Balevar Kingdom
Under the bright blue sky and across the glittering ocean—far, far away from the geopolitical shit brewing between Murica and Dwargonia—a lone RHIB skimmed across the water, leaving behind a foamy trail… occasional splash of fresh vomit.
"Bleeeeeeeeegh!"
Captain Irving manned the helm. On the passenger bench sat Ivy, Kovalski, and Bella—the last of whom was engaged in a one-woman battle against seasickness.
"Bleeeeeegh!"
"I genuinely want to know," Irving said, glancing over, "how much a vampire needs to eat in order to puke for two hours straight."
"Oh, shut up, Captain… There's a reason I joined the army, not the navy—BLEEEEEGH!"
"If you keep throwing up like that, you'll be smaller than you already are," Kovalski added helpfully.
"Bleeeeeegh…" Bella groaned, pointing her middle finger in between retches.
Meanwhile, Ivy lounged in her seat with the blissful smile of someone newly freed from tyranny. "Kyaaahahaha! I still can't believe I'm finally liberated from that demonic sister!"
"Yeah, same," said Kovalski. "I genuinely thought Ambassador Hannya would never approve our proposal."
"Well," Irving said, shrugging, "we are adventurers. Traveling is kind of the job description."
Bella wiped her mouth. "…Actually, how did you get your sister to sign the assignment letter? You didn't steal her stamp or something, right? Hahaha."
Ivy just smiled and ignored the question, staring dreamily at the port town growing on the horizon.
"…Right?" Bella tried again.
The RHIB cut smoothly toward the beautiful port town, leaving their problems behind.
"…Right!?"
Of course, the biggest problems were patiently waiting for their return.
---
A Tavern in Port Town
By the time they reached port, the misfit party had already disguised themselves as humans. Outside Ravendawn territory, demons wandering around openly was a rare—and extremely suspicious—sight. So for safety, they went with classic adventurer cosplay.
Irving was dressed like a barbarian (horned helmet to hide his demon horns).Bella was a magician (fangs retracted, dignity questionable).Ivy was a thief (fits her behavior).Kovalski was an elf ranger (so he could flirt with more accuracy).
"I can't believe you actually stole her stamp…" Irving muttered in despair. Now dressed as a barbarian—he looked like a man being crushed by moral responsibility.
"I'm terrified of going home…" Bella whimpered. Her magician outfit glittered with arcane flair. "Will they jail me forever this time? Maybe I should just travel the world… but what about my parents!?"
"Oh, relax, you two!" Ivy said cheerfully, adjusting her thief-class cloak. "We're already in Balevar. Besides, once we return with amazing content, they'll forgive us!"
"That's easy for you," Irving said. "You're not military. And you're the ambassador's sister."
Which, unfortunately, was true. One of Ivy's conditions for joining the content-creation misfit squad had been: 'become an American citizen'. Hannya approved it by adopting her on the spot… and instantly turning Ivy's strict handler into her terrifying older sister.
"You all need to chill," Ivy said breezily. "Like Kovalski over there."
Kovalski, disguised as an elf ranger, was courting a tavern waitress with the confidence of a man who believed love was a numbers game—and he was a high-tier gacha whale.
"For hundreds of years," he said, lifting the waitress's hand, "I have never seen someone as beautiful as you. Elf women are praised across the world, yet you outshine them."
"M-me?" she stammered, cheeks burning. "No one has ever said that to me… and I've never seen an elf before, so I—I don't know…"
"I'm serious. If you had pointed ears, you'd be mistaken for an elf princess. Do you have a mirror in your room?"
"Y-yes…"
"Then allow me to escort you. I will show you just how radiant you truly are."
He kissed her hand, and the waitress blushed.
The group watched him lead her upstairs.
"Damn," Irving whispered. "He's smooth. And he's not even using incubus charm."
"Tch. That bastard is just lucky these small-town girls are naïve," Bella grumbled, glaring daggers after him.
Ivy cleared her throat theatrically. "Anyway! Back to business."
She produced a scroll from her subspace bag and placed it on the table. Irving and Bella instinctively checked the tavern for eavesdroppers.
"The legendary treasure left by the mythical bandit king, Diamon D. Roger…"
Ivy unrolled the incomplete map dramatically.
"The Single Piece."
One month earlier, during a dungeon run, they'd stumbled upon the map. Ivy immediately remembered the infamous myth. Thus, a reckless plan was born: 'treasure hunting in the Meridinia Continent.' They submitted this idea as a travel-content proposal.
The 75th Ranger Regiment approved it instantly.
After all, this removed:
the base's slickest contraband smuggler (Irving),
the clumsiest property-destroyer (Bella),
and the most narcissistic sexual offender (Kovalski).
General Hanz stamped the paperwork with a smile and said only:
"The longer, the better."
Their final obstacle had been Ambassador Hannya…
…but Ivy had "handled" that.
"With the map Captain Irving found," Ivy continued, "and the brilliant plan Captain Irving designed, we'll be filthy rich—just like Captain Irving dreamed!"
"…Why does every sentence have my name in it?" Irving asked.
"Because you're the smart one! Hahaha!"
"Well… I am pretty clever." He puffed his chest.
"Hahahahahaha!"
"Hahahahahaha!"
"Hahahahahaha!"
They laughed together like three idiots destined for terrible consequences.
---
Port Town Entrance
The misfit party departed the town, spirits high.
"Rations check! Maps check! Lots of ammo check! Yep—we're ready!" Irving said proudly.
"I can't wait to see the world!" Bella chimed.
"And the women," Kovalski added reverently.
Ivy raised her fist to the horizon.
"Alright! First destination—Balevar Sacred Forest! MISFIT PARTY, GREATEST ADVENTURE BEGINS—NOW!"
"YEAAAAAAAH!"
---
1 km from Port Town
"Say," Irving asked, "how far is the sacred forest?"
Ivy checked the map. "About… six hundred and thirty kilometers."
"WHAT!?" Kovalski shrieked. "WE'RE WALKING!?"
"NOOOOOOO! I WANT A HUMVEE!" Bella cried dramatically.
Modernity, it seemed, had stolen much of Murica's adventuring spirit.
---
Bashington DC, The Black House
"Still no reply from the Dwargonians?" Solo asked.
"None," Lilith said. "Thy say they'll get back to us."
Solo, Lilith, Stan, and Monny gathered for an emergency meeting concerning the crisis with Dwargonia. Two days earlier, Ravendawn forces had sunk a Dwargonian merchant vessel. The dwarves retaliated. Then Murica lost contact with its embassy.
Stan sighed. "Man… remember when we used to go to war without thinking? I miss those simple times."
"No," Lilith snapped. "If we fight, we do it cleanly and tactically. Casualties must be minimal. No more free meals for the goddess."
"I know, I know." Stan sighed. "No more open season like Vandoria… My poor nuke… sitting alone in that dark bunker… never seeing the blue sky…"
"I still hate this," Solo said. "Of all nations, why Dwargonia? They don't even worship the goddess. Why not some church-controlled kingdom in Meridinia?"
"Yeah," Stan added. "And I was excited to get dwarven liquor in supermarkets."
Monny nodded. "And their minerals. Thanks to Luke's trends, Muricans get angry if they can't buy a new phone every six months. We need their lithium and cobalt."
"What about Ravendawn?" Solo asked.
"Still confused," Lilith replied. "It was their patrol ship that killed the dwarves… but there's no survivor to explain anything."
"Then we wait. A few more days for the dwarves to respond."
Everyone nodded.
A beat.
"…Why do I feel like we're forgetting something?" Solo murmured.
---
Dwargonia, Moth Pole Prison
Deep in the frigid mountains lay the Moth Pole Prison—Dwargonia's most secure facility. A colossal open-pit mine surrounded a central tower known as 'the Pole', where guards watched every prisoner. Escaping was impossible. Even if one broke free, the surrounding frozen wilderness would kill them long before rescue.
After a two-day train journey, Levi and Mara arrived. Led through rows of glaring dwarven inmates in green uniforms and green hats, they were escorted into the lowest levels.
At the end of a dim tunnel waited a huge, round dwarf (basically human-sized) in a red uniform.
"Hohoho! Welcome, Mr. Minister and Ms. Ambassador!" he said with a painfully fake jolly voice. "I am Warden Nikolaj Cinderclaws!"
"Leviathan, Murican Minister of Foreign Affairs." Levi bowed politely.
"Mara, Ambassador to Dwargonia," Mara added.
"Hohoho! As instructed by Grand Marshal Axebreaker, this will be your new home. Allow me to show you the best accommodations!"
He opened the cell.
The warden gestured proudly. "Our finest bed." He points to a miserable, lumpy mattress.
"And the bathroom." He points to a toilet that has seen horrors.
SLAM!
The door locked behind them.
"If you need anything," Cinderclaws said sweetly, "please don't bother to ask these steam-armored guards. Their job is to ensure rude guests don't disturb the peace. Enjoy~ Hohoho!"
They left Levi and Mara alone with two unmoving guards.
"…There's only one bed," Levi noted. "Ah well. Goodnight, I guess!"
Mara pinched the bridge of her nose.
"Sir… does your 'devil's intuition' 'still' say everything will be fine?"
"Nope."
"…Sigh."
---
Hearthguard Cairn, Great Fortress
SLAM!
"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS, DWORDOUG AXEBREAKER!?" Tubrat Silverfist roared, smashing his podium.
The Grand Council held an emergency session.
"Not only did you storm the Murican embassy without approval, you sent their minister and ambassador to the most dangerous prison in Dwargonia!?"
"And the most secure," Dwordoug insisted.
"We are trying to understand your reasoning," said Calgirra Oakenbrew. "Your 'reliable source' claims the demons planned to attack the capital… but why imprison them in Moth Pole? Why not interrogate them here!?"
"It's secure!" he repeated like a stubborn child.
"We found nothing in the embassy," Orroth Sandbeards countered.
Axebreaker insisted. "Leviathan himself is a weapon of mass destruction. If he transforms, civilians die!"
Nelfilyn Bluespire massaged her temples. "What do we tell the Muricans? They are waiting for our reply."
"Tell them to explain why their allies sank our civilian ship!" Dwordoug snaps. "Why they're starting a war!"
"DWORDOUG!" Tubrat bellowed. "YOU also started the war when you stormed their embassy! WHERE is your proof!?"
"Tch. I'll get it. I'll interrogate them myself."
Axebreaker stormed out.
---
Langley, BICH Headquarters
Mo' and Janet sat in a briefing room, watching Megan through a video feed from Dawn New Port.
"The Archmage confirmed it," Megan reported. "The mana signature came from a low-tier spell. So I inspected the site again and found this."
She held up charred fragments of parchment.
Janet's eyes narrowed. "Are those…?"
"Yes. Explosion scrolls. Lots of them. The killer-cook likely activated them all at once. It mimics the signature of high-tier magic."
Janet exhaled. "Someone used our Vandorian method…"
Megan nodded. "They copy our playbook to the fullest. Against us."
Both agents looked to Mo'.
Mo' leaned back, folding his arms.
"…Then it's our turn to make a move."
Heyya
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