The void, it feeds on silence, and the pain it's invisible, the end goal: to find quiet.
For a long time I believed that the noise was my salvation; a means to find my peace, I believed that's what I needed to discover the experiences and people which would make me happy. For some people it's easy to fit in, to know how to live and be able to live; I couldn't comprehend it, it didn't feel fair why should I deserve anything so I must deserve nothing. I wallowed myself into this mindset where the framework was made by my cynical passenger; flaying marks of absolutes on the premise of my own deceitful thinking.
Your punishment is to live with yourself knowing you deserve to be lost .
In this reimagined hell, left only with sin what do you do ? You do the only thing you know; to sin.
A sin theologically may have many meanings and even those meanings will have criticisms between different people; However the idea of a sin is metaphysical. A sin is an injustice to yourself or to your community, your community encapsulates all the things from an elderly couple in Australia to the birth of a bears cub.
Once you establish hell is where you belong you behave deservingly, you drink inflicting injustice on your own body, you use people romantically a cruel injustice on your community, you continuously lie and embody sin .
In the hopes of escaping the debt which must be paid for your actions you continue and never stop gambling with your life; reality is painful and you're suffering, now the quiet is haunting.
The simplest most accomplishable task becomes gruelling, insurmountable a lost cause; After all the heavens didn't intend for you to be constantly ruminating within your own mind cocooned in your guilt yet unable to stop sinning.
When you were a child and looked up all you saw was light even the night was bright; set ablaze the burning flame within your heart the heavens will never forsake a person that strives and if heaven didn't intend it for you prove heaven wrong; such was the passion and twinkle in your glinting eye. Now you are left dull and stuck in the void that is this sinning noise .
Perhaps the biggest injustice of them all is to believe you are a monster.
That child with the glint in his eye and burning flame in his heart, can you forgive him for getting lost he didn't know the noise was a trap.
Starve the void. Find the quiet