"Hmm…" She let out a sigh of deep interest before suddenly giggling.
She was amused, but I had no idea what was so funny about the
exchange we'd just had.
"What?" I asked.
Yukinoshita gave her head a little shake, but she was still smiling like
it was funny. "Oh, no. This conversation is just making me think of
university."
"University? How?" What's with your image of university? You
don't think it's just unbalanced because the sample closest to you is
your big sister? Does she actually go to university?
When I gave her a questioning look, Yukinoshita folded her arms and
said, "Well…" Her gaze shifted up and to the left as she considered.
"This is just how I imagine it, mind you, but…," she began, before
continuing in a dreamlike murmur, "…I think it's meeting up after
classes. Like, taking different lectures and then talking in the
cafeteria after… I thought it might be something like this."
"Ahh, I get it…" Now that she put it like that, I could see how this was
similar.
In that imagined vision, we wouldn't be in school uniforms anymore,
and there was no timetable decided by someone else.
In the clothing we'd chosen, taking the classes we'd chosen, we were
spending our own free time in the cafeteria together.
Our expressions would probably look more grown-up than now, but
we'd be having the exact same conversations.
I wanted to see that, too. Page | 146
But I also assumed I wouldn't.
"…Well, if we go to the same school, maybe something like that
could happen. Not likely," I said with a dry laugh.
Yukinoshita looked huffy. "This is just a fantasy, so it's fine, all
right…? You can be so pointlessly realistic sometimes, Hikigaya."
And you can be so pointlessly romantic sometimes… But I figured if I
said as much, that pout of hers would get even poutier.
But her lips stuck out anyway, and she flicked her gaze away sulkily.
"…Besides, you still don't know. We're taking exams for similar
institutions after all," she muttered in a teeny-tiny voice before
looking at me for confirmation.
We were going in slightly different directions: Yukinoshita was going
for public liberal arts while I was going for private liberal arts.
I'd given up on sciences from the start, so I wasn't going to take any
public exams, but Yukinoshita would probably be applying for more
than one school, and she would also apply for some private ones.
There wasn't a zero chance we'd go to the same school.
But that was ultimately talking about possibilities.
No matter how hard I tried, I'd never get accepted into a national
public university, and Yukinoshita wasn't going to go out of her way
to come down to my level to choose a school… Right? If she went
that far, that wouldn't be making me happy; it would just be scary. If
that happened, I would do everything I could to stop her.
…But imagining her waiting for me at the cafeteria does kinda get
me right there. Even today kinda got me right there.
So if I were to choose a plan of compromise… Page | 147
"Well…it's all the same, either way. Even if we go to different
schools, I'm sure we'll see each other," I said, rubbing my jaw as I
pretended to think, hiding the smile that threatened to spread on my
cheeks. I hoped we would do that, even if I couldn't know what
would happen next year.
Yukinoshita looked at me closely in response, as if trying to decipher
my true intentions. But eventually her pout broke into a smile.
"Yes…we will." That nod was somewhat more innocent than usual; it
made her seem soft.
But then she immediately giggled, and her usual indomitable smile
rose to her face. "Although that's only if you don't fail all your
entrance exams."
"Could you not target the exact thing I'm most anxious about?"
Seriously and unironically, that one isn't even funny…
Well, my parents' policy is "We're not letting you take an extra year
to study; go wherever you can get in," so even if I wanted to, I
probably couldn't. So then I had to dedicate myself pretty seriously
to studying for entrance exams. Wahhh… Once you fail, you can't
crawl your way up again. Japanese society is too scaaaary…
As I was literally shaking and crying in terror, Yukinoshita shrugged in
exasperation. "If you're doing that badly, I'm surprised you were
interested in asking about scholarships."
"That's an important source of funds for me," I said.
Yukinoshita gave me a little nod. "Ahhh. You did say something like
that in the past."
Some prep schools have a system where they partially exempt class
fees to students with excellent grades as a "scholarship." If I could
get that, then the difference between tuition and the money I got Page | 148
from my parents would all go in my pocket. This is the birth of the
Full-Wallet Alchemist.
Well, that hurdle goes way up once you're in third year, and with
everyone else hitting the books, it'll be difficult…, I thought with a sour
sort of look.
Concerned, Yukinoshita asked me, "Are you struggling that much
with money?" She was looking at me with such worry, eyes all dewy
and eyebrows in an upside-down V like she might pull her wallet out
that minute… I kinda felt like I'd become her sugar baby.
Hmm, this is actually not bad. No, it is bad—in terms of comfort
level and social reputation.
I cleared my throat with a gfem, gfem to briskly cover up that
discomfort. "If I have any problems, I'll borrow from my parents.
Worst case, I'll get a job. If it's an ultra-short-term one-day contract,
then, well, it should work out somehow."
As I rambled with my random nonsense, Yukinoshita sighed in mixed
relief and exasperation as she lightly pressed her temple. "So getting
a job is the worst-case scenario…" Then she looked up as if she
suddenly had an idea. "…You could work for us? I think it would pay
better than an ordinary part-time job."
"Ha-ha-ha-ha, absolutely not."
I'd heard Yukinoshita's family managed a civil engineering and
construction-related company, but even if she suggested I work
there, I didn't know what I would be doing, specifically. Was it just
normal blue-collar labor? Wait, wait, this was the Yukinoshita family.
The real big unknown wasn't what I would do, but what I would be
made to do. Page | 149
I didn't know what their official corporate structure was or anything,
but Mamanon was functionally at the top, right? Just that alone
would be workplace harassment…
Besides, I very much doubted Papanon would approach me
favorably, either. I still hadn't met Papanon, but a guy who got
anywhere near his dear daughter had to be a target for expulsion. If I
were Yukinoshita's father, I know I would kill any boys who
approached her.
And so I politely refused her offer. But Yukinoshita wasn't offended,
putting a hand to her chin to consider. "I see… I thought it was
perfect timing, though…"
I was a little scared, so I couldn't ask, What? What timing? So I
decided to change the subject. "Well, I'm not really counting on
getting a scholarship anyway, but then there's, like… Other than that,
there's the issue of the environment. Location, facilities, support
system, and everything else…," I grumbled.
After some deep consideration, Yukinoshita suddenly turned her face
toward me. "Are you going to be selecting a different prep school? I
thought the one we saw today was good…"
"Ah, no, it's not like I have any complaints. I just want to look into
alternatives for comparison. Well, when it comes to quality of
instructors—frankly, you can't really tell without taking a whole
year's worth of classes, so that means you compare other stuff," I
said.
Yukinoshita cocked her head. "By other stuff, do you mean the size of
the independent study rooms, or the amount of reference material?"
"Well, that, too, but… Hmm," I said. Page | 150
The size of study rooms and the number of chairs is indeed
important. When it's too crowded and you can't get a seat even
when you came in eager to study, you wind up in a mood for the
whole day like Oh, come on! I'm also very grateful to have reference
books and past problems to borrow.
But that only matters if you actually have the drive to go to the prep
school in the first place. If it's too far, you won't feel like going, and
it's also best to avoid places with a lot of temptations, like arcades
and such. When you get down to it, entrance exam studying hangs
on your ability to eliminate various excuses not to do it.
So you should choose a location that makes it easy to manage your
motivation. If you think about it that way, the items you should
prioritize decide themselves.
"…Number one is having a restaurant with good food nearby," I said.
As the ancient peoples have said, you cannot do battle while hungry.
Good food leads to motivation. Conversely, if the food is lacking in
spirit, your motivation will be, too.
Mmm-hmm, that's right… I had convinced myself.
But Yukinoshita sighed deeply. "I'm sure the prep school won't
expect to be chosen on reasons like that…"
"Hey, it's an important element in motivation management. For
summer courses, you have two or three classes in one day, and then
you're holing yourself up in a study cubicle on top of that, so you'll
be there all day, right? Of course you'll be eating nearby. Food isn't
just about simple replenishment of nutrients; it also means
refreshment. So there's nothing better than to choose a school with
a good restaurant in the area." Page | 151
I firmly held back what I actually wanted to say, which was But
delivery is the real deliverance! If I said anything stupid, she'd get
exasperated with me.
So I thought. Oh, that Yukinoshita. She's already annoyed with me!
"The irritating thing is how incredibly convincing that completely
hollow argument sounds…" She touched her fingers to her temple as
if she had a headache, cheeks spasming in disgust. But suddenly, her
cheeks relaxed, and she sighed gently in either exasperation or
resignation. "…But it's true. I think I've never considered that."
"Right?"
Well, if you're choosing based on food, your problem gets to be that
you're limited to what's near a good ramen place… And if I can be
greedy here, too, it's even better if there's a sauna nearby as well.
But maybe that really is asking for too much. You won't even know
anymore if you're going there to study or to get sorted out.
As I was turning my thoughts to such wishes that would never be,
Yukinoshita nodded. "Mm. Well then, which prep school will we be
looking at next?"
"Huh? You're coming?" I asked without thinking.
Yukinoshita cocked her head with a blank look. "Are you not?"
"Uh, I am, but…" I do plan to go see other prep schools… But you
don't need to, do you? Right? Didn't you like the place we went to
today? I thought, and I'm sure this came across loud and clear in the
way I trailed off and in the way my eyebrows came together
dubiously.
When Yukinoshita realized, she let out an ah and covered her mouth.
That hand gradually rose up to hide her cheek. Then she slid her gaze Page | 152
away. "I thought we would be going to the same school," she
murmured hesitantly, her cheeks flushing beet-red.
But I couldn't bring myself to fire any comebacks at her. I was aware
my own cheeks were on fire. "Oh, I don't mind if we're together,
though… With these things, you've really got to consider taste and
what suits you and what doesn't and stuff, not like I know," I
mumbled.
While I got more and more flustered, Yukinoshita nod-nodded. That
must have helped her pull herself together. She adjusted her seat,
petting and arranging her skirt hem while she was at it, finger-
combed the hair that came down over her shoulders, and corrected
her posture.
Eventually, she began, "It's not as if I'm not considering it at all…"
She sucked in a little breath, then began speaking more rapidly. "I
feel your opinion of heavily weighting environment in order to
maintain motivation is incredibly reasonable. Therefore, I believe I
will also choose to weight environment heavily in my evaluation."
"O-oh, yes, indubitably…" Why is she speaking weirdly formally…? It
made me give a weird answer, too.
"So then if I'm to consider the environment…" Up until then,
Yukinoshita had been speaking as if this was all very well reasoned,
but she stumbled.
When I asked with just my gaze, What's wrong? She gave a little
shake of her head and muttered, "Umm…" like she wasn't sure how
to put it, and she kept fussing with her bangs as she continued
talking. "If I'm to consider the environment, um, I think I could work
harder if we're together…" With a shy, bashful eh-heh-heh sort of
smile, she combed her hair over and over. Page | 153
Her usual reserve was gone; that smile was so incredibly innocent. I
had no idea how to respond.
Is she for real…? Give me a break, seriously… I'm gonna turn into
jelly with my head in my hands… Are you okay? Are your mental
faculties alive? Yes, we are! Phew. Looks like they were.
So this means I've got no choice but to go to the same prep school
as her, don't I? Wait, no. I can't do this. But I can't think of any reason
to refuse. The only concern I have here is that I really don't think I'll be
able to concentrate on studying at all; either way, I'll obviously be
spending my time wondering what she's doing, so… Yeah, you could
say it makes no difference where I am. In fact, I could avoid worrying
unnecessarily, which means it would actually be constructive. Okay,
excuse complete.
Firmly resisting any potential urge to smile, I put on a particularly
weighty expression and nodded at her. "Well, you know, it is quite
possible that after looking into a variety of schools for comparison,
we would choose the same prep school in the end." But after getting
that far, my attempt at a cool facade immediately flaked right off and
fell away. "In fact, it'd probably happen; yes, I indubitably will do it."
Maybe that earlier weirdness hadn't worn off completely.
That must have influenced her, too, as her nod in return was
especially stiff. "Yes…that is my intention…"
And then both our gazes wandered around from embarrassment.
I blew at my long-cold coffee in an attempt to compose myself, while
Yukinoshita rustled around in her bag as if to cover for being at loose
ends.
We had nothing you could call real conversation during that time.
Our eyes just met in occasional glances when we nodded at each
other with shy, slightly crooked smiles. Page | 154
What the heck is this…? It's super-embarrassing… I suddenly want
to die!
Okay, then let's try to fix this with a topic change! I gulped down
some coffee to sharpen my mind and my expression. "Oh yeah.
Thanks for yesterday. For going out shopping for Komachi's
celebration," I said, bringing it up as if I'd just remembered it.
Yukinoshita jolted and faced me again. With a small shake of her
head, she smiled. "Oh, no, we were thinking we wanted to give her a
little something, too. I should thank you. Sorry for leaving you to take
care of the club yesterday."
This time, I was the one shaking my head a little. I hadn't done
anything much. We hadn't gotten any requests or consultations or
anything. It had just been me minding the place in their absence and
chatting with Komachi and Isshiki.
There was just one thing that was on my mind, though.
Those thoughts must have shown on my face, as Yukinoshita cocked
her head. "Did something happen?"
"No… Well, I guess you could say there was something…," I answered
evasively as I wondered how to explain it.
The matter Isshiki had brought us the day before wasn't big enough
to be called a problem. She'd ultimately just come to check
something. I might have just been trying to find a problem.
So first, I should tell her only the facts, with my personal opinion
omitted. "Isshiki's told us there's a school information session
coming up. Because of that, they're apparently making some, like,
club introduction material? And we were talking about whether to
put us in," I said, keeping it brief. Page | 155
Yukinoshita gently touched a finger to her chin and considered
awhile. "That's an issue that will involve the Service Club next year
and beyond. Since it is an official club, I get the feeling there'd be
difficulties if we didn't put it in…" Her thoughts were basically the
same as mine. "Well, if we're not going to be recruiting new
members, we should be able to talk our way out of it somehow," she
said and concluded with an mm-hmm. We were on the same page,
then.
When you got down to it, there was just one question here:
What did we plan to do with the Service Club next year? That was all.
"What did Komachi say?" Yukinoshita asked me.
"She didn't seem enthusiastic about it."
"I see…," she said, then offered nothing else.
She couldn't say any more. Just like me.
I could have an opinion, but I couldn't make the decision. No, that
was a cowardly way to put it. This was because I was unable to even
offer my opinion.
If I'd said that I wanted the Service Club to continue, I'm sure
Komachi would have respected that, regardless of her own desires.
That's what's terrible about me—I twist things and put the
responsibility on other people.
"The clubroom is larger than you might think. Though it didn't bother
me at all last year…," Yukinoshita suddenly muttered in the silence.
There was a hint of loneliness in her voice, as if she was worried for
Komachi. Yukinoshita knew what it was like to be alone in that room. Page | 156
Komachi would also be spending her time like that. Put in my own
subjective terms, Komachi was being left behind in that clubroom.
Maybe that was why it felt so desolate to me.
That scene I'd imagined back when Komachi and I were alone
together in that room was playing across my mind again—until a
bright voice broke into my thoughts.
"…But I think it will fit lots of people." I looked up again to see
Yukinoshita wearing a soft smile.
I couldn't quite digest what she'd said. My head tilted, and I
responded with a look: What do you mean?
Yukinoshita puffed out her modest chest with mild pride, a
triumphant expression on her face. "Though it may be odd of me to
say this of myself—people came to that clubroom even when I was
the club captain, you know? Yuigahama joined, too. With Komachi as
club captain, they'll have plenty of business."
"I can't argue that… Particularly the even when I was the club captain
part," I shot back with a dry ha-ha.
Yukinoshita giggled. "Right? I think some of those are sure to be
valuable encounters, too," she said lightly, but with earnest warmth
in her tone. Her gaze was peaceful, as if she were reflecting on this
past year. And then her eyes softened a little shyly when she added
at the end, "…Like us."
"You think? …Yeah." Finally, I was fully convinced.
Maybe I'd been too fixated on our relationships.
No, it was fair to say I'd deified them.
Somewhere in my heart, I must have believed the current Service
Club—in other words, the way we were right this moment, with Page | 157
Komachi included—was the ultimate, was the greatest, was perfectly
complete.
If not, then I wouldn't have said Komachi was being "left behind."
I'd unwittingly taken my own environment as an absolute; that
misdirected sentimentality was based on my own subjectivity.
Selfish. Arrogant. Shortsighted and narrow-minded. Just how far up
his own ass is this guy? I think he's an idiot. I wanted to tell him to go
and die for the next ten years.
Had our relationships ever been perfect?
No, absolutely not.
They had always been twisted, torn in some places, occasionally cut
off with that thin connection persisting, stretching out between us
even when we continued to go wrong. That was what I thought our
relationships were.
And Komachi was sure to experience the same. She would have lots
of encounters from now on, and those would lead into some of her
own irreplaceable relationships. Though that was so completely
obvious, my sentimentality had caused me to overlook even that.
What I should be saying to Komachi was not some attempt to shift
responsibility to her, like Just do what you want or You should decide
yourself, and of course not something so babyish and lacking self-
respect as I want you to continue the Service Club. It was something
else.
With that realization, I let out a long, deep sigh. It was a feeling like a
fish bone dislodging itself from my throat.
"Thanks," I muttered from the corner of my mouth. Page | 158
Yukinoshita swished her hair back and smiled. "You're welcome.
Though I don't know what you're thanking me for."
I wasn't sure if she actually did understand or not, but if she would
do me the favor of pretending she didn't get it, then I would play
along. "Oh, I mean about that present. I was just thinking, that's a
worry off my shoulders for the celebration."
"I see. That's good." With a cool smile, she brought her royal milk tea
to her lips. I did the same, sipping at my cold coffee.
But that calm lasted for only a moment.
Gradually, Yukinoshita's eyes started to shift around. Then she
nodded like she'd steeled herself and reached into the bag she'd
been rustling around inside before. Clearing her throat with a cough,
she began, "…Talking about celebrating reminded me…," and then
she pulled out a cellophane-wrapped package. She let her head drop
in a bow, then held it out to me cautiously, like she was feeding a
lion.
"Here…," she muttered, voice trembling a little along with her hands.
The shaking made it hard to tell, but it appeared the package was
homemade cookies or something.
When I timidly accepted it, I found inside the bag checkerboard
cookies, star-shaped cookies, and heart-shaped cookies, oh my! So
many different types.
"As a celebration, or maybe anniversary, I suppose… But it's not a
huge occasion, so I thought it might be the wrong idea to get
something too expensive, so I considered lots of things…" Relative to
her words per minute, the volume of information was just about
zero. Page | 159
So what is it, in the end? I get that the vibe here isn't asking me to
taste-test or something (if nothing else), but this feels weirdly
meaningful… It's not like it's my birthday, Halloween, Christmas, or
Valentine's Day. There shouldn't be any special reason for me to get
cookies…
When I stared at Yukinoshita like Huh? What? she sneaked her gaze
away, brushing her bangs aside with her fingers, and continued in a
hesitant murmur. "It's a little late, but…it's been…one month… As an
anniversary," she said, and she flicked me an examining look.
"I see," I answered instantly and sharply with a serious expression,
but in reality, my brain was gunning its engine.
This is the kind of thing where you can't ask what anniversary. No,
this is the kind of thing where you must not ask… The only anniversary
I know is Gundam's fortieth anniversary, but the one month should be
a hint.
Hmmg, I considered as I stared at Yukinoshita, searching for that
answer.
...…It's so cute when she tries to hide her shyness.
But such impressions flew right out the window when I realized the
answer. I mentally blanched in panic.
When I reflected on the past month or so, there weren't many
events to commemorate between Yukinoshita and me—however,
the relative paucity of moments meant there was definitely one that
stood out.
Tie that one event to the words one month, and the answer emerged
on its own.
—This is what they call the "one-month anniversary."
Oh man… Page | 160
So she's the type to do this stuff? Come on, tell me earlier! This is
one of those things that will definitely lead to a fight if you forget. Like
where you flee to a pachinko parlor and kill some time calming yourself
down, then you have to buy her some makeup before you go back and
apologize.
"…I didn't get you anything, though," I told her honestly. Even if I
made some bad attempt at covering it, she'd see right through me
anyway.
Yukinoshita shook her head. "I'm just doing it because I want to."
"Oh, okay… Well, that's still kinda like…" Reciprocity is a thing,
y'know? It makes me feel like I have to shape up, too, y'know?
Seeing me flustered, Yukinoshita giggled teasingly. "You really don't
have to worry about it. Oh, I know—so then let's say you'll do
something for me next time."
"Next time… Oh yeah, next time, huh, next time…" Muttering "Next
time, next time…" like I was in a delirium, I suddenly realized
something. "When's the next time after one month? What interval
do you do this at?"
I have no idea about this stuff… Will it come up if I Google it? Or
would it be faster to look up a something-or-other anniversary sort of
hashtag on Insta? But then I feel like you'd get a bunch of posts acting
like every day is a special salad anniversary.
As I was worrying about this, it seemed Yukinoshita was also at a bit
of a loss. "I'm not sure… I think any time is fine, though… But if
you're going to do it, then perhaps a one-year anniversary is a solid
choice?"
"One year…" Ah man, I just can't imagine it at all. Even saying it out
loud, it doesn't feel real. Page | 161
In one year, I would have graduated from high school and be right in
the middle of a new lifestyle, but that scenario didn't quite click with
me. Actually, by that time I would have managed to pass university
entrance exams. If I failed, I think my future self would have come
and killed me right here and now.
My future seemed so vague and distant, I couldn't even say anything.
Yukinoshita must have taking that silence as bewilderment, or a
rejection, as she hastily added, "I-is that too soon? Then maybe a…t-
ten-year anniversary?'
"Te…" I stuttered on the exact same syllable that had momentarily
caught Yukinoshita. Whoa there, ten years… Not even pro baseball
players hear about contracts that long-term most of the time.
Even Yukinoshita must have thought it was too long a wait, as she
immediately corrected herself. "Honestly, any time is fine… Don't
worry about it too much…" Then she covered her bright-red cheeks
and peeked out between her fingers.
The moment our eyes met, I held my head in my hands to hide my
own cheeks.
Honestly, look… Is she for real…? Give me a break, honestly… Never
mind ten years—I won't be able to forget this for decades… Are you
okay? Are you alive, mental faculties? Hello? Brain? Hello?
Well, it's not really something I have to worry about, but still…
I'm not a member of the club or anything, so I knew it wasn't like my
showing up that day would resolve that discussion from the day
before. Page | 162
But even so, when I saw him and Okome-chan alone together in that
big room, it put me in a mood to pop in for the heck of it. Well, I'd
made up my mind to begin to pop in as often as I could when they
were there, though, so whatever.
And so, once again, I'd shown up at the Service Club room.
This time, it was me, Yui, and Okome-chan.
With just the three of us, the clubroom really was just like the day
before, but it looked somehow half-empty.
I'd like to quickly work out the stuff we talked about yesterday,
though… I don't know if they're on a prep school tour or a crap date or
what, but I'm pretty busy myself now that summer's coming, I thought
as I glared at one of the two empty chairs lined up together.
Then I got curious about something. "Ohhh, wait. You didn't have to
go tour any prep schools, Yui?" I plunged right in.
"Huh?" Yui, who'd been munching on snacks and guzzling tea like
eeeverything was normal, jumped in her seat, then went back to
munching.
"Ummm," she mused. She swallowed a gulp of tea, stroked her bun,
and smiled awkwardly. "Wellll, I was wondering about what I should
do…," she said with an evasive ah-ha-haa.
Seeing that, I sneakily whispered into the ear of Okome-chan, who
was beside me. "She's moving to the defensive."
"You don't think her strategy is to deliberately take a step back…?
Komachi's heard that the game isn't just about playing hard to get or
getting ahead, but also about letting your opponent take a fake lead
and cornering your mark," Okome-chan said as she nodded oh-ho,
oh-ho with a know-it-all face. The heck is this girl talking about…? I thought, giving her a sidelong
glance.
Meanwhile, Yui stabbed out one hand to flatly argue, "No, that's not
what it is. I was thinking maybe I could ask Hikki afterward and then
go where he was going."
This time, Okome-chan brought her face closer to mine to whisper,
"Isn't this an attack?"
"True…nothing's stronger than throwing out paper the instant your
opponent plays rock…"
…Well, with that guy, if you ask him to teach you, help you, or give
him a hand, he'll complain, but he will actually work things out for you.
As expected of Yui. She's known him for a long time—yeah, she gets it,
I thought, impressed.
Meanwhile, Yui was flailing and waving her hands. "No! That's not
what it's about at all! I'm saying it'll be useful, since we'll be taking
exams for the same sorts of places!"
"Oh, really?" Okome-chan's mouth popped open as she cocked her
head quizzically.