I guess I'm a senior now.
My second year flew by in an instant, and I never really got into any friend groups, not even in my homeroom class, but that's okay. That's how I prefer it anyway.
Something I realized...is that school life is more peaceful if you don't have people always coming over and talking to you about random topics, and acting like it's "the new thing" or how "everyone is doing it." I always just sat there, tuning them out, and perfected my art of ending a conversation with as few words as possible.
No friends.
No drama.
Just… peace.
This year, I'm a transfer student, so it's a given that I'll be somewhat of a hot topic, but surely the gossip will die down after the first few days, right? It's always like that for new transfer students, especially for people like me who have nothing else special about them that's worth talking about.
He took the time to adjust his hair and school uniform until they were picture-perfect. The cherry blossoms glistened in the daylight as the light pierced between the leaves, hitting his eyes at the perfect angle and making him flinch slightly.
His footsteps marched along the sidewalk with a quiet cadence of soft taps, so perfect that it rivaled the real DCI groups. Marching bands always fascinated him. But he'd never join—too much time, too much socializing. Something he had no intention of doing
Nevertheless, it was just him, the road, and the faint chatter, which were like bells of impending doom for him. He dislikes conversation.
He hates conversation.
Due to this, all he does is lock himself in his room, study all day, read light novels—which was currently his main source of entertainment—and engage in minimal conversation with his family; just the bare minimum to make it seem like he actually loves them (in which he very much does).
When he finally passed through the school's front gate, he tried to steer off to the side, not to be noticed by anyone.
The new high school he was attending was Raon High School. It looked like your typical Seoul high school, with bushes trimmed to near perfection along the sides of the main path, a beautiful limestone fountain in the middle that forks off into three buildings, with the center one taller than the rest. His destination was the center building, the one that had four stories.
It was going well...
...for the first minute.
He then started overhearing the conversation he anticipated, but definitely not what he had expected.
"Have you seen him?"
"Who?"
"Thetransfer student, who else? Dummy!"
"Oh! Yeah, what about him?"
"He's a real looker. Have you seen him?"
"Yeah, he's adorable! You think he's up for grabs?"
He halted slightly when he heard this and decided to eavesdrop. "Up for grabs?" he thought. "Who would ever want to date someone like me?"
"No way! I call dibs!"
"You can't just do that!"
"Yes, I can~!"
"Look at him, he looks depressed."
"That makes him look even cuter!"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I'm just joking..."
Soon enough, every girl in the entire school had him as the center of their conversations. "Transfer student this", and "transfer studentthat". Nobody really came to confront him about his alleged attractiveness, so he was fine with that. As long as nobody came into his immediate area, things would all go very... smooth...
"Hey!"
He tried to ignore her, but this girl seemed to be of the pushy type, so he knew he wouldn't be getting away with that level-one move.
"Heeyyyy! I'm talking to you!"
"Heyyyyyyyy—"
His pace faltered, and he turned his head ever so slightly to the right. "Not now." He responded quite coldly, hoping that it would deter her from him. It did quite the opposite. She kept following him around the corner. She looked like a second-year, maybe a very short third-year student.
"Come on! Can you at least tell me your name? Do you use KakaoTalk?"
He figured giving his name wouldn't make anything worse. After all, everyone will eventually get to know everyone's names.
"My... uh... name...", he said in a very monotone voice.
The pupils in her eyes widened as her excitement built up by the millisecond.
"...Kyun-rin. That's all."
He felt like he was sweating bullets when uttering those four syllables. He wanted to get out of here as soon as humanly possible.
Kyun-rin turned around before she could even utter another word and walked to his class at a slightly faster pace. Everyone he walked by stopped what they were doing to look at him.
He felt a sense of dizziness due to the alarming number of eyes that were locked onto him. He just wanted to escape. He felt like he was giving a speech he'd never prepared for, didn't have notes for, and was presenting in front of the entire nation.
He hated it.
He hated it all.
Why am I the center of attention!?
Why me, Kyun, of all people!?
WHY ME!?
Someone tell me why!!
He got to class, found a seat near the back, slumped in his chair, and finally allowed himself to settle down.
He was hit with the old, familiar smell of a classroom (even though it had only been about three months since he'd last been in one). The blackboard looked freshly cleaned, as if it were eagerly waiting for the teacher to get frustrated enough to give it permanent scars. The center light flickered once every two minutes, but nobody seemed to notice, so it had probably been doing that for a while. The room felt warm and comfortable. The air conditioning made him feel like he was back home again, because yes—he would do anything to be home right now.
What a horrible start to my fourth year.
Absolutely horrible.
I just walked onto campus, and now everyone wants to talk to me! What did I do?
What did I do to deserve this...
...torture?
It's torture! That's what it is!
It's the first day of school, and things have already turned into a disaster. Surviving orientation was hard enough.
This?
This is unbearable.
This is going to be the worst school year of my life.
The only redeeming feature of the classroom, to Kyun-rin, was the AC. It was set to the perfect temperature—perfect for him to fall asleep and miss 99.8% of the lecture (the remaining 0.2% being the tiny bit he could bear before drifting off).
BING! BONG! BING! BONG!
The school bell, ringing throughout the halls, was exciting for some and a stress trigger for others…
...to Kyun-rin, it marked the start of his unending torture.
The homeroom teacher stepped up to the podium and cleared his throat.
"Alright, class. Settle down," he said in a calm but authoritative voice. Everyone quickly went silent and dispersed from their friend groups into their seats. Once the sound of shuffling chairs and school uniforms had died down, he began again.
"As you all know, I'm your homeroom teacher, Choi Min-seok. It seems that everyone is here, so that makes things a lot easier. Before I forget, we have a new addition to our class. He doesn't come from this district, so remember to be kind and respectful. Give him a warm welcome. Why don't you introduce yourself?"
Crap.
CRAP.
I forgot that because I'm new, I'm going to have to introduce myself. AGAIN.
Why did my parents decide to move? Why?
Why, why, why, why, why?
Kyun-rin stood up slowly, trying to delay the inevitable doom, but his resistance was ultimately futile.
"Hello..."
"My name is Cheon. Cheon Kyun-rin. It's... nice to meet you." Kyun-rin said in a noticeably shaky voice.
He was about to sit down when Mr. Choi spoke up again, "Really? I meant for you to introduce yourself, not just state your name and call it a day! Come on, stand up again."
His face turned red in embarrassment, and everyone in the class was gawking at him.
Apparently, he looked "even cuter when he was blushing."
Some people began writing his name down in their notebooks, like eager journalists... or serial killers.
He wanted more than anything in the world for the spotlight to be off of him, but it wouldn't budge, so he decided to say the first thing that came to his mind.
"My name is Cheon Kyun-rin, and I... um... l-like the color blue, I guess."
His heart felt like it was hammering in his head. He stuttered. Normally, he doesn't do this. Well, normally, he doesn't speak, but stuttering is something he has never had to deal with.
"Alright, whatever. You may take your seat now, Cheon."
Someone started clapping. Another person followed. Soon enough, the entire classroom was clapping and cheering as they had just witnessed a live performance.
"WOOOOO! We love you, Kyun-kyun!"
"You got this!!"
"His voice was so beautiful!"
He sat there, completely still. Inside, he was screaming in confusion. Why were they cheering for him? What's so special about a half-assed introduction?
Mr. Choi then clapped twice in his typical fashion that ear-piercingly tore through the cacophony of the classroom, and everything settled down again.
"I know I said 'give him a warm welcome', but that does not include... whatever that was. Now that everything is settled, let me give you a rundown..." The teacher's words trailed off in Kyun-rin's mind, as he began to space out when he probably should have been paying attention to the very important information that was being given out.
'Kyun-rin Cheon.'
That's my name.
Who is Kyun-rin Cheon?
It depends on who you ask.
Most people might say he's just that one depressing kid who was always alone, never talked to anyone, and never had any friends. Today, that name is passed around like one of a
celebrity.
That's not who I am. I'm not a celebrity. That's not what I want to be.
The Kyun-rin they know... isn't real. A fake. Misunderstood.
My name is Kyun-rin Cheon, and believe it or not, I wasn't always like this. There was a time
when I was trying to be social, cool, and fit in.
Let me take you back to middle school.
8th grade.
I always hung around low-life people who had no intention of earning a good grade or excelling academically at all. They shaped me into who I was at the time. I slowly became like them and learned their way of life. Each day, I felt myself falling lower and lower, but I also felt like I belonged in a community, so to be honest, I didn't care.
What I didn't know at the time was how damaging this would be to me in the long run, not physically, but to my life—emotionally and academically.
I got into so much trouble because of them. None of it was ever my fault. I actually insisted that we shouldn't do whatever dumb idea they had come up with, but they always ignored me and tagged me along.
None of my teachers liked me. They always saw me as one of their 'problem students', and always rolled their eyes whenever my name was mentioned. I didn't care.
That was the problem.
I didn't care.
Soon enough, that backfired.
It was near the end of the year, and I had nearly failed in all of my classes. My parents were notified of my behavior, like they always were, but I guess something inside of them just snapped.
When I got home, I wouldn't hear the end of it.
"Do you want to be a failure?"
Failure.
"You bring shame to this family's good name."
Disappointment.
"Why can't you ever just be normal?"
Burden.
"Are you even my son?"
"Are you even my son?"
Disgrace.
Disgrace.
DISGRACE.
"If you want to be on the streets so bad..."
"Then leave."
I remember my mother trying to get my father to calm down, but it just made things even worse.
Soon, they started fighting.
It broke me.
It shattered my world.
That night, I couldn't go to sleep. Their words were like a stab to the gut every time they replayed back in my mind.
Over, and over, and over again.
Failure. Disappointment. Burden. Disgrace.
I almost caused my parents' divorce.
The thing is, I never really knew how to socialize.
I knew that what I was doing was wrong, I knew that I was failing all my classes, and yet I continued. I did it because I wanted to fit in, to be like the rest of them.
Why?
Why am I like this?
From that point on, I changed.
I stopped hanging out with them.
I became quieter, lonelier.
I couldn't make any friends because the Kyun-rin they saw was the wannabe gangster failure Kyun-rin. Nobody wanted to hang around me. I accepted that. After all, it's what I get.
Should I really be anyone's friend if I can't be my own?
Something I couldn't ever understand was why I never listened to anyone else.
I should have listened.
They were calling my name, and I didn't listen.
Moving forward, I decided that I was no longer going to be associated with my past self. Starting high school, I never spoke to anyone. Never tried to socialize. I completely withdrew from society.
Nobody to take me away from who I am.
I'm sure not everyone is a bad friend. I'm sure there are great friends out there.
What I'm concerned about is...
...if I can be a good friend to them.
That's the Kyun-rin I know.
...
"Kyun?"
"Hello?"
Kyun-rin slowly returned to reality.
"Kyun-rin." Someone's voice was present.
"Wake up. You don't want to be caught sleeping on the first day," the voice was clearer now.
"Wha-what? What's going on?" Kyun-rin replied groggily.
"You were asleep. Figured you probably needed it, so I didn't wake you up, but the next class is starting in a minute, and I don't want you to get scolded by the teacher. That's all!" the boy said with a gleeful voice.
Kyun-rin noticed that he was way too close for comfort and silently started panicking.
The time on the wall read 8:39 AM.
How long had I been asleep for?
Oh man, I probably missed out on some important information.
Kyun-rin did—in fact—miss important information.
"If you're worried about stuff you missed, don't worry. I took notes on the entire thing. My parents asked me to. I can share them with you if you want," the boy said in a kind tone again.
The tan colored curtains that covered some of the windows swayed slightly in the cool breeze that flew in through one of the open windows.
"Or... just don't say anything," he said in a slightly annoyed tone, "If you want to take a picture, I can let you borrow them. Just don't forget to return them to my desk cubby at lunch! Oh, and my name is Jung Hwan."
Jung Hwan. He seems nice, I suppose.
Kyun-rin took his phone out to take a picture of the notes he had been given. He paused when he read the notification that was near the top of his phone screen. It was a message from his mother.
"Happy first day of your new school, my love! Let me know by lunch how you're doing!"
- Mom
I'm sure it's going to get better. I hope it does. I don't want to tell my mom that the first day of school went horribly. I don't want to make her feel regret for her hard work in getting me enrolled in another school.
I also don't want to lie and tell her that it went great when it really didn't.
What do I do?
The school bell rang once again, and another teacher had stepped up to the front desk. Everyone made their way back to their desks as the next class began.