Holy Terra, Imperial Palace, Throne Room... At this moment, the leader of the galaxy's famous 'Monarch Offline System,' The Emperor of Mankind, was seated on his Golden Throne... A massive skull had a tube inserted into its mouth, sipping coffee from a huge tank beside it.
This tube was installed after The Emperor had pleaded with his other self, Sanguinius, for almost a month. Through this cup and straw, repurposed from Li Feng's car fuel line and tank, The Emperor could enjoy a daily dose of coffee, a favorite among old Terrans.
And all this coffee was made from beans personally roasted and brewed by Captain-General Trajann. In his eyes, The Emperor and 'Empress' had very different tastes.
The Emperor preferred a medium-roast Italian blend, hand-brewed, and strictly required 97° hot water, poured slowly.
The Empress, however, liked iced lattes, and they couldn't be made with milk; only low-fat almond milk would do.
Inside the Imperial Palace, The Empress was often seen dressed like a college student: yoga pants with white cotton socks, a huge loose hoodie, and Crocs on her feet, carrying an iced latte.
Recently, The Empress seemed to be tinkering with something again, her eyes occasionally darting towards The Emperor, which gave Trajann an ominous feeling... "Gurgle~ Gurgle... Ah... Trajann, I'm finished! Refill!"
Hearing The Emperor's call, Trajann quickly walked to the Golden Throne, picked up the fuel tank, and returned to the coffee station to refill for The Emperor of Mankind.
Although it was a bit tiring every day, Trajann was glad to hear The Emperor's call, and that The Emperor was happy after drinking coffee. As Captain-General, Trajann felt his efforts were not in vain.
Waiting for his coffee refill, The Emperor was in high spirits and couldn't help but recite poetry... "My form is like a crane, two scriptures beneath a thousand pines. When I came to ask the Way, there was nothing more to say; clouds are in the blue sky, water is in the bottle."
Suddenly, the door opened, and Sanguinius, holding a router-like device, rushed towards the Golden Throne.
This behavior filled The Emperor and Trajann with dread. They truly didn't know what this venerable lady was up to now. No, wait... her period wasn't due for a few more days... Sanguinius immediately started climbing the scaffolding next to the Golden Throne, causing several Custodians to rush over and stand by below. The Emperor slapped his thigh with psychic energy, realizing, 'Oh no! She's coming for him!'
"Sanguinius! Empress! Sister! Big Sister! What are you doing now?!"
"I discussed it with the God-Emperor a few days ago. His energy is enough to help me connect to the network over there."
"You talked to it; why are you coming to me?!"
"You're the medium, the network switch! Just accept your fate!"
Sanguinius placed the router on the left side of the Golden Throne, then turned and inserted two cables into The Emperor's nostrils... At this moment, The Emperor looked like 'Uncle Ding Ding' Hector Salamanca from 'Breaking Bad,' unable to move, with the cables in his nose like an oxygen tube. (Image in comments section)
Soon, Sanguinius picked up her phone and started a speed test... There was internet... Then she opened Netflix... to see if she could play a show... ♪ ~ So no one told you life was gonna be this way. ~ ♪
♪ ~ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ~ ♪
... ♪ ~ But I'll be there for you ~ ♪
♪ ~ when the rain starts to pour. ~ ♪
Sanguinius watched 'Friends' playing on her phone, a satisfied smile on her face. She was almost bored to death here. The good news was, the 'village' finally had internet.
She watched The Empress hand several boxes of wireless bridges to the other Custodians, instructing them to ensure smooth network coverage throughout the Imperial Palace.
Then Trajann watched The Empress skip away with her phone and iPad... Trajann took a tank of coffee to the throne and connected the tube.
"My Lord, are you well?"
"Do you think you'd be well with two network cables shoved up your nose?"
---
In the starry sky, the 'Guardian of Terra' class battleship.
This battleship was not only a fortress of steel but also a symbol of Imperial power and wealth. Li Feng was led by Little Kitten and Saint Celestine through the magnificent corridors of the battleship, finally arriving at the main bedroom of the vessel.
The two opened the door, then stopped and left.
Upon stepping into the room, Li Feng instantly felt as if he had stumbled into a luxurious resort villa, rather than the cold, ruthless battleship of war. A huge office first came into view; in one corner of the room, rare collectibles from Imperial history were quietly displayed, exquisite metal sculptures and ancient texts neatly arranged on bookshelves.
In the center of the office was a large table, upon which lay neat documents and high-tech Imperial communication equipment, as if ready at any moment to command a war that would decide the fate of a star sector.
A corridor connected to the office led Li Feng further. To his left was a bedroom even more spacious than a luxurious palace. The huge bed was covered in soft silk, the sheets seemingly capable of enveloping all the world's weariness.
On the other side of the bedroom, a luxurious bathroom space came into view. Pure gold toilets inlaid with Imperial insignia and a full-sized pure gold bathtub appeared incredibly extravagant, as if every use was an enjoyment of an Imperial ritual.
In the bathroom, the shower stall was designed to be spacious and solemn, and the water flowing from the showerhead was like a gentle waterfall, simply intoxicating.
On the other side of the corridor, to the right, was an even more stunning space: a Roman-style grand bathhouse. White marble columns supported a towering dome, and the intricately carved ceiling depicted the glorious history of the Imperium.
Hot steam rose from the center of the bath, fragrant flower petals floated on the water, and fireplaces and benches lined the surroundings, providing unparalleled comfort for weary warriors. This did not feel like the interior of a battleship, but rather a private paradise enjoyed by an Emperor.
Li Feng immediately began to strip. After several days of fighting, Li Feng quickly took off all his clothes and rushed straight into the bathroom for a good wash.
Using 40K courtly shower gel and shampoo, he thoroughly washed his hair and body. Wrapped in a bathrobe, Li Feng slowly walked to the sink, took out a disposable toothbrush and toothpaste from the drawer, and brushed his teeth well.
Li Feng, still in his bathrobe, walked out of the bathroom, preparing to go to the Roman grand bathhouse for a good soak, and then call Little Kitten to bring a scrubbing mitt to scrub his back.
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