This is my shot at leaving the mess of my past behind and starting fresh. Which is why showing up to my first class unprepared feels like a disaster waiting to happen.
I turn to the door next to mine and knock. Our dorm layout means two rooms share a bathroom. If my suitemates are in, maybe they can let me cut through the bathroom to my room. That is only if Lauren did not lock the bathroom door too, and something tells me she probably did. She does not seem like someone who trusts easily.
The door cracks open, and a tall, long-legged blonde stands there, mascara smudged from yesterday. She yawns, blinking herself awake. "'Lo?"
"Hey. I'm Kate." I point a thumb toward my room. "I live next door. I forgot my keys, and I was hoping I could get into my room through the bathroom."
"Ah. Yeah, sure." She steps aside.
Her roommate comes out of the bathroom right then, and it looks like she's already fully put together for the day. Thick, dark makeup that is way too perfect to be leftover. Full goth. Her shirt shows a raven flying out of a skull's eye socket, and honestly, it looks incredible. She doesn't say a word. She just goes to her bed, which is covered in black sheets. Her black cargo pants are stuffed to the point of bursting. And everything she's wearing, even the sheets, is the exact same shade of black. I can't help wondering if she dyed it all to match, because black can have a hundred different tones.
"Hi," I offer, not really expecting anything back.
She grunts. That's something, I guess. I can feel her stare on me as I walk into the bathroom and grab the door handle to my room.
It turns. Thank God.
I slip inside, grab my keys, shove them into my purse, and glance around for my backpack. It isn't where I thought it would be. No time to search. Whatever. Purse is fine. I head back out, lock the door behind me, and finally take off toward campus, ready to officially start my first day of college.
I hurry along campus, moving from building to building like I'm in some chaotic scavenger hunt. The whole point of moving in early was to get familiar with the place during orientation, but I skipped most of the cheesy icebreakers. I did go on the tour, though, and apparently absorbed absolutely nothing, because I cannot remember where Dooling Hall is.
So far, I've passed Wright Hall, Dixon House, and Boxwood House. Not a single one is Dooling.
Where the hell is this place?
Everyone else seems to know exactly where they're going, walking with purpose like they've lived here for years. I, on the other hand, feel incredibly lost. I could've sworn Dooling Hall was somewhere near Vinney Hall, my dorm, but clearly I was wrong.
Up ahead, I notice a girl with blond hair in braided pigtails. She's the only person who isn't power-walking across campus. She's just wandering, taking her time, like she doesn't have anywhere she needs to be. Maybe she doesn't have morning classes. Maybe she's just enjoying the morning air.
I move to step around her, and she makes a small noise. Almost a scoff. I glance over, confused, but she's smiling.
"Where are you heading?" she asks.
"Dooling Hall," I say, probably sounding desperate. "If I can find it."
"What's your name, kid?"
I blink. Kid? She doesn't look much older than me. Maybe she's a sophomore. Something about her feels older, though. Confident. Comfortable.
"I'm Kate," I say cautiously.
"Nice to meet you, Kate. I'm Ruby."
"Do you know where Dooling Hall is?" I ask.
"I do," she says, grinning. "I can walk you there."
"Are you sure?" I ask, not wanting to bother her.
She snorts. "Why would I offer if I didn't mean it?"
"I just don't want to slow you down."
"Slow me down from what? My morning walk?" She gives a light shrug. "I do this every year. My dad's a professor here, and he used to bring me to campus all the time for picnics. I know this place like the back of my hand."
"Are you a student here?" I ask.
"Of course. I'm a junior. I always build my schedule so I'm free in the mornings the first week. Gives me time to wander around and help anyone who looks lost."
"Like me," I say with an awkward smile.
"Exactly. That panic on your face gave you away. Don't worry. You're not the first person I've helped today, and you won't be the last."
"That's really sweet of you."
Ruby gives me a sly little grin. "Honestly? It's also a good excuse to scope out the boys. I don't usually go for younger guys, but it never hurts to look, right?"
I laugh. "And maybe make a few friends along the way?"
"Exactly. You can't have too many friends. Though some eventually turn toxic, and I do not put up with that. Trust me, I've got my own baggage. Everyone does. Just don't dump it on me and we'll be fine."
"I don't have baggage," I tease.
"Sure you don't." Ruby laughs. "No one likes to admit theirs. That's why it causes problems. I just try to deal with my crap before it spills onto someone else. Not that I'm perfect. Far from it. Oh, and we should start walking."
I fall into step beside her as she leads us back toward Vinney Hall.
"I don't blame you for getting lost," she says. "I've been saying forever that they should hand out a map that actually makes sense to freshmen, but nobody listens. My dad keeps telling me I should apply for a job here, but I didn't come to college to work nonstop. I have classes—"
"And your friends," I add.
She flashes a bright smile. "Exactly. I have this year and next year. After that, I can work every day for the rest of my life. But right now I want to enjoy things. Speaking of which—look at him. What do you think?"
I follow her stare. A guy with dark hair and darker eyes walks across the quad. There's something smooth about the way he moves, almost like he's dancing without music. Guys like that usually have rhythm, and rhythm is everything in bed.
My body remembers that damn dream from this morning, and I bite back a sigh.
"Well?" she asks. "Yes? No? Or are you more into blonds?"
"I don't care what a guy looks like."
"So long as he's hot," she teases, bumping her shoulder lightly into mine.
"I mean…" I try to stay serious but end up laughing. "Attraction does matter. At least a little."
"Thank you! I'm so tired of people pretending they only care about personality. Yes, obviously you don't want to date a jerk, but if you aren't at least attracted to someone, how can anything work? We have eyes. You can't blame anyone for wanting someone who's nice to look at."
"I do have other things I look for," I add.
"Of course you do. If you go for someone only because they're cute, that's not a relationship. That's a hookup, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you just get that itch you can't scratch on your own, you know?"
"Or don't want to scratch on your own," I say. I pause and press my thighs together, wishing I'd had even five more minutes this morning to handle things.
"I knew I'd like you the moment you opened your mouth." Ruby flashes me a bright smile. "Are you in Vinney Hall?"
"Yes. What about you?"
"No, but Dooling is past Vinney."
"So I went completely the wrong way."
"A lot of people do." She gives me a quick sideways look. "You still haven't answered my question."
"About what?"
"The guy I pointed at."
Heat creeps into my cheeks. "He's hot, yes."
Not as hot as Robb, though. Robb's looks should be illegal. Like, he could walk into any modeling agency and they would sign him without asking a single question. He's gorgeous in that unreal, movie-star way. The kind of guy who lands lead roles even if he can't act because his face does all the work.
God, I need to stop. I can't compare every guy here to Robb. I'm never seeing him again. It was one night, and it was perfect, and that's all it ever gets to be.
He was the first guy who ever made me come during sex.
People say you never forget your first time or your first love. Jake wasn't either. Honestly, I probably shouldn't have given him my virginity, but that ship sailed a long time ago, and I'm not going to cry over it now. What's done is done.
Maybe I'll never find love. Some of my baggage comes from being completely jaded. For me, it's not so much about remembering my first time. It's remembering the first time someone took my pleasure seriously and didn't act like sex was over the second he finished.
Sex isn't a solo event. It's two people, and both should walk away shaking. It shouldn't be a complicated concept.
Ruby lets out a little snicker. "Thinking about that guy again? His name is Ace Granger. I love looking at him, but he's way out of my league."
"Why do you say that?" I ask. Her braided pigtails make her look younger, but she's hot in a playful, schoolgirl sort of way that plenty of guys would chase.
"He's not just some random guy. He's the star of the football team."
"Really? What position?"
Ruby shrugs. "I go to games, but not to watch the actual football. I'm a baseball girl. That's my sport."
"My brother used to play football, so I know a lot about it."
"Older?" she asks with a teasing smile.
"Yes. Older."
"Single?"
"You mentioned baggage earlier," I say, slow on purpose.
"Eh. If there is a guy out there without baggage, I would call bull. What kind?"
I pause, unsure how much to share. "I don't think he is over his last girlfriend. She cheated on him, I believe."
"Ouch. I can't stand cheating. If you fall out of love, fine. Break up first. Do not go shoving your cock into someone else. That crap is not right."
"In this case, she let someone do that to her."
"Right, right. Damn. He needs a real woman to help soothe his heart."
I shake my head. "He doesn't go to school here."
Ruby lets out a dramatic sigh. "I can't do long-distance. I tried once. I dated a guy for almost two years in high school, but we planned to go to different colleges, so I ended things. He didn't want me to, but not even two weeks into the semester, he texted me to thank me."
"Thank you? For dumping him? He found a new girl that fast?"
"Two girls. He couldn't even pick between them. He dated the first one for a week, then she dumped him. He is still with the second girl."
"That has to sting a little."
"Nope. I have dated a few guys here, and right now, I am very single. I'm not one of those girls who needs a boyfriend to feel whole." She gives me a ridiculous wink. "I do have a few booty calls, though."