Elias Vane stared at the glowing scroll, then at the small stone pedestal it rested on. The pedestal had an inscription written in elegant calligraphy that Elias could translate instantly, thanks to Trope 19: The Universal Language Translation Implants (a silent, unseen effect of his D-Tier status).
The inscription read: "The one who touches this scroll shall awaken the Grand Prophecy and be designated the Fated Challenger of the encroaching Darkness. Side note: please dust before touching."
"Well, Kenji, this is it. The Trope 20: The Mandatory Prophecy Activation. It's the fastest way to get local antagonists and allies to care about me," Elias said, dusting the scroll with his hand before touching it.
The moment his fingers made contact, the scroll exploded not with destructive energy, but with thousands of miniature, glowing calligraphy symbols that zipped around the room before coalescing into a single, massive projection on the wall.
The projection showed a stylized, highly dramatic image of Elias—wearing an outfit he absolutely did not own, complete with flowing robes and a stern, heroic expression he could never manage—standing over a defeated, shadowy entity.
An echoing, booming voice that sounded like a cheap chorus effect started reciting the prophecy:
"Behold! The Fated Challenger comes from beyond the veils! His knowledge shall be his strength! His path shall be forged by Chaos and Contradiction! He shall wield the power of the Wet Noodle and the Sticky Sweetness to undo the ancient seal!"
Kenji looked horrified. "Did... did the prophecy just mention your Wet Noodle Wand and your lollipop?"
Elias winced. "Yes, Kenji. This is the issue with a poorly written narrative. It incorporates low-tier plot devices into destiny. It lacks gravitas. This is the Trope 21: The Ridiculously Specific and Slightly Humiliating Prophecy."
Before Elias could critique the poor rhyming scheme, a new voice—sharp, feminine, and utterly enraged—sliced through the air.
"WHO DARES DEFILE THE SACRED SEAL OF THE ANCIENT ONMYOJI CLAN WITH SUCH A PATHETIC DISPLAY OF FOREIGN MAGICK?"
A young woman dropped gracefully from a rafter, landing in a perfect combat stance. She wore traditional, striking Onmyoji robes, carried a stack of glowing talismans, and had an expression of pure, unadulterated scholarly disgust. This was clearly the Trope 22: The Initial Antagonist/Mandatory Future Ally.
The Scholar and the Snack
"You! Foreigner!" the Onmyoji snapped, pointing a trembling finger at Elias. "You are not the hero we were promised! The scrolls speak of a warrior whose spirit burns like a thousand suns! You look like a man who just lost a debate about discount coupons!"
Elias bowed slightly. "A pleasure. Elias Vane, designated Main Character. And for the record, I won that debate. The extra egg topping is worth the 10% premium. And you are...?"
"I am Shiori Kageyama, Scholar of the Moon Clan and protector of the sealed Dark Beast, The Whispering Shadow! Your chaotic energy is interfering with the suppression seals!"
Shiori threw a flurry of glowing red talismans at Elias.
"Kenji, duck! She's deploying Trope 23: The Hostile Exposition Dump!" Elias yelled.
The talismans didn't explode; they stuck to the walls around Elias, crackling with spiritual energy, trapping him in a tight circle.
"You are surrounded by the Sealing Talismans of Minor Constraint!" Shiori declared triumphantly. "You cannot move your arms or legs more than ten centimeters without suffering a very painful, non-lethal shock!"
Elias tested the boundary, receiving a tiny zap! on his elbow. "Ooh, that tingles. That's actually a decent D-Tier sealing technique. Impressive, Shiori. You avoided the temptation of the immediate, flashy attack."
Shiori looked momentarily confused by the praise. "Why aren't you panicking? You're trapped!"
"Because I have Plot Armor, Shiori. And because I have something that counters your spiritual energy," Elias said, pulling out the Wet Noodle Wand. "I counter with the power of Trope 24: The Humiliating Anti-Climax!"
He wasn't strong enough to break the seal, but he didn't need to. He focused his D-Tier spiritual power through the wand and pointed it at the talisman closest to his head.
He concentrated on his Minor Object Conjuration skill, focusing all his energy on conjuring something utterly benign and spiritually confounding right at the epicenter of the talisman's energy field.
POP!
A perfectly ripe, but slightly squishy banana materialized right onto the glowing talisman. The banana didn't explode; it just sat there, emitting a soft, yellow glow and a strong smell of tropical fruit.
The talisman, unable to process the combination of high-grade spiritual energy and low-grade fruit, flickered, overloaded, and burned itself out in a small plume of smoky steam.
Shiori's jaw dropped. "What sorcery is this?! You defeated my Seal of Constraint with... food?"
"Not just food, Shiori," Elias corrected, conjuring two more bananas and using them to neutralize two more talismans. "I defeated it with Trope 25: The Unexpected Banality. Your spiritual energy is designed to deal with demons and high-level magic. It can't handle a fresh, non-cursed banana. It short-circuits the dramatic tension."
Freed from the circle, Elias casually walked toward Shiori, munching on a banana. "Now, let's talk about that Whispering Shadow. I bet it's actually a misunderstood entity who just needs a hug, or perhaps a mildly effective business consultant."
The Shadow and the System
Shiori was still reeling from the banana attack. Kenji, meanwhile, was exploring a corner and suddenly shrieked.
"Elias! Look! There's a little demon, and it's crying!"
Crouching in the corner was a small, shadowy creature, no bigger than a housecat, whimpering faintly. It didn't look malicious; it looked profoundly sad.
Elias checked his System for confirmation.
System Scan: Entity [Minor Shade of Failed Dreams] detected. Threat Level: F-Tier. Requires Trope 26: The Moment of Unexpected Kindness.
"See, Shiori? It's an F-Tier demon. It's not the Whispering Shadow; it's probably a manifestation of a minor curse. We need to console it," Elias explained, walking over.
Shiori looked utterly bewildered. "That's a spirit of pure malice! You must banish it!"
Elias ignored her and crouched beside the trembling Shade. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his remaining Box of Moderately Stale Crackers (20 SP well spent!).
"Hey, little guy," Elias said gently, holding out a cracker. "Rough day? Did your plot not go the way you planned? Here, have a cracker. They're stale, but they're better than nothing."
The Shade tentatively reached out a shadowy claw, took the cracker, and dissolved it into nothingness. Its whimpering subsided.
System Alert:[Minor Shade of Failed Dreams] is Pacified. Host gains Trope 27: The Unexpected Spirit Ally (F-Tier).
"There. Problem solved. Now, Shiori, since I'm clearly the Fated Challenger destined to use bananas and stale crackers to save your world, why don't you give me the honest, unedited exposition? Who is really behind the encroaching darkness?"
Shiori lowered her guard, her scholarly focus returning. She stared at Elias, still incredulous, but seeing the undeniable results of his bizarre methods.
"The prophecy states you will challenge the Darkness," she admitted, pocketing her remaining talismans. "But the Darkness is controlled by The Shadow Lord, Kirok. He is a Master of Narrative Curses. He doesn't just use magic; he corrupts the very destiny of people and places. His power is Trope Manipulation."
Elias's eyes widened. "A Master of Narrative Curses? Someone who manipulates tropes? That's not a villain; that's a Rival Protagonist!"
Shiori led them to a crack in the stone wall, revealing a passage. "We must go to the Moon Temple. The seal for the Whispering Shadow is failing, and if Kirok gains control of that ancient evil, his power to rewrite destiny will be complete."
Elias felt the Hunter's Mark on his energy signature throb. The world was escalating faster than he anticipated.
"Okay, Kenji. New rule: No more low-grade loot drops. I need actual, high-tier Contrivance to fight this guy. We need to prepare for Trope 28: The Narrative Duel."
As they entered the secret passage, Elias paused, feeling a sudden surge of inspiration from his Minor Narrative Foresight.
He reached back out into the room and used his Minor Object Conjuration one last time. Pop!
He conjured a single, slightly burnt piece of toast and placed it perfectly balanced on the edge of Shiori's now-empty circle of talismans.
"Why the toast, Elias?" Kenji whispered.
"Because the moment the Bounty Hunter enters this room, she's going to be tracking my scent," Elias explained with a malicious grin. "And I want her to smell confusion and low-grade breakfast food before she smells me. It's the ultimate narrative middle finger."