I smiled and began to close my eyes.
As the huge truck came closer and closer, my final thought was, 'Goodbye, my sweet Hana. I wish I could have wanked to you one more time.'
***
Earlier that day.
My hand felt sticky. It was really gross.
I sighed and rubbed it on the bedsheets though. It didn't really matter anyway.
The sheets were already a mess. My apartment was a mess. As a matter of fact, my whole life was a mess.
I looked at the laptop screen, at the multiple applications and tabs opened in the incognito browser.
Right now, on my screen, the video was frozen on her face. Her eyes were closed. Her mouth was open. A perfect 'o'.
Hana Reno. My idol. My goddess.
The video wasn't over, of course. I had watched it for 10 minutes before I achieved my goal and now staring at the play button on the screen. I'd helped myself and there was still 106 minutes left on the video.
I'd been helping myself all night though. I looked at the clock on the laptop. 7:03 AM.
"Shit!"
My voice was raspy from not uttering a single word for hours. I hadn't slept.
I'd just watched Hana's entire filmography. Start to finish… again. And finished. A lot.
My shoot was at 9 AM. I was a cameraman and my job, quite unfortunately was to shoot adult stars.
I know what you're thinking. 'A pornstar cameraman! What a dream job!'. It's not. It's a job. I wanted to shoot models, you know? Like, real fashion models. On beaches. In Paris, Seoul, America.
I wanted my shot to be on the cover of Vague magazine. But I applied and got rejected for my pictures being too lewd and too demeaning.
So, I settled for this job. Shooting people... well. Shooting only people.
But today was special.
Today's shoot was with a new girl. A superstar. The company was really quiet about who it was, but the buzz was huge. My contact who got me the gig said I must do a really good job.
I jumped out of bed. My legs were weak. I needed a shower and fast.
The cold water was a shock—brutal on parts of me.
It was good though. It woke me up.
I scrubbed my hands. And my sticky… everything. I had to look professional. Or as professional as an Adult cameraman can look.
I grabbed my gear. My baby. A Red V-Raptor. This thing cost more than my apartment. It was the only clean asset I owned at the moment.
I packed the lenses, the batteries, the tripod. My back already hurt just looking at it.
I ran out the door. I didn't eat. No time.
The city was already busy. Too busy. Kids were running to school. Their parents were holding their hands.
They all looked happy, too happy… It sucked so I looked away.
I hoped one day I could be a father too. Have a family. But I shrugged that thought away. I knew I couldn't be happy like that. Who would want to have a family with me? A guy who records women and does lewd things with those raw files.
No. I was happy shooting beautiful women. That was my life.
I got close to the location. A huge skyscraper. One of those glass ones that hurt your eyes if the sun reflected off it at the right angle.
The shoot was in a penthouse. Fancy.
I stood across the street. Waiting for the walk sign which shone in brightly red, 'Don't Walk'.
I checked my watch. 8:42 AM. I was actually early. Good.
I was just standing there, thinking about getting coffee first when… she walked past me.
She was fast. She wore a big, floppy hat with a pair of sunglasses. Which was weird though. The weather was cloudy. Grey. Just like my soul.
She stepped off the curb. The light was still red. Jaywalking like a boss.
I saw her face but only for a second. The way she turned her head. The light caught her cheek. Her nose. Her lips.
I stopped breathing.
OH, MY GOODNESS!
It was her.
Hana Reno.
My idol. The girl whose face was on my laptop all night. The girl from my… hand.
Was she the one? The superstar? Was I shooting her today? My god. My hands started sweating. I wanted to go back home. I was scared she might smell herself on me.
I needed another shower. I needed to…
Wait.
A truck was coming fast.
A big one. One of the haul trucks. It was coming fast. Way too fast.
HOOOOOOOONK!
She wasn't looking. She had headphones in. I knew because I could see the little white wires. She was looking at her phone.
'Don't Walk'. The sign was just laughing at me.
I didn't think at all. I just moved immediately.
"HANA!" I screamed.
I ran. I dropped my camera bag. I heard a crack. My baby. My Red Raptor.
No, It didn't matter.
I shoved her. Hard and fast. Yeah…
"Hey!" she yelled as she stumbled, falling onto the sidewalk. Safe.
I smiled. I did it. I had saved her. I was a hero.
Then I heard the sound of tires. Screeching.
I turned my head. A second hadn't passed yet.
The truck driver had slammed the brakes. The truck was turning sideways. The massive trailer was skidding and coming like a giant metal wall right towards me.
And at that angle, for her.
It was too big.
It was going to hit us both. As a matter of fact, it was going to wipe out the whole sidewalk.
"Oh no," I thought. My legs were frozen. "I'm so stupid to think I could be a hero."
I couldn't even save her. And now, I'm also going to join her in death.
Not in a video even if I would be a few feet away.
I closed my eyes. I smiled. It was all so stupid.
"Ah," I thought as I smiled and began to close my eyes.
As the huge truck came closer and closer, my final thought was, 'Goodbye, my sweet Hana. I wish I could have wanked to you one more time.'
BAM!
***
My eyes opened. It was dark, warm and wet.
I was being licked. Eww…
'What the hell? Did I survive? Is this the hospital? Is Hana licking me? Kinky.'
I tried to move but my arms were... short. My legs were… short. I was covered in… fur?
I heard a sound. A deep sound. Like from a cat but a really, really scary cat.
Mrrrow.
It was a woman's voice. But not at the same time. It was… in my head?
'He's awake, dear.'
Then another voice. Deeper.
'Good. He's the strongest of the litter. This is the Chin-Chin Forest. He will need to be strong if he is to survive.'
I tried to say, 'What the fuck?'.
But all that came out was a little squeak.
Mew.
Oh no. I opened my eyes wider, and saw a giant, black, furry face with a pink nose and whiskers with yellow eyes. It was staring at me with what felt like love. Motherly love?
It was my… mom? A panther. A giant black panther.
Then I saw my "dad". He was huge. He towered like a giant shadow with teeth.
I looked at my "hands". They weren't hands. They were paws. Tiny, black, furry paws. With little sharp things.
I was a panther cub.
I got hit by a truck and reincarnated as a cat.
This was not what I expected.
My new life was… weird. My panther mom was nice. She licked my butt… a lot. It felt nice but my human mind still felt grossed out by the thought.
My dad just brought food. Dead things. I refused to eat for a while only suckling on my mother's food. Again, gross.
But my stomach was growling when I saw the raw meat being devoured by Father.
At a point, mother refused to let me suckle anymore and I had to give in and become a carnivore.
I grew fast. I learned to hunt. My dad taught me.
'Be one with the shadows, son. Quiet, like a predator.'
His voice in my head was always so serious.
I learned to pounce. I chased butterflies. Then rats. Then little deer.
Hunting was fun. Pooping was not though.
It was… disgusting when mother licked my butt.
I'm a human! And I can't just squat in the woods. But I had to. And it was… ugh. The worst.
So, later on… I made a ritual.
When I wanted to do my business, I'd sneak away to the stream. When mom and dad weren't looking. I'd go to the water. I'd sit in it, soak my butt and wash it.
'That boy is strange,' my mom would say.
'He's clean. Leave him be. He's a good hunter,' my dad would reply.
I was a good hunter. I was strong and I was fast. I was a panther.
But I was still human inside.
Some days, I missed my laptop. I missed my camera and I missed… well. I missed Hana.
One day, I was hunting. I was big now. A freaking juvenile and no longer a cub. I'd just taken down a deer. My first solo big kill.
I was dragging it. I was so proud of myself.
'This sucks so much!' I thought.
I was going to eat though because I was starving.
I took a big bite, ripping the succulent flesh. The blood was hot. It was… good.
'Mhm, delicious,' I thought to myself.
Then, something ran into my back.
Thud.
It was soft but quite heavy.
It caused me to jump in fright. I snarled spinning around. Ready to fight whatever creature wanted to kill me.
I turned around. And I saw a girl.
A human girl.
She was covered in dirt and her clothes were torn. She was bleeding and she was scared.
Scared out of her mind. She looked at me, her eyes widening, larger and larger until it reached it maximum width.
She looked at the deer and then, the blood on my face.
She opened her mouth. But no sound came out.
The next moment, she passed out. She just… fell unconscious on the ground.
It was the first time I had ever come across a human.
My parents had called them 'Grrru'. Which translates to 'hunters', I think. They said to run. They said 'Grrru' were danger.
But… a human!
I had finally met one.