Piku slowly swam back into consciousness, meaning that the operation had gone smoothly, and that her life was only going to get better from here on.
She struggled to open her eyes. It was to be expected after all, one could say that she was opening her eyes for the first time ever.
When she finally managed to, it was just a sliver, but enough to flinch them back close as the brightness blinded her. When she opened them up again, she felt elated. Her vision, which had been horrendous until before the operation began, was clear for the first time in more than a decade.
She rotated her eyes, marvelling at the clear, crisp vision, and suddenly realized that the motion didn't cause her the dizzying pain she'd grown accustomed to. She rotated her eyes some more, hoping that the novelty never wore off, that she could always feel euphoric whenever she thought about her eyes.
The doctors were saying something in the background, and slowly the sounds started filtering into words and her focus sharpened and she heard, "The patient is responding to the transfer positively and the brain activity has reached the conscious level. She should be awake by now."
She heard another voice, a familiar one, and way closer than the other one had been, "Patient is awake and rolling her eyes. Seriously, a word that you're fine would've done wonders for my sanity, Piku."
Piku rolled her eyes harder at Riya, who scoffed in return.
Riya spoke, "If you're done rolling your eyes, how about you start testing if the rest of your body is okay, that's important too, you know? C'mon, wiggle your fingers for me."
Piku tried, but nothing moved. Panic flooded her mind and she tried again, harder this time, and thankfully, it worked. It was slower than she was used to, and took a lot of effort, but her fingers were moving. The usual pain she associated with the motion was inconspicuous with its absence.
She stretched out her fingers, spreading them as much as she could, relieved to see the pain gone.
Riya spoke, "Good job, Piku. Can you do your toes now?"
Piku inhaled, then exhaled. Then she wiggled her toes, expecting the extra strength required and compensating for it.
Riya praised her again, "Great work. So far so good, moving to more strenuous tasks now. Piku, I want you to lift your hand, any of them."
Piku immediately threw up both of her hands, not surprised when they didn't lift more than a few centimetres, and slowly lifted them higher with great effort. Her muscles burned as her hands inched up, and she stopped, dropping them back down.
She gasped out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, panting as she realised that she'd been going dizzy, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she tried to ask, "Why- my hands- not- moving?"
Riya immediately soothed her, "Piku, breathe-"
"I can't move- why-" she broke off to gasp in a few more breaths as she got dizzy.
Riya sighed, "Because you are using your body for the first time, you have no muscle memories, and close to zero practice in actually using your muscles."
Piku's eyes widened as she processed what Riya just told her, "Why didn't you-" she gasped in a desperate breath, "tell me before I said yes?!"
Riya sounded confused as she replied, "It was obvious though?"
No it was not?!?!
Riya frowned as she continued, "It is a fair trade, we'd tested the clone body to ensure that the vision is 20/20, and that your chronic pain is gone. Now, I need you to bend your leg upwards. Can you do that?"
Piku's vision was blurring again, not the kind she was habitual to, but the kind which sharpened the edges too much, and made all the colours painfully bright until she blinked and the tears slipped out and her vision returned back to 𝚝̶𝚑̶𝚎̶ 𝚗̶𝚎̶𝚠̶ normal.
She did her best to lift up her legs the way Riya wanted her to, and after that she didn't really know what was happening, she moved as Riya instructed her to, going through the motions as she tried to stay in the present. It was difficult.
Had she made a mistake?
Her greed to have a body that was broken and wrong might just have led her to be useless now. She'd learned over the years to manage her pain. She could've kept going, cursing out her body, calling herself a young soul in an old body as she avoided a pose to avoid the bone deep ache as she moved on with each day.
She's learned to live with her horrible eyesight. Learned to tilt her head in the right way while peering at distant objects so that they appeared clear.
Yes, it was a nuisance, and yes, sometimes the pain was unbearable, but at least she could move on her own. At least she could do stuff which required strength.
Riya said that she no longer had the muscle memories, and by now, Piku had understood that it was similar to how atrophy affects people in comas, meaning that she had to build her strength back up again, if that even was possible.
She relaxed significantly, she could put in work. Physical work, she was good at. She'd done well till now despite the pain that plagued her. Now she didn't have to worry about it, which meant that she was basically unstoppable. Soon, she'll be up and running and everything will be alright. That was the end of it, she could relax.
Everything was going to be alright.
She sighed, and looked at Riya, whose brows were furrowed in concentration as she checked over her body to ensure that the operation had gone well and everything was functioning fine.
The woman looked at her and beamed, "So, Piku dearest, while you were zoned out-" Riya gently poked Piku's forehead with her index finger, "- I checked you over and I am glad to tell you that everything seems in order. A few weeks of physical therapy and some strength training would help you gain back a lot of your strength."
Piku nodded, relieved that it was not too big of an issue, and asked, "Hey, Riya-" she licked her lips and continued, "are we still up for the lunch date?"
Riya smiled and said, "Obviously. Won't miss it for the world. Now, Piku, I want you to remember, if you feel your pain spiking again, or even your eyesight deteriorating, I need you to immediately report it to the doctors. Your pain tolerance levels have probably reduced so it shouldn't go unnoticed, but please, don't hesitate to reach out. This procedure was made to increase your quality of life, so don't suffer silently."
Piku swallowed, chronic pain is something you learn to live with, and over time, you adapt, ignoring the constant pain until it spikes, it would be a difficult habit to break, but something she needs to do if she wants to reap the full benefits of this procedure.
So she nods, a silent promise to try.
Riya sighs in relief and says, "I was half convinced that I'd need to talk you into it, but I'm glad I don't have to."
Piku rolled her eyes at Riya again.
Riya chuckled and snarked back, "Roll your eyes all you want, you know why people would be concerned about you not asking for help until it's too late."
Piku knew. There was a reason she'd agreed to the procedure after all. She sighed and said, "I promise I'll try, Riya. See you then?"
Riya sighed as well, "See you then, Piku. Take care."
Piku replied, "You too."
When Riya left and the rest of the formalities were over, a nurse helped escort Piku to the room she'd be staying in until her PT was over.
The man settled her onto the bed, and said, "Your physiotherapist will see you in three hours ma'am, please don't hesitate to call for help if you need something until then."
She sucked in her cheek and asked, "I wanna go to the toilet, do I get to have a female nurse or-?"
The nurse just nodded good naturedly and answered, "Of course, ma'am, I'll have someone sent over within a few minutes."
…
She started into the mirror and smiled.
After literal hours of practice, it had finally stopped looking like a grimace.
The face in the mirror was hers, but at the same time, it wasn't.
She grit her teeth and left, the blurriness in her eyes wasn't tears, it was just the new eyes adjusting to the dust in the air.
Why would it be tears? She was not going to regret her decision, not now, not after it was done. There was no use of regret, it couldn't be undone anyways.
She tried to smile again.
It looked nothing like what her smiling face used to look like ages ago.
The smile was wrong, it was flatter than her usual smile, it didn't properly reach her eyes and her teeth showed only a little. The tooth that had been crooked since her teens was now aligned perfectly, ruining the slanting look it used to have. Her eyebrows didn't twitch when her lips moved, they stayed stagnant, as if glued to her forehead, she couldn't lift them, not together and definitely not one at a time.
Her face was hers but it wasn't hers at the same time.
The pain was gone, her eyesight was perfect. That had to mean something. If it didn't, what was she supposed to do?
She felt the tears drip down her eyes and choked on a sob. She grabbed onto the sink to support herself as her legs gave out and wailed. Soon, too soon, her arms went numb and she crashed onto the ground, gasping as she cried.
The nurse who'd helped her rushed in at hearing the crash.
She said, "Ma'am, you need to calm down now."
Piku cried out, "How can you ask me to calm down?! That's not my face!"
The nurse frowned and stated, "It is your face, ma'am, you had yourself confirmed it prior to the procedure."
Piku shrieked at her, "It's not my face! Why can't you see that?! That's not me!!!"
Her heart picked up pace and she hyperventilated despite the nurse's best efforts to calm her down.
…
The first thing she saw when she woke up was Riya's face, which broke into a sad but relieved smile as she caressed Piku's hands with her thumbs. Riya explained, "You had a panic attack, love. You passed out in the bathroom."
Piku croaked out, "It's not my face anymore, Riri. It changed."
Riya sighed, "Kuku, my love, you were told before the procedure that these things would happen. Why is it upsetting you so much?"
Piku sniffled, "It's one thing knowing that it can happen, and a completely different thing seeing it actually happen, Riri. It changed so much. My smile is different now, my scars are gone, it's like an uncanny valley situation, but I can't run away from myself."
Riya's mouth bobbed open and closed like a fish's.
"Seems like we have no choice but to get used to it, Kuku," Riya finally said, "I'm sorry you're going through this, my love."
"I made the decision," Piku sniffled, "I chose to do this to myself. I have to- no, I should learn to live with it."
"You say the word and I'll do my best to help you through this, my love," Riya promised, "Tell me, what do you need?"
"Hmm," she pretended to think, "How about a kiss?"
Riya rolled her eyes, but leaned down to lightly peck her on the lips.
Piku melted, and said, "I love you, Riri."
"Love you too, Kuku."
She could do this. She'll get used to her new face, and learn to smile again, and everything will be okay.
𝙸̶𝚝̶ ̶𝚠̶𝚘̶𝚗̶'̶𝚝̶