Romania
"Oh wow! That's where Count Dracula's from?" The Client leaned forward, eyes gleaming with interest.
"Exactly. The bloodthirsty Vlad the Third, Vlad Țepeș himself, who decorated wooden stakes (not something you can order from IKEA!) with severed heads (not something you'll find at Walmart!)," Mike growled with relish.
"What a set design!" the museum visitor marveled. "And what blood type did he prefer?"
"Yours!" Mike roared, opening his fake-fanged jaws wider, while his wife hastily interjected:
"No, no—he was the historical prototype, not the real Dracula. The vampire was a literary remix by Bram Stoker. In reality, Vlad was the voivode of Wallachia—which is modern-day Romania…"
"Boring!" the brother-in-law shouted, only to be patted approvingly by Ivan, who clearly wasn't into this part of the program either.
Italy.
Everyone's stomach growled at once. The hunger was real, and that could be used as a sneaky trick.
"Damn, too bad there isn't a delivery guy walking by right now," Mike muttered under his breath, but then noticed Ivan pulling a box out of his endless backpack — and grinning wide. Yeah, that guy was definitely useful.
"Exactly! This is the Motherland of Cuisine!" Inna exclaimed. "Born, raised, and schooled here — pizza!"
"With pineapple?"
"Not only! Pepperoni. And even spaghetti."
"What about emotions?"
"They've got plenty. Sometimes too many, but that's the symbol of Italy. Emotionality — it's a beautiful and unique trait of this glorious people. And of course, the signature hand gestures. Mafia (ultra video game!). Adriano Celentano. Opera. So much beauty Italy gave the world and… no, Mike, please, don't you dare bring that up…"
"Sorry, babe… but I can't help it! I just love that historical period of the '30s and '40s. Personally, I love Italy for the Colosseum! It stirs the broth inside me and makes me wanna roar like those ancient gladiators!"
As if on cue, his wife puffed herself up the same way, and together they looked like two enormous, furious toads. "Super" Mason let out a roar so loud it shook the entire block, making every passerby — including the Client and the Brother-in-law — recoil in terror.
"Don't tell me this is what I think it is…" whispered all the performers of this bizarre show, their lips pale and trembling.