--
I didn't expect dreams to be the thing that confused me the most.
They weren't dramatic or romantic or anything movie-like.
Just soft flashes — me laughing with someone faceless, someone gentle, someone who actually looked at me like they saw me.
Sometimes I woke up with that strange warmth in my chest… and immediately scolded myself.
Seriously, Maya?
You can't even trust your own imagination anymore?
Get a grip.
Because every time I drifted into that comfortable fantasy of finding someone real, my mind dragged me back to reality — back to what I went through with Kade.
Back to the confusion.
The distance.
The silence that swallowed everything.
The part that hurt the most wasn't even the breakup.
It was the not knowing.
Not knowing what exactly ended us.
Not knowing when he stopped trying.
Not knowing if I wasn't enough or if he simply moved on long before I even realized anything was wrong.
Sometimes that confusion felt heavier than the heartbreak itself.
I hated that a part of me still checked his page.
Still overthought.
Still wondered.
---
One evening, when the thoughts were loud again, I picked up my phone and opened a chat I hadn't touched in a while.
Rav.
We used to talk casually — nothing intense, just random conversations that made sense when everything else didn't. But I'd gotten so wrapped up in the mess with Kade that I drifted.
I typed:
> Me:
hey
you good?
long time
He replied quicker than I expected.
> Rav:
Maya??
wow
i thought you disappeared
i'm good though
you?
I smiled a little.
> Me:
yeah
just needed a break from everything
good to hear you're okay
We talked a bit — about school coming up again, classes, the long break. Nothing deep, but enough to remind me that not everything in my life had fallen apart.
Some connections stayed steady.
Even if they were simple.
---
Later that week, Lily dragged me out to meet with some of the other girls — Zoey, Ivy, and a few from our dorm. They occupied an entire corner booth at a café, laughing over drinks like they'd been waiting for this moment all break.
"Maya!" Zoey waved so hard her bracelets jingled. "You finally left your house, miracle!"
I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't locked in the basement, relax."
But once I sat down, surrounded by their conversations, their chaos, their loud energy… something loosened inside me.
Ivy was talking about a new skincare routine.
Zoey was arguing about a show she insisted we all needed to watch before school resumed.
Lily kept nudging me under the table whenever someone said something ridiculous.
It didn't erase my hurt.
It didn't magically heal me.
But for the first time, I felt… normal.
Present.
Part of something again.
I wasn't the girl drowning in her emotions anymore.
I was just Maya — surrounded by people who cared in their own chaotic ways.
And maybe that was enough, for now.