At first glance, the choice may seem obvious, especially since the more powerful armor is also smart. But… you know why droids have their memories wiped, right?" After waiting for a confirming nod, I continued. "So, the armor's AI becomes more effective with each battle, and if you wipe its memory, you'll have to start all over again… But the temptation is great, isn't it? If you don't erase the data, with each new battle the armor becomes more and more effective… You can gain enormous power, but… one day your armor may decide it no longer needs you. Yes, you'll remain inside, but you won't be able to influence anything. It'll decide for itself where to go and who to kill. The Force works in much the same way. There's the stable but weaker Light Side, and there's the Dark Side…"
"So, Commander Xiss used that very Dark Side of the Force?"
"Yes and no. Jedi only use the Light Side. But the temptation is great, isn't it? Especially if there's motivation."
"What do you mean?"
"There are many factors. To avenge your dead Master, defeat your enemies, prove to everyone that you're strong. And death…"
"What does that have to do with it?"
"Jedi can sense life. It's like thousands of lights around us… And since each of those lights is unique, we can always tell who stands before us. For example, I would never confuse two clones," I explained. "And we sense death as well. When you die, we feel it. When deaths are few and far between, it's not so terrible — at least for a trained Jedi. But when there are many… Imagine red-hot needles piercing your brain over and over again. The only thing worse is the death of a gifted one…"
"Why, sir?"
"We... Our lights are brighter, and the pain is stronger because of that."
"And… how are you, sir?"
"What do you mean?"
"How did you manage… not to fall?"
"I don't know. But I was damn close."
"We noticed, sir. After Commander Tano was wounded… you… well, for the first time in our lives, we were scared," Lucky whispered.
Puck scratched the back of his head.
"I heard Commander Tano killed Xiss… How is she?"
"I… haven't talked to her about it yet. But… I feel like things aren't going well there."
Sliding into a state of meditation — which, strangely, was much easier than usual — I scanned the space through the Force as usual. That, too, was easier and faster. Now, in a calm environment, nothing interfered, and the sensations were more concrete and clearer. And among the mass of clones, whose emotions were contentedly calm, I felt a tight knot of turmoil. Ahsoka… The Force... I needed to talk to her urgently. Damn Master — here I was chatting, you know, while a fourteen-year-old girl who had killed a human… intelligent being, it didn't matter.
"It's nice sitting here with you guys, but I need to talk to Ahsoka urgently…"
"No problem, General."
"Yes, sir — though it would be worth finishing your meal."
"No time." I looked regretfully at the half-empty tray. "I'll go to her right now."
***
As soon as she crossed the threshold of the cabin, Ahsoka mechanically pulled off her belt with its holster and pouches, unbuckled her lightsaber, and silently threw herself onto the bunk, and had been lying there ever since—for several hours now. Turning away from the door and staring at the wall, the Togruta sniffed quietly, trying to hold back her emotions — but it was difficult. The same episode played again and again in her mind: the jump, the swing of her blade, and the Falleeni falling into the mud. Clenching her hands together convulsively, Ahsoka tried to calm herself, but it was all in vain.
From an early age, teachers and mentors had told them that life was the greatest value. The Great Force is created and sustained by life itself. And Jedi exist to preserve that life. The Code states that a Jedi must respect life in all its forms. Any killing is wrong. This means it is unacceptable for a Jedi to consider one life more valuable than another, and he has no right to decide who is worthy of life and who is not. The life of a Jedi is as valuable as any other, and therefore he must not risk his life in vain, even though he must always be ready to lose it to protect the lives of others. A Jedi may take another's life if doing so protects another life and has no other way to resolve the conflict. But still, he must always know that killing is wrong — by killing, they commits a crime against the Force. And though such killing does not contradict the principle of respect for life, it still reveals the imperfection of the Jedi's methods, for a true master can always avoid killing…
And she hadn't just taken a life — she killed another Jedi. Such a disgrace had not happened in a very long time…
Ahsoka?
She woke from her spiraling thoughts at the sound of a knock.
"Master?"
"May I come in?"
Ahsoka remained silent. She didn't want to talk, but she didn't want to be rude to her Master either.
"Then I'm coming in."
There was a soft rustle as the door slid open, followed by quiet footsteps across the floor. The Togruta couldn't bring herself to turn and look her Master in the eye. He sat down on the edge of the bed, and the brief silence was broken by Jedi voice.
"Ahsoka… how are you?"
"I'm fine, Master…"
"That's a dead in the water, Snips. I can sense what's happening to you. Don't try to fool me."
"Master, I… I…" Ahsoka clenched her fists tighter.
Suddenly, strong arms gently lifted her up, and she found herself sitting on the Jedi's lap. Ahsoka unexpectedly leaned against the man's chest. Meanwhile, he held her with one arm, quietly stroking her head with the other.
"I know you're not feeling well right now. I'm not a good comforter, but… it's better not to keep it inside."
Ahsoka sniffed.
"Cry. There's no need to be shy."
And, to her great shame, the Togruta burst into tears, sobbing convulsively…
She didn't notice how much time had passed before the flow of tears finally dried. But she remembered clearly that the Jedi had been hugging her gently all this time, stroking her head and montrals, whispering something she couldn't quite make out — though it didn't matter. In the end, she felt a little better.
***
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