself?"
It was a sound advice, Kiyotaka had to admit.
But it was a little eerie. Her words aligned with his dream of this scene. Word for word.
Still, it wasn't a conclusive proof his dream were actually memories of the future. It could be deja vu.
Besides, Horikita had a predictable speech pattern.
"Well, I was thinking of heading to the cafeteria. Anyone want to come with me?" Hirata announced to the few people left in class.
Turning away from Horikita, Kiyotaka began to think of more important things.
Should he ask and hope Hirata would let him join for lunch... or should he enjoy solitude for a little bit longer?
Kiyotaka slowly raised his hand, hoping for the angelic Hirata to notice him quickly.
"I'll go with you!"
"Me too! Me too!"
Kiyotaka lowered his hand, mildly disappointed. This time, because things happened as it did in his dream.
At least, that one's different. In his dream he was disappointed because he missed out on being friends with Hirata early.
"How tragic." Came Horikita's derisive chuckle.
What a wicked laugh from such a beautiful girl.
"Why are you still here?" Kiyotaka asked her. Surely, she didn't stick around just to see him suffer. They've only known each other for a day.
"Unless you wanted me to invite you for lunch."
Kiyotaka patted himself on the back for going off-script. Well... it shouldn't matter much. He wasn't breaking the space-time continuum just yet.
Because Horikita would just reply with—
"Your failure to socialize must have led to delusions."
As expected.
Still, her rude words provided him with comfort.
He could still chalk everything up to his capability to predict how a person would react. It was a skill he honed over the years.
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
Kiyotaka left the homeroom shortly after Horikita did.
Just like in his dream... he was going to spend lunch alone.
He could have done something about it, like rise to his feet and approach Hirata himself.
But he had to make small sacrifices.
Well, he could try again tomorrow. Hirata would probably still welcome him.
"You're Ayanokōji-kun, right?"
Kiyotaka turned.
A girl stood there, smiling—beige-haired, bright-eyed, unmistakably beautiful. His dream aside, this was the first time he got a good look at her. She was a pleasant sight.
She stepped closer. Her citrus scent reached him—clean, subtle. Her smile had the kind of warmth people gravitated toward. Reassuring. Like the kind of person you'd trust, even before she spoke.
He could see why people might call her an angel.
"I'm Kushida, from your class. Do you remember me?"
Luckily for Kiyotaka, Kushida didn't seem to notice he was appraising her. Or maybe she did, but didn't care.
"Yeah. Do you need something?"
He said "Yeah, kinda" in his dream, but that came across as awkward. So he changed it.
"To tell you the truth, there's something I wanted to ask you," she said. "Just one little question. Ayanokōji-kun, are you on good terms with Horikita-san?"
She tilted her head, hopeful.
"I wouldn't say we're on good terms," he replied. "Just casual acquaintances. Did she do something?"
"Oh, no. Well, do you remember when I said I wanted to get along with everyone in class? That's why I wanted everyone's contact info. But... Horikita turned me down."
Kiyotaka idly wondered why Horikita would willingly isolate herself like that.
Well, he knew the answer, but he wasn't erasing the possibility that his dream might not be fully accurate.
"Weren't you two talking outside the school on the day of the entrance ceremony?"
Kushida just kept talking. Kiyotaka felt a tad bit overwhelmed, but decided he didn't mind it.
"I was just wondering what kind of person Horikita-san is," Kushida continued. "Is she the type who'll talk a lot when she's with a friend?"
Kiyotaka should have had a hard time imagining that, but he didn't. Horikita's development was another factor why he was doubting his dream.
He remembered Horikita being expressive later on. She even cried for him.
...Ridiculous.
Maybe his mind was trying to comfort him after her brutal tongue lashing yesterday.
"I don't think she's very good at interacting with others. Why are you asking about Horikita, anyway?" he asked.
"Well, during our introductions, Horikita-san walked out of the classroom, right? It seems like she hasn't talked to anybody yet, so I'm a little worried about her."
Kushida looked genuinely worried.
"I understand what you're saying, but I only just met her yesterday. I can't really help you," Kiyotaka replied.
"Hmm. I see." Kushida nodded, a look of disappointment flickering across her face. "I thought you two might've been old friends before starting school here. I'm sorry to have asked you such a strange question."
"Oh, no, it's all right. Anyway, how did you know my name?"
"How? You introduced yourself the other day, didn't you?" She smiled. "I remembered."
"... I'm glad. Hopefully you won't think too bad of me," Kiyotaka sighed. "I panicked a little during introductions..."
Kushida offered a smile. "Don't worry about it. All that matters is that you took the effort to introduce yourself."
Both lines were off-script—absent from the dream—but Kiyotaka doubted a few harmless sentences would alter anything important.
What am I even thinking?
Was he really entertaining the idea that the dream had been stitched together from actual memories?
"Thanks."
He pushed the thought away.
"Well, it's nice to meet you again, Ayanokouji-kun," she said, offering an outstretched hand.
Kiyotaka pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his palm before shaking hers.
Kushida giggled softly at the gesture.
"Yeah, nice to meet you," he replied, slipping his hand back into his pockets.
She waved, then walked off toward her friends.
Kiyotaka watched her go.
Then, he sighed. "Just like in the dream."
This was the reason he didn't try to deviate from his dream just yet.
He wanted to confirm if Kushida would approach him, and if her words matched the dream word-for-word.
A resounding yes on both counts.
By the minute, it was getting harder to deny that these were memories.
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
After buying a sandwich from the convenience store—the cafeteria was too crowded for his taste—Kiyotaka made a resolution.
One more test.
One more test, and he'd consider the possibility that, somehow, he was living inside a science fiction story.
On second thought, maybe it was fantasy. Sci-fi would require someone sneaking a memory chip into his brain while he slept. That was impossible, he would've noticed.
Back in the homeroom, Kiyotaka counted about ten students.
Some had pushed their desks together to eat in little clusters. Others, less social, quietly unwrapped their food at their own desks.
Kiyotaka was about to join that second category.
Then Horikita walked in and sat beside him. She bought the same sandwich he did.
A conscious deviation from his memories. He resigned himself to call them memories after the encounter with Kushida. Hopefully, he could call them dreams again later.
"Did you perhaps stalk me to the convenience store?" Horikita asked, glancing at the identical sandwich Kiyotaka brought.
"Why would I do that? I dislike trouble."
Horikita turned away. She lost all interest in continuing the conversation.
'That was fun.' Kiyotaka concluded. He figured Horikita would react that way.
He unwrapped the sandwich and took a bite.
Then music crackled through the overhead speakers.
"At 5 PM Japan Standard Time today, we will be holding a student club fair in Gymnasium No. 1. Students interested in joining a club, please gather in Gymnasium No. 1. I repeat, at—"
A girl with a sweet voice made the announcement.
Tachibana, Kiyotaka noted. His memories showed similarities in how they sounded.
He pushed the thought aside and went straight for his objective.
"Hey, Horikita—"
"I'm not interested in joining a club."
Kiyotaka blinked. "I didn't even ask you anything yet."
"Well, what is it?" she replied, already sounding annoyed.
He took a bite of his sandwich to delay answering, then swallowed. "Are you interested in joining a club?"
He patted his future— or was it now past?— self on the back. That was actually funny.
"Ayanokōji-kun, do you have dementia, or are you just an idiot? Didn't I just tell you that I'm not interested?"
"Yes, but I didn't ask before."
Horikita glared at him. Even she was able to realize Kiyotaka was making fun of her.
'She didn't say anything? Huh...' Kiyotaka was mildly surprised at the lack of reply.
Well... silence was a reply.
"You don't really have any friends, do you?"
Nevermind. That was on-script.
"Sorry. But, hey, I can at least talk to you pretty well now."
"Listen, don't count me as one of your friends."
"Grammatically incorrect. I haven't made any... yet."
Horikita closed her eyes, then opened it again.
Her rubies met Kiyotaka's amber with annoyance. "Very well. I will repeat myself. Don't count me as your friend."
"Harsh."
Horikita ignored the remark.
"Well, since you apparently want to go find out about the clubs, do you intend to join one?" she asked.
"Oh, I'm not sure, I guess. I'm still thinking about it. Probably not, though."
"You don't plan to join a club, but you want to go to the club fair? How odd. Do you plan to use this as a pretext for talking to people and making friends?"
"No, not really."
She gave him a long look. "Then why?"
"It'd be a good chance to see what clubs the school has. Maybe they have unique ones you wouldn't see in a normal school."
Kiyotaka figured it was a rational response. He was doing everything he could to avoid being hit by Horikita. In his memory, she karate chopped him.
Sure, he could dodge, but that'd get him unwanted attention. People might actually think he was close with Horikita.
"Can't you invite anyone other than me?" she asked
Kiyotaka thought for a second, chewing slowly.
"Well... I could ask Hirata," he said. "But a lot of people would be following him. It might be too much for me."
Horikita hummed. "That might be the first intelligent thing you've said today."
"Oh... thank you." Kiyotaka didn't know what to make of the remark. It was definitely a Horikita response, though.
"Club activities, hmm. I see..." Horikita mumbled to herself.
"Well, if it's only for a little while after school, I'll go with you," she said.
"What do you mean 'a little while'?"
"You asked me earlier, didn't you? You said you wanted to go to the club fair."
"Oh, yeah. I never planned to stick around. I was just looking for a chance to go. Is that okay?"
"If it's just for a little while. All right, we'll go after class."
Kiyotaka nodded and went back to his sandwich.
That went well. He praised himself for arriving at the same destination as his memories. And he did so without being hit by Horikita.
That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.
"Watching you flail about as you fail to make friends sounds somewhat interesting."
He paused mid-chew.
...Right. The unnecessary side comment.
He'd almost forgotten who he was talking to.
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
After classes had ended, Horikita and Kiyotaka headed to the gymnasium.
They walked in silence, but that was to be expected of them. Neither of them were the type to fill space needlessly, and neither seemed to mind.
By the time they arrived, the gymnasium was already buzzing. Clusters of students, mostly freshmen, had gathered across the polished floor, their voices echoing off the high walls, overlapping each other.
Kiyotaka scanned the crowd. It was mostly first-year students in there, as expected.
The two opted to stay at the back of the gymnasium. Made it easier to leave quickly.
Horikita crossed her arms, eyes sweeping the room. "There are more people here than I expected."
"I wonder if this school has famous clubs. For example, something like karate."
Kiyotaka decided to go on-script. This exchange was a good time-killer, he remembered.
"Every club seems to operate on a high level. It looks like many athletes and club members here are famous throughout the nation."
"Huh... you knew which people are famous?" It slipped out of Kiyotaka's tongue.
Off-script, but he couldn't help it. Horikita didn't seem to be the type of person to keep up with these things.
Horikita glared at him. "Why wouldn't I?"
For his own safety, Kiyotaka shifted topics.
"These facilities are pretty advanced," he said, gesturing toward the equipment at the gym's far side. "Even have O₂ chambers. Luxurious enough to make pro athletes jealous. But..." he paused, scanning the banners and signage, "doesn't look like they have a karate club after all."
"I see."
"What? Were you interested in karate or something?" Kiyotaka asked.
"No, not particularly."
Horikita averted her eyes a little. It was enough confirmation for Kiyotaka.
Well... the fact she could dish out precise Karate Chops in his memories were already telling.
Their conversation continued for a while until a purple-haired girl walked up on stage and took the microphone.
"Thank you all for waiting, first-year students. We will now begin the club fair. A representative from each club will explain their function. My name is Tachibana, the student council secretary and the club fair's organizer. It's nice to meet you all."
Kiyotaka leaned back against the gymnasium wall, hands in his pockets, watching as a stream of upperclassmen took their place on stage. It was a diverse crowd. The club representatives included everything from burly athletes in judo uniforms to students dressed in beautiful kimonos.
"Hey," Horikita said. "If you wanted a fresh start, you could join one of those athletic clubs. The judo club seems decent. That senpai looks kind."
Kiyotaka tracked her gaze. A large, broad-shouldered boy stood smiling like a proud uncle.
"What do you mean 'kind'? He looks like a gorilla. He'll kill me for sure," Kiyotaka replied.
Even without the memories, he was sure he'd react the same. Outwardly, at least. He didn't think it'd be possible for the judo senpai to kill him.
"He'll probably talk passionately about how easy judo is," Horikita remarked, amused at Kiyotaka's reaction.
"Did that come from experience or something?"
Horikita looked mildly disgusted. Not at Kiyotaka, but at the memories that returned.
She was trained in a few martial arts disciplines as a child. Not all experiences were pleasant, especially the overbearingly passionate seniors.
"...Yes," she admitted.
Kiyotaka decided to change topic for Horikita's sake.
"Well... even if I wanted to join, the athletic clubs all look really intimidating. I get the impression they don't accept beginners."
"Beginners should be welcomed. The more members a club has, the more money they receive from the school. That's how they're able to get better training equipment," Horikita argued.
Kiyotaka engaged with her for a while until a beautiful girl dressed in archery gear stepped onto the stage.
He paid attention. Mostly because she was beautiful.
"Hello, my name is Hashigaki, the captain of the archery club. Many students may be under the impression that archery is an old-fashioned, simple activity, but it is actually a fun and rewarding sport. We welcome beginners with open arms. If you're interested, please consider joining."
Kiyotaka glanced sideways. "Hey, look, they seem to be welcoming newcomers. Why don't you try joining? In order to increase their budget, that is."
"I hate the idea of joining a club for that reason."
That was quick.
"Besides," she added, "athletic clubs are just gatherings of people with nothing better to do. Also, I probably wouldn't have fun if I didn't know anyone there. I'd end up quitting in the blink of an eye."
"Isn't that simply your twisted personality talking?"
'She could have just said no,' Kiyotaka thought. There was no need to insult members of athletic clubs.
"Yeah, you're absolutely right. But athletic clubs are a no-go."
Horikita didn't even try to deny the accusation.
Her self-awareness and acceptance of her own twistedness was... something. It was one of the reasons Kiyotaka had a hard time believing the things that flashed through his mind.
Horikita earnestly trying her best for the class... what a joke.
But he knew—at this point, he was denying the possibility only because it sounded absurd.
The facts, however, were getting harder to deny.
At that moment, he noticed a familiar person appear from the back of the stage. Then, he glanced at Horikita, waiting for her to notice this person.
A few seconds later, her posture changed—stillness, then a slow, sharp breath. Her face paled.
Kiyotaka nodded once. That tracked.
It was just like in his memories. He actually noticed who Horikita was looking at, too, but at the time, he found it funnier to imagine her attention was directed to the Baseball Club captain who was introducing his club.
"Horikita, what's the matter?" he asked.
She remained stiff, frozen. Her gaze was still locked on the bespectacled boy standing at the edge of the stage.
Eventually, it was that boy's turn to speak.
He was slender, with sleek black hair. He wore sharp glasses and had a piercing, calculating gaze. Standing in front of the microphone, he calmly looked around at the first-year students.
This was the Student Council President, Horikita Manabu. He was the brother to Horikita Suzune, and if Kiyotaka's memories were correct, he had quite the flair for theatrics.
In this case, he would not speak for a while, leading some unfortunate freshmen to think that perhaps he panicked, perhaps he forgot his lines. Then, immediately. he turned the mood around, filling it with tension.
And just like in his memories, the older Horikita delayed his own introduction.
"I'm the student council president. My name is Horikita Manabu."
Kiyotaka wondered if the older Horikita felt a little triumphant when he saw the mood shift. Probably not. He was all about presentation, he didn't get off at making people uncomfortable.
To his side, he saw that Horikita— the little sister— was still frozen solid.
"The student council is currently looking to recruit candidates among the first-years," he continued. "While no formal qualifications are required, we humbly ask that those considering application not be involved in other club activities. We generally do not accept students with divided commitment."
And he didn't pause.
"Furthermore, we in the student council do not wish to appoint anyone who possesses a naive outlook. Not only would such a person not be appointed, he or she would sully the sanctity of this school. It is the student council's right and duty to enforce and amend the rules, but the school expects more than that. We gladly welcome those of you who understand this."
Then, without another word, he stepped off the stage and left the gymnasium. None of the first-year students could utter a single word as they watched him go.
Especially her, Kiyotaka thought, glancing once more at Horikita.
She hadn't blinked once.
"Thank you all for coming. The club fair has ended. We will now open the reception area to anyone interested in signing up. Also, registration will be open until the end of April, so if any student wishes to join at a later date, we ask that you please bring the application form directly to the club you wish to join."
Tachibana, the Yang to Horikita Manabu's Yin, easily dissipated the tension in the air. Afterward, the upperclassmen began taking applications to their respective clubs.
As this went on, Horikita still remained frozen.
Kiyotaka decided to go off-script and pushed her lightly. Just to see what would happen.
She blinked out of her trance and glared at him. "What was that for?"
"The club fair has ended," he told her.
"I see..."
With her head lowered, she turned and slipped into the crowd.
So that still happened, Kiyotaka noted. But at the very least, his act of pushing Horikita would distract her a little bit.
...Who was he kidding?
When she got back to her dorm room, she'd probably beat herself up over her weakness upon meeting her brother for the first time in years. That was what she did in his memories, and he doubted that would change.
At that moment, a voice called out to Kiyotaka.
"Yo, Ayanokōji. You came, huh?"
It was Sudō. Behind him were Yamauchi and Ike.
Kiyotaka sighed. He must have been in thought for quite a while because the three still reached him as they did in his memories.
"Oh, hey, you three. Looks like you guys are getting along well, huh?"
"So, you joined a club, too?"
"Oh, no, I just came to check things out. Wait, 'too'? Did you join a club, Sudō?"
"Yeah. I've been playing basketball ever since elementary school. I thought I'd join the team here."
Kiyotaka nodded. It was natural for athletes to continue playing their sport upon reaching high school.
He glanced at Yamauchi and Ike. "What about you two?"
"We just came because we felt it might be fun, you know? Besides, we thought we might have a fateful encounter afterward," Ike said.
"A what?"
Ike crossed his arms and responded proudly, "A fateful encounter. I want to get my first girlfriend in Class D. That's my goal. That's why I'm keeping my eyes open for an encounter."
Then he shifted gears. "Also, that student council president was something else. He was crazy intense. I got the feeling he ruled the place, you know?" he said.
"Yeah, I noticed. He made everyone shut up without saying a word. I don't think other student council presidents are like that," Kiyotaka replied.
"Yeah. Oh, by the way, I made a group chat for the guys yesterday." Ike took out his phone. "Do you want to join in, too? It's pretty handy."
Kiyotaka thought about it for a moment, but it wasn't about whether or not he'd join in.
It was about whether to stick to the same response he gave in his memories. He decided against it.
That version of him sounded like a pushover—maybe that's why things got annoying later.
So instead, he went with:
"Sure."
He took out his phone and exchanged contacts with them.
They stuck around for a few more minutes, chatting about nothing. Then Kiyotaka waved them off.
He had a lot to think about.
--𝕽𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙--
At 6 PM, Kiyotaka returned to his dorm room, carrying with him a bento he bought from the convenience store. In his memories, he bought just a piece of bread, but he decided for a more filling meal tonight.
After all, he had a lot of processing to do.
He placed the bento on his desk and poured himself a glass of water. As he took a sip, the events of the day replayed themselves with eerie clarity.
Class went exactly as it did, Horikita spoke the same lines word-for-word, Kushida approached him and again, spoke word-for-word.
The lunch conversation with Horikita ended the same way, but thankfully, without the karate chop.
The fair went exactly as it had, aside from two deliberate changes: a light push to Horikita, and a nonchalant reply to Ike.
He stared at the window. The sky outside had already deepened into navy blue. He emptied his glass and poured another.
Sighing, he sat on the chair and unwrapped the bento. It came with chopsticks, conveniently enough.
As he took a few bites, Kiyotaka leaned back in his chair. His thoughts returned to his internal debate of the day: whether or not he was given memories of the future.
It was illogical, but the day proved it to be the rational answer: somehow, someway he had woken up with memories of the future.
Sure, he could delay his judgment for another day, but that was simply living in denial. Kiyotaka saw no point in hopelessly denying the facts that stared him right in the face.
So the question changed.
What was he going to do with his knowledge of the future?
High school did not end badly for him. In fact, he eventually arrived at a good ending. The Kiyotaka from the memories did not have any major regrets. Things unfolded as he designed.
If anything, he was satisfied.
Of course, he could try to rationalize why exactly he was given these memories.
Did an older version of him have regrets, and developed supernatural powers to gift his younger self memories of the future?
...That was stupid.
It was better to accept things as they were: He woke up with knowledge of the future, and the day unfolded as it did in his dreams.
Even the morning paralysis made sense now. The brain processing a flood of foreign data—it was the most realistic, no... logical, explanation he had.
Kiyotaka stood up and poured himself another glass of water. That was his seventh today, not counting the bottled water he emptied as he walked back to the dorms.
He asked himself again, a differently structured question this time:
If things went as you planned, would you still change the future?
Horikita Manabu's words echoed in his mind—spoken eleven months from now:
"Become someone who will remain in the memories of those around you in the three years you have here."
Future Kiyotaka initially doubted that was possible. He told Manabu that events in the future put him at risk of expulsion.
And so, the older Horikita adjusted his words:
"If you can make even one student glad that Ayanokōji Kiyotaka was there when they look back on the three years they spent at this school, then I would consider that to be an accomplishment."
He actually succeeded in that. Future Kiyotaka's machinations allowed him to remain in the minds of his peers. He impacted some of them positively.
Horikita Suzune was a prime example.
But... he graduated without making one, true friend.
He made some, but nobody could truly reach into his heart. He didn't quite regret that, not quite.
But deep down, that was what he wanted the most. If it'd be possible... even for him.
He closed his eyes in thought.
Then, he made a resolution.
End of Chapter
Closing Note: I'm sticking with Y1 Kiyotaka's thought of wanting to make genuine friends. I can't be bothered with the "WR Persona" logic. All I'm acknowledging is that Kiyotaka's aware he's the reason why it's impossible. Because he cannot be reached.
Hopefully, canon purists can be patient and let the story unfold. I wouldn't worry about Kiyotaka being OOC. I'm trying my best to keep his core consistent.
And my biggest challenge... ensuring the pace does not drag. I only wrote 4.5K words for this one, so I'm glad.