"Naruto, my little angel, I love you so much."
"Naru-baby, let me give you a big smooch."
Kakashi tried his best to keep his voice monotone and robotic, but in reality, his back was already drenched in cold sweat!
Even his mask couldn't hide his flushed, sweating face!
Last time I read Master Jiraiya's works out loud, at least it was only in front of Naruto and Shikamaru...
But this time I'm doing it in front of THE ENTIRE ALLIED SHINOBI FORCES!!!!
Especially in front of Sensei...
Please put away your killing intent!! I'm just following Lord Second's orders and reading the text!! I absolutely am NOT some pervert with special designs on my student—your son, Sensei!!!!
Copy Ninja Kakashi was about to drop dead on the spot!
"What the hell is all this?!!!!" Naruto flailed around the battlefield like a startled bird. "Sure, my Sexy Jutsu is pretty amazing! But it's not THAT good, damn it! And what's with the kissing stuff?! I've never even—ugh, forget it, let's not talk about that! Damn it, don't make me remember those terrible experiences!! AAAAAHHH!! Damn you, Sasuke!!"
Hashirama Senju whispered to Tobirama Senju: "Why does this kid also talk to himself so much?"
"While he doesn't have red hair," Tobirama replied, "he probably has Uzumaki clan blood."
Remembering Karin from earlier, the Senju brothers sweatdropped. What's with this generation of Uzumaki clan members? Why do they all love talking to themselves? And why do they always end up cursing out Sasuke Uchiha? Did that Sasuke kid do something to anger the heavens or what?
Sasuke Uchiha took several steps to the side, not wanting to stand near Uzumaki Naruto, and even less wanting to remember certain sensations on his lips...
Kiba asked Shino beside him: "Does the Fourth Hokage have a daughter?"
Shino and the other Konoha ninja shook their heads.
Forget a daughter—they didn't even know the Fourth Hokage had any children at all.
On Kakashi's end, he was about to cry. No one else could possibly comprehend his suffering right now.
The Third Hokage sighed and thought silently: "Kakashi... you've worked hard..."
Fortunately, the Second gave him a break. "Read something else! Besides confessing love to that blonde brat, what else is there?!"
Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief and quickly searched for other content to read—
"The Uchiha really mass-produce handsome guys."
"Sasuke's so badass, shame his IQ drops automatically whenever he encounters Uzumaki Naruto."
"Little Sasuke was super cute. I want to hold baby Sasuke in my arms and spoil him rotten."
"I love Sasuke! Sasuke is my husband, nobody fight me for him."
Sakura & Ino: "WHAT?!!!"
Shikamaru: "I'm getting goosebumps..."
Everyone else nodded vigorously. The confessions to Naruto earlier were already blunt enough—they'd even gender-swapped him. Now the same thing was happening with Sasuke.
What do you mean 'super cute' and 'want to hold him and spoil him'...
The key point was that all these words were coming from Kakashi's mouth! An indescribable sense of wrongness washed over them. If they hadn't been eating poorly on the battlefield these past few days, they'd be vomiting up yesterday's dinner right now.
Sasuke Uchiha: "..."
At least he looked fairly calm on the outside.
He was way more composed than Naruto. After all, he'd been hearing these kinds of things since childhood. Even after going to Orochimaru's place, Karin hadn't let up on him either.
Aside from being a bit noisy, it wasn't really anything...
No...
Actually, when he read it with his Sharingan himself, it wasn't so bad.
But hearing these words come out of Kakashi's mouth made everything in his stomach churn repeatedly!!
Sasuke's hand gripping his sword hilt was trembling!!
The situation doesn't allow it, the situation doesn't allow it, the situation doesn't allow it...
Now's not the time to cut down Kakashi, now's not the time to cut down Kakashi, now's not the time to cut down Kakashi...
Sasuke squeezed his eyes shut, mentally psyching himself up over and over.
Naruto was thoroughly dissatisfied. "Why is Sasuke called 'husband' while I get 'Sexy Jutsu wifey' and stuff like that?! I'm way more manly than Sasuke, damn it!!"
Sakura: "You idiot, Naruto! Obviously it's because you always use those perverted jutsu!!"
Kakashi continued reading through his tears—
"When Sasuke cries, my heart breaks. I feel so bad for my little Sasu. Someone, anyone, please love him for me."
"The Uchiha are genuinely so kind. They're the true Clan of Love."
"Sasuke Uchiha, Itachi Uchiha, Shisui Uchiha, Madara Uchiha, Izuna Uchiha, Obito Uchiha, and Kakashi Uchiha are all handsome and kind."
"..."
The Second couldn't help but interrupt, commenting: "Are you also part of the Uchiha clan?" He'd never seen an Uchiha with the same hair color as himself.
"My surname is Hatake, Lord Second." Kakashi was utterly speechless. He guessed it was probably because of Obito's eye that someone had mistaken him for an Uchiha. He explained to Tobirama Senju: "I'm following your orders and reading what's written up there."
"Trash." Beside Madara, Obito Uchiha spat out a harsh curse.
To him now, the current Kakashi was nothing but a counterfeit in this false world!
"Is this your doing, brat?" Madara Uchiha crossed his arms, his presence naturally imposing without anger.
In reality, Madara didn't think Obito was the culprit, but unable to think of anyone else who'd do this, he asked anyway.
Obito had just heard what the Second Hokage said to Kakashi, so he also used his Mangekyō Sharingan and that Rinnegan he couldn't turn off to look at the rectangular pillar crushing the Ten-Tails.
[Lord Madara!! I want to have your babies!!!]57 people liked this
"..." |||||
"..." |||||
Clearly, Madara Uchiha had also seen that comment.
Obito shot him a look that seemed to say: Do you really think I'd want to bear your children?!!
Madara Uchiha: "..."
Obito Uchiha: "..."
An awkward silence fell between the two.
While they were having their staring contest, an uproar erupted from the Allied Shinobi Forces!
Apparently, due to Obito Uchiha's Rinnegan!
All the text on that thing had been completely decrypted! Now directly displayed before everyone's eyes!!
They watched as line after line of text in the ninja world's common language flowed across the wall:
[Saying the Third Hokage is the strongest Hokage of all time? LMAO]142 likes
[Sakura's about to think she can catch up to Sasuke and Naruto again hhhhhhh]146 likes
The sarcastic tone made the ninja uncomfortable.
The Konoha ninja were especially furious. Who the hell was insulting Lord Third Hokage and their excellent medical ninja?!
[Hokage stans everywhere, so cringe (disgusted.jpg)]342 likes
What the heck is a "Hokage stan"?
[The Uchiha are clearly all so kind! They're the true Clan of Love!]23 likes
[Poor Sasuke!! After everything Konoha did to him, he still chose Konoha!]66 likes
[Hahahaha, chose Konoha ✗, chose Naruto ✓]118 likes
So they're saying Sasuke didn't choose Konoha—he chose Konoha's Uzumaki Naruto?
Naruto looked toward Sasuke. He knew Sasuke's hatred couldn't be erased so easily, but he'd promised Sasuke's brother that he would never abandon Sasuke!
"What did Konoha do to Sasuke Uchiha?! He's the one who fled Konoha and became a rogue ninja, isn't he?!" The Konoha ninja angrily whispered among their fellow villagers.
Ninja from other villages chimed in: "Plus, the ones who started this Shinobi World War are also Obito Uchiha and Madara Uchiha!"
And someone actually thinks all the Uchiha are gentle and kind?!
Are their heads broken?!