Now Playing: Ezekiel Algeo - That Night When You Lost Me
Soundtrack: Painful Truth by Em Beinhold
Love;
Something I hold close;
Yet it drifts easily;
Can I ever control my beating heart?;
Or will it always;
Dominate my brain?
1 month ago.
Gaia Mimir's Apartment Complex.
10:15 p.m.
It's easy to pull the trigger, the noise can be muffled by a piece of plastic, the warmth soon fades, the smell of gunpowder can be washed off, the recoil can be controlled by strength and the blood will always smell like a dropped bag of candies. Seeing life leave someone's eyes is something one can get used to, witnesses can be dealt with a quick mind wipe and bodies can be burnt, melted or buried.
One of Ezekiel Algeo's core memories of his childhood is going hunting with his father, he was the only one that ever went with the old man, the sound of the bullet in the air always left an impression in him, but his father never allowed him to shoot a gun, he was only allowed to clean it and hold it. After all, he was as delicate as a flower, and his dream of being the best ballerino is something his father deeply respected and he wouldn't allow him to do anything to bring himself harm.
There was peace there, in the predictable sounds, in the emptiness of the forest, in the company of someone that respects you even if they're an authority figure in your life. Respect is earned, even if I can demand you to respect me as your father, but then, it would be fear, not respect. That was one of the things his father always enjoyed saying, he was, after all, almost 2000 years old.
Every single one of the Algeo children deeply respect their deceased father, perhaps in exclusion of the two youngests that didn't get to meet him properly. Ezekiel's personality was deeply shaped by his father, he holds himself with pride, even if the world seems insistent in beating him up.
For decades he was the best soloist ballerino in the Posy Republic, his performance brought many to tears and even those that envied his skills were unable to hate him, after all Ezekiel was always a person that was kind, warm and perfectly sociable. He had many friends, but not many enemies. For more than 100 years he was happy, in complete bliss.
Because of such, many thought he would be in complete despair when he lost it all, his friends, his respect, his irreverence, his dancing and his delicate beautiful face and body. From being listed as one of the most beautiful people in the world across dozens of magazines to being forgotten, anyone would crash and burn after such a thing. Yet he didn't, sure, he cried, he felt the pain of loss, but when you have a supportive family, a place to fall back on, it's hard to truly lose your path.
Even if you lose yourself in a burning maze, with a simple shout, we will come to you, to help you, to save you, or simply to hug you. Those were the words his father said when he asked why they were helping him so much, after all his brother Milo had just been born, it didn't make sense to him why he was also a priority. If we weren't willing to give our 100% to every single one of you, we wouldn't have had more than one child. His mother was also just as supportive, even after just leaving the hospital. It took him a few decades to find a new love, but he did, he finally could pull the trigger he always eagerly waited for.
Becoming a hitman was easy, extremely easy, his father had connections and he was eager, after proving himself in a few menial kills he slowly became the best, just like years ago as a ballerino.
That could've been it, if that was it, one would assume that great parents was enough to bring forth a perfect life, but no, every child is different even if the upbringing is the same, their lives at school, university or even as they walk on the streets can affect their personalities, tastes and choices.
For Ezekiel, his love life is what greatly shaped him.
At first he was extroverted, kind, a person most would describe as the life of the room, if he was there, everyone would have a great time, he was the symbol of friendship and hard work. It all started to change when he met Gaia Mimir.
When watching a romance movie, one can see small behaviours that someone has in a relationship, always saying yes, accepting all their partner does no matter how much harm it brings and bringing yourself down to raise the other person may be things one could see and says that's hell of unhealthy, and that's why Ezekiel hates romance movies.
Because in movies everything looks so easy, if a person is mean, toxic or presents themselves as someone that'll bring you harm, you can just go away, find a bright person that'll love you regardless, it's always easy.
But love isn't easy.
It was love at first sight for him, the moment he saw her doing a perfect piqué, he knew that woman was going to be the owner of his heart forever. At first they were friends, exchanging tips, dancing together, practicing for the day they might become the stars of the show. It took them 30 years to have their first kiss, and after that, they burnt as if the fuse was never going to end. Ezekiel gave his whole body and soul, and Gaia gave him her time and a portion of her love.
I'll never love you as I love ballet, but that is the crux we must carry as ballerinos. He doesn't remember why she said those words, yet they became engrained in his brain. To him, Gaia was above ballet, but for her, he was not even close.
He was glad to be able to be by her side at least, and after 10 years together they got engaged, however they never married. That is because Gaia has this habit, when Ezekiel did anything that upset her, she would break up with him, it wouldn't last long, but he was the only one chasing her, after all, who would love him if not her?
After the accident, he thought she was going to break up again, after all not only he wouldn't be able to dance again, but now he was even ugly. But she didn't, and that was enough for him to fall in love all over again. However, she never supported him, never said she loved him regardless of appearance or even suggested he was irreplaceable in her life.
And that made Ezekiel desperate, desperate to please, desperate to keep her by his side regardless of what he had to sacrifice.
His sacrifice was all he had to give after all.
Do you know why people kill themselves brother? Because the pain in their hearts doesn't go away even when they're supposed to be the happiest they could ever be. From all his brothers ever told him, Mael's words stuck the most, that was the night he left the Algeo household, and also the first time Ezekiel used mind wipe on one of his brothers. He had to.
Or he would need to experience loss all over again.
Carrying others' pain so that they will be safe was never something he struggled with.
But if he carries everyone's demons, then who will carry his?
The first and last time he told Gaia that he was feeling trapped inside a never ending maze of pain, she laughed, petted him on the head and said that he didn't know what pain was. Slowly she shaped him to become her pet, always ready to comply with even her wildest of requests.
No matter the pain she put him through, he would always be back.
That was true for the time she stabbed him for exchanging texts with a work female colleague, for the time she gave him cyanide for not answering her call immediately and also for the seventeen times she cheated on him for not paying enough attention to her.
He was tired, but when she touches him tenderly, when she whispers words of love and adoration, when she dances for him or when she smiles at him, everything just melts away, and it all feels futile.
Because in the end.
He loves her.
Ezekiel Algeo loves Gaia Mimir.
If there is one absolute truth in the world.
This is it.
Per usual, Ezekiel is in front of Gaia's apartment complex, holding her favorite cake in one hand and a bouquet of 30 roses in the other, there's no special occasion, he had just finished a job when he saw a florist selling flowers, the smell, the colors, everything just made him think of her, so he decided to gift her some alongside a treat. It is a surprise, it wasn't unusual for Ezekiel to make these small romantic gestures.
He doesn't have a spare key to Gaia's apartment, after all she enjoys her privacy, but most of the time she would leave her door unlocked, knowing that Ezekiel might drop by unannounced. When he slid open the door of her apartment that day, nothing seemed unusual at first, the place smelled like the roses he brought last week, the place was tidy and cold, as the woman rarely spends time there. So he leaves the cake at the counter, seeing that the light of her bedroom was lit up, a smile on his lips as he was imagining hers, already planning the rest of their night, maybe they could watch a documentary as they eat the cake, later sleep as they hug each other, just so that in the next morning they wake up looking at each other.
But when he reaches the door of the room, he hears it, how could he have not heard it before? Did he gaslit himself into ignoring the sounds? Did he think that there was no way it was from this apartment so he should just throw it to the back of his mind? Just focusing on Gaia, per usual.
He knows how her moans sound.
He knows that all the apartments have soundproof walls.
Yet he only noticed that she was moaning when he was faced with it.
The woman whom he loved for 200 years is there, on the bed they always sleep together, riding another man, her face turned to the door, as if she was waiting for Ezekiel to arrive and see her. He can't even see the other man, he doesn't really care who it is, it isn't his fault. Her face is expressive, her hair is glued to her face because of the sweat, her mouth is open as she moans, her beautiful eyes rolling back as if she never experienced such an amazing orgasm.
This isn't the first time Ezekiel saw her having sex with another person, all seventeen times she cheated, he caught her. He went through a bunch of different reactions, from anger to pure sadness. But after a couple weeks, he would always go back, crying, begging her to give him another chance.
Another chance for what?
She was the one that broke his trust.
Yet he was the one groveling, crawling back to her in despair.
He's tired.
He never understood Mael's words, even if they stuck deeply within him.
Today, though, he finally understands.
He doesn't barge in, he doesn't even make a noise, all he does is walk back to the living room, slowly, completely numb, he changes the old bouquet for the new one, opens the cake, cutting it in eight equal slices and places it in the fridge so that she can eat later, and at the end he leaves her a note.
Let's break up.
I love you.
But I can't do this anymore Gaia.
Be happy.
- Ezekiel.
A solitaire tear leaves his eye, dripping onto the paper, almost perfectly. The saddest ending for a love that lasted so long, it's not ending because he doesn't love her anymore, or because she cheated. But simply because he gave up altogether. Not on her, on himself.
Afterwards he isn't sure how he managed to get home, sometime along the way it started to rain, yet he didn't cry or felt cold, he was completely numb. In his path he thought about ending his life there a lot of times, in the end, however, he decided to do it after his youngest brother finished university.
He can't be irresponsible and harm his brother's future due to his own selfishness.
Ezekiel Algeo will never be loved, that was a conclusion he got into centuries ago, but he yearned for it like a fool, so he did all he could to stay alongside her, to feel worthy of love. Yet after so long, it didn't happen, so why continue to try?
He'll never love someone like he loves her.
So what's the point of living?
When he enters the Algeo Mansion, he is immediately greeted by his youngest brother, Eryx was standing at the bottom of the stairs, his green eyes were red and his pupils dilated, he also just came home and he was, per usual, high on human drugs.
But the moment their eyes meet, the youngest snaps off, as if it was nothing. Something most humans would never be able to do, but that isn't something Ezekiel knows.
''Did she cheat again?'' Eryx asked, his eyes displaying his anger so clearly, he ran towards Ezekiel, putting his hands on his face. He needs to tiptoe, yet the boy doesn't seem bothered by it. ''You're freezing cold!''
All Ezekiel could do at that moment was smile sadly, he couldn't speak or move.
''I'm calling Mael, that bitch seriously needs a good beating, you can't keep going back to her brother! She is using you!'' Eryx practically yells, grabbing his phone. ''If I was a vampire…'' he shakes his head. ''No, regardless of that, I wish I could punch her, just once, or maybe break her ankles so she'd never dance again!''
Ezekiel laughs, ''You sound like Nicolas'', he says his voice breaks and his lips feel dry.
''Well, maybe because he is right, you're an amazing person brother, and you allow her to mess with you so… easily''.
''That's because I love her''.
''That's not love, that's addiction''.
Those words surprise Ezekiel, he never saw from that perspective, that the only reason he's so stuck to Gaia Mimir is because he's addicted to her, her presence, her love. Even so, realizing that won't make this pain inside his chest go away.
He decided to let her go, he decided to let himself go as well.
Perhaps in a couple weeks he'll be begging her for forgiveness again, but right now, all he wants is to fall asleep.
And never wake up.
''What happened?'' Levi arrives at the scene of a soaked Ezekiel and a high Eryx giving him a sermon, his eyes are calm and cold.
''She cheated again'' Eryx says, furiously typing on his phone, probably texting Mael. His head starts to throb just thinking about how much his younger brothers meddle in his love life, sure he appreciates how much they care, however he cannot understand why they care so much.
If their father was alive, what would he say?
What were his words the first time Gaia cheated again?
No one can tell you who to love or how to love, if the pain she's giving you isn't enough to extinguish the flame of your love, then it is ultimately your choice to dip yourself in that fire once again. At the end of the day, your family will still be here to heal your burns.
Letting them do whatever they wish was always an Algeo thing to do, even if it would bring them pain or harm, they had the free will to jump off a cliff if they so wished to. And providing full support when they found themselves broken and lost was also something deep within themselves.
You may lose it all, money, friends, love, but you'll never lose your family, that's something Zacharie once told him, and even if it may not be true for everyone's family, it is true for the Algeo household. Even when Nicolas left due to an altercation after coming out, when he got shot and almost died due to hunger, their father still patched him up, their mother still brought him fresh blood and all of the brothers still visited him from time to time.
''Well, you should let Ezekiel deal with it, it's his crux to carry'', Levi says, taking off his coat, his words may sound cold, but he was the one that had the personality closer to their father, besides Zacharie, of course.
Eryx's gaze goes to Levi, his eyes are filled with anger, with disgust. ''Levi, if it was me or Luc you wouldn't say such things, what is family for if its not carrying each others cruxes at least for a bit of the path?'' The hypocrisy in Eryx's words aren't seen by him, after all he's the one that carries all of his demons like a canguru, hidden away, close to him, so that he wouldn't burden anyone else but himself.
Yet when it comes to his brothers, he can't just allow them to carry their pains alone.
That's also why most of them don't show their weaknesses in front of him.
Ezekiel was careless, he should've gone to a hotel, he can't bear to hear more nagging from Mael, not that night.
''I'm going to bed, sorry for the fuss'', Ezekiel mumbles, he can feel his head slowly becoming heavier and his chest tightening, exhaustion filling his being. His brothers say something but he can't hear them through the ringing in his ears, he walks up the stairs, every step he takes his body becomes heavier.
Ez, I put you through pain because I love you, I couldn't watch you stray away from your path, so I needed to wake you up. My love for you transcends what your brothers see as normal because they were never loved as much as I love you.
What about you? Do you love me enough to go through this pain and stay by my side?
That's all you need to do.
Stay.