Penny reminded herself — firmly — that Amy Farrah Fowler 2.0 was still in her larval stage.
The Amy sitting on the boy's couch (after agreeing to coming by again) had not yet discovered cardigans beyond brown, or sarcasm, or the joy of telling a man "no" with her whole chest.
And Penny — reincarnated, canon-aware, and running on iced coffee — was determined to give her a healthy head start.
Amy perched on the couch like a nervous owl, purse clutched tight.
"Alright, Ames," Penny said brightly. "Lesson one: jokes and sarcasm."
Howard perked up instantly. "I volunteer as tribute!"
Penny rolled her eyes fondly. "Yeah, you would."
Howard stepped forward with all the confidence of a man who'd practiced one-liners in the mirror before leaving home.
"Okay, Dr. Fowler," he said. "Prepare yourself. I'm about to unleash comedy gold."
Amy tilted her head. "Is gold humorous?"
Raj patted her shoulder, took a sip of his beer and then said, "Not usually. It's okay. None of this will make sense."
Howard cleared his throat dramatically. "Amy, you are so cool and effortless that if you joined our friend group permanently, we'd all immediately become ten percent cooler just from proximity."
Amy blinked. "That is mathematically improbable."
Howard winced. "It was meant to be a compliment."
Penny grinned. "And a joke — jokes don't have to be literal."
Amy considered this. "So the inaccuracy was intentional?"
"Yes," Penny said. "You'll get used to it."
Progress: Amy learns harmless exaggeration is not a threat. Howard remains uninjured. Good.
Howard tried again, gentler this time.
"Amy, if you wrote a physics paper, I'd totally read the whole thing… even the footnotes."
That actually made Amy pause. "Footnotes are often the most interesting part."
Howard lit up like a puppy who'd finally gotten a treat. "Right?! Thank you!"
Penny grinned. Howard being charming by accident. Perfect.
"Okay," Penny said, clapping once. "Lesson two: boundaries."
Amy straightened. "I have very firm ones."
Amy turned toward Howard with all the seriousness of a Supreme Court judge.
"I prefer a radius of approximately four feet in casual environments."
Howard nodded and backed up with exaggerated care.
"Copy that. Four feet. Maybe five, just to be safe."
Raj whispered, "She broke him, dude."
Penny laughed. "That was perfect, Ames."
Amy gave a tiny, proud smile — the kind that made Penny's heart squeeze because it was so rarely practiced.
Meanwhile, Sheldon had been silently observing Penny's technique like she was performing controlled magic.
Finally he spoke, voice soft and oddly reverent.
"Your instructional clarity is remarkable."
Penny's stomach dropped — that tone. Too warm. Too… proud.
'Oh no. System, behave.'
A faint flicker brushed her awareness.
[System Note: Emotional maturity milestone — Sheldon Cooper.]
Penny almost groaned.
'Of course. Of course he levels up while I'm teaching sarcasm.'
Amy, watching the exchange with scientific fascination, raised her hand like she was in a lecture hall.
"Is this an early stage of a mating ritual?"
Penny choked. "WHAT? No— we're just— he's just— we're learning!"
Sheldon blinked, intrigued.
"Are we mating?"
Penny hit him with a couch pillow as she went completely tomato red.
Howard muffled a laugh. "For what it's worth, that's the healthiest flirting I've ever seen."
Raj added, "And the least creepy."
Amy nodded seriously. "I look forward to observing further social rituals."
Penny dropped her head into her hands.
'Timeline has been absolutely derailed. But… in a cute way?'
Yet Amy leaned against her, warm and trusting.
Howard gave her a thumbs-up from across the mandated four-foot radius.
And Sheldon watched her like she was the axis his universe had quietly tilted toward.
Maybe derailing canon wasn't always so bad.