The first ray of the sunlight prickling through the dorm window felt like a spotlight on my shame. I had a pounding headache, and it was crushing knowledge that I had performed my emotional breakdown for Julian Vance, the most talked about guy and will I say one of the most famous guys amongst the students and the lecturers as well at Oakhaven university.
I was packed and ready to go, two hours before Kenya and Aisha were. Aisha, who lived in the same Atlanta neighborhood as Kenya, was riding with us. The three of us crammed into Kenya's beat up sedan, our suitcases piled haphazardly in the back.
As we pulled out of the dorm's parking lot, I was silent, staring straight ahead, already grieving the failure of my past relationship and the short lived emotional isolation.
"okay, hit me S.", Aisha said from the back seat, leaning forward. "what exactly happened between you and Julian on the balcony, last night? Kenya gave me the highlights, but I need the prose. You were gone for ages".
Kenya driving, she glanced at me. "Yeah, S. You were giving him a full biography of your heartbreaks. Well, I was fully expecting him to propose marriage to you or offer you stock tips". "It was very… terrible", I admitted, hugging my arms to my chest. "I was drunk on blue sugar and pity. I told him alot; every insecurity, every failure. I had handed him my character flaws on a velvet cushion".
"And then?" Aisha pressed. "The hug, Simone. Give me more details. How it felt being in his arms, was it a comfort hug or a moment of truth hug?"
I swallowed hard, remembering the intense connection I felt with him despite my own fears. "It was a comfort hug that felt like a confession. He was just trying to be decent, but when he held me, it was like we both registered the shock of the connection, it was almost immediate but then he pulled back. He told me to go home and focus on me. He wasn't playing a game, Ken. He genuinely didn't want the drama".
Kenya sighed, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel. "See? S. A rational man, I told you that was an upgrade. He saw the damage and gave you space."
"Well, he saw the damage and ran, Kan," I corrected. "Let's just forget about him, let's talk about anything else. Tell me how your date with Mike went."
"Boring," Aisha interjected. "focus on you leaving town. We need to dissect the last mistake before you lock yourself in the library for a month."
I was saved by the ringing of my phone. It was my mum calling.
I pulled the phone out, instantly feeling guilty. "It's mom. I will take it."
I put the call on speaker, already hearing the familiar mix of worry in her voice. "Hi sweetie! Are you and Kenya on the road already?"
"We just left the campus now mom," I said, exchanging an apologetic look with my friends.
"Alright, that's good, your father wants to speak to you."
The phone cracked, and my dad's deep, protective voice came through, sounding like a scolding general.
"Simone! Now, you have listened to me. I heard about the latest… disappointment."
I braced myself. "Dad, it's fine and I am also fine, it was a bad mistake, which is now in the past, dad."
"It's not fine, this is three in two years, Simone. These boys do not recognize real love, even if it slapped them across the face. You are too bright, Simone. You are too open, and you need to guard that heart of yours dear."
His voice was rough with frustration, not at me, but at the unfairness of my situation.
"why do you keep falling for men who don't deserve you?" The question hung heavy in the air. Kenya and Aisha's were silent in the car, suddenly sobered by my dad's intensity.
"I don't know dad," I whispered, the shame of letting him down a physical weight. My mom quickly took the phone back.
"Honey, your father is just worried. He and I both feel terrible that you have to go through this again. Just promise us you will focus on your reading and yourself this holiday, no boys, okay? Just peace, we love you dear. Call us when you get home."
"I promise mom. I love you too."
I ended the call and placed the phone on my lap, the silence in the car was thick.
"Well," Aisha said, finally breaking the silence and the tension. "your dad is right, I hope you know? That's the entire conflict of your life S. Why do you keep falling for the wrong ones?"
"If I had known that, I would be writing the happy ending, not to escape to Atlanta," I muttered, stare out the window, at the passing landscape.
We drove in silence for another day hour, only broken by the occasional navigation update. When we finally hit the Atlanta city limits, a small, new wave of relief washed over me.
Soon, we arrived at Kenya's house, after dropping Aisha off. The same old welcoming awaits me. As Kenya and I wrestled my bags out of the trunk, her parents Auntie Sarah and uncle David came out onto the porch.
They greeted Kanya's with warm and loving hugs, but when Auntie Sarah turned to me, her bright smile faded into a look filled with deep sorrowful pity.
"oh simone, honey, how are you," she murmured, pulling me in for a hug that was too tight and lasted too long. "I am so sorry, sweetie. You didn't deserve what happened. You just rest now, we are going to fatten you up and forget all about those foolish boys."
Uncle David clapped my shoulder with the same gentle, familiar sadness.
"You are safe here, Simone. The world's full of simple minded men who don't understand complicated beauty. Give yourself a break."
I was able to find them managing a tight, polite smile. But the pity was worse than my father's scolding. I felt like a patient returning for the third time with the same terminal diagnosis. They didn't see Simone, they saw the tragic heroine who always fails at love.
I took my luggage into the guest room, the place Kenya had dubbed the "isolation chamber." I was exhausted, bruised by my family's worry and Julian's controlled kindness. My only remaining goal was to live up to the promise I made myself: silence, books, and a lifetime ban on romance. The holiday has officially begun.