Chapter 1 - winning without intimidation
From the very first moment, early in the morning, when we first hit the highways and side streets of the "real world" out there, right up to the moment we return home again at night, we are often faced with people who seem to be specially trained and highly motivated to irritate, aggravate and infuriated us with their unhelpful, downright rude and rotten attitude.
Sometimes it's the person next to us on the train with his newspaper spread out over two-thirds of our space, or the waitperson at the coffee shop or lunch counter who can't wait for us to leave. The surly guy at the, ahem, customer service desk. The preoccupied prospect you're calling who can barely give you the time of day. Your boss...your employees...the hit-and-run hopeful who helps you spill your coffee on the way to work...the list goes on and on.
Please don't get we wrong. It's not that everyone alive is nasty or an example of bad manners. But I read recently that 61 percent of the American public thinks their fellow citizens are rude! If they're right, that means that if you're not already being mistreated by the guy or gal to your left, then as soon as to turn to the guy or gal to your right, you probably will be.
I'm not sure if I buy that statistics. In my experience, most people are genuinely nice and will treat us well, if given half the chance. If not downright benevolent, at least benign. But they're not the ones who make our pursuit of happiness difficult. There are "most people"...and then there are those people whose mission in life (at least at the moment you happen to encounter them) seems to be making your life difficult.
So what do you do?
There are only two choices. One choice is to get down on their level, and crouch right down there in the gutter of the most abrasive and nastiest of people "skills." you can fight with them, argue with them, one-up them. Show 'em who they're dealing with, show'em they can't push you around. Of course, if you do that, you still might not get what you want. And even if you do, you'll probably end up feeling worse about yourself, and in the process make an enemy for life, making any encounters with that person in the future even more difficult, painful, and problematic.
And then there's the other choice: you can win.
When I use the word "win," i don't mean the kind of winning that works by making the other person lose. Far from it. In fact, just the opposite. By "win" i mean getting what you want from that person while making him or her feel really good about you and the situation at hand. And what a great feeling of accomplishment that is!
My dad always taught us the words of the talmudic sage Simeon ben zoma: "who is a mighty person?"
And the answer?
"one who can control his emotions and make of an enemy a friend."
That's just what we're going to learn how to do this book. It will increase your effectiveness with loved ones, strangers, associates and anyone else with whom you come in contact in all kinds of situations.
The skills and methods i'll show you don't work only for me. These ideas are totally transferable to anyone and easily duplicated by anyone, too. I hear success stories all the time from people who've learned to apply these methods. Some have just recently acquired or learned them at one of my seminars, while others have already been practicing them for a long time.
And these methods really work. That's one reason I suggest reading and reviewing the book several times, until you begin to internalize the information so it becomes part of your being, a genuine part of who you are. You could simply read over and learn the information, and id you do, you will indeed see an improvement your having to think about it, you'll see your interpersonal effectiveness go through the roof.
The key to over-the-top success in this endeavour is to internalize what you read throughout this book. Once you do this, I guarantee you'll be amazed by the results. You'll gain all the benefits promised in the title, plus many more, including such surprises as receiving more money from people and more satisfaction from situation than you previously thought possible.
There are several other books you'll notice I refer to and recommend. Purchase them, if you'd like, and then internalize their information as well. And the very best thing you can do to master this material is to share these methods with others. One of the most effective ways to learn and internalize information is to teach it.
One of May favorite books is how to have confidence and power in dealing with people, by les giblin. Gibling says that what counts is a way to get along with people, or deal with people, that will bring you personal satisfaction and at the same time not trample on the egos of those you deal with. I love his definition of human relations: the science of dealing with people in such a way that your ego and their ego both remain intact. Isn't that great?
Gibling also says that influencing people is an art, not a gimmick and he's 100 percent correct. Oh, sure, every so often a gimmick, as insincere as it may be, is going to work. However, by relying on superficial gimmicks, you're lowering the odds of consistent success in the long run. Do you really want to internalize a gimmick and make it part of who you are?
What I'm writing about in this book are not gimmicks; they are the principals of the art of persuasion. You'll probably be surprised to find that part of what we look at here will be familiar, because you've heard or read it before, possibly Many times. But we'll take it a step further I'm going to show how these principles can be applied as part of a system to work consistently and effortlessly throughout your entire life and work.
Let's begin by looking at a couple of basic principles which will help you understand people, why they act three way they do and how that can lead to increasing your own effectiveness in this area.