Chapter 45
Written by Bayzo Albion
As the sun bled into the horizon, the knight finally returned—pale, trembling, and twitching like he'd crawled through a viper's nest.
"Well," I yawned, stretching with a crack of my spine, "did your elder approve my little shopping spree?"
He swallowed hard, visibly struggling to find his voice.
"What spooked him so badly?" I wondered silently. "Is my file in their magical database flagged as 'highly dangerous, do not feed'?"
"Ahem..." He hesitated, fingers fidgeting on his sword hilt. His eyes darted side to side, as if expecting an armed squad to burst from the bushes.
"Spit it out," I urged lazily, savoring another stretch. "Whatever you say won't change a thing." My tone was so unflappable, you'd think I'd spent the last four hours in deep meditation, not doodling risqué masterpieces and mentally screening dubious tutorials.
The knight exhaled noisily, straightening up like he was about to pronounce a death sentence, and finally forced out: "We're prepared to let you in... on one condition. You'll be escorted by the village head's elite knights. You... agree?"
"No problem!" I beamed widely. "I'm all for round-the-clock surveillance, protection, and even group bathroom breaks if that's in the protocol."
"Uh..." He blinked in confusion, at a loss for words. "So... yes, you may enter."
The gates creaked open slowly, revealing a dozen grim-faced knights in gleaming armor, armed to the teeth—enough to make any golem opt for a quiet retreat into the underbrush. Their stares were icy enough to scorch stone, and perhaps even my luck, if such a thing were possible.
"History repeats itself," I sighed inwardly. "Why are all elite knights grumpy brutes instead of sleek warrior women in form-fitting plates? If they're tailing me, at least make it visually appealing."
I flashed a broad smile at this dour parade and bowed with exaggerated flair. "Thanks for the warm welcome!"
A knight in gilded armor stepped forward—clearly the leader. His boots thudded heavily on the stone slabs.
"We're always pleased to... accommodate certain guests," his voice was polite but strained, like a bowstring pulled taut. "Welcome to our humble village."
"I've come with the most peaceful intentions," I assured, winking playfully at the nearest guard. He responded with only a faint creak of clenched armor and fists.
"I sincerely hope so," the golden knight replied coolly. Something flickered in his eyes—unease, as if he already foresaw the chaos ahead.
"And I hope you're geared for peace, not... awkward mishaps," I added with a sly grin, noting the quick, nervous whispers rippling through their ranks.
With that, the pleasantries ended. The village sprawled before me: tidy cottages with tiled roofs, a bustling market alive with the hum of voices, the air thick with the inviting scent of fresh-baked bread mingling with sizzling roasted meat. All under the watchful eyes of ten pairs ready to draw steel at a moment's notice.
"Well... looks like shopping's going to be truly entertaining," I thought, striding forward briskly as my unwilling entourage closed ranks around me in a tight, unyielding circle.
I took a step forward, delving deeper into the village, and what unfolded before me was an eerily deserted street—no souls in sight, no sounds echoing through the air. Only the dust stirred by the wind and the creaky sway of weathered signboards dangling from rusted chains filled the void.
"What the hell is this?" I muttered under my breath, a chill creeping up my spine despite the warm afternoon sun.
"Something wrong?" the knight in his battered, hole-riddled armor chimed in, his every movement accompanied by a metallic clank that grated on my nerves.
"I was just hoping to catch a glimpse of some local beauties, that's all," I replied with a shrug, trying to play it off casually.
The golden-armored knight shook his head ever so slightly, his visor hiding any expression. "I'm afraid no one wants to bear children from a monster."
"Ah, I see... Yeah, that makes sense. Can't argue with that," I sighed, forcing a wry smile to mask the sting.
"Yeah... That's life," he responded philosophically, as if we were chatting about the weather over tea.
In the past, little jabs like that would have left a bitter aftertaste, gnawing at me long after the words faded. But as we trudged along in this odd procession through the silent, forsaken lanes, I found myself surprisingly unfazed. The faces we passed were all male—stern, weathered, and avoiding my gaze. Not a single woman's glance, no rustle of skirts in the breeze, no faint laughter drifting from an open window. It was as if the village had been stripped of half its life, leaving behind a hollow shell.
And then, the first stall caught my eye.
"Well, then, I'll take this!" I pointed eagerly at a pile of fabrics, my enthusiasm bubbling over like a pot left too long on the fire. "Oh, and do you sell windows here? No? I'll grab this white rug instead! Wait, do you have it in blue? And make sure it can resize itself—I hate outdated styles; I need something with an air of mystery!"
I darted from one vendor to the next, barely giving them time to breathe. "Yes, yes, you get my taste perfectly... Oh no, I'm out of cash! Would you buy some meat from me? Do you have a cold storage box? That's a fridge, not just a cabinet! Ah, this is exactly what I was looking for! Actually, I want to buy it. Give me two! Is this really a village and not a city? Mmm... yes, this is perfect. What a fantastic shopping haul!"
The knights trailing behind me like reluctant shadows were dragging their feet, sweat pouring down their faces as their armor clattered with exhaustion. Meanwhile, I bounced around with boundless energy, feeling like a king at a grand fair—albeit one under heavy guard. The local merchants eyed me warily, as if I were there to claim their souls rather than their wares. Each one seemed torn between the urge to make a sale and the desperate need to shoo me away.
At the fabric stall, an elderly shopkeeper unrolled a bolt of blue carpet with trembling hands, his eyes fixed firmly on the ground. "I-I could offer a discount, sir... if you... well, leave a bit quicker," he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper.
"A discount?" I beamed, my grin stretching wide. "How generous! In that case, make it three more."
All the while, the knights formed a tight circle around me, exchanging uneasy glances. They looked like every purchase I made was another tick on a bomb about to explode.
"Well now..." I chuckled to myself, surveying my impromptu treasures piled high. "If this keeps up, I'll walk away with half the market and a few mental breakdowns as bonuses."
I'd never understood women who could trek miles for a trinket or spend hours lost in the thrill of the hunt. But now? I got it completely. There was a peculiar magic in this mindless shopping spree—a way to fill the emptiness that the absent female presence had carved out. Each bag, each item clutched in my hands, became a tiny triumph over isolation, a fleeting balm for a soul craving connection in this bizarre, half-empty world. The scents of fresh dyes on fabrics, the cool touch of metal utensils, the vibrant colors of rugs under the sun—it all wove together into a sensory escape, drowning out the loneliness for just a little while.
– – –
And just like that, my shopping adventure came to an end. I strolled down the street at a leisurely pace, savoring each step, a strange sense of fulfillment blooming in my chest like a flower after a long drought.
I caught myself thinking how oddly fitting it felt—like I was channeling a woman on a carefree outing, lingering over pretty knick-knacks, admiring her reflection in shop windows, and reveling in the joy of acquisitions as if they were hard-won battles. It made me chuckle inwardly. In this world, I was an adventurer, a fighter whose hands were perpetually stained with monster blood. But right now, I allowed myself to be just a person, indulging in the simple pleasure of feeling whole, if only for a moment.
"Mission accomplished. Ugh, I don't feel like trudging all the way back..." I trailed off deliberately, letting the words hang in the air like bait.
"What are you talking about?" one of the knights asked warily, his grip tightening on his sword hilt as if expecting a trap.
I flashed a mischievous smile, the kind that promised trouble. "I'm saying I had a great time. It was a pleasure having you all as my escorts on this grueling expedition. But now, it's time for me to head back to my new home."
"Ahem... the gates are four kilometers away, and teleportation is restricted here," the golden knight grumbled, rubbing his shoulders where the weight of his armor had left deep indents.
"As if I didn't know that," my grin widened, turning almost predatory. "I've got a better idea."
The knights exchanged glances, a mix of fatigue, suspicion, and outright dread flickering in their eyes.