Takao's worries very quickly became reality after Skadi started putting "Teacher Natalie's" lessons into practice—and they immediately veered into a direction he never could have predicted.
Skadi really did memorize every single word Natalie said, and she carried them out with strict diligence. The problem was that her uniquely strange thought process—paired with that innate, blankly adorable vibe—caused every "technique" to mutate into something astonishingly different.
One evening, Takao was sitting on the sofa scrolling through the news when Skadi, following Natalie's guidance on "creating casual physical contact" and "using eye contact to send signals," quietly walked over and stopped in front of him.
She didn't lean in lazily like Natalie had demonstrated, and she certainly didn't throw him a flirtatious look. Instead, she reached out with both hands, cupped Takao's face, locked his head in place, and forced him to meet her crimson eyes. Then she began blinking—hard and wide, with intense effort—so fast it looked like she was transmitting Morse code. Her face remained almost expressionless, serious enough to resemble some kind of optical scan.
Takao: "…Titi, did you get sand in your eyes?"
Skadi answered earnestly, "No. Natalie said looking like this is called 'casting amorous glances.'"
Takao: "..."
These "glances" were more like a tsunami.
Natalie's suggestion of a "romantic walk along the beach" became, under Skadi's execution, "an owner walking a large dog."
She gripped Takao's hand tightly (to keep him from getting lost), then strode down the shoreline with firm, powerful steps—so fast that Takao had to jog just to keep up. Whenever she spotted a snack vendor, she would stop, point at the food, and look at Takao with eager eyes (Natalie said dates could involve sharing food). Once Takao bought it, Skadi would take it, eat a bite herself, then naturally bring it to Takao's mouth to feed him a bite. All the while, her other hand would rhythmically pat and smooth Takao's hair out of habit, as if she were grooming a well-behaved pet.
Watching from afar to evaluate her "teaching results," Natalie couldn't help slapping a palm against her forehead in a silent cry of despair. This wasn't a couple's date at all—this was a trainer taking her prized performance dog out on a parade tour.
Natalie had once offhandedly said, "If you want to catch a man's heart, first catch his stomach." Skadi treated that as sacred doctrine.
One day, she announced that she would prepare an "Abyssal Hunter special meal filled with love" for everyone, then confidently marched into the kitchen.
At dinnertime, she carried out an enormous soup pot, bubbling with eerie, rainbow-colored foam, and set it in the middle of the table.
Everyone turned to stone.
Inside that thick, almost self-animated broth floated indescribable chunks of marine tissue. Faintly glowing eyeballs drifted in and out of view. Most horrifying of all, several slick purple tentacles—lined with suction cups—were stubbornly reaching up out of the pot, twisting and writhing in the air as if in agony. Every so often they even seemed to release whispers and singing—thin, distant sounds like they came from some abyssal trench deep enough to make your soul shiver. The dish gave off a smell that mixed deep-sea fishiness with unknown spices. Just looking at it made your sanity feel like it was plummeting.
Tony, Takao, and Natalie—who had happened to stop by to report on work—stood frozen in front of the table, faces pale, like they'd just discovered Cthulhu's private home cooking.
"Th-this… what is that?" Tony's voice trembled.
"A meal made with love," Skadi replied calmly, her crimson eyes carrying a faint, expectant look as if she were waiting to be praised. "Made with the best ingredients from the deep sea."
Takao swallowed with difficulty, feeling his stomach spasm. "Titi… this… it looks like it's still alive?"
"Yes. Fresh." Skadi nodded, then thoughtfully added, "The nutrients are in the tentacles. Chew."
A dead silence fell.
Then, almost at the exact same time—
"Ah! I just remembered! Rhodes scheduled a video call to discuss new equipment!" Tony shot to his feet, moving so fast it was like he had thrusters installed.
"Uh—Miss Potts just messaged me, there's an urgent file I need to handle immediately!" Natalie's acting exploded into overdrive as she lifted a phone that didn't exist and pressed it to her ear.
"I—I need to check whether Skadi forgot to turn off the stove!" Takao grabbed the worst excuse of them all.
The three of them scattered in an instant, fleeing the dining room at the fastest speed of their lives. Skadi was left alone with the pot of "love-filled cooking" that continued to writhe and whisper. She tilted her head slightly, confusion flickering across her crimson eyes.
Her companions (and her teacher)… didn't seem to like the gift she had prepared with such care?
After Natalie escaped the mansion, she leaned against her car and took several deep breaths before she finally pushed down the shock of that sanity-draining meal. She rubbed her forehead helplessly, and for the first time seriously doubted her own competence at "teaching."
Maybe… for a special existence like Skadi, "standard" dating lessons simply weren't applicable. The way she expressed "love" was itself something that required a specific decoder to understand—hardcore, and yet… pure.
And Takao, panting like a survivor of some near-death ordeal, finally understood that he would never need to worry about Skadi turning into a "deadly black rose" like Natalie. Skadi's "sweet offensive" might be catastrophic, but it was clumsy in an endearing way—branded with a tag that belonged to Skadi alone, unique and unmistakable.
It was just… he hoped that next time she expressed affection, it could be a little more… normal.
At the very least, not alive.
Skadi and Natasha's frequent "bestie time," however, unexpectedly triggered someone else's dissatisfaction—Tony Stark.
It wasn't that Tony had any thoughts about Natasha or Skadi. It was that Tony realized: ever since Skadi started running around with Natasha, Takao's target for showing off affection temporarily vanished, and Takao—bored out of his mind—began "harassing" him constantly instead.
At the most critical moments of armor tuning, Takao would wander in and ask, "Tony, do you think Skadi looks better in this dress or that one?" Or during Tony and Pepper's rare private dinner, Takao would sit nearby sighing, "Sigh… Skadi's not here, even food doesn't taste good," seriously wrecking Tony's efficiency and romantic atmosphere.
"Enough, Takao!" Tony finally snapped after the Nth interruption. "Can you manage your Skadi? And that Natalie too! They've practically emptied every mall in New York! And can you stop acting like a baby bird that can't live without its mom?"
Takao lounged lazily on Tony's sofa, eating Tony's donut. "Stark, you're jealous. Jealous that I've got a girlfriend to keep me company, while you can only keep company with your metal junk."
Tony was so angry he wanted to blast him with his repulsors.
Over on Natasha's side, things were going far less smoothly than expected. Skadi's learning ability seemed to apply only to combat and anything directly related to Takao. For all the "dating techniques" and "how to handle men" strategies Natasha tried to instill, Skadi listened seriously—but when she put them into practice, everything came out with an awkward sincerity. The results usually backfired, only making Takao find her even more adorable.
And no matter how Natasha hinted or guided things, trying to pry information about Takao's power source or the true nature of Skadi's strength, Skadi either didn't understand at all—or answered in the bluntest way possible:
"Doctor gave me my power."
"I will protect Doctor."
Natasha couldn't get a single useful piece of intelligence out of her.
Even more frustrating was the fact that Natasha realized she really was starting to like this "girl" who was as simple as a blank sheet of paper. Skadi's trust in her was absolute and unreserved. She would save half of any snack she found delicious for Natasha. When she saw a beautiful view, she wanted to share it with Natasha immediately (even if her method of "sharing" was usually dragging her over by force). That kind of pure goodwill—so rare, and almost extravagant—hit differently for Black Widow, someone who had spent so long moving through gray zones.
In the end, when Natasha reported to Fury, she had to admit:
"Sir, the mission failed. Skadi's 'simplicity' isn't an act—it's a kind of purity that's almost fundamental. Her loyalty to Takao is absolute. It can't be split, and it can't be exploited. The probability of obtaining core intelligence through her is extremely low. However…" She paused. "Target Skadi's understanding of social rules and interpersonal interactions has improved. Subjective malice is extremely low. Recommend observation level remains, but we can attempt to establish a gentler channel of contact."
Fury fell silent for a moment on the other end of the line, then finally said, "Acknowledged. Maintain surveillance. Agent Romanoff, your new assignment is…"
Natasha ended the call. Looking at the photo on her phone—one she'd secretly taken, of Skadi staring at a necklace with open curiosity—her lips unconsciously curved upward slightly.
This undercover mission might have failed, but it wasn't a complete loss. At the very least, she'd experienced what it felt like to be a "normal" best friend.
As for Takao and Skadi… she knew the story between them and S.H.I.E.L.D. was nowhere near over. And she herself—maybe in the future—would meet that innocent "Miss Orca" again, in another capacity.
(End of Chapter)
If I see that this fanfic has support, I will upload 20+ chapters to Patreon!!
[[email protected]/Zukooo]
[Thanks for your support!]